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Sailor Moon belongs to Naoko Takeuchi, Bandai, etc.
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The remaining scouts stared at the newcomers, who were also staring at them in fear. The one who looked like Sailor Moon clung to Tux boy's clone nervously. "Mamo-chan..." she said, her voice trailing off. Serena gazed at her in utmost terror and confusion. Who were these freaks, and why did they destroy nearly all of the fanscouts?
They stood like that for a few hours, no one knowing where to begin. Finally, after the sun had set and they could no longer see each other because of the darkness, they all detransformed. One of the newcomers, who had short blond hair, spoke.
"You bakas! How _dare_ you try to imitate us! We are the one and only Sailor Senshi! I oughta..."
"Ara, Haruka, stay calm," a girl with turquoise hair said. Haruka stopped talking but continued to glare menacingly at the Scouts. The turquoise haired girl continued speaking. She had an air of elegance about her. "Why don't we go somewhere where we can... sort this all out?" she said. Although her words were calm, there was an edge in her voice, and her eyes gazed coldly at the Scouts.
"How about we go to my temple? It and the park are the two most overused locations in fanfics," Raye suggested. The others agreeed and they all went to the Cherry Hill Temple. Once there, the girl who looked like Raye, whose name was Rei, couldn't stop staring. "This is just like my home, the Hikawa Shrine... It's amazing!"
"All right, you guys. Why don't you tell us why you're here and who you are," Darien said. He and Serena were back together again and they were cuddling :P
Usagi looked at them longingly. She and Mamoru were broken up, and here this girl who looked just like her was snuggling with a guy who looked just like him. It wasn't faaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirrrrrrr... "Um, lower the decibels please, Usagi-chan," Ami said. Usagi blushed. "Was I saying that out loud? Oh. how embarrassiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnngggggggggg..." she wailed. Sweatdrops formed on everyone's heads, and they took them off and threw them at her.
Amy stared at Ami. "You're not as smart as me," she growled.
"Oh, yeah? Give the function of an acute angle of tangent 165!" Ami cried.
"Tangent 15! Solve this problem: Radical negative 225 minus radical negative 196!" Amy yelled.
"It's i! What is the chemical formula of maltose?" Ami asked.
"C12 H22 011! What is the velocity of an unladen swallow?" Amy countered.
"Would that be an African or European swallow?" Ami asked.
Amy blinked. "I - I don't know...AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!" she screamed, being catapulted away. The other scouts stared after her in shock. Ami smirked. "She is so stupid. The American education system has rotted her brain. Well, that's one down, nine to go."
"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!?" Lita shouted. Her double, Makoto, grinned sadistically. "I'll tell you what's going on, Lita. We are the original Sailor Senshi. We were the most popular show in Japan. You guys are the pathetic, English-dubbed version. The company that dubbed the show, DiC, did a lousy job, so all you guys, the North American characters, or 'Sailor Scouts' as you are called, are pathetic, weak wimps. You didn't even destroy the Dark Kingdom. You just sealed it up. Because you are so pathetic, and because you are stealing the spotlight from us, we have to kill you."
"Did she mean the Negaverse?" Raye whispered. Serena nodded. "Hey, who are you calling pathetic?!" the blond cried. "I'm serious. DiC made me into an even bigger idiot and crybaby then I was originally, so my brainpower and memory are minimal. Who are you calling pathetic?"
"Hey, she said I was an idiot and crybaby to start with! That's not faaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirrrrrrrr!" Usagi wailed. Her voice grew louder and shriller, causing extreme agony for those around her. "Everyone, take cover!" Mamoru yelled. They all jumped out of the way, except for Serena, who was too stupid. As Usagi's voice steadily rose, octave after octave, Serena's head started swelling and turning bright red. Finally it exploded. Usagi grinned.
Queen Mina suddenly appeared. The four fanscouts, taking advantage of the surprise, used this moment to leave the fanfic, afraid of the carnage that would surely come. They were last heard mumbling remarks such as, "That's the last time I let Katie put me in a story" and "Wait till I get my hands on that girl..."
Minako's eyes glowed angrily. "And here's my double, the bit part and now, the villainess! This is unfair! Someone's going to pay for this and guess who it is!" Queen Mina gulped nervously. "Me?" she whispered in a very little voice.
"NO!" Minako yelled. She transformed into Sailor Venus and shouted "Love-Me Chain!" She swung the chain at the ceiling and pulled someone down fron there. "THE AUTHOR!" she yelled triumphantly, an insane gleam in her eye.
"Uh, wrong fanfic, Minako-san. In Jackie Chiang fanfics you go insane, not in mine," the author said.
"Hey, your voice isn't thunderous anymore and you've lost the capitals," Lita said. "That's because I am no longer a godlike presence hovering somewhere above you. I am a character now," Katie said. The scouts and senshi and guys in formal wear and cats stared at her [There's one hell of a lot of staring in this, ne?] She had long, curly red hair and was as tall as Lita and Makoto. Her eyes were blue/gray/green. She wore a big t-shirt that said I do what the voices in my head tell me to, a pair of jeans, and fuzzy pink slippers.
"Wait a second. If you're here, who's writing the fanfic?" Hotaru asked. "Just smile and nod," Setsuna told her.
"So, what should we do? Kill the author, or the scouts first?" Haruka asked. "Definitely the scouts," Makoto said, glaring at Lita. The two of them started throwing punches and rolling around the room. They squished Luna and Artemis (the NA cats) and the Japanese cats started cheering and opened a little bottle of champagne and a can of tuna in celebration. "Yes! Now I no longer have to hear that stoned British voice!" Luna exclaimed.
