Obligatory Legal Disclaimer: The characters, situations and
just about everything else in this fanfiction are the property of
Rumiko Takahashi. If I even thought about trying to claim
otherwise, five thousand raging otaku would kidnap me and make me
watch Sailor Moon reruns for eternity. Anything you don't like is
mine, mine, all mine! Hahahaha!
References to Sailor Moon, Maison Ikkoku, Urusei Yatsura,
Project: A-ko, MythAdventures, The Princess Bride, The Hitchhiker's
Guide to the Galaxy, Star Wars, Jell-o, and any other references in
this fanfic are the property of their respective copyright owners.
Any use of them in this fanfic is not a challenge to their claims.
Special Thanks go to my pre-readers. Without them, this would
have taken a lot longer, and probably not have been as good as it
(hopefully) is now. I also wouldn't have gotten as many threats in
my mailbox over episode 18. Thanks, guys. You know who you are.
Kudos, praise, constructive criticism and large sums of cash
can be sent to me via email at dharper@golden.net; complaints,
flames, death threats and subpoenas, call 1-900-IAM-DUMB to speak
to our customer representative. $3.95 per minute, long distance
charges apply. Children under 18 need parental permission.
Children above 18 need serious psychiatric help.
WARNING: This fanfic is an extreme shift from previous
fanfics written by me, and reactions to it from pre-readers have
been diverse, to say the least. Although most people who have read
the entire story have loved it so far, it has the distinct
potential to depress readers, especially after episode 13 in the
storyline. I have tried to make the change from a funny and light-
hearted story to a darker exploration of relationships in the cast
of characters, but only been successful to a small degree. If you
only want to read a comedy, I recommend stopping at the end of
episode 8 or 10 and imagining your own ending to the series.
* * *
Ranma Ichibunnoni
Episode One
"Two's Company, Three's a Crowd."
* * *
"Leggo, ya old fool!" came the voice from outside the dojo.
"Oh!" cried Kasumi. "We have visitors!" Nabiki and her father ran
ahead enthusiastically while Kasumi and Akane lagged behind. Akane
wasn't enthused at the idea of her father's old friend and his son,
Ranma, coming back to marry one of them. Kasumi, for her part,
never hurried for anything short of an earthquake (1). Thus the
two of them were still in the hallway when their father and sister
came running and screaming back inside, followed closely by a huge
panda that was carrying a kicking, yelling teen on each shoulder.
The panda stopped in front of the foursome. Nabiki shot an
accusing glance at her father. "Daddy...*this* is your friend?"
she demanded.
Her father could only shake his head violently. "Nuh-uh-uh!"
Nabiki waxed sarcastic as she spoke up again. "So this panda
just happened to walk in with two screaming hostages, is that it?"
Her father just shook his head again mutely. Sometimes he could be
so...well, so like himself. There really wasn't a worse insult
that Nabiki could think of.
The panda seemed to make a decision and deposited the two
struggling teens on the floor unceremoniously. Now that they were
standing (more or less) on their own, the Tendos could see who they
were. Or, more appropriately, what they were.
The first was a boy, dressed in a Chinese-style shirt and
pants. He was muscular and strong, even handsome in a way, if you
liked that type. Which Akane didn't, and he was a bit young for
Kasumi's tastes. Nabiki was out of the question unless he was
financially independent, which was rather unlikely, judging from
the looks of his clothing. Still, he *was* cute. His hair was
tied back into a pig-tail, not exactly a common style either.
The girl next to him had long, black hair swept back behind
her, falling loosely past her shoulders. She was dressed in a
similar fashion to the boy next to her. The girl bore a strong
resemblance to him, and it was clear they were related somehow.
She was, by almost any definition of the word, pretty. Some--many,
perhaps--would say beautiful. Both teens were staring sullenly at
the floor, which did nothing to make a good impression on their
hosts, unless they happened to like young, sullen teenagers.
Thankfully, neither was dripping on the floor like the panda behind
them was doing, which would have only added to their first
impression--as bad as it was already. The panda was beginning to
smell though, as fur does when it gets soaked and starts drying
out. Akane remembered that it had been raining that morning, but
it had dried up long since. Perhaps fur stayed wet for a long
time. Akane vaguely wondered what she was doing worrying about
damp fur when an escaped zoo animal was in her home with two
unidentified trespassers who still had yet to show any signs of
understanding Japanese.
Mr. Tendo spoke up. "You...you wouldn't be..."
The boy looked up, a sullen expression written all over his
face. "I'm Ranma Saotome," he said. "Sorry about this."
The girl next to him looked up and crossed her arms over her
chest. "And I'm--"
Mr. Tendo grabbed Ranma into his arms, hugging him. "At
last!! Ranma!! Oh, it's so good of you to come!! So wonderful to
finally meet you!! We've been waiting so long!!" He started
crying tears of happiness. The girl who had spoken up just stood
there with her mouth open. She shut it angrily and glared at Mr.
Tendo. Mr. Tendo ignored her, still babbling about how happy he
was, how this was such a momentous occasion, and other nonsense
everyone just ignored (2).
The Tendo girls went back to their business. After all, they
knew better than anyone else how long their father could keep this
tirade up for, and the panda didn't seem to be a threat any more.
Nabiki started figuring out room plans, not to mention estimating
how much money these new guests had on them and how best to relieve
them of it quickly. Kasumi went to make tea for the visitors while
Akane went over to their only other human visitor. She placed her
hand on the girl's shoulder to get her attention. "Hi there. I'm
Akane. You want to be friends?" She smiled.
