Disclaimer: As you all probably know by now, the Final Fantasy series belongs to Squaresoft and is the greatest series I've ever played. Anything that happens in these coffee breaks are not in the game, so don't go around thinking that. I'm sure nobody will, though. ^_^
Started: August 12, 1998
Finished: November 29, 1998

The cast of Final Fantasy VII file into the cafeteria . . . er, sort of. Rufus is popping aspirin, as is Cid, while Tseng carries a sleeping Elena. Cloud had to ask Sephiroth to carry in Aeris while he took in Tifa, as both of them had oddly fainted at the same time. (Actually, Aeris really fainted and Tifa faked it since she didn't want Cloud to carry around Aeris.) Scarlet is sleeping on Red XIII's back, and Reno and Rude are holding each other up. Vincent is dragging in a sleeping Yuffie, Cait Sith's Mog is carrying in both Cait and Reeve, Hojo is barely able to drag an unconscious Heidegger in with Zack, Bree is yawning as she follows Rufus and Barret in, and Palmer is happily skipping around singing.

Cloud -- Man, we hardly made it without collapsing in the hallways. God, that is the last time I let Palmer near a bulldozer!

Everyone that's awake glares at Palmer.

Palmer -- Tra la la! Can't blame me, can't blame me! I was just curious!

Bree -- So you had to go ahead and push the red button?!!

Palmer -- Hey-hey! No one can resist pressing the red button!!

Zack -- He's right, actually. I wouldn't be able to resist pressing a red button that would spell certain doom for everyone if my life depended on it.

Cloud -- Remind me of that when we're in a life-threatening situation involving a red button.

Rufus -- Well, what do we do now? We're on a break at the moment.

Reeve -- Thank God that Jen convinced Athena to let us have an hour off. I think I'm going to go take a nap. *walks away*

Bree -- 'Rufus, I think you would like to know that your tongue is as white as your clothes.'

Rufus -- 'What? Damn you, aspirin!' *goes off to get some water*

Red XIII -- Where can we put down these sleeping forms?

Sephiroth -- Just leave them on the floor. They deserve it for being so weak.

Reno -- *laughs* I couldn't have said it better, Seph!

Sephiroth -- *lowers voice and looks sharply at Reno* Don't call me that.

Reno -- *swallows hard* Yes, Sephiroth, sir.

Everyone dumps the sleeping people on the floor and brushes themselves off before going to get coffee. Mind you, the awake people are: Cloud, Sephiroth, Red XIII, Vincent, Cid, Barret, Reno, Rude, Tseng, Rufus, Bree, Zack, Hojo, and Palmer.

Hojo -- *sips coffee* What shall we do until we have go back to work?

Cloud -- What we do best, of course!

Vincent -- . . . And that would be. . .?

Cloud -- *sweatdrops, then grins nervously* Uh, I thought you guys could help me out with that one.

Everyone else stares at him in disbelief, then shake their heads.

Rufus -- *sips water* Well, I don't know about you all, but I'm curious to know about Athena's favorite character list.

Tseng -- That list that she put up that she never lets us see?

Rufus -- That would be it. I say we sneak over there and take a peek at it.

Sephiroth -- *smirks* Well, I already know who's at the top of the list.

Reno -- Who's at the top, then?

Sephiroth -- Why, me, of course!

Cloud -- You wish, Sephiroth! I bet that I'm at the top!

Zack -- Yeah, right, Cloud. I'll bet you a gil that I'm at the top of the list!

Everyone stares at Zack for a long moment.

Barret -- Are ya tryin' ta be funny?? Everybody hates ya!

Zack sweatdrops.

Cid -- *clears his throat* As long as we're betting, why don't we make this interesting?

Hojo -- Interesting in what way?

Cid -- Let's put the stakes higher . . . let's say, one thousand gil? And since there's so many people that have to be put on the list, we might as well broaden the winning chances. The top three people get all the gil.

Tseng -- *shrugs* Sounds fair. The three people at the top of the list get all the gil.

Reno -- *digs through his pockets for money* Heh, heh, this'll be the easiest bit of money I'll have ever made. Everybody loves me!

Sephiroth -- Just shut up and get your money out.

Red XIII -- I, for one, will not be participating in this bet of yours.

Rufus -- Why's that? *pulls out a wallet and flips through it*

Red XIII -- I don't believe I am one of the top three.

