These are some funny jokes that people have sent to me... I thought I'd share them with you... Enjoy :)) (Thanks Morgan & Brent)

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REJECTED TITLES FOR MONICA’S BOOK

10:  I Suck At My Job

9:   What Really Goes Down In The White House

8:   How I Blew It In Washington

7:   Testing the Limits of the Gag Rule

6:   Going Back for Gore

5:   Going Down and Moving Up

4:   Secret Services to the President

3:   Deep Inside The Oval Office

2:   How To Beat Off the Government

1:   Me and My Big Mouth

Things to ponder....

I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.

I have found at my age going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of my face.

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older then it dawned on me . . . they were cramming for their finals.

You know when people see a cat's litter box, they always say, "Oh, have you got a cat?" Just once I want to say, "No, it's for company"

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with little tiny spoons and forks so I wonder what Chinese mothers use. Perhaps toothpicks?

Employment application blanks always ask who is to be notified in case of an emergency. I think you should write . . . A Good Doctor.

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do . . . write to these men? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them while they delivered the mail?

I thought about being rich and it don't mean so much . . . Just  look at Henry Ford, all those millions and he never owned a Cadillac.

If you jogged backward . . .would you gain weight?

Wonder what you call a pocket calculator in a nudist camp?

I wonder if Adam ever said to Eve, "Watch it! There are plenty more ribs where you came from."

I have decided that Nostalgia is the VCR of our minds.

Ok these aren't really jokes... but they are really cute phrases...

- Don’t bother me I’m living happily ever after.

- Do I look like a freakin’ people person?

- This isn’t school, It’s hell with fluorescent lighting.

- I started out with nothing and still have most of it left.

- I pretend to work, they pretend to pay me.

- If I throw a stick, will you leave?

- YOU!! OFF MY PLANET!!

- Therapy is expensive, poppin’ bubble wrap is cheap. You choose.

- I like cats too. Let’s exchange recipes.

- If I want to hear the pitter-patter of little feet, I’ll put shoes on my cat.

- Does your train of thought have a caboose?

- Errors have been made, others will be blamed.

- I’m not crazy, I’ve just been in a very bad mood for 15 years.

- If only you would use your powers for good instead of evil...

- See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil.

- A PBS mind in an MTV world.

- Allow me to introduce myselves.

- Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

- Whisper my favorite words, “ I’ll buy it for you”.

- Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

- Adult child alien invaders!!!

- Do they ever shut up on your planet?

- I’m just working here until a good fast-food job opens up.

- I’m not your type. I’m not inflatable.

- I’m trying to imagine you with a personality.

- A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.

- Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven’t fallen asleep yet.

- Here I am! Now what are your other two wishes?

- Back off! Your standing in my aura.

- I can’t remember if I’m the good twin or the evil one.

- Don’t worry, I forgot your name to.

- Adults are just kids who owe money.

- One of us is thinking about sex... okay, it’s me.

- I just want revenge. Is that so wrong?

- I work 40 hrs. a week to be this poor!

- Okay, okay, I take it back... unscrew you!!!

- Macho Law forbids me from admitting I’m wrong.

- Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?

- Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.

- To many freaks, not enough circuses.

- Everyone thinks I’m psychotic, except my friends deep down inside the Earth.

- Earth is full, go home!

- Is it time for your medication or mine?

- I plead contemporary insanity.

- And which dwarf are you?

- I refuse to star in your psychodrama.

- I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.

- How do you set a laser pointer to stun?

- Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

- My I. Q. test came back negative.

- Don't annoy the crazy person!

- Is it just me or is that bird talking?

(Ok... This is kind of corny... but I thought it was cute :P )

A business man got on an elevator in a building. When he entered the elevator, there was a blonde already inside and she greeted him by saying, "T-G-I-F"  (letters only).

He smiled at her and replied, "S-H-I-T" (letters only).

She looked at him, puzzled, and said, "T-G-I-F" again.

He acknowledged her remark again by answering, "S-H-I-T."

The blond was trying to be friendly, so she smiled her biggest smile and said as sweetly as possibly "T-G-I-F" another time.

The man smiled back to her and once again replied with a quizzical expression, "S-H-I-T."

The blond finally decided to explain things, and this time she said, "T-G-I-F,  Thank Goodness It's Friday, get it?"

The man answered, "Sorry, Honey,  It's Thursday."