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Somebody asked me if I cried for hide. I said, why should I cry? If, one day, my parents die, I will not cry. I
hate them.
Probably then will it apply. But not to hide, I didnt mean what i said. I love hide, as a "best friend", as a brother. But, maybe I shouldnt cry, because he is not gone...
Korogi's birthday is coming... On the 5th of October.
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I am going to build a "In The Looney Bin ~hide A Go Go~" and a "Yoshiki Amethyst ~Aoi No Hoemi~ Amthystine Shrine". It is going to be as perfect as I can make it, and it will be right before their birthdays. So, I'll have to finish Yoshiki's first, days before his birthday so that I can have the time to do hide's. Look, guys, I'm going to need your help and cooperation... ^^;;; If you are a hide or Yoshiki or BOTH's fans, please mail me... Because I need to put up certain things. ^^;; Of course, I know that both guys will not know (hide, maybe! [grin]) that I do this stuff, but... I'll still do it for myself. ^^;; Love? Help me, please!!! T-T Otherwise my shrines will
not be as I had wanted it to be, and it will suck as much as it can. ^^;;;
Today, my forehead is bleeding... I love the color of the blood, Kurenai.
Happy! ^-^ And... Unhappy.. . T-T (exams and hotmail...) Today, I went to Govern's hide game where hide needs sake and I find it for him! At first, I kept geting his fist (ow... hide, how can you do this to me?! [laughs]). Then, now, I can do it with just five clicks, one click per bottle, less than five seconds (assuming one change of bottles take one second). It's so funny, I was laughing all the way! Although Hotmail makes me feel not so good today, it cheered me somewhat! ^-^ Thank you Govern! ^-^
1. Skipping Basketball. 2. got new jeans!! Finally I have Levis' jeans!! ^0^ So happy, because I really like the brand! I have a Espreno jacket, but it is still not as expensive as Levis. Espreno's is soft, but I just prefer Levis. I like Espreno's and Levis' I hate Lee's. I hate those like really expensive and really ah lian ones, like Rocco. My Ah beng brother (gangster, or rather, used to be) wears this kind of clothes. I am not Ah lian, though I have this brother. He is very very fillial (believe or not) and I hardly ever see him, unless our mothers decide to go out together and drag me along. 3. Got new sports shoes! Wo ho. I used to have this very veeeery old Chicago bulls shoes. Ah, I liked that one, but it is getting a tad too um... White and wrinkled. I had wanted Nike, actually, but i had been really picky and wanted black. That was half the prob, the other half is they dont have the size, and I am really picky. I ended up getting a discounted Reebok. 4. But, together with it, I got me a new white cap!! Wo ho!! I love caps. And this one looks very decent! I love it. I dont have many caps, actually only two. One is the Hard Rock cafe one which I got from Kuala Lumpur on a church camp there, and god knows where it is. I like it pretty much, but now I like the white Reebok better. I remember buying a Nike black cap, but now I forgot where I put it. I also got new sports socks, and it is cool. (because) It will make my Reebok shoe a size smaller to my feet, and it is better than those ugly school socks. 5. Got ZILCH!! Happy! Ahh. I have been waiting for it! And FIRST PRESS! So happy! There is the sticker! I saw Woofer too, but no money. T-T My dad still owes me money! Urgh. I havent gotten my pocket money yet, and dont be mistaken after all I have said, I am not rich. My dad also is not very generous with his money. There fore, I am trying very hard to get a hide poster, a X Japan poster. I saw a Malice Mizer poster, but too bad...
