"Boyz Nite Out"

Cloud and the other male members of AVELANCHE were bored.

Not the ‘there’s nothing to do so I’ll clean my room’ type bored, but the ‘Let’s wreak some havoc’ type bored.

It had been a little while since the incident at the crater (and in typical SquareSoft story lines…there is no date!!! Mwahahahaha!!!) and AVELANCHE was now based in the ‘On Cloud Nine’ Bar, that had been built in…uh…Midgar. Yeah.

Anyway, Vincent had disappeared one night, and never came back…all that the crew knew was that he was residing in Nibelhiem, and wanted to be left alone.

It was common belief that he was shagging his old sweet heart Lucrecia, and well…he needed a…break…(In other words, no one wanted to find out)

"Geez I’m bored."

"Me too."

"Me three"

"Me four-oh, this joke is getting old." Cid sat up from the casual slouch he loved to lounge in and scratched his arse. "Is it just me, or does everyone feel a little left out of the proceedings?"

"Cor! You used a big word!! Pro-cee-dings. Where’d ya learn that?" Reeve looked up from Cait Sith’s husk, and scratched his head with the screwdriver.

"Shut the £%@# up, Shin-Ra boy!!" Cid snarled.

"That’s Rufus’s nick-name, ya dickhead!!" Reeve ducked the rock aimed at his head.

"When me, an’ Tiff, an’ Vince-"

"When Tifa, Vincent and I, Cid. Get it right!" Nanaki yawned.

"Whatever. When we were lookin’ for Cloud! He used big words. Okay?" Cid sighed. "Like I said. Does anyone else feel left out? It sucks that the girls are having that stupid party, and we’re not involved!"

"And what would we do?" Cloud leant back on his chair. "It’s a lingerie party…"

"And what wouldn’t you give to see that?! Think about it, them, in lacy-"

"Oh stop it, you’re making me stiff!" groaned Barret and Reeve, in perfect sync. Cloud fell off his chair.

"The bar’s gonna be closed…" Nanaki shook his head. "It isn’t fair. There has to be something we can do…"

Cloud grinned evilly. "We-ell…"

"I don’t like the look on your face, man…" Barret growled.

"There’s one place we can go to party…"

Everyone leant a little closer…

"…I’m sure our good friend Vincent would just love us coming down there and paying him a visit…It’s not like he can stop us…"

The Shin-Ra mansion in Nibelhiem looked dark and foreboding, and the attitude about the place wasn’t helped by the weird noises coming from within.

"I…uh…guess Vinnie-boy’s got company…"

Everyone gulped and sweated nervously.

Then:

"Take that, you bastard!!" Vincent’s voice, for once showing emotion.

"No fair! You had the turbo on!" This voice was eerily familiar… "Wanna go another round?"

"Not if you keep winging over losing all the time. I thought your sort was supposed to have quick reflexes…"

"Murasame and a play station controller are two very different things!"

Laughter, low and evil. Two shapes could be seen, silhouetted against the light within.

"Where’s that pizza you ordered?" A pause. "You did give them the right address didn’t you?"

"Sephiroth, do I look that stupid?"

"Do you want an honest answer to that?"

Vincent poked his tongue out at the ex-god, and knelt down beside his PlayStation.

"How ‘bout some vids, eh? The ‘Stations pretty warm, and I don’t want to have to buy a replacement reader…"

"Can we see ‘Ghost in the Shell’?! Please?! I love that movie!!!"

"Sorry." Vincent shrugged apologetically. "I leant it to Zell, and Seifer…"

"You leant those high-tech bastards my favourite anime?! For shame, Vince! I thought you were against those FF8 pricks!!"

"They’re not all bad. Zell and Seifer are always over here-"

"Argh! You are such a doormat! They’re just takin’ advantage of ya!!"

Vincent smiled evilly. "Where do you think I go on weekends, mi amigo? I sure as hell don’t stay here. Remember that news bulletin about Brittany Spears almost being crushed by her own set?"

Sephiroth’s eyes bugged out. "No way…you…"

Vincent nodded. " Me and a couple of the guys do crazy things like that. I’m an assassin, Sephiroth. I was paid by Christina Agulira to do it. The only reason I didn’t finish the job was because Mz Spears will contract me to take out her rival. Do you know how much money I make out of people’s insecurities?!" He smiled. "It’s great!"

"You are twisted."

Vincent shrugged. "It’s a living. How else would I pay for my tastes? Good anime doesn’t come cheap. Manga doesn’t either. I have about 5000 gil’s worth of manga, for Christ’s sake!" He smiled. "But it’s worth it. Believe me…" He flopped down on the sofa, and stretched out. "Ahh. This is the life."

Sephiroth leaned against the armchair. "Yup. Look…you don’t mind me being here do you? I mean, you’re a member of AVELANCHE…you should be trying to kill me right now…"

"Sephiroth."

"…and I know I’ve been a pain in the arse…"

"Sephiroth."

"…and eating all your grub…"

"Sephiroth!!" Vincent sat up. "My food supplies are fine. I don’t mind you here because we have a lot in common, and we’re good friends. Who else can I chat to about killing people, hmm? The others would get very worried…"

There was a knock at the door. Both men grinned at each other.

"Pizza…"

As soon as the door opened, Cloud and the others rushed through, howling, yelling…you get the picture.