Katie stood still, nervously twiddling her thumbs as chairs were thrown, birds were flipped, hair was pulled, and more roses were thrown than could be counted. She watched as Sailor Venus and Queen Mina beat the crap out of each other. "This is for the bit part DiC gave me!" Queen Mina yelled, giving Venus a hard kick. "All I ever wanted was attention!"
Sailor Venus sat still and ignored her. Queen Mina was aghast. "Hey, hey, Venus, I'm trying to kill you here! Look at me! Please? I hate being the bit part! No one ever looks at me! Please, will you look at me? Goddamnit, look at me! I'm Queen Mina! Look at me! I need attention!" Sailor Venus steadily ignored her. Queen Mina withered away. "All I ever wanted was attention..." she whispered. Sailor Venus smiled and joined a small crowd that was forming around something. "What's going on?" she asked Ami.
"Rei and Raye have both transformed into Sailor Mars! We don't know who to kill!" Ami cried. "Why not just kill both of them?" Usagi suggested. One of the Sailor Marses yelled, "I heard that Odango! You're gonna pay!"
"That's the real Rei! Kill the other one!" Michiru cried. They all combined their attacks and Raye just, like, really died.
That left Lita and Darien. Suddenly, two girls appeared who were identical. "Naru-chan!" Usagi shouted. "Molly!" Lita yelled, still trying to kill Makoto.
"Is that my dub twin? You freak! I hate you! Your voice is hideous!" Naru yelled. "LEAVE ME ALONE!" Molly yelled, her horribly accented voice sending out shock waves that knocked everyone over. "My God, that voice is powerful!" Sailor Mars gasped. Naru remained undaunted and proceede to totally beat the crap out of Molly, basically ripping her guts out [that voice is terrible, I had to have it die a violent death]. Molly's dying screams were the most agonizing sounds anyone had ever heard. Lita promptly keeled over, dead. Makoto began cursing. "Dammit! I wanted to kill her!" Naru got kinda scared and disappeared to wherever it was she had come from. Makoto let out her anger by hitting a large rubber duckie with a purple spatula. Everyone got kinda freaked out and left her alone. There was only one dub character left to destroy: Tux boy.
NA Tux boy and Japanese Tux boy began throwing a lot of roses at each other. This went on for a while. Not much happened, and the senshi began to fall asleep. Luna and Artemis were practically drunk on the champagne by now. Finally, Usagi shook herself awake, and transformed into Sailor Moon. "You weaklings! I'll show you how to fight! Moon Princess Halation!" NA Tux boy was dead. Mamoru smiled at her. "Thank you, Sailor Moon. I love you."
"I love you too, Mamo-chan. Are we a couple again?"
"Yes."
"Yippee skippee!"
"No, wait. We aren't a couple."
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ok, I'm over it. Let's go get some sushi, you guys!"
"Wait, I changed my mind again. We are a couple."
"Yay! I forgive you for every mean thing you've ever done to me, as usual."
"Wait a second, we aren't a couple anymore."
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
At this point, Makoto got ticked off and thwacked Mamoru upside the head [I love that phrase] with her purple spatula. "When he comes to, we'll make him go out with you," she promised Sailor Moon. "Yay!" the blond cheered, detransforming. "Now, about the author..." she said, grinning wickedly. Katie gulped. "Eep," she said.
"We're going to give you the most vicious death of all, for putting our likenesses in such a terrible fanfic," Rei snarled.
"For making me into such a sickly sweet girl in Part Three!" Makoto yelled.
"For making me a villainess!" Minako screamed.
"For mocking our love!" Usagi shouted, while poking Mamoru with a stick to make sure he was just unconscious and not dead.
"For killing my dub twin off!" Chibi-Usa cried, appearing out of nowhere. "Although I can't blame you, she is really bratty..."
"For not putting us in your story!" the Outers yelled.
"For...uh...doing bad stuff to me too!" Ami shouted.
"In the name of Pluto, the really cold icy li'l planet..."
"In the name of Saturn, the funky planet with the cool ring thingies..."
"In the name of Your Anus...Oh, come on that is the stupidest pun ever, can't I just..."
"Shhh! In the name of Neptune, the purty lookin' blue planet..."
"In the name of Jupiter, the big fat planet..."
"In the name of Mars, the pyro planet with lots and lots of fire! Fire fire fire fire fire..."
"In the name of Venus, the cutesy lovey planet that's covered with deadly toxic gas..."
"In the name of Mercury, the teeny tiny planet that goes zoom zoom..."
"In the name of me, 'cause I'm so cute, tra la la..."
"In the name of roses..."
"Quiet, you! In the name of the moon, the specialest planet of them all, even though it's not really a planet, it's a moon..."
"WE WILL PUNISH...Hey, where'd she go?"
All the senshi looked around. Katie had apparently escaped while they were giving their endless speeches. Sailor Moon kicked Mamoru in her anger. "Dammit! Where'd she go!"
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Back at her computer, Katie smiled evilly. She began typing the title of a new story she was writing: Sailor Moon/Barney Crossover. Screams of agony were heard. Katie, now being the all powerful Author again, complete with Capital Letters, laughed evilly. "MWAHAHAHAHA!"
Timaris walked over to her. "Jeez, Katie, you really need help with that evil laughter of yours. You sound more like a horse than ever.
THE END
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