I have watched Antz. I love it very very much! Z is such a funny character! So cute!! And the voice... I couldnt stop laughing when the movie began, it was so funny the way Z moved. Kawaii!! Hee hee! Besides that, the animation is good. I ended up thinking. Why... Many things. 1. Z and Bala. Z loved Bala so much he went back for her despite Insectopia (aka the dustbin area... ^^;) 2. Why. The ants worked without thinking and asking why. Z was the ant to think differently. It is a lot like me. I think too much! ^^; (The phrase Joline always uses on me, now Bala uses it on Z... ^^; Oh, btw, Joline is my friend, and no I havent spelt her name wrongly! ^^;;;) I know... I have always asked why must we study, why must we listen to parents, why can't we just be a bum? (more or less, whatever! ^^;) Being a bum is so much better. Than doing the things asked to do mindlessly, and like, eating without enjoying the food. It is very mindless, to just do without thinking. 3. Revolution May I ask, how many revolutions carried out actually BRING a CHANGE? None, so far, and makes things worse, there have been cases. MOE of Singa is one. If I have to say, I hate MOE the most. It seems as if since the begginning of the earth there has been ol hateful school! Urgh. 4. All for one and one for all how many people here, in this society thinks this way? It is all "An ant for itself". So, how can we just say we must be united as one people? There is no such thing, and I know people will be running if the termites (aka troops from other countries) come. However... 5. Ant's head The army guy died in Z's arms... Wikthout his body. ^^; Golly ne, it must be scary... And the TERMITES! Five times as big, with goo coming out like teapot. ^^;; Over you, freezing you... Ambushed. Scary. The army guy ended up dying in Z's arms, the head... Urgh... Scary! He said, "I regretted listening, obeying and not asking why." Something like that, if you may. Now, I know. As I have known before... We are all people, we have a choice! Why must we do the things we are set to do before we were born? No fair! Just before we were born we were set to study. ... However, here I am in SINGAPORE. Fuck this country, I hate it! As much as I hate it when my PC crashes (it keeps doing that recently... >_<), even more. There is no way you can do the things you want unless you are 21 years old. That's why I said FUCK SINGAPORE! I really wish... But I have no choice, I admit. It is just not fair, the way things are decided before your birth. But people! If you have a choice, what would you do? Listen without asking, or ask and not regret? think: Life is so short! We need to understand what we are doing and why. Find out the real reason of life... Now, i am sitting like a princess waiting for her prince... Lonely. Searching for the reason to love, and finding none... I shall end this here, I have too much complaints. But my prince, I know will never exist, because the prince of my heart needs to think differently. I dont know, mybe like Z? But at least. Not those people in my school whom I hate. I only like my C boys basketball team, and it will no longer be C Boys any more. It will be B, and things just wont be the same. I swear... Soon, when i see no reason to live, I will end my life. When you see this page unupdated for a month, know that I am gone, because my friends, many have gone as well.
No, not dreams as in wants. Dreams, as in night ones. I had plenty of those recently. 1. hide-chan >_< Golly ne, I dont wanna tell you. I have only told one person, who is open minded enough to accept things and is mature enough. Who? Guess! ^_~ But, ya, I had some dreams about hide-chan before... They werent as wierd as this. 2. Friend In the dream, i can float. I have this friend, we are all sports people, I dont know what sport. I am basketball girl inside the dream. The guys of C (1998) were in too, but no they were not important. I have this friend, we were going home or somewhere after practise. We were at this stair case, she opened the door and screamed, as if expecting someone. I felt something was amiss and we crept forward. The door opened and a hand peeked in. We screamed, and I shouted at her to run off to the back and get down the other way. I was going to distract whoever it was. I floated as close to the ceiling as I could, and the monster came in. I dont know who he is. He is scary, tho humanoid, and feels as if there is evil power in him. He grabs me, and I scream! Just as I was battling him (and whaddya know, I was losing), she came in at the back and fired something like yellowish light (reminds me of Yuu Yuu Hakusho) at him. We ran away as fast as we could, from the back staircase and he wasnt following. We were looking for the guys but we saw none, and we saw some girls and we were friends, so we joined them. 3. Around the world Not in eighty days, tho, we never even gotten half there! All I remember is me, my cousin, and my mom were lost in a desert or something. (check, make that a forest.. .I forgot!) WE kept on walking, living on wilderness and I said, NEVER GIVE UP! We kept on, and we came to this lake (influence by ANTZ?? ^^; Hee.) and there is the beautiful sunshine... Sunset. We walked, walked. I was thinking, all we had to do is walk to the ocean and we could go around the world. We stopped at the city, and no sooner we were back home. I wanted to go out, thinking of the ocean again, thinking of the world, but my mother had enough and said no. (Fuck her... I hate my parents!) >_< So, reluctantly, i stayed home, still thinking about the ocean. This dream... I dont know, I remember similar dreams. Never with these kinda longing though... I really wanted to see the world, the ocean. I felt that the ocean could be the door to the world, if we walked there. We could see many things, and even now, as I think of it, it hurtS. Maybe I can only find it in death... I dont know. As for the floating dream, I had plenty of dreams where I could fly or float before. All were dark, somehow... I dont know. I could tell you, if you ever want to ask me about my dreams. I will love to tell you about them. How about you? Do you have any dreams? Do you want to tell me?
