Title: Love Letters
Author: Alicia Blade
E-mail: Kammi22@sprintmail.com
Rated G
Hey minna-chan! This sort of goes with: Dear Usako... er... I mean Usagi.
The letters are EXACTLY the same, so if you've read the other one,
don't read it again... unless, of course, you want to. But I didn't know
how to end it, so I made two different endings, and two different
stories. Wow! Must thank Athena whom I love to death, thanx SO much for
all your ideas and your friendship. I do not own Sailor Moon. Drat!
PLEASE E-MAIL ME!
IMPORTANT: Well, to me at least... some people said they were having
trouble opening Dreaming of a White Christmas because of the zipped
file. If you had this problem PLEASE, I beg of you, e-mail me and I
would be MORE than happy to send you a copy. It would be absolutely no
trouble, and of course, there's no obligation to ever talk to me again,
but I was extremely proud of that story and want anyone and everyone to
have the chance to read it. So don't be shy and e-mail me. THANX!!
Enjoy!
Dear Usako,
Yeah, I know your name is Usagi, but I sincerely hope you don't
mind me calling you that. Actually, I've been calling you Usako in my
head since the day I learned your name. Believe it or not, that's
before I started calling you Odango Atama.
By the way, I suppose I should apologize for calling you that all
the time, but, well, I guess I'm just not sorry about it. You see, my
Odango Atama, I enjoy watching you get angry, you are incredibly
adorable. I probably don't enjoy it as much as I would like to see you
smile at me with your beautiful eyes, but I've pretty much lost all
hope of that ever happening. And so, you're still Odango Atama to me,
at least, when you're not Usako.
Do you remember the first time we met? You know, when you threw
that AWFUL (Sorry couldn't resist) test paper at me and I called you
Odango Atama for the first time? Well, I know you were probably very
mad, and perhaps a little depressed at that time, but I was ecstatic.
Why? Because I finally got the chance to talk to you.
Contrary to prior beliefs, that day on the sidewalk was not the
first time I met you. The first time you met me, perhaps, (I suppose I
could have made a better first impression), But not the first time I
met you. I already knew you very well by that time.
I was in the arcade one day, quite awhile ago, though it seems
like it could have happened yesterday, and when I looked up, I saw an
angel. I couldn't stop watching her. She was young, a good four years
younger than me, but extravagantly beautiful. She sat at the newest
Sailor V game, with intent blue eyes watching the screen and her teeth
biting her lower pink lip in determination. I will never forget that
expression. She was wearing a Juuban High School Uniform, very common
around there at that time of day, but something incredibly unique about
her caught my eye. Her long, golden hair was done up in two odango
shaped balls with long locks flowing down her sides. I guess by now you
know who I'm talking about?
I found myself smiling whenever she smiled, laughing whenever she
laughed, and even frowning when she appeared the slightest bit angry or
sad (probably at a game over). For some odd reason, I felt attached to
this girl. To this day I don't completely understand it... but now I'm
getting off the subject.
The next few days I would go to the arcade at the same time, if
just to watch you some more. You mesmerized me. Every
little thing about you simply took my breath away. Soon, I found myself
watching the clock, impatiently counting down the minutes until I could
see you again. You began to occupy my thoughts every second of the day,
and I soon figured out that if a day went by that I couldn't see you,
it was automatically a horrible day.
Eventually, I noticed that you talked to Motoki a lot. I asked
him what your name was once and when he told me, I laughed. I couldn't
help it. Having analyzed everything about you, I had taken notice of
your amusement with bunnies, and the name fit perfectly. That night, I
was lying in bed thinking of you, and that's when I started calling you
Usako. Actually, it was more along the lines of my splendid, wonderful,
charming, loving, gentle, incredible, vivacious, beautiful Usako. Yeah,
that sounds about right.
Now, you have to understand that this was completely new to me.
I'd never felt this way for any girl, much less one I'd never spoken
to. And, frankly, it terrified me. I was scared stiff at the fact that
I had allowed myself to fall so strongly, so thoroughly, for someone
I'd never met. Before, I had always thought of love and affection as a
weakness. And for me, the calm and collected guy who could focus on
anything and stay with it, this was all completely new. Dreaming and
fantasizing about a girl every waking minute was something I had
thought I would never allow myself to do. And so when I started feeling
these things for you, I was ultimately frightened. After that, I
started asking Motoki more questions about you, trying to find
something, anything, that I could hate about you.