Rude -- . . . I'm not participating, either.

Bree -- I can't participate; I'm not a real . . . you know. . . Why aren't you participating, Rude?

Rude -- *whispers to Bree* I know who's at the top of the list.

Bree -- *nods in understanding* Ah, no wonder.

Sephiroth -- Okay, men . . . and Zack . . . we'll give the money to Bree until we find out who's at the top of the list.

Zack -- *thinks for a moment about Sephiroth's words* Hey!!

Everyone ignores Zack and gives their money to Bree.

Cloud -- Okay, everyone, let's mosey!

Cid -- *opens his mouth to correct Cloud, but then shuts it* Why do I even bother?

Leaving Red XIII and Rude behind to watch the sleeping FF7 characters, the remaining FF7 characters (and Bree) head out of the cafeteria and sneak over to the Miscellaneous page. The page is covered in a light layer of dust; apparently no one's gone to the page for a long time.

Zack -- There's the link to the favorite character list over there.

Zack walks towards the link, but triggers a booby-trap in the process. He screams as he suddenly finds himself hanging upside down by one foot.

Sephiroth -- *frowns* Someone knows we're here.

Zack -- You think!?!?! *starts going red in the face*

Cloud -- Be quiet, Zack; it's your fault you were being careless.

Zack -- Get me down!!!

Rufus -- *flicks hair away from face* Some other time, Zack.

The group goes on without Zack, arriving on the edge of one paragraph.

Vincent -- *looks down* Hmm, there's two people down there.

Tseng -- *pulls out binoculars from his suit* Oh, great. . . It's Athena and Jen!

Reno -- How did they know we were coming??

Barret -- There musta been a spy!

Bree -- Who would tell them we were coming?

Flash back to the cafeteria. . . Scarlet and Heidegger are cackling evilly.

Rufus -- *shakes his head* I have no idea.

Cid -- Well, anyone have any bright ideas on how to get past those two?

Hojo -- I have an idea.

Everyone follows Hojo's gaze as he looks at Palmer. Palmer feels everyone's eyes on him and he swallows hard.

Palmer -- *sweating profusely* Umm. . . Tra la la?

Everyone grabs hold of Palmer and throws him off the paragraph, sending him rolling down the page and towards the link that Athena and Jen are guarding.

Athena -- Oh, my God! What's that!?!?! *points at Palmer, who is now rolling like a giant boulder of lard. . . Hold on; he is a giant boulder of lard!*

Jen -- *eyes widen* Uh . . . I honestly don't want to stick around to find out!!

Athena -- Run away, run away!! AHHHH!!!

Both authors run off the page, screaming, while Palmer continues to roll after them. The group walks to the now-unguarded link.

Sephiroth -- I hate to say it, Dad, but . . . that was a great idea.

Hojo -- *sneers* Now you know why I was an colleague of Professor Gast's.

Vincent -- *rolls his eyes* Oh, brother.

Reno -- Well, let's go in! The sooner we get this over with, the sooner I get my money!

Cloud -- Confident, aren't we, Reno? *crosses arms*

Reno -- Hey, everyone knows I'm the greatest Turk in the game!

Tseng -- *steps next to Reno* May I remind you, Reno, that I'm still your superior?

Reno -- Uh-- heh, you don't have to remind me, Tseng. *grins slightly*

Bree -- Let's get going before Reno starts trying to suck up.

Reno -- I do not suck up. . . I'm just self-preservative.

Cid -- Just shut up and get going! *shoves Reno into the link*

Cloud, Vincent, Sephiroth, Cid, Barret, Tseng, Rufus, Bree, and Hojo follow Reno into the new page, looking at the long list of favorite characters in awe.

Cloud -- Let's read the list from the bottom and work our way up. It'll build up the suspense.

Vincent -- Fine, whatever. *shrugs*

Bree -- In eleventh place, we have . . . Zack!

Everyone present bursts out in laughter.

Barret -- The little punk's in last! Heh, heh . . . that'll put him in his place!

Sephiroth -- I wouldn't be laughing, Barret. . . According to this, you're tied with Red XIII for tenth place.

Barret -- @*&%(#%#^^@!%#^ *& . . . .

Hojo -- In ninth place, we have Rude. Well, he'll be thrilled to know that.

Bree -- 'He already knew where he was on the list.'

Rufus -- 'What was that?'

