Disclaimer: Blah, blah, blah, you already know this stuff already! The characters of their respective games belong to their respective companies and can't be used to gain money without the chance of being sued. Now, onto the Coffee Break. . .
Started: September 6, 1999
Finished: November 2, 1999

"Coffee break, coffee break. . ."

Teepo looked annoyed. "You've been chanting that for the last half hour, Nash," he sighed. "We aren't going to get a coffee break! Geez. . . Besides, you don't drink coffee."

Nash glanced at his partner in the Polls area, then shrugged. "It's better than doing nothing," he replied, rocking back and forth on his heels. "Coffee break, coffee break, coffee break. . ."

"You could at least practice your skills," the other boy suggested.

In reply, Nash rolled his eyes. Not a very hard task for the former star pupil of Ghaleon. "My magical skills are of no use here, unlike your little kicking skill." He peered at the polls they were watching over, remembering there had been a few times where Teepo had to kick them to get them working again. "Oh, and on another note, I think we're going to have a coffee break soon."

"You said that thirty minutes ago."

"And I'll keep saying it until it happens."

Teepo would have sighed again if it weren't for Athena, who popped her head into the page. "Hey, you two. Coffee break." With that, she was gone again.

Instead, Teepo managed a wry smile. "Thank God for small miracles." With that, he strode out of his "designated work station," Nash following closely.

Almost everyone else were already gathered in the cafeteria by the time Teepo and Nash entered. Reno, Elena, and Tseng were busy making a house of cards with Rude warding off anyone that came too close to the seven-foot building. Ever so often, Elena would break away, leave the room, and come back with several packs of cards.

Flik, Sephiroth, Vincent Valentine, and Leon Magnus were sitting at another table, either drinking coffee or, in Leon's case, eating salad. The two teenagers joined them, Teepo immediately pulling up chairs while Nash asked a question. "Where's the others?"

Flik looked up and shrugged. "Athena's off doing whatever she does while we're on break most likely," he started, "and I'm guessing Gremio, Rufus, and Peco are still in the Updates. They're always late for some reason."

"They probably get themselves in all sorts of trouble we're never aware of," Sephiroth muttered before taking a sip of his coffee.

As if on cue, Rufus ran into the room, faced flushed from running hard. "Help!" he shouted. Now, this wouldn't have interested many of the staff just because they were who they were, but this was coming from Rufus Shinra, one of the only people in FF7 who wouldn't be caught dead asking for help. So, of course, this brought people's gazes onto him. "Gremio's in trouble!"

Athena came running in from behind Rufus, frowning. "What was that, Rufus?" she queried. "What the heck is wrong?"

Rufus took a deep breath as the other members of the staff neared. "I took Gremio and Peco to get the Soul Eater Rune from that McDohl kid. But when I used it, it-- it engulfed Gremio!!" Soul Eater, from the Suikoden world, was known as the Cursed Rune because it stole the souls of important people to the bearer as they died.

"Hold on!!" Flik growled, pushing his way to the front. "You used Soul Eater?! How the heck did you do that??" Almost hesitantly, Rufus thrust his right hand out, revealing a black marking on the back of his hand. Flik and Athena, the only ones truly understanding what the mark was, reeled back in shock. "Holy crap!!" Flik yelled, coming very close to curses. "You took Soul Eater from Commander McDohl!? What were you thinking?"

The blond shook his head fiercely. "I wasn't thinking," he replied. "Come on! We've gotta help Gremio!"

It didn't take much more than that to get everyone moving. Everyone loved Gremio; the guy was too nice to not be loved. Rufus led the group of fighters, magic-users, and Turks from The Edge of Sanity to the outskirts of the Suikoden world. Peco hovered over Gremio's prone form while black bolts of magic jumped across his body. The little creature let out a pleading squeal as the group arrived.

". . . Soul Eater did this?" Athena asked, looking at Rufus in alarm.

Tseng neared Gremio, shuddering as some of the black bolts shot up his reaching arm. When he noticed his leader suddenly freeze from the black magic, Reno touched Tseng's arm. Tseng's immediate reaction was shaking away Reno's arm, snatching it, and twisting his arm behind his back. "Hey, Tseng!!" exclaimed the red-haired Turk, obviously in pain. "Chill, okay?! Ahhgg. . ."

The other man looked dazed as he stared at Reno. "What. . .? . . . Sorry, Reno," he apologized, shaking his head. "I guess I'm just a little tense. . ."

