Girl Days
A Ranma 1/2 fanfiction
by Robert Haynie
(I'm supposed to put something here, but I can't remember
what..."
Part Eight: Female Trouble
####
Genma Saotome considered himself a good father.
He never understood why his son didn't agree. Or his wife. Or
his future daughter in law. Or her sisters. Or even his best friend
at times.
It's not as though he'd ever done anything wrong in raising
the boy on that training trip.
Well, except possibly for the fiancee business, but he had been
hungry.
And maybe the Neko-ken, but who really reads all of a book these
days?
Of course, some might blame him for Jusenkyo... but how could
he have known? The Chinese guidebook had been cheaper than the
Japanese one, anyway...
But except for those minor incidents, he'd done rather well,
he thought.
World of his own, folks, world of his own.
The main thrust of his parental philosophy was twofold--
to train the boy to be the greatest martial artist of his generation,
and to make him a man upon men so that his wife wouldn't cut his head
off. He was fairly certain that the first was more than possible
now, and the second had had his wife's approval-- Ranma was a man
among men.
The present problem was that she apparently intended him to
become a woman among women also. THIS was not something Genma felt
particularly happy about.
But opposing his wife's lunacy was something that was not a good
idea. Partly because his wife has, perhaps, just barely, in a tiny
way, some minuscule part of a reason that made sense, but mostly
because she still carried that damn sword around all the time.
Genma was not a happy man. Well, at the moment, he was not a
happy panda. Either way he wasn't happy.
He stared morosely at his son-- or rather daughter-- as she sat
talking with Akane. Nothing wrong with that in his eyes. It bought
hope for the union that he and Soun Tendo had so long planned.
Said neo-daughter was wearing a blue blouse and a black
knee-length skirt, and was wearing a blue bow in her ponytail.
Now, THERE was something wrong in his eyes.
Cautiously, he crept up (pandas can be surprisingly stealthy)
to eavesdrop.
With any luck, they would be discussing their romantic
intentions, the hoped-for wedding, or at least the Art since Ranma
was training Akane.
Instead he heard something about... cramps?
"Yeah... kinda inside me. I think I got something I didn't
know I had. And I been feeling twitchy all day, you know? Is it
that... thing... Mom's been talking about?"
"Well, I know I feel that way sometimes when it's my time,
Ranma. How are you handling it?"
"So far, it's just that cramp thing... none of the... other
stuff yet. GOD, I think I'm actually scared."
Scared? HIS boy scared? Of anything? Ranma was not supposed
to be scared of ANYTHING! (That was Genma's job.) Well, he'd put a
stop to THAT!
<>
Of course, signs don't make sounds, and writing all that on one
sign in Genma's sloppy hand meant that Ranma couldn't read a word of
it.
After a moment, Genma realized his error, went for some hot
water, returned in a more communicative state, and repeated his
tirade.
"A lot you know, Pops. YOU ain't ever had to prepare for your
first period."
Genma fainted.
And Soun, who had been hiding behind a screen, trying to figure
out what Ranma and Akane had been talking about, broke into a torrent
of tears. Not that that was unusual, a lollipop that tasted nice
could cause Soun to break out into a torrent of tears...
####
"Nodoka, I demand that this travesty be terminated immediately!"
complained Genma to his unconcerned wife.
"No."
"Wife, I am the husband--"
"Or house pet," quipped Nodoka.
"Ha. VERY humorous indeed. The point is that this... this
experiment has gone far enough! That our son should be put through
this unnatural ordeal-- it's humiliating and preposterous!"
"I have no intention of putting our son through any unnatural
ordeal."
Genma began to smile. He'd finally won an argu--
"I'm helping our daughter through a natural and inevitable
experience of a young woman's life."
"NODOKA!"
"My mind is made up, Genma. Besides, this will make Ranma a
better partner for Akane."
"How? Is he going to share feminine hygiene products with her?"
Nodoka rolled her eyes. "No, but a husband who truly
understands his wife's difficulties with her time will be more
sympathetic and less likely to shrug it off. And as I said, the
training is to allow Ranma to understand her femininity as well as
her masculinity. One can't truly understand what it means to be a
woman without experiencing the most important parts of being a
woman."
Genma's eyes widened. "You can't mean for him to become preg--"
"Don't be stupider than usual, Genma. Of COURSE I don't mean
for Ranma to bear children."
Genma relaxed.
"Unless she chooses to, which I do find unlikely."
Genma scowled. "Very funny again."
"Was I joking?"
Genma groaned.
####
"Tendo, this has gone far enough. Somehow we must convince
Nodoka AND Ranma to give up this lunacy."
"I'd agree, Saotome, but being lunar in nature it happens.
I know, I have three daughters, and it's pretty much inevitable--"
"Not the damn period man, this insane Girl Days training.
I fear I may lose my son forever. What if this experience drives
him over the edge?"
"I'm not quite as worried as you anymore, Saotome. I don't see
that Ranma has really changed except in dress and politeness,
and she and Akane are getting along better. Why, she's been helping
Akane in the dojo and in the kitchen-- and Akane actually made an
edible soup yesterday. This might be just what those two girls
needed--"
"My GOD, man-- even YOU'RE calling Ranma a girl! What is
happening to this household?"