Bree -- 'Umm, nothing, Rufus.'

Reno -- *laughs as he reads eighth place* Tying in eighth place are Yuffie and Cait Sith. I'm shocked!

Barret -- I actually was ranked lower than a ninja brat and a stuffed toy!?! *starts going red in the face*

Cloud -- Calm down, Barret.

Tseng -- In seventh place, we have Cid.

Cid -- *puffs on his cigarette* I'm not surprised; Athena likes the cute ones.

Bree -- Well, that knocks Reno off right away.

Reno -- HEY!!!

Rufus -- Be quiet, Reno! God, sometimes I can't stand your voice!

Cloud -- Quiet down, you guys; you never know when Athena and Jen might come back.

Sephiroth -- Hey, get a load of this: Aeris and Tifa tie for sixth place!

Vincent -- Really? That's different.

Bree -- Almost everybody likes either Aeris or Tifa; I haven't heard of anyone that has them tied.

Rufus -- I guess this just proves that Athena's odd.

Hojo -- Elena's in fifth place on the list.

Tseng -- *smiles* I'm sure Elena will be happy to know that Athena thinks more highly of her.

Barret -- Highly? Yeah, right; she stuck Elena in the About Me page with Reno!

Reno -- Are you insulting me!?

Bree -- Yes, he is, pretty boy!

Reno -- *smirks* Pretty boy? That, coming from you, is a compliment, Bree!

Bree -- . . . . . . . .

Vincent -- *blinks* I'm in fourth place, tying with Reeve?

Cloud -- Why so surprised, Vince? You're pretty popular with the girls.

Vincent -- No, it's not that. . . But . . . Reeve??

Sephiroth -- People seem to like him, even though he's a non-playable character in the game.

Vincent -- But what's so special about him??

Reno -- Uh . . . he controlled Cait Sith?

Vincent -- *points to where Cait Sith's name is on the list* It doesn't make sense; Cait Sith is in eighth place and Reeve's in fourth!

Hojo -- I guess it will remain a mystery. *looks past Vincent's name on the list* Well, well. Son, you and Cloud tie for third place.

Cloud & Sephiroth -- WHAT!?!?

Everybody else grins at the two.

Cloud -- That can't be right! I should be on the top!

Sephiroth -- In your dreams, shorty! I should be on the top!

Cid -- Neither of you are on the top, so shut the %@#& up!!

Cloud & Sephiroth -- . . . . . . .

Bree -- Reno and Tseng tie for second place!

Tseng -- Really? Athena placed me at the same level as Reno?

Reno -- Heh, heh. Be honored that you're on the same level as me.

Tseng -- Why would she rank me that high? I died in the game!

Vincent -- So did Aeris and Sephiroth; they still ranked rather high.

Hojo -- Then who's at the top. . .?

Cloud -- Rufus is?!?!

Rufus -- *smirks* I'm not surprised.

Barret -- *rolls his eyes* Of course ya ain't.

Rufus -- Can I help it that I'm handsome, rich, and very cool?

Sephiroth -- Oh, brother. . .

Cid -- You're full of yourself, aren't ya?

Rufus -- And what if I am?

Tseng -- *shakes his head sadly* His ego just doubled in size.

Everyone else sighs at that and sweatdrops.

Reno -- Is it possible for someone to hurt themself from having a huge ego?

Bree -- We don't know, Reno; why don't you tell us?

Sephiroth -- Come on, everyone; we better get out of here before someone comes.

Tseng -- Yeah, let's get going.

Sephiroth and Tseng lead the others out off the page and back towards the cafeteria. They spend the rest of their time relaxing and talking to the others about their little adventure. They never found out that it was Scarlet and Heidegger that had tattled on them to Jen and Athena, but then again, the two authors didn't feel like punishing them after they were flattened by Palmer, who rolled away to land back in the coal mines.

Meanwhile, back on the Miscellaneous page. . .

Zack -- Can I get down yet??? C'mon, you guys, this isn't funny anymore! Ha, ha, I'm cracking up here!! Aww, c'mon!! I'm sorry I was being a jerk! Just let me down, please! . . . Guys? . . . Hello???

Bree Morgan is the property of Jen, who maintains the site known as Jen's Final Fantasy VII Page! Jen visits often, so she helps keep all those characters in line. There will be more people involved in future Coffee Breaks, so keep your eyes peeled!