Today, I went to Towers w/ Abigail. ^^; I made enemies w/ a cute beasties boys like guy! >_< Haha ^^ After we looked at the posters (abi found a good bono poster while I found 2 X Japan CDs >_< But no money T-T.We were at the counter, and he and a chinese guy was in the way. I said, "someone is in the way". Obviously that guy got the hint and went away w/ his friend. At least the 'gaijin' (foreigner) did ^^; So, later, we were at the escalator, and we were standing in front of the guys. the gaijin said to the chinese guy, "someone's in our way!" ^^; and hissed at me and my big mouth ^^; well, i only said it, i didnt mean it. ^^; I thought the guy was pretty cute, and later abi actually told me that he looked like a beasties boy ^^ I wish I can see him again, he's just as vile as me ^^; (well, who'd say "Singapore sucks" in ORCHARD road, in PUBLIC, so loudly? Haha ^^ I really wish i can see him again ^^
I finally got V2's music, due to some reasons ^^ The members are yoshiki and Tetsuya ^^ (hearts) I like the songs, Eyes of Venus and Virginity. Virginity actually stands out. Because of the lyrics, where the two lovers talk T-T It reminds me of a love that never was to be, because it was so romantic... T-T I understood everything they said, and the music was fitting, but the part i dont understand is when the girl says, "Do you want me to kill you?" and the guy says, "no, just kidding." that was before Yoshiki starts, "Do I? I dont have to tell you. You know where I've been. I haven't been a reflection in your eyes, but I've been living in your heart." My favorite part is when the girl says, "What are you talking about? You'd better look at the reality. But... I think I can understand a little, just a little." Abigail read the lyrics but didnt understand anything ^^ then again her literature is lousy ^^; (I do get A's, only in Science and E.Lit) Also, there's this part: "Wait a second. I'll set my watch to 4a.m." (music undergoes revolution) "Why? Is there any special meaning?" "No. we just throw the time away. You and I. Nothing more. That's all." Romantic!!! ^^ Abi says she cant understand what's so great about romantic, but... I dont know... It just makes me feel pained because I know i am missing someone. T-T so lonely. I wish I know Japanese, so I can understand the lyrics. They are beautiful. The bad part is where Yoshiki says We just throw the time away" but "just throw" is a bit broken. It ruins the whole thing, where the lyrics are the most beautiful parts, and the song goes to its peak there. *lol* ^^;; I love the song %^^% If you feel curious to how it sounds, or want me to prove that asian music can also be good, tell me.