"Peace and quiet, for once. I'm not fond of the training
myself, but I don't feel like arguing with Nodoka about it. That's
your job."
Genma felt betrayed. That his oldest friend should take such
a stance. That he should be such a coward. That he could accept
this travesty with such equanimity.
That he was also right. Damn.
"Anyhow, Saotome, it doesn't seem to have hurt the lasses skills
or anything-- she's as good as ever. Maybe a bit better, you've
been hitting the koi pond a lot more the last few days."
"Only because HE'S got no reason to avoid that area anymore,"
grumbled Genma. "Ranma takes shameless advantage of it."
"Isn't that a fundamental precept of the Art?"
"Yes-- but not when he uses it against me!"
Soun shook his head. Poor Genma... having three daughters
had helped Soun to adapt, but his old partner was really beginning
to get very stressed over the matter...
####
The next day began early. Much earlier than expected.
Ranma woke up with an uncomfortable feeling, and decided to go
to the toilet. She wasn't certain that was what she needed, but she
felt oddly bloated, so it was a possibility.
A few minutes later reality sank in. She had been informed,
coached, and talked through what was likely to happen.
She was prepared. Well and truly prepared.
So she only screamed for four and a half minutes straight
rather than the seventeen she would otherwise have indulged in.
It took the combined efforts of Nodoka, Kasumi and Akane an hour
to calm the trainee girl down. After a bath and a good cleaning,
fresh undergarments, and the object that Ranma had chosen (The kind
with wings. Ranma had flat out rejected the tampon-- the mechanics
were TOO creepy) in place, she began to calm down. Somewhat.
But it was generally considered that it might be a good idea to
walk softly. As in on eggshells strewn on a rickety rope bridge
out of Indiana Jones that was three feet over a minefield while
juggling a flask on nitroglycerin and another of Sarin gas.
No, softer. Ranma was NOT in good shape, emotionally.
She'd been, deep down, certain that there wasn't anything really
to her mother's idea that she was both male and female.
Now she wasn't so sure. This was something that did NOT happen
to men. None that SHE'D ever heard about, that is.
Nodoka was, on the other hand, somewhat confused at how hard her
daughter was taking the matter. Up till now, she'd been doing so
well-- perhaps not a proper lady, but a well-behaved tomboy, as she'd
expected. This seemed to her something of an overreaction.
Then Kasumi, who had a rather unusual amount of medical
knowledge put it into perspective. Ordinary girls grew gradually
into puberty and the onset of menarche, and had an extended period
of time to prepare for it. Hormonal alterations were gradual and
they got used to them. And most of all, they were generally taught
to expect it somewhat earlier than a few days ahead.
In Ranma's case, however, it was the equivalent of one day a
male, the next something quite different-- in self image at least--
with no real time to adapt. Ranma had received all her changes
at once due to Jyusenko, and the psychological effects of her first
menstruation combined with the physical ones of unfamiliar
discomforts and hormonal imbalances would tend to make ANYONE in that
situation somewhat... fragile.
In other words, to Ranma, it was a severe blow to her masculine
self-image.
And for the first time, Nodoka began to have second thoughts.
She needn't have. Ranma was at the moment deciding that if
Akane, or Nabiki, or for that matter ANY girl could handle this, so
could she. Damned if after the initial training she'd stay in girl
form long enough to let it happen again, of course, but she could
live through it. She figured she'd probably have to once more
anyhow... but she could handle this. Cramps, flushes, the... the
bleeding and all of it.
Besides, she had no choice. She'd been using the waterproof
beauty soap regularly, and it took about five to seven days to wear
off. But she didn't have to like it.
But she could handle it.
She swallowed a couple of pills with a wry grin. The brand name
seemed strangely appropriate. The OTHER Midol was connected in her
mind with pain also-- although there the pain was in the butt, not...
wherever it was.
She was at the moment painfully aware that she had an actual
honest-to-Kami womb.
Which bought up more disturbing thoughts.
Ranma didn't exactly have the clearest concept of sex. Oh,
sure, she knew roughly what was involved, that it happened, you
needed two people to do it-- usually of opposite gender-- and stuff
like that.
But to her, it was something still vague. Perhaps it was
because she'd spent so many years on the road thinking of nothing
but the Art, or maybe it was because she spent so much time AS a she
at times-- even unplanned-- but she didn't have the hormonally
driven bullet train of lust that other boys her age had. Where they
found it enticing, she found it frightening, somewhat-- even more
than a real girl might.
Especially since she knew that some girls-- Shampoo and Kodachi
leapt to mind-- weren't frightened, and those two frightened
HER.
She'd never understood why Akane called her a pervert, except
that it seemed to be an article of faith with Akane that ALL boys
were perverts, and Ranma's curse just made her more so. In fact,
she wasn't certain what a pervert was. (She had some idea it had to
do with latex clothing, vibrators, Cheeze Whiz and a chicken, but
then again she could be wrong.)
[Author's note: She wasn't. But the tail end of overheard
conversations between Hiroshi and Daisuke talking about the latest
ecchi magazine's letter columns isn't exactly what one would call
good sex education.]