For the first time that day, the pretty raven-haired girl
smiled. "Su...sure. I'm Ranko Saotome," she stammered back. "Is
your father always like this?"
Akane shrugged. "Just about. You get used to it. Say, you
practice Kempo, right?"
Ranko shrugged, then nodded. "A little," she responded
hesitantly.
Akane beamed. "Well then, let's have a little match!"
Ranko stared at her for a second, then nodded. The two girls
walked over to the dojo, leaving Mr. Tendo to cry over Ranma, who
was beginning to show signs of asphyxiation. The panda shrugged
and walked into the kitchen, hoping for a little something to eat,
and perhaps a little hot water while he was at it.
(1) Which still put her ahead of the postal service.
(2) Which was too bad, because in between telling everybody how
happy he was (for the seventeenth time) and telling his dear,
departed wife how proud she would have been if she could see this
day (for the eleventh time), he solved the answer to life, the
universe, and everything (3), and then promptly forgot it.
(3) Which, as we all know, is forty-two.
* * *
Akane stood in defensive posture in her gi (1). She looked at
her opponent, the first real opponent she'd faced since her father
stopped fighting her (2). Her eyes narrowed and she punched
forward fiercely.
Ranko studied her opponent warily. She didn't *seem* like
much of a threat, but if living on the run had taught her anything,
it was to never underestimate an opponent. She easily sidestepped
Akane's punch, then held out an ankle to trip Akane on. The Tendo
girl slammed into the wall. Hard.
"HEY!" she yelled, angry. "What was *that* for?" Ranko
looked at her, puzzled. Akane had challenged her, hadn't she?
Admittedly, she was unclear why the youngest Tendo daughter wanted
to duel with her so soon, but she was never one to back down from
a challenge. She shrugged. If Akane wanted to be a poor loser,
let her. She went back into a defensive stance. Akane saw her
move and snarled at the girl.
"Fine, if *that's* the way you want to play it..." she gave a
kiai (3) and charged at the black-haired girl. Ranko smiled grimly
and let her instincts take over.
The fight didn't last very long.
(1) A gi is a practice outfit worn in many martial arts. It is
usually, but not always, a white top and pants that are worn
loosely, tied with a belt. The belt colour determines the rank of
the practitioner.
(2) He kept on crying when she beat him, so she stopped.
(3) A kiai is a yell used to focus the mind and body, usually for
a strike or blow. Kiaijutsu (the art of using kiai) is a part of
many martial arts, including most styles of Kempo.
* * *
Akane stormed downstairs with a limp. She was bruised and
battered and most definitely *not* in a very good mood. Stupid
amazon girl! Who did she think she was, anyway? Akane slammed
open the door to the bathroom and marched in. She needed to soak
some of these bruises before they got too painful. She walked into
the bathroom without thinking.
Ranma sat up in the tub as he thought (1). It was times like
this that he was glad he wasn't cursed like his father--or his
sister. Still, he often found water relaxing. And it was rare
that the travelling Saotomes got a chance to have a long, relaxing
bath. But still, it seemed awfully odd for the old man to offer
him the bath...almost like they wanted to get rid of him for a
while. He thought about that for a moment. Uh-oh. It sounded
*exactly* like they wanted to get rid of him for a while.
And come to think of it, Ranma wouldn't put that past his
father. Or this Tendo guy; he shivered as he thought of the Tendo
version of the 'neverending hug'. Man, if all the Tendos were as
weird as their father, he wasn't sure he wanted to stick around at
all!
Akane shucked off her clothing, steamed. That--that demon!
She still saw red when she thought of their 'little' match. No,
their *fight*, she corrected herself bitterly. And she had offered
to be friends with her! She scrubbed herself with the soap,
perhaps harder than she had to. Then she grabbed a towel and
opened the door to the bath.
Ranma shrugged. It wasn't like he had any place to go. They
couldn't return home--not any more. That still stung him, more
than he wanted to admit. Sometimes Ranma could just kick his
father. Well, a lot of the time, actually. Oh, well. Whatever
would be, would be. He decided it would be best to get a head
start on finding out *what* would be, though. He stood up,
dripping water, and was about to head towards the door when
something exceptional happened.
The door opened.
This might not have been so bad, in other circumstances. A
door opening is usually no cause for alarm, unless it opens by
itself with blood dripping from it and ghostly voices cursing you
to eternal damnation. Not that this was happening at this place
and time, or for that matter, at *any* place and time that Ranma
knew of. No, this was far worse.
Akane stood nude just beyond the open door, hidden only by a
towel that was too small for the task (2).
Ranma looked at her. His eyes widened. Then he looked down
at himself. Akane looked back at him. Her eyes widened, too.
Then she looked down at her own body. She calmly stepped back and
closed the door. Ranma blushed. What had that been about? He
walked over to the door and knocked. Ranma knocking was a bit odd,
considering that he was the one inside. But his life had been
filled with odd things recently and he was beginning to get used to
it. For Akane, it was her first taste. And she didn't like it.
Not one bit.
Akane was blushing a deep crimson, and not all of it was from
embarrassment. What was that pervert doing in there? It was her
house, after all! Sure, Ranma was a guest, but didn't he at least
have the decency to make sure others knew he was taking a bath?
Besides, this was the man one