1. I got a new T-shirt!! Yay!! ^^ 2. it isnt just a ordinary T-shirt. It's a X Japan shirt! I repeat, it's a X Japan shirt! ^^ So happy~ And for once it isnt 40 bucks, like those you get online. *lol* ^^ The only thing I dont like is the quality (that's why I didnt get the other one, the quality is just too lousy). Overall, I found two rare CDs, picked up one CD which I found was rare the other day, bought a very very good CD single (V2), just took a picture of my best friend (not best, but ok) drew three new fanarts ^^ (just have to add it in) got a *gold* forever love single (to commorate hide, although I know they are just out to earn money it is fan obligation.) ^^ So happy (and broke T-T) anyway, abi and i are maybe going to make an acoustic version of a tori song. if you want me to send a demo tape (which I might) tell me and when it comes out I'll send you. 3. I *am* broke!!! 4. I am going to CHIJ Toa Pa Yoh to ask whether i can transfer from Anglican High to there. I hope I can get it... I am going to wear what I wore today, because it doesnt look too "lian" and it doesnt look like I am one of those to defy authority (well I am, but you dont wanna look like that in front of the principal! :P) 5. Oh I hope my dad gets the *direct* hint and get me the X Japan box set which I want (the big big one like a brief case) <drool> ^^ Wish me luck! here's some pictures. Oh, I know, they'll kill me for this. But, Please leave in my guestbook messages about how pretty they are so they'll spare me! Please! ^^
Joline. She's prolly the most pretty one among us (well, not prolly, hands down!) and has the most luck with ah bengs ^^ She attracts ah bengs like a magnet!
Abigail. She's another pretty one +_+ So it makes me the ugly duckling ^^;
Me. WEll... Uh... my scanner was dirty. I should
clean it. And now you see why I scare guys away, besides the fact that
I aggravate them! ^^; (see: to the guy who asked whether I was the one holding cello in the "me" page.. Uh, sorry! Haha! If you knew he was a guy... Ahem. BESIDES, I said before, my pic wasnt on that page. If you went to the "me" in the X Japan section, and this section... ^^ you'll know how I look like. Oh, and Crystal's pic is not here because I dont like the photography. I admit, I have lousy skills, and so I put up the best ones in case people flame me after the stuff are developed ^^; Heh. Sorry. I didnt mean anything mean.
So, here's the picture from the night we spent at Crystal's house! Well, I was pointing the toy gun to my head, and Jo, dear Jo, blocked it with the bear. Note: jo suggested I do this. But the diff was, she suggested to put zig zag and I couldnt be bothered with the work. ^^;BESIDES, it looks GREAT without that guy (namely, Chrystal's cousin, FanXiang, and dont nag me about the spelling).
Well, there's this guy in my school. He really looks handsome, but you know, the usual, I dont just go for handsome guys, I have much better taste than that. It just happens that he has very beautiful eyes. Then, there's this guy, from the basketball team, who has a special presence. But I'm not going to talk about him. It's the guy with the beautiful eyes I wanna talk about. You see, his eyes make me feel that I wouldnt mind if I just look and only see them for eternity. Ah well. I like the way they can seem like they're dancing. And I like the way they can seem so determined and lonely. I cant tell you. I cant really feel much for them. I have liked Kelvin (not the beautiful eyes guy) for like, give or take, last year, march. Till now. And I cant feel much for this guy except for his eyes. I know, he's already sec 4, and going to graduate. I've been lying about my age last year. I was 13 last year. You wouldnt like to look at a 13 year old's page, I sense. Well, by March I'll be 14. So I'm still 13. Time to let you know. So, I still have two years (after this year) to stay in Anglican. By then, this guy would be graduated. He's graduating this year. It just seems so funny how we can actually move from wearing shorts to wearing pants to the nest year. (guys I mean). Kelvin's sec 3. I'm sec 2. How nice, do re mi. -_- I'll miss his eyes, I swear. Really, If, I can have a chance to talk to him, I'll be very happy. Ah yes, I remember. Last year, I was a librarian. So, each time I go to the old building for the duty... Well, sometimes I'd meet him. And it strikes me how his candle seems to be burning so brightly. Well, he gives the the kind of feeling of enthusiasm. He doesnt seem to be short of friends and admirers either. I wonder what ECA is he in. And, How funny he seems to be wearing pants all of a sudden. He just seems to have grown inside, too, with the rank of his status of being senior in school. I wonder many things, and I hope to find the answers. Please, wish me luck, and I can say, when he graduates, I'll be the first one to be sad and miss those beautiful eyes.