She just felt fairly certain she wasn't one.
It didn't help that her mother would see nothing wrong with
her-- when she was a he-- madly sleeping around like a demented
rabbit with Viagra spiked carrots. Her honor-- her self-determined
honor-- told her that that would be wrong.
Then it hit her. HARD.
The reason why so many boys would chase and flirt with her girl
form was because they wanted to... to...
ACK.
With latex clothing, vibrators, Cheeze Whiz and a chicken,
possibly.
A strong self image as a male hadn't allowed that connection
to be fully made before. And now she suddenly understood WHICH
connection they were after.
Those... those...
Perverts.
If any boy had propositioned Ranma at that moment, Akane would
have likely applauded in admiration at Ranma's reaction...
####
Genma was plotting. The first matter of business was to change
Ranma back into a boy, Nodoka's opposition or no.
After the severe thumping that Ranma gave him, he remembered
that splashing Ranma with hot water wouldn't work, thanks to that
damnable waterproof soap. No matter how hot the water was. And he'd
spent so much effort to get it really boiling, too...
Which meant that changing her back would take at least a few
days.
His next plan was to try to steal all the waterproof beauty
soap.
He probably shouldn't have tried that while Ranma was in the
furo.
Ranma HAD been developing a bit of modesty-- feminine or
otherwise-- and the room was steamy. Thus, she didn't recognize
Genma-- although that might not have mattered. Male figure in furo
room while she was bathing. Bad thing. What to do?
Since the only pattern of action she actually had in a situation
like this was Akane's example, the proceedings were... predictable.
"EEEEEEEEEK!"
"Huh?"
"PERVERT!"
"What?"
Wham. Bang. Crash. Slam. Bam. Whomp. Crunch.
"I...ite..."
(I have to ask Akane if I did that right.)
On to plan three. If he couldn't make Ranma BE a boy, he could
make Ranma DRESS like a boy. So, he'd use the Old Master's
techniques to steal all of Ranma's disgusting feminine clothing.
A somewhat bruised Genma entered a room, dressed in a purple
ninja outfit with a cloth tied over his head. Ah, it actually
bought back memories, of the old days training with the Master.
As he cleaned out Ranma's dresser, and began stuffing a bag, he
heard a sound, turned around, and stared--
At a blue glowing, mallet wielding, and very very scowling
Ranma.
What happened next ALSO bought back memories. Also of the
training with the Old master. And why he'd HATED this part.
####
"I can't BELIEVE Pops! Walking in while I'm bathing when I put
the sign out and everything, splashing me with hot water for no
reason, and trying to steal my... my panties! What the hell's got
into him, Mom?"
"I think he was upset with how you reacted this morning to
your... condition, dear."
"I still ain't happy with it. But if Akane can deal with it, I
can. But why is he trying to steal my panties? I mean, that's Ha--
the old pervert's gig! And these were clean anyhow! What's WRONG
with that baka?!?"
Nodoka decided not to chide Ranma for her unladylike language
this time. Partly because she fully agreed. "I suspect he's trying
to force you back into a masculine state. For example, his attempt
to steal your female clothing may have been an attempt to force you
into male clothing."
"Oh, great. Like boxers are gonna hold a pad. Mom, I never
claimed to be happy with the training, but I am learning things from
it, and I'm gonna finish it all the way. But he's getting on my
nerves. REALLY on my nerves."
Nodoka shrank back a moment at the flicker of blue that coursed
around Ranma for a moment. Her daughter was, as it were, well and
truly pissed. "Um... perhaps you should wear slacks today, Ranma,
so that your father will feel a little better... look a little more
boyish."
"Oh, no. He's not getting an INCH from me. Not after stepping
on my best pajamas! I bought those with my own money because of the
horses, and I'm mad about that! They're the first girl-type pajamas
I LIKED! And he TORE them!! Besides, we... blech... are supposed
to buy my... my... uniforms today. So I have to wear a skirt part
of the time anyhow. And if he gets in my way once more... Grrrrr."
Ranma stormed out in a high dudgeon that would have made Akane
quail in fear. She was in A Mood That Was Somewhat More Than Merely
Bad. Hormonal surges that she'd never had to deal with were playing
havoc with her emotional state-- and her mental state as well. She
was trying at one moment disparately not to break into tears and at
another desperately trying not to go and kill someone. (Enticing
visions of a defenestrated Kuno danced in her brain.) Only her iron
hard control that she had learned over more than a decade kept her
from becoming, well, something disastrous.
It was a pity that Happosai was in Antarctica, trying to molest
penguins (Shampoo was right, after all-- and his brain was still
fried) or else he might have finally been put out of everyone's
misery.
####
For reasons that no-one had yet adequately explained, shopping
parties for Ranma tended to have both Nodoka and Akane in tow. This
would lead to some unusual results this day.
For example, Ranma mentioned something idle about a new pair of
thigh-highs. That was her preferred type of stocking, as she thought
of them as really tall socks. Akane knew them to be enticing
lingerie, and jokingly said "Pervert".
Ranma's reaction was... unexpected.