"Can we return to the problem at hand?" an annoyed Rufus queried. "Gremio needs help."

Nash and Teepo were both looking over Gremio from a safe distance, being the only people that could harness true magic. The lavender-haired boy shook his lavender head. "I'm not sure what this is," he admitted, crossing his arms. "Since this is magic from a different world, I doubt there's anything we can do about it."

"Rufus," began Elena, "why don't you try using the Soul Eater? If Soul Eater's the one that did this, it might be the one that'll stop it."

"I would, but I don't know how to work it!" Rufus said, distressed. He would have began pacing if he wasn't surrounded by people. Instead of pacing, he clenched his hands into fists. Strangely, this got a reaction out of the Cursed Rune -- it began glowing with black and white energy.

Abruptly, the black bolts disappeared from around Gremio's body, leaving the unconscious man to the characters that made up Athena's webpage staff.

"So . . . how's Gremio doing?"

"He's okay, or so he says," answered Rufus, looking sadly at Vincent. It was strange for the ex-Turk; the former President never looked so genuinely concerned before, especially in front of others. "I don't think he is, though. He's rarely talked since yesterday and he takes walks instead of tending the Updates."

Vincent nodded slowly and drank his coffee, clenching his left hand. He had kept it gloved since the FF8 incident, the lack of a claw a constant reminder of the whole mission. Raising his gaze, Vincent noticed for the first time how quiet the cafeteria was. It was as if someone or something had thrown a shroud over everyone's moods. He also noticed Peco, who was in the company of the Turks instead of Gremio. Why had Gremio shunned away Peco, who he usually showed outer affection for? What happened to him?

Footsteps were audible from the hallway; another sign that it was unbelievably quiet in the room. A familiar blond stepped into the room . . . but he wasn't quite that familiar anymore. His normally tied-back hair flowed down past his shoulders, shining in the glow of the cafeteria's lights. A tight frown marred his usually passive and placid face, the two brilliant blue eyes gleaming with emotions alien to the man.

"Gremio?" Rufus stood up and stared at his best friend, a bit bewildered by his appearance.

Gremio looked straight at Rufus, the frown disappearing behind the smile that frequented the older man's face. Strangely, the white-clad young man found no comfort in the smile. "Yes, Rufus?" he queried.

". . . Are you okay?"

Laughter flowed from the other, shaking his shoulders slightly. "What kind of question is that, Rufus?" he asked, walking forward. "I'm perfectly fine."

Vincent didn't like the laughter. Gremio hardly laughed, just because he was usually too worried over others to have fun. But this Gremio wasn't tense or anything; he laughed easily, faked smiles, and had the most chilling eyes Vincent had seen lately. It was nothing compared to Sephiroth's gaze on a mildly-bad day, but it was certainly unnerving coming from Gremio.

"But. . . I've been having sudden urges to some things different lately," Gremio suddenly announced, a spark of something behind those eyes of his.

Leon hesitated to ask his own question. "Such as. . .?"

"Oh, I don't know. . ." Gremio trailed off and stared at the ceiling for a long moment, a glazed expression falling over his face. When he averted his gaze back to the group, a wild look had taken over. "I've had this strange urge to . . . KILL YOU ALL!!"

Everyone gasped as Gremio pulled a familiar black object from his cape. "Where'd he get that!?!?" Reno shouted in horror as he recognized the infamous Black Materia.

"GET DOWN!!!!" Tseng screamed, watching a black aura encase Gremio. The man's hair was flying as a wave of magic burst in every direction, destroying tables and the like. Everyone, thankfully, had gotten to the ground by then.

"What the hell's wrong with him!?" demanded Flik, covering his face as debris flew at him.

"Soul Eater's work!?" Vincent shouted back, readying Death Penalty under the continuing barrage of wild magic.

"No!" screamed Rufus, waving Vincent to put away his gun. "Don't hurt him!"

"He's trying to kill us, dammit!!" Reno growled. "What are we supposed to do!?"

"We can't hurt him!" Rufus snapped back.

"Great, just great!" Sephiroth hissed, glowering at Rufus. "Out of all the times to grow a heart, Rufus, you just had to choose now, didn't you!?!?"

"Will you all shut up and do something??" Nash screamed from where he was pressed against the wall. "He's getting stronger with every second he continues!!"

"You know, he's right," Reno calmly remarked to Sephiroth.