WEll... There's this girl from 2C, last year 1C. Funny girl, she always seems to be so friendly. And being a natural "E.T.", I happen to fear that kind of people. Well, um, maybe because the only reason I have to hate humans in singapore is that they arent friendly. That's ok, so I dont have to be friendly with them either. But, the thing is, now we're moving about, being used as guinea pig... (WITHOUT A LOCKER! ARRGH!) I met her about 3 times today, just in between classes, not to mention how she has the magic to appear in front of me. So, I have to smile 3 times per day, because she greets me first. When people dont greet me, I dont greet them back, it's that easy. And when people do greet me, I feel compelled to return a gesture of some sort. So, U know.. The usual, I end up feeling funny. I dont need someone to smile at everyday, nor do I need to hang out with anyone everyday. I dont need what normal people need, because I have realised what was more important and what was not. Well, my best buds are the ones I dont see everyday. This girl, I can tell she likes basketball alot. Well, you know I skip basketball lessons, but since she joined, I couldnt be bothered to go at all. I'll just get kicked out of that ECA for a moment. I might never have an ECA. I mean, i dont mind library, it suits me fine. But, a core ECA... Uh... Well, art bores me since I started with batik, and I couldnt be bothered. I dont wanna go into guitar ensemble coz I just started it dec 98. Now's Jan 98. I dont know strumming gossakes! And Chinese Orchestra... gives me the creeps. Dance Society? NO WAY! Speech and drama... Nah, not my type, even if I do say so that I'm good. I wonder why does she have to say hi to me when I will just walk past her without acknoledging if she doesnt say anything. I wonder why since I dont even know her or anything. Well, I feel wierd, so SUE ME! (unless, of course, Yuri stuff... heh, I wont mind thinking about it for a moment, but I'd be less surprised if it's a GIRL's school, but it ISN'T. Besides, she doesnt look like half a butch. -_-;;; I think I'll just lay it off for the weekend.
I just dug up an old album where I compiled som memorable photos from various times. Here you go.
This is mom. She used to be a much better person than now, and definitely more dynamic. She beats a lot last time... Now she still does, but now I aggravate my dad more (Ahem, my door! I pasted the Top Ten Reasons to Marry H.I.D.E. rather n men on my door ^^;). Honestly, now I think, as she gets old, she starts thinking that people take her for granted, etc, and she nags my dad more n more, till when he couldnt stand it he comes and scolds me. It is all her fault, and she thinks that it is everyone elses' fault but hers. And, when I dont wanna do housework (you know artists never have the fetish for housework), she keeps comparing me with others. When i bought a packet of pancakes home to make, we end up having a huge HUGE quarrel about whether this house is lousy, and I compare it to Crystal's home, where you can raid the fridge, and how my home *doesnt* have anything to raid at all. Guess what she said? "It's their business". Fuck! Well, if you havent guessed yet, I dont *exactly* love her. Also, she sings all those old old songs... And thinks she is a great star. She isnt, honestly, and she sounds worse than horrid. I admit I cant sing at all, I just end up sounding normal, butnote the line between normal and *horrible*.
Ah, and here's my dad. He definitely looks better in those days, and he is more of a man in those days. Now he is reduced to a old bickering nagging irritating grandma. He is a great pain in the ass, and he makes me wanna shoot him. He used to be such a "savior" to me, used to, now... *sigh* time and tide waits for no man, but time and tide *runs away* from my dad.
This is me when I was very very young. I cant remember when, but I think it was when I was four or five. I looked like a guy then, and I remember, when I went to the market with my mom, an auntie said:"excuse me, little boy." That's how singaporeans are... STUPID.