Akane gulped as Ranma flared an incandescent blue, and screamed
into her face (from three inches) "I am not a pervert! You keep
calling me that and I ain't! I'm sick of it! Dammit, I DON'T EVEN
LIKE CHEEZE WHIZ!"
Akane felt at the moment very much like Ranma had on many
previous occasions. It was all she could do to keep from looking
in panic for a mallet. Aimed at her, that is.
"i'm... i'm sorry, ranma..." she replied in a very very very
small voice.
Ranma suddenly grinned. "Aw, that's okay, you say that all the
time. Betcha don't know what it means anyway. C'mon, let's get to
the shop."
As Ranma started to walk to the intended destination,
Akane stared. And Nodoka remembered Kasumi's words.
"Ranma may be... somewhat moody, Akane-chan, for a few days.
She's never had to deal with this, and it's affecting her more
strongly than a, well, 'normal' girl. You may want to be a bit more
careful about your... jests."
"He... she never reacted like that about that, before..."
"Perhaps, that word... it hurts her more than you think,
Akane-chan?"
"I... never thought about that..."
"I have noticed," said Nodoka, in a slightly accusatory
tone. "Normally Ranma's control is absolute. Right now, it's less
than that... we had better watch her closely for a while. Mood
shifts are one thing-- but my daughter is having something more...
drastic."
Akane nodded, resolved to be extra nice the next few days, and
tried desperately to figure out what Cheeze Whiz had to do with
anything.
####
"I'm going to look like a clone."
"You just have to know how to tweak it, Ranma."
Ranma looked at Akane curiously. The Furinkan uniform was the
usual-- white blouse and green-blue jumper-- and had as far as she
could tell little or no tweaking area at all.
"Well... OK. One trick is to wear a non-standard blouse. Not
TOO much or you get yelled at, but just enough. Also, you don't have
to wear the same socks-- most girls get them with trim from popular
manga or anime or cute animals or flowers or something like that...
though I don't think they have Dragonball Z socks, because most girls
aren't into that. And bookbag tags are good, and a lot of girls go
for unusual hairstyles. Especially at our school because it bugs the
Principal so much. Fun ribbons in your hair, bracelets, sometimes
dying your hair a little bit-- I don't but some of my friends do--
little things."
"Oh?"
"Hai. Also, you can wear the skirt shorter-- pretty short,
in fact, or really long. There's a lot of fabric you can alter with.
As long as it's not actually a mini, or floor length, you can get
away with a lot if you're careful. The guys do the same thing--
wear the collars in different ways, don't button all the buttons
on a jacket... Guys are really into badges."
"I never knew any of that..."
"You never wore a uniform if you could help it... Ooooh! Here's
the PERFECT socks for you!"
Ranma looked at the socks. She had to agree. Buried amongst
the pack of Sailor Moon, Doraemon, Minky Momo, Hello Kitty (brrrr),
and other kawaii trimmed socks were six pairs of neglected,
unnoticed, and perfectly Ranma socks.
The trim was a series of prancing horses. Ranma grinned.
"Put 'em in the bag."
Then came gym clothes. That was simple-- the usual yellow T and
red bloomers.
"I hate these things," Ranma said, glaring at the bloomers
she held. Three pairs of thick cotton and polyester shorts that fit
more like panties, they were so tight. Uncomfortable, usually
unflattering, and always despised.
"We all do, Ranma. I wish we could wear loose shorts like the
boys, but... what are you grinning about?"
"We're leaving for school ten minutes earlier this term,
student."
Akane internally acked. (A habit she had picked up from Ranma.)
She knew THAT tone of voice.
"Um... why, Sensei?"
"So we can wear these under the uniforms and you can practice
your fencewalking. If we get there early we can change into panties
before class. We also have a better chance of dodging Kuno."
Akane KNEW that if it was Sensei-mode Ranma then she was going
to be doing just that. And gulped.
"Um... some boys won't care, just to look under the skirt,
Sensei?"
"Then since it's not panties but bloomers which they can see any
time, we assume they are REAL perverts, (growl) and you will be
allowed to hit them before we resume walking."
Had Akane not been focused on her own fears of embarrassment,
she might have noticed the insane loathing Ranma put into the term
pervert.
"Uwabaki next?"
[Author's Note:Uwabaki are 'inside shoes', a sort of a
slipper/sneaker combination worn by students at school. One changes
into them in the hallway and wears them until school is over, when
one changes back. They are sometimes worn in Japanese homes as
well-- but not the same pair. One for school, one for home (if worn
at home).]
"No, we have to buy those at school. Remember?"
"I never used uwabaki much... "
"Well, you're supposed to now. You buy them at school. Oh, a
lot of girls decorate theirs also... more customizing. You're not
supposed to, but everyone does it anyway. Markers and such. Gym
shoes also. There's not much you can do with a T and bloomers,
so it's the shoes."
"Man... uniforms are complicated."
"I suppose you'll want a shorter skirt on your jumper--"
"What's THAT supposed to mean!?!" Ranma suddenly erupted.
"Um... well, because you can get away with it? Because you
have... um... nice legs?"
"Humph. Then why don't you?"
Nodoka stared. Something odd was about to happen, she KNEW it.
"Why... why would I shorten MY skirt?"