"OF COURSE I'M RIGHT!!" the boy wizard shouted. "Hurry up before we're all killed!"

In response to that, Leon cast a quick spell over his Swordian. "Grave!" His Japanese 'Grave' spell, renamed 'Spike' in the American Tales of Destiny, struck Gremio from below and caused him to lose his grip on the materia. It disappeared as it flew to the other side of the cafeteria.

"Someone grab him!" Tseng shouted as he struggled to his feet.

Rude dashed at Gremio, but was stopped in his tracks as the other man ripped out his axe and swung in a huge arc in front of him. The bald Turk had to jump back to avoid the attack, allowing Gremio to put more space between him and the other staff members. Gremio's axe disappeared back under his cape, a strange, whirring sound coming from the green cloak. The usually-solemn man laughed insanely as he yanked a chainsaw out of his cloak, holding it with such skill it was frightening.

"OH, MY GOD!!!" just about everyone screamed. "HE'S GOT A CHAINSAW!!!"

Gremio advanced quickly, waving the chainsaw around like a maniac. Everyone else, of course, turned tail and ran. Sadly, they were confined in the cafeteria, leaving them no choice but to run in circles around the room. Leading the line of runners was Sephiroth, Leon and Flik only steps behind him.

"For a wimp-turned-psycho," Reno started, glancing over his shoulder at Gremio, "he sure runs fast!!!"

"Reno," all the others began, "shut up!!"

"Why exactly are we running from him??" Teepo suddenly asked. "It's him versus all of us!"

"I personally don't want to have a chainsaw inside of me," Leon started, stopping, "but Teepo's right!" He drew Chaltier and faced the oncoming Gremio . . . who had no intention of stopping because he had done so. "Umm. . . AHHHHH!!" Throwing bravery to the wind, Leon dove out of the way and under a table as the maniac sailed past him.

The others continued to run from Gremio, Rufus jumping onto a table to get away from the chase. He and Leon watched the others continue to run around the cafeteria, trying desperately to get away from the man. "Split up!!" the young man dressed in white shouted. "He can't chase all of you!!"

Upon hearing this, the large mob split up, the Turks heading in one direction, Sephiroth, Vincent, and Flik heading in another, and Teepo and Nash in another. Then, something strange happened: Gremio multiplied, one identical copy of himself, wielding a chainsaw as well, went after each group.

Leon's violet eyes widened. ". . . Apparently, he can." Then, realizing that a Gremio -- the real Gremio -- was coming at himself and Rufus, the sixteen-year old swordsman grabbed Rufus and yanked him off the table just as Gremio cut the table in half.

Just as this was happening, Athena came into the room, carrying Peco. "What's going on in here??" she demanded before properly looking at the situation. A huge sweatdrop appeared as she watched the Gremio-clones wrecking havoc and torturing the other members of her staff.

"Does anyone have a Stop spell!?" screeched Elena as he tried to keep up with her fellow Turks.

Leon slapped himself in the forehead. "A Stop spell! Why didn't I think of that??" He hurried away from Gremio and got out Chaltier. "Picopico Hammer!" His Strong Hammer spell pounded down on all four Gremios, leaving them dazed on the floor. Moments after hitting unconsciousness, the three Gremio-clones faded from existence.

". . . That was a paralysis spell," Flik wheezed as he stopped running.

"Same thing," Leon sighed, running a hand through his hair, "besides, you're in no position to complain."

The staff gathered around Gremio. "What do we do with him?" Rude queried, frowning.

"I have no idea," admitted Tseng. "We all know he's not usually like this. . ."

"It has to be Soul Eater's work," Nash hissed, shaking his head. "It must have tainted his mind somehow."

"Nice observation, hotshot," Reno sarcastically snapped, "and people say I make stupid and obvious statements!"

"Reno. . ." Everyone's eyes snapped on the red-haired Turk.

"I know, I know. . .," he sighed. "'Shut up, Reno.'"

"So . . . um, what do we do?" Elena suddenly brought up, looking at all the boys and men that were of the TEOS staff. Eyes averted immediately from Reno to the webmistress.

". . . Huh?" Realizing that everyone was looking at her, Athena stopped typing on her 'magical laptop' and sweatdropped. "Don't look at me! This is Rufus' fault!"

Rufus muttered something at that and crossed his arms. "For once, I don't know what to do. . . I mean, this is Suikoden magic, not Final Fantasy magic! I don't know anything about it!"

"Then why in the world did you take it from Commander McDohl!?" demanded Flik.