This is Vegeta, when it looks less pathetic than now it does. (note, I think there was some sort of light reflection...) It was with me since I was Primary 4, Nov, 28. Well, ever since I fist saw it in Toa Pa Yoh Oriental I really wanted it, and when I passed my silver swimming I got it because I begged my dad. (see "stingy") I didn't have a really good picture of it when it was still young, but it has been with me for at least 3 & 1/2 years. And it has prolly listened to all my beefs, and you know how hard it is for a stuffed toy to listen to all your beefs and really care. (at least he looks like he does) No matter what, I find it very cute, and even though it is very dirty, its eyes are holey, its nose is also very holey, its fur is coming out.... What a long list! It is my best friend, and forever will be. I can remember the dream I had long ago, before I got it. (see next entry)
And this is my whole buch of stuffed toys. Some of them are gone. See that cow over there with those very light-brown horns? It was the first and *only* present I got from my mom, and that illustrates how stingy she is. She expects everyone to get something for her, but she never gives anything. I always get her something, but somehow I really dont see why I should after all there years she tortures me like hell. giving is for love, not just for the sake of giving. And as you can see... I love Doraemon!!!! And, I love Garfield too. See taht Doraemon over there in the right? It was the first Doraemon I ever got, and it was the one without eyes. I remember how I cried (Note: I was *very VERY* young then, three or four I think) when its eyes began to come out, and my dad and mom just couldnt be bothered because they were watching TV. *sigh* Pathetic, you say? I agree. My mom threw that cow and that Doraemon away, along with some of the toys, including all the cows, young and old (or rather, big or small), and that huge doraemon... I dont collect stuffed toys, but I guess my mom didnt dare to throw Vegeta away, of all they toys. Two things I will never let her throw away are the doraemon with the red bandanna on its head and wears clogs, and the cat named Vegeta. I remember, last time, I used to take them out on my birthday, or on X'mas, to celebrate because my family wouldn't even care about me. We didn't celebrate at all last year. I didnt get any X'mas present other than a beating from my dad. Pathetic, you say? I wholly agree. As for that Doraemon, it was a present from my sis for my DOB. And it was prolly the best I ever received from her. And guess what? I hate her too. She gets jealous for nothing when she has her own room, and I dont have half a fuckin room because of my fuckin cousins. makes sense? No! That's how wonderfully fuckin stupid my fuckin parents are. fuck em!
Hah! And of course, I could never forget this. To the left is FanXiang, to the right is Joline, and to the middle is Marko. Isnt he so cute (even if he is a wee bit wild when he plays, and can be also annoying at the same time). Don't they just look like a family? (kya!) ^-^;; basically, I like photos. Just dont get me thinking about my family, and peace on earth, good will to men. ^-^;
Well, this is about Vegeta, and me. It was a dream I had one night, when I was very young, and it was before I even seen Vegeta. Well, ESP? I think so. Some of my dreams do come true, only some. I am not going to spend a lot of time on this. I was a very young policegirl, twelve at most, and it was in the far future. I had this robotic cat, it was my very best friend. It morphed into vehicles (those kind of small small vehicles... *ahem* that was very good for transport, like motorcycle, smaller, compact, faster.) I used it to chase bad guys, everywhere we went, we were together, and we were the best of friends. One day, the vehicle suddenly changed back to its original form, and it lay in my arms. It was the face and body of Vegeta, and it looked dead. I was so sad that I cried, and I said something about funeral. I woke up. I remembered it for a breif moment when I had it, then later forgot about it, got Vegeta. We really became the best of friends, even though it was only a toy cat, and about some months after i got Vegeta I dreamt of the same dream again, and remembered it. That'swhy it is still by my side now, besides the fact that it *is* my best friend. Pathetic, you say? I dont think so.
(to be sung in the tune of Aura Lee) As the blackbird in the spring
Sat and piped, I heard him sing
Yoshiki, Yoshiki, man of golden hair
On his cheeks the rose was born
In his eyes the rays of morn
Yoshiki, Yoshiki, man of golden hair
(Toshi's voice... Ahem ^^')
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