"Akane, you know PERFECTLY well that even if your bust isn't
that big-- and it's bigger than it used to be anyhow-- you have
always had good legs. Humph."
Akane stared. That was-- lefthanded, yes, but still-- a
complement. A serious one. Ranma MUST be unstable.
"But... you always call me uncute..."
"That doesn't have anything to do with your looks."
"W--what?"
"Hitting me for anything I say, never listening, always taking
things the wrong way, always blaming me for everything that goes
wrong-- what's cute about that? Humph. Don't know why I bother."
And Ranma turned her back with a sniff.
Akane stared. Even taking into account the possibility
that Ranma was temporarily... odd... because of her biological
ordeal, that had a frightening ring of sincerity. And accuracy.
Girl days was supposed to educate Ranma. But as little as she
wanted to admit it, they were teaching her something also. Things
she didn't like. About herself.
"Oh, is that what you meant?" Akane retorted (rather weakly).
"Well, why didn't you ever explain that?"
"Because I'd never get three words out before being pummeled,
that's why!"
Silence. And then, a quiet sniffling.
Ranma froze. She then turned around slowly, to gaze at a
quietly weeping Akane.
"Aw... don't cry... I... I didn't mean it..."
"Yes, yes you did, Ranma, and... and you're... partly right...
and... and I should listen more... and I'm sorry I keep calling
you a... a... I'm sorry."
There was a pause. "Well, I guess I could be nicer about it..."
"You have been... I... I should try to be nicer too..."
Akane's next reaction was classic 'girl'. Ranma's was more her
present unstable emotional state-- but there was, possibly, a bit of
girl there also. Or maybe a boy who was learning that showing his
feelings wasn't needfully a bad thing.
They both burst into tears and hugged each other fiercely.
After a moment, Ranma murmured, "C--can't breathe... gomen..."
Akane let loose, teary-eyed again. "Gomen, Ranma..."
Two girls looked into each other's eyes and decided that even
if they were rotten fiance/es, that was no reason they couldn't
try to be friends.
The dynamics were beginning to change. For once, just maybe,
for the better.
And Nodoka Saotome smiled... and wondered.
####
The walk back was uneventful.
No, sorry, that was a different walk back. THIS walk back was
something other than uneventful.
It began with an obvious target. Tatewaki Kuno. Well, Tatewaki
Kuno and Tsubasa. Somehow, although Kuno was normally as perceptive
as a dead aardvark with a blindfold, he'd developed an unerring
Tsubasa-sense, that allowed him to ID the master of really stupid
disguises at a hundred meters.
And since Kuno was still convinced that Tsubasa was actually
the demon Saotome, well...
Nodoka often wondered if she'd finally seen all the oddness
in her child's life, or the lives of those around her.
The sight of a bokken waving Kuno chasing a panicked dinette
set, compete with four matching chairs and a cheap lamp, told her
that she was nowhere NEAR that stage yet.
Few things could distract Kuno from his righteous crusade
against womanizing furniture. But the sight of the Pony-tailed
Goddess in company with the angelic Akane Tendo qualified.
For once, he decided to approach Akane first.
"Akane Tendo! Fear not, I have the foul sorcerer on the run!
Allow me to remain to protect you--"
"GO AWAY."
Kuno turned to the goddess of his dreams, and froze. She glowed
a strange color of blue-- well, not that strange, but unlike some,
he'd never caught on to this being a danger signal.
"I'm SICK of you. Not only do you bother the both of us with
unwanted attentions, but you can't pick which one of us to bother!
You... you PLAYBOY!"
Kuno responded, reasonably, "But surely I have enough love for
you both--"
And Ranma literally started to rise into the air. Her ponytail
unraveled, and her hair began to flow upwards. It took on a
strangely greenish tint rather than it's usual red. And for a moment
Akane could have sworn she saw... fangs.
"You could at least choose a SINGLE girl to annoy! You...
you... JERK!"
"Have I displeased you in some way? Ah, this is jealousy!
Truly, you DO love me--"
Ranma never knew where that chi attack came from. Somehow,
she thought she never would. But she would never forget it.
"DIVINE RETRIBUTION!!!"
ZAKK.
As Kuno twitched from the chi-forged lightning, Ranma settled
down to the ground, and muttered, "Funny, I feel a lot better. Hey,
Mom, Akane, why are you in the trees?"
"Um... we were looking for birds nests dear. For decoration.
Right, Akane-chan?"
"Oh, right, hai, that's the ticket. Um... can we go home now?"
"Aw, we were going to go shopping a little more, right? For
something other than a uniform?"
"Hai, Dear!"
"Sure thing, Ranma!"
Later, Ranma wondered why she bought the tiger-patterned
bikini. It wasn't really her style.
####
The next incident had to do with Shampoo. It began with the
typical Amazon Glomp.
Shampoo could have chosen a worse time, one supposes, but this
writer personally can't see HOW.
Before you-- or she, for that matter-- could say "Airen",
Ranma began to snarl. Really snarl, like a angry beast.
Shampoo blinked. And released the glomp in confusion and a bit
of fear. "What wrong?"
"You... you... Oh, I see it now, I do."
