Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters, or even the situation. Everything belongs to Yuu Watase and the animation company that animated Fushigi Yuugi. I'm just borrowing this, and making no money to boot.

This is my first Fushigi Yuugi fanfic, and it contains spoilers for Episode, um, 23? And Tankoban 7 (?). It's in the vein of WhiteCat's Images (go look at 'em, all of 'em are good!) and is a glimpse into Suboshi's mind after Amiboshi was killed. Anyhoo, all comments/flames/death threats are welcome at zyrensky@aol.com.

Enjoy!


AN EYE FOR AN EYE

Gone. 

Dead.

Even two days after it, I can't believe it. Two days since my 
soul felt torn apart, and I was left half-empty. Two days, since 
my twin brother, Amiboshi, died.

I close my eyes against the threatening tears, clench my fist 
against the ache in my chest that isn't going away; grief so deep 
it feels like a knife wound. For the first time in my life, 
there is no other comforting presence inside me. Before, it was 
as though I could see through two sets of eyes, feel with two 
sets of hearts; there was always Amiboshi's presence within me- a 
steady candlelight in my soul. It took seconds for it to be 
snuffed out, leaving me alone in darkness. 

The tears start to flow again, blurring the moon against a dark 
sky; almost as dark as the room I'm in. I'm asking the same 
questions I've been asking for two days even knowing I'm never 
going to find the answers. What did they do, Amiboshi? What 
torture did you go through? How did you die? Were they all 
there, or was it just one to do the dirty work? Was it Suzaku's 
Seishi or the Miko herself? 

I should never have let you go. I should have gone myself, I 
should have insisted. Instead, I let you slip through my 
fingers. I let you die.

My mind is wandering now. Nakago had asked for volunteers to 
infiltrate the ranks of the Suzaku Seishi, finally deciding on 
Amiboshi. Suzaku's seishi, my sworn enemy. They caused Kotou to 
be in the near-anarchical state it's in now. They want to invade 
us; to keep us all as slaves. And they took away part of me. I 
choke back the tears, brutally rubbing the back of my fist 
against my eyes. I cried once. That was enough weakness. Real 
men don't cry. 

They get revenge.

******************

I spot Nakago walking down the halls of the castle and duck 
behind a pillar. He always seems so distant. I never saw much 
of him while I was here before a few nights ago. He passes me, 
preoccupied with something. I seize that opportunity to edge 
whisper-soft around the column, facing the exit of the hall. 

"Suboshi, what do you think you're doing?"

Cursing myself for being so careless, I emerge from the shadows, 
facing Nakago's stone cold face. "I'm going to avenge Amiboshi!" 
I cry out, wanting to force him to understand, to have some kind 
of emotional reaction. "When I think about what they did to 
him..." I could barely continue, the rage swelling up in my 
heart coupled with the grief. Oh, they'll pay, they'll pay!

"You aren't yet strong enough," Nakago said in that same monotone 
that I've learned to hate; chiding me like I'm a child. 
"Amiboshi was a full-fledged warrior and he couldn't stand up to 
them. Your skills aren't developed enough yet."

"What's going on?" Lady Yui's voice interrupts. A train of 
guards follows her as she walks to Nakago, totally ignoring me.

Lady Yui. I had thought she was cold before, just like Nakago. 
When I had met her, I had thought that all people with blonde 
hair and blue eyes were born with no feelings. She had acted 
just like Nakago; treating me like I was a lesser being, someone 
who wasn't worth any of their time. Then, after I had lost 
Amiboshi, she had held me close, the same way Amiboshi had from 
time to time. And she had felt so warm. Very warm. 

Even now, she looks beautiful, with the same, sad eyes Amiboshi 
had. Amiboshi. 

The pain of grief hurtles towards me full force like a typhoon. 
Amiboshi died in pain, suffering at the hands of Suzaku's seishi; 
and here I am mooning over a girl from another world. No, I 
won't forget now. I will have blood for blood, whether Nakago 
"approves" or not. Only out of politeness for *her*, I wait for 
Lady Yui to finish and leave before continuing in my persuit for 
vengance.

"Suboshi," he calls after me. "If you truly want revenge, you 
shouldn't stalk the Suzaku Seishi." He smiles coldly, a gleam of- 
satisfaction?- in those icy eyes. "An eye for an eye, a tooth 
for a tooth; isn't that the old saying? We wouldn't want the 
Seishi of Suzaku to think we are non-traditionalists. There is a 
house in Konan..." 

**************

The house is ramshackle, looking like a lot of the ones I grew up 
in. No, it looks better. It had never been burned down or 
riddled with arrows.

The ache is still there in my chest, constricting my throat every 
time I take a breath. Today, Amiboshi. Today you can rest easy. 
I'll avenge your death, I swear it!

I think only of Amiboshi as I run madly towards the hovel. Two 
days ago I might have cared, I might have stopped to think about 
what I was about to do. Now, I don't care. 

I fling open the door to the dirty house, ryuuseisui in hand and 
let the volcano of surpressed anger erupt until all I see are 
moving figures within a haze of red. With each wild strike, 
blood mingles with that haze accompanied by a shriek or a scream 
until everything in the room is colored red. 

And the pain still lingers. 

No matter how hard I hit, how far the blood spurts from their 
bodies, it's still there, choking me. You aren't helping! I 
silently scream at them, attacking harder, faster, anything to 
make it go away. Tears are blinding me now, I can't even see 
their moving bodies clearly any more. Not that it matters; 
almost all of them are down, waiting for that final blow. My 
ryuuseisui pummels them again and again until their screams stop 
and it's deathly silent in the house.

I did it. I wipe away the tears fiercely from my burning eyes as 
well as some of their blood, the anger ebbing. They are all 
dead; the old man, the children, all of them. 

So why am I still in pain?

"Suboshi!"

Soi's voice reaches me from the calm I'm in like an echo on a 
mountain. She stands at the doorway now, a black assassins' 
cloak clumsilly draped around her. I notice she doesn't come in, 
whether out of politeness for me or for the dead I can't tell. 
"We should go. One of Suzaku's seishi is approaching." She 
leaves as quickly as she had come, blending with the other houses 
in her departure.

Go. Yes, I'm coming. I make sure not one of them is twitching 
without feeling, as though my heart froze. Maybe it did. All I 
know is I'm not sorry. 

I turn to leave when I see a flute half-teetering on the table- 
an almost exact duplicate of Amiboshi's. I pick it up quickly, 
half-hoping some kind of comforting feeling will wash over me 
like my brother coming back. It's just cold wood; empty, like 
me.

The pain throbs in my chest again as I think of Amiboshi, 
clutching that precious trinket to my chest. It may be all I'll 
ever have of his; a mockery of his flute picked from the dead 
family of a Suzaku seishi.

One is coming. The eye of the storm within me passes, rage 
boiling over again. It's not over, it wasn't enough. The flute 
and ryuuseisui are both in my hands, rubbing raw against my 
palms, crying out for blood. I grin without happiness, without 
joy; only grim determination. 

You killed my family, Suzaku Seishi, so I killed yours. Now, 
it's your turn to die.