". . . . It seemed like a good idea at the time. . .," was Rufus' hesitant reply.

Promptly, Flik slapped himself in the forehead.

"We really should find out what we can do before this paralysis spell wears off," Sephiroth suddenly said.

"It won't wear off," Leon indignantly huffed, angry that someone thought so little of his Swordian magic.

"We still will have to look for answers," Vincent murmured, looking at Gremio for a long moment. "Isn't there anyone we can go to that would know about Soul Eater's powers?"

Flik looked thoughtful, something that most of the staff thought was impossible. "Well, there's Ted, the former owner of Soul Eater . . . oh, wait, he's dead. Scratch that." Sweatdrops slowly began to appear on the heads of the others. "Hmm. . . There's also Leknaat, but . . . nah, I wouldn't like to get near Luc right now. He's still angry that I beat him at thumb-wrestling." He shrugged. "I can't think of anyone else."

"Great help you are, Flik," Teepo groaned. "Next thing you know, you'll be telling us you and your friends slew the only other person that knows about Soul Eater because they wanted it."

The blue-caped young man blinked in surprise at the teenage Brood member. "How'd you know that??"

Teepo looked heavenward for a split-second, then sighed, "Someone shoot me now."

Vincent's Death Penalty was out in a flash.

"Uh . . . I don't think he meant literally, Vincent!!"

The new, but familiar, voice cut through everyone's thoughts. "Cloud??" Athena looked at the new arriver in both shock and surprise along with all her staff. "What are you doing here?"

Cloud Strife stepped into the cafeteria, his blond hair once again in their healthy spikes. "I'm just here to check if you guys got our e-mail. . . Aeris sent it out ages ago and you guys haven't replied so. . ." A moment later, the whirring of Cloud's brain coming fully online could be heard, then. . . "GOOD LORD! What happened to Gremio!?"

"He's down and out for the count," Tseng announced. ". . . Are you the only one here, Cloud?"

"Yeah. The others are still busy cleaning up, and Tifa's helping Reeve watching Hojo, Scarlet, and Heidegger." Cloud scratched the back of his head in the way that he always did. "Will someone mind explaining to me what happened here?"

"Umm. . . You better sit down, Cloud. This is going to make you flip."

"Great," Reno muttered as the group began walking to a nearby table. "Just what we need. Another psycho."

Nash suddenly wondered if a Silence spell would actually work on the Turk.

". . . Yikes."

"That's all you can say?"

"Well . . . yes." Cloud shrugged and looked at Rufus. "You royally screwed up this time, Rufus."

Rufus frowned and allowed his eyes to narrow. "Will people stop rubbing it in?" he hissed. "I didn't plan for Gremio to end up like this!!"

"Chill out, Rufus," Teepo muttered. "Don't blow a gasket on us."

"Blow a gasket?! How can I not blow a gasket with so much happening?!" The ex-President was red-faced and very stressed. "The world is mocking me and all you can think about is me not blowing a gasket!! I hate this! Damn--"

"Sleep." The chant came from Vincent, who didn't bother hiding his annoyance. A green mist enveloped first Vincent then Rufus, and the man's eyes glazed as he toppled over.

"Great. . .," Tseng sighed. "Now what are we going to do now?"

"Well . . . I'm going to stop writing this," announced Athena.

Her entire staff, plus Cloud, looked at her in surprise. "Why?" queried Sephiroth.

"This is getting out of hand," explained the webmistress and author. "Besides, there's no more humor to this thing; it's getting way too serious."

"Is that all?" Leon asked.

"Pretty much, yeah," affirmed the girl. She stood up and closed her laptop. "Now, you guys go back to your work areas. Reno, I want you taking care of the Updates page with Peco while Rufus and Gremio are . . . uh, indisposed. Flik, Sephiroth, Vincent, Cloud -- can you four help me get these two crazy idiots back to the Updates?" She pointed down at Rufus and Gremio, and the four said characters sighed as they began picking them up.

The three teenage members of The Edge of Sanity watched as everyone else began clearing out. "Well, what do you guys think of this place so far?" Nash asked, looking at his two friends.

"They're all loony," Teepo remarked. "But . . . I dunno, I kinda like it here."

"Yeah. . . I'm learning a lot from Vincent and Sephiroth," Leon added.

"Yeah, like how to be really creepy and cool at the same time," Nash laughed.

Leon looked indignant. "Oh, shut up."