"Uh?"
"You're a BOY!"
Shampoo had been accused of many things. Boy wasn't even in the
realms of possibility.
Akane stared at Ranma in sheer stupefaction. Nodoka, being the
wise and perceptive woman she was, also stared at Ranma in sheer
stupefaction. THIS was an extremely unexpected accusation.
"What airen mean, Shampoo Boy? Shampoo look like boy to airen?"
"You can't fool me! Glomping me all the time, trying to get me
to go on dates with you, trying to kiss me-- just like boys do!
You're a boy! A pushy, perverted boy! You probably even have Cheeze
Whiz!"
"Aiya! Ranma go crazy! Shampoo get Hibachan to help!" The
Amazon sped away, confused (again).
"I bet Kodachi's a boy too..." grumbled Ranma.
Nodoka actually hoped that Cologne WOULD drop by... her daughter
was becoming erratic.
Akane hoped that Cologne would come by for a different reason.
Ranma was turning into... Akane.
####
"Hibachan! Hibachan! Ranma go crazy! Think Shampoo BOY!"
Cologne had a curious case of deja vu. She paused, and then
checked the calendar. "No, she's not gone crazy, Shampoo. Not
permanently, anyhow. Let me gather a few things and we'll visit the
Tendo Dojo.."
####
Cologne had learned many things over her hundred-plus
years. And unlike the Tendos (with the exception of Kasumi) or the
Saotome's, she had a very good idea what was going on.
"Her chi is in imbalance. Since she has never experienced
this, her perceptions are skewed. Her next period will be easier,
but for one changed it's always very hard for the first."
Genma grumbled at the mention of a NEXT one.
"It's happened before?" asked Nodoka.
"Oh, yes... rarely, but it has happened. We DO live near
Jusenkyo, after all. Now, she's likely to take her skewed
perceptions from whatever girl she knows best."
Akane gulped.
"Oh, Ranma turning into Violent Girl, then?"
"Humph. Well, since she knows me best, that must be why she's
not turning into a bimbo."
Daggers passed from eye to eye as Cologne sighed. "At any rate,
I have some herbs that will help relax her and rebalance her chi
somewhat. But she will still be fragile for the next few days.
Let's hope nothing happens to unduly stress her."
"Ranma Saotome! I challenge you!" came a cry from outside
the Dojo's walls.
"Would that count?" asked Akane, dryly.
####
In her room, Ranma was holding her head. Mood swings weren't
something that she was used to. Mood swings that registered
on the Richter scale was something that no-one was used to-- at least
not coming from Ranma.
She'd been getting irritable and then angry and then happy and
then teary and then... it was really really getting to her. A LOT.
She had to calm down. She had to regain control. Soul of Ice.
Soul of Ice...
A distraction. Try to distract herself from these feelings.
Try out the new things Akane had mentioned. Try to distract herself.
She picked up one of her new jumpers and contemplated
it...
####
For some reason, most martial artists that came to challenge
Ranma were either practitioners of a style similar to Anything
Goes (which is to say, powerful) or practitioners of an obscure
and esoteric style (which is to say, blatantly ridiculous).
The belt holding packets of chips, crackers, and cookies strongly
suggested the latter at the moment.
"Akane, would you get Ranma?" asked Nodoka.
"Um... are you sure that's a good idea, Auntie?"
"I must agree with Akane," added Cologne. "At the moment,
it might be advisable--"
"Your concern is appreciated, but as the heir to the Anything
Goes school, Saotome Ryu, Ranma may not refuse a challenge. She
should at least meet the gentleman."
Genma nodded. At least Nodoka had one priority straight.
(She?) thought the challenger.
Akane went upstairs. Akane came down upstairs with her face
white. "Ra-Ranma's coming down, Auntie. She was just, um, trying
on her new uniform."
"Excuse me," interrupted the stranger. "But I was under the
impression that Ranma Saotome was a male?"
"Well, usually, but not at the moment," replied a blasé Nodoka.
"Not at the--"
And Ranma came downstairs in a Furinkan girl's uniform, with her
cute horsy socks and her hair done up in twinned ponytails--
one on either side-- held with bright yellow bows. At the moment
she looked exceedingly cute. Had Asuza been in the room Ranma would
have likely been renamed Jeannette and kidnapped. Nodoka smiled,
and Genma scowled.
The stranger took one look and sputtered, "This-- THIS is the
famed Ranma Saotome? THIS is the master martial artist? THIS is the
fearsome warrior I have come to challenge?"
"Hai! Did you come to challenge Ranma-chan? Ranma-chan
will accept, but not today. She's feeling a little sicky-wicky
today... Can you come back tomorrow, please? Pretty please?"
If Ranma has been disturbing before, this new kawaii as all the
kittens on earth Ranma was terrifying to everyone in the room-- Even
Nodoka-- except the stranger, who was merely dumfounded.
"Oh. Um, sure, tomorrow... say, noon in the park? Um, oh, I'm
called Big Pocky. I'm here to test my Special school of Snack Food
Martial Arts... um... just a moment..."
Big Pocky took a photograph from his pocket, stared at it for a
moment, and frowned. "Are you SURE this is Ranma Saotome? She
doesn't look anything like the photograph..."