Okay, so you're a klutz. I tried that one first, but then I
started wondering what it would be like if one day you tripped and fell
into my arms. So, that didn't work too well to get you off my mind.
You're not that bright, maybe even a little dumb. That worked for
awhile, until I started seriously considering offering to become your
personal tutor. Heh heh... try again.
You're a crybaby. Yeah, but you're so cute when you pout, and
what I wouldn't give to hold you in my arms and kiss away your tears.
Alright, I'm getting a little mushy. I'm sorry. But when I
decided to write this letter to you, I promised I wouldn't leave a
thing out. So I'm spilling my heart and soul out to you now.
Back to the matter at hand: As you can see, nothing I told myself
could ever get you off of my mind. Quite the opposite. The more I tried
to find something to hate about you, the more stuff I found to love
about you.
You're always cheery, no matter what happens. You would stop
everything in your life to help out a friend. You would put your heart
on the line to make someone else happy. And you wear your heart on your
sleeve for anyone to take.
I shudder when I think of that. Because I know it's true, and I
knew it was true before we even met, and I still pushed you away. I
still teased you, and maybe even hurt you. And God, Usako, you have no
idea how many times I've wished for a second start with you. To
try that landmark day all over again. If I could, I know exactly what I
would have done. I've replayed the events in my mind a million or so
times.
I'm walking down the street, preparing to go visit Motoki at the
arcade, busily humming an annoying song in my head over and over again.
Knock Three Times to be exact. It's funny how a person can remember
these small details, you know? Do you know that song by any chance?
Knock three times on the ceiling if you want me, twice on the pipe
>ding, ding< means the answer is no... blah blah blah... Well, anyway, that
song. Where was I? Oh yeah, walking, arcade, annoying song, and out of
the blue, a scrunched up piece of paper hits me right smack on the
head. I bend down and pick it up, and when I see the test paper
culprit, my eyes fall on no other than my arcade angel.
I'm speechless at first, as all secret admirers would be, before
jogging over to her and telling her she dropped, or rather threw, the
test paper. She'd shrug, probably sigh because she couldn't get rid of
it as she'd hoped, and take it from me. I'd give it up a tad
unwillingly (I'd been hoping to take it home and frame it) and then I'd
ask her why she was so sad. Of course, I didn't look at the test paper
this time, must give the angel some privacy. She'd most likely say that
she had a bad day at school or something along those lines. I would
give her my honest sympathy before asking her if she would like to go
out to get some ice cream and cheer up. And then her beautiful face
would light up and I would feel overwhelming happiness at being the
source of her joy.
I'd take her to an ice cream parlor and listen while she chatted
about nothing and everything, and smile in amazement when she managed
to down a triple chocolate sundae. No. I'm not stalking you, I simply
overheard you order that once. Afterwards, I'd walk her home and spend
the rest of the day wandering aimlessly and whistling a wonderfully
annoying song to myself.
If only I could relive that one day...
Can I ask you a question, Odango Atama? Well, It's my letter, so
I guess I can. If the first day you had met me had gone more like that,
what do you think would have happened? Would we have been friends? An
item maybe? One of those happy couples you always pass by in the park?
Would you like me at all, or at least more than you do now? I don't
really expect you to answer me. I guess I'm only curious.
As long as I'm telling you everything, I guess I'll talk about a
feeling I have that I'm not very proud of at all. Jealousy. It first
hit when I was sitting in the arcade watching you. I saw Motoki walk
over to you to talk and I immediately felt jealousy crash into
me full force. It wasn't so much that he was talking to you, heck, guys
would talk to you all the time, but it was more the way you would talk
to him. I saw your posture change immediately, and watched as you gave
him one of those beautiful, heart-stopping smiles. And the look in your
eyes, so glazed and joyful, almost made me crack. I got angry very fast
I guess. Angry at myself for feeling that way, at Motoki for hardly
noticing the beautiful treasure in front of him, and even at you for
looking at him like that, and paying absolutely no attention to me
whatsoever. And that hurt.