"Hi Vinnie!!" Cid grabbed the taller man by the arm and spun him around, knocking him into a tapestry. Before Vincent could recover there was a god-awful ripping sound, and the tapestry fell down over his head. He managed to escape the suffocating mass of threads, and stared in horror. "My…my house…"

Nanaki was pissing on one of his favourite pot plants…Cloud was swigging down a beer, then spraying the remainders over the Persian rugs he had been given as a house warming gift by Fei and the others from Xenogears…His PlayStation…his beloved PlayStation was now swimming in Coke…smoke rising from within…Barret was going through his tape collection…Cid was in his CD rack-

"OI!!! Piss off, the lot of you!!" Sephiroth roared. "Get out you animals…"

"Hey, awesome, Sailor Moon uncut and uncensored…"

"Put that back! That was a joke present from someone!"

"Oooh…this is posh…How long did it take you to amass all these CDs, Vince? Sonic Animation? Prodigy? Hey, is this what I think it is…Hybrid?! Vinnie, m’ boy, you have to play some of this shit at my next party!"

"Noo!…Nonono!!!" Vincent spun around, trying to think who he should stop first.

Everything of his was either being devoured, drunk or destroyed…

The ruckus went on for a while, and the boys soon found themselves becoming bored. Much to Cid’s distress Vincent had managed to grab most of the CDs and hidden them, and there really was only so much enjoyment over seeing Sailor Moon and the other Scouts performing sexual acts on each other, without the help of any of the male cast…

Ah yes, the pack was getting restless…

It was the spiky headed bastard who came up with the most evil act of all. Cloud grinned evilly. " Hey, since the girls are having a lingerie party, whaddaya say we see what Vince and Sephy look like as girls…!"

Both men (If it’s even possible) went pale, as the others surrounded them in a circle of grinning, leering faces.

"Come on Cloud…" whispered Vincent. "I’ve done my best for the team…there’s no need to do this…right…?"

Sephiroth whimpered, realising he’d left Murasame on the back seat of his car.

"I found some old make up…"

"Oh…oh no…"

"Mmm, check out these sexy dresses…"

"…Mama…"

"Don’t forget your shoes, princesses…"

The circle closed in.

The screaming started.

Tifa ran her fingers down the tight fitting teddy, and smiled.

"Oh, wow, Tif’ you look so good!" Aeris giggled softly. "Black looks excellent on you…!"

Shera sipped her wine and chuckled. "What do you think the boys would do if they saw us in these…?"

Everyone laughed.

Tifa turned back to the screen. "Almost ready Yuffie?"

"Oh man, I shoulda looked up lingerie in the dictionary…I had no idea…" The curtain was whipped back to reveal Yuffie in a sexy set of underwear.

All the girls cheered, and there was a knock at the door.

"Ugh, who can that be…?" Tifa pulled on a dressing gown and went to the door, putting on her best, ‘you’ve just woken me up’ look..

The door opened.

"Hi! My friend and I were just in the neighbourhood, and wondered if it was okay to crash with you tonight!"

The speaker was a bubbly fem with long black hair, done back in a plait. She was wearing a slinky black dress, and silver earrings, and…red eyes…?

Her friend smiled shyly at Tifa, her long white hair in pigtails, wearing a pretty green number, and shining blue-green eyes.

Ve-ry familiar…

"Uh, hi…" Tifa leaned against the doorframe. "I’m-"

"Oh, hee, hee, I know who you are, silly, you’re famous-"

"Y’know something, you do make a very convincing girl, Vincent. What the hell are you doing wearing that? And Sephiroth…I love what you did with your hair…"

In a very girly voice, Sephiroth giggled. "Thank you, Tifa!"

The ‘girl’ slouched in a very un-upright position. His reputation shot to hell already, he could do what he liked. Vincent Valentine sighed.

"Cloud and Co. took over my house. They dressed Sephiroth and I as girls, put make-up on us, and locked us out side." His coldness dropped. "Please let me in! Three guys have tried to take a pass at me already!!"

"My heels are killing me!"

"I’m cold! I’m hungry!"

"I wanna pee!!!"

"Okay! Okay!! Come in!" Tifa let them in, noticing for the first time that the dress Vincent was wearing was almost skintight…It gave her an idea…

A slow, evil, smile crossed her face.

Cloud and the other arrived at the bar in the early hours of the morning, pissed out of their brains.

"Lemme in! Tifa!!" Cloud pounded the door.

"Hey! Keep it down!!"

Vincent? What was he doing here? Cloud licked his lips. "Vince, that you?"

Tifa’s bedroom window shutters opened and Vincent glowered down at them. Much to Cloud’s dismay, he wasn’t wearing a shirt. Tifa smiled lazily down at them, while wrapping her arms around Vincent’s waist.

Vincent grinned wickedly. "How was your night Cloud?" He slipped an arm around Tifa, holding her close. "I had a wonderful time. And I think you know why…"

Cloud instantly sobered up. "Tif’? Tifa, tell me you didn’t…"

That smile. You couldn’t wipe it off either of them.

"I’m gonna kill you, vampire!! Your worthless arse is mine!!"

The rest of the team were laughing their heads off.

"You think I’m bad? Hey! Sephiroth!"

Aeris’s bedroom window opened.

"Vince, don’t do this to me…you only had Tifa in your bed…" Sephiroth yawned tiredly. "Try Aeris and Shera some time…" The shutters closed again. Cid howled.

Vincent smiled at Cloud. "Now if you don’t mind, I’m going to leave you now. I love…" That smile "…early mornings…" He winked.

The moral of this story, children, is…uh…um…er…oh, forget it. If there is a moral to it, then let me know, because I have no idea what it is!