Ranma peered at the photo, and giggled like the schoolgirl
she was dressed as. "Hai! That's Ranma-chan when Ranma-chan
is Ranma-kun! But she's not a boy right now, gomen. You'll have to
wait a month for that."
Big Pocky shrugged. If they said this... person was Ranma,
who was he to disagree? "Then tomorrow, at the park, noon.
Farewell."
Cologne, staring at the giggling Ranma, began to make a pot of a
special tea. She'd come just in time.
####
An hour later, the challenger having left, Ranma rubbed her head
and moaned. "Man, what is with my hair? And why do I have a
headache?"
"The headache is a small after-effect of the potion I gave you
earlier, Ranma. Drink a cup of this tea every two hours to assist
you in balancing your chi. Your first period has affected you
severely..."
"That stuff tastes awful."
"True," replied Cologne. "It also will help you maintain
control over your mood swings and internal discomfort. Shampoo,
is that ramen ready yet?"
"Almost, Hibachan," came a Chinese lilt from the kitchen.
"You really need to take the tea with some food. Besides,
it get's the aftertaste out."
"Man, I been acting like a loony all day, haven't I?" Ranma
felt disgusted with herself.
"It's hardly your fault. I should have realized that this might
happen earlier. Between your body's hormonal imbalance and the
effects on your chi it's a miracle you haven't seriously injured
anyone. Only your strong self-control allowed you to ameliorate
the effects as well as you did."
"I... I hit Kuno with some sort of lightning bolt, but I don't
remember how I did..."
"Kuno doesn't count. Besides, he gets hit by his own all the
time," Akane put in.
Ranma sipped the tea (bleah) and gratefully accepted a bowl of
ramen from Shampoo. "Well... you think that I'll be in shape to
fight this guy tomorrow?"
"If you are careful and remember to take the tea, I think so,
Ranma. But keep control, the tea is an aid, but it's not a cure.
Fortunately, your next, ah, time won't be anything this strange.
It's only going to last until your chi balances-- well, the more
extreme effects anyhow." Cologne shook her head. Personally,
had it been anyone but Ranma, she would have suggested waiting for a
week. Then again, who did she know that this could happen to BUT
Ranma?
"So I have to fight some guy with snack food as a style? Mom,
why do all the weird ones seek me out? Snack food? As a martial
art? Okonomiyaki I can understand, but potato chips?"
"I wouldn't underestimate him, Ranma," said Cologne.
"Why not? That's got to be the stupidest excuse for a martial
art I've ever heard of!"
"My point exactly. Every time you've come against a really
stupid sounding martial art you've had a real problem with it. One
THIS ludicrous doubtless has special moves that you won't be prepared
for."
The assembled fighters frowned. That was true enough.
"Anyway, thanks for the tea... and sorry about calling you a
boy, Shampoo."
"Shampoo not mad. No blame airen be crazy. Not help it."
"I guess I was a little crazy sometimes today..."
"And sometimes not," murmured Akane, quietly.
"Anyhow, I gotta get ready for tomorrow. Akane, where's my
leather polish?"
"Ranma, you aren't planning to wear-- THAT?"
"Well, it's sure as heck not what he's expecting, is it?"
Akane and Nodoka sweatdropped, while Cologne, Shampoo, and Genma
looked confused-- and Ranma smirked.
####
Ranma stood in the park, wearing a trenchcoat over her fighting
gear. Nabiki, who had gotten her first look at the fighting gear
that morning, was standing with her fingers twitching on the
camcorder. Shampoo, Ukyo, Akane, Cologne, and Nodoka all stood to
one side, waiting for the challenger to arrive.
"Ranma fight in detective coat? Shampoo not understand."
"Yeah, Ranchan, I don't get what's so special about that as a
fighting outfit. I'd think with your style it'd get in the way."
"I must admit, Ranma, I don't see the point myself, unless
you're trying to emulate Mousse."
Akane and Nodoka just nodded to each other.
Ranma was carefully in control. Although she was nowhere near
as erratic as she had been the day before, beneath the surface was
the potential to go nuts again.
Word gets around about fights. Many came, and many wondered
why Ranma was a girl at the time. Nabiki started selling approved
pamphlets explaining Ranma's training (Approved because they pointed
out that no, Ranma was NOT going on dates) at 500 yen each.
Since each had a picture of Ranma in her favorite miniskirt
and camisole top combo, they went fast.
Big Pocky arrived. And many girls stared. He was, as martial
artists so often are, a handsome type, dressed in a loose denim
jacket, jeans, boots, and his belt of snacks. His close-cropped
blond hair, piercing green eyes, and square jaw, added to an
impressive physique, made more than one girl sigh. (Other girls
sighed because Ranma was being a girl at the time and they'd really
rather watch Boy-type Ranma.)
He nodded to Ranma, who dropped her trenchcoat, and--
Gasps. Many gasps. Girls flushed and started to burn in
jealousy because they'd never wear THAT. Guys flushed and began to
drool. Big Pocky, who was expecting the ditz from yesterday just
stared, his jaw dropping. Shampoo, Ukyo, and Cologne stared in dull
shock. Genma almost had a heart attack. And Nabiki went for a
close-up pan.