I suppose you're wondering why, if I felt this way and constantly
dreamed of starting over with you, did I continue to tease you like I
did. God knows you've given me chance after chance to redeem myself,
and I shot you down every time. Well, I guess it was a mixture of all
those emotions of jealousy and anger that sorta led me to this brainiac
idea. Now, don't get me wrong. I never wanted to hurt you. I'd rather
be tortured to death than ever hurt you. But somehow, I got this stupid
idea in my head. It was obvious by now that no matter how hard I tried,
you weren't going to get out of my thoughts or mind. And so, I
searched for some way, any way, to make you think of me as much as I
thought of you. I wanted to be on your mind 24 hours a day. I wanted
you to think of me, replay our last visit in you mind over and over and
contemplate what would happene the next time we met. I wanted to be in
your dreams, and your fantasies. I wanted my name to be on your lips at
all times, and my face to be everywhere you looked. So that's why I
teased you. Because one of the less intelligent aspects of my mind
figured that that approach was the exact way to make that happen. Heh
heh... see, I'm not all that smart after all.
Of course, there were rewards to teasing you. Your flushed face,
or even a simple blush was well worth the effort. But as soon as you
started to walk away, I would crash. I would hate myself for being such
a jerk. And I vowed never to forgive myself for pushing you away, and
for possibly even hurting you.
My dear Usako, if ever I've hurt you, I am really, truly sorry. I
apologize a million times for any incident where I might have hurt you
in the slightest. And I pray that, maybe someday, you could forgive me
for that, although I wouldn't expect it any time soon.
Well, my lovely Odango Atama, I've already filled up 10 pages
telling you how I felt, and I assure you I could fill up another 10 if
I tried to tell you everything that goes through my head when you are
around, but I promise I won't. Instead, I'll try to summarize for you,
as not to bore you with my mindless, heartfelt blabber.
Usako, my little rabbit, I love you. You are quite simply the
sweetest, most gentle, loving, generous, kind, and thoughtful woman I
have ever met. You are everything in this world I have ever dreamed to
have. To hold you and kiss you would be a dream come true for me. If I
could see your gorgeous blue eyes smile up at me, just once, then I
know I could very well die a happy and complete life. I would promise
the world to you. I would give you the moon, the sun, and any star in
the heavens you wished for. I would treat you like a princess, a
goddess, the angel that you are. And I would love you with every drop
of life in me. I would spend the rest of my life trying to bring you
overwhelming happiness, because I know that one touch from you could
flood my senses with unimaginable joy. And so, my dear Usako, whatever
should happen the next time we meet, whether you ignore me, or deny
ever reading this letter and resort back to insulting me, or if the
unthinkable should happen and you should return the following phrase to
me, I do love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.
Always and forever,
Mamoru
I sighed and read over the letter a few more times. Closing my
eyes, I clenched my fist in aggravation. It's never perfect enough. Why
can't I just tell her how I feel? What makes this so hard?
I read it again. It seemed to say everything I felt... but
something was wrong with it.
Oh, you're fooling yourself Mamoru. How could she ever feel the
same way for you? It could never happen. You don't stand a chance and
you know that.
If only she weren't so perfect. If there was something about her
that could some how make me feel more on her level. But there's
nothing. I'm only Mamoru, the conceited jerk who teases her, and she's...
well, she's Usako. She's Odango Atama. She's my arcade angel. I don't
deserve her. I don't even deserve to see her everyday like I do. To sit
there and watch her play Sailor V for hours on end. I know I could
never have her. Why do I even bother trying to write the letters? No
words could ever describe how perfect she is. And an entire dictionary
couldn't begin to dig into my feelings for her.
With yet another sigh, I took the papers into my hands and
carefully folded them together, making sure to get the creases just
right.
Maybe someday I'll have the guts to tell her. Maybe someday, I'll
actually have the nerve to give her one of these...
I placed the note in the shoebox, along with the other 50 love
letters I have written to Usako, attempting to catch my emotions on
paper to give to her, and failing each time.
Placing the lid onto the box, I slid it underneath my bed into
its own designated space before slumping onto the pillows and dreaming
of my beautiful Usako...
Fin
Hope you liked it. I know it was a little different than my usual
style. Please tell me whatcha thought. God Bless and welcome to 1999!!!
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