Akane and Nodoka just sighed, but had to admit that Ranma's
leathers were effective.
[Author's note-- I here insert a description of the Fighting
Gear from Part two of these chronicles...
Leather it was. A black glossy gleaming leather shorts and
halter combo, with calf-high boots and a chain-link belt. And the
Mirrorshades. Can't forget the mirrorshades. Or the fingerless
elbow length gloves. Or the fishnet stockings. Even the choker.
Ranma was RADIATING "Bad Girl".
We now return you to your regularly scheduled fanfic.]
Ranma tossed her head, her now single ponytail tied back with
a strip of black leather, and approached with calculated arrogance
and sensuality. Big Pocky began to sweat.
(Keep in control. Soul of Ice. Don't get upset at the boys
staring at you, they're only boys, not men like YOU, Ranma, when you
aren't a woman, and anyway you're still more of a man than any of
those jerks.)
"So," she said throatily, "Wanna rumble?"
Big Pocky gulped and nodded.
Ranma went into a casual defensive stance.
Big Pocky grabbed a bag of chips from his belt, crushing it in
one had-- and it exploded, sending dust at Ranma. Ranma dodged,
only to find herself under a barrage of pretzel sticks.
(Ow-- those hurt! They aren't damaging, but they hurt!)
She went into the Chestnut Fist, blocking pretzels. And snarled
as a stream of jelly beans hit her.
This continued for a while. Although none of the assaults
seemed to do much damage, they kept her from getting in close enough
to get a blow in.
Big Pocky was trying to get a chance for his special attack,
the one that never failed... but the girl was too fast. If he could
slow her up for a moment-- aha!
Suddenly Ranma found herself assaulted by ice-cream cones, and
one managed to hit her in the face. As she reached for her
mirrorshades, to drop them and regain sight, she felt something
warm and stick bind her arms.
"What-- what is this stuff?"
"Aha! I have you now," Big Pocky said, advancing for the
knockout blow. "No one escapes the Special Cheeze Whiz Binding
Attack!"
(Cheeze Whiz? CHEEZE WHIZ?)
Somewhere in Ranma's brain two normally unrelated concepts
were still linked.
"CHEEZE WHIZ?!?!? YOU-- YOU PERVERT!!"
"Hey, what's perverted about-- YIKES!"
Ranma was glowing. Incandescent blue, a azure beacon of
feminine rage, masculine fury, and really really unbalanced hormones.
A beacon that was screaming "Cheeze Whiz", "Pervert", and something
about chickens. A beacon that was so angry her chi began to
literally burn the dairy-based weapon off.
Big Pocky backed up, apprehensive as all hell.
Ranma began to gather a sphere of chi in her hands. Gold--
but with black tiger-like streaks.
"Um... did I say something wrong, miss? I can buy you a drink
to make up for it..."
Big Pocky had just given himself a severe case of athlete's
gums.
"MOKOU TAKABISHA REVISED! TIGRESS'S RIGHTEOUS FURY!"
The sphere of gold and black chi shot forth, splitting into two.
They diverged, and then slammed into Big Pocky from both sides. The
master of lethal junk food went night-night.
The crowd gasped. Nabiki collected bets. Akane and Nodoka
congratulated Ranma, while trying to figure out where THAT technique
came from. Cologne stared at the unconscious challenger, while
wondering what it was about dairy products that had caused Ranma to
create an entirely new technique. Shampoo and Ukyo just gawked.
And the crowd decided that even if Ranma had decided to dress
like something out of Sailor Moon Sailor Stars, the old adage still
held true--
Ranma Saotome Doesn't Lose.
####
"I must say, Apprentice, I AM impressed. And such an Amazon
name for your new attack, too."
"Maybe. But somehow I get the feeling I can only do that one if
I'm a girl and really really angry. Hey, Shampoo, what's wrong?"
Shampoo sat and sulked. "Hibachan mean to Shampoo."
"I've already told you, great-granddaughter, you may NOT have
an outfit like Ranma's. It's fine for her, but not appropriate
for an Amazon."
"Ranma train to be Amazon. No fair."
"Japanese Amazon, Shampoo, and-- I'm not going to argue with you
about it." Cologne sighed. Children could be so tiresome,
especially teens.
"Hey, I think the outfit's cool! You look like something
from a videogame, Ranchan!"
"Thanks, Ucchan. It might seem weird, but I like it. I like
it's style. Hmm..."
"What?"
"I was just wondering what the male equivalent would be?"
Visions entered the various minds... mostly centering around
tight leather pants and an open vest exposing a flat manly chest...
Ranma never noticed three severe blushes as she returned to her
celebratory meal. Or Nabiki's expression as she contemplated
buying such an outfit for Ranma as a present-- and a photo
opportunity. Or Nodoka's resigned expression. Or Cologne's
hysterical grin. Or Kasumi's even more furious blush than the
Fiancee Front's, combined with a desperate "Oh My!" Or Genma's
sudden nervous twitch. Or Soun's sudden stiffening. Or...
####
End part Eight (
geocities.com/tokyo/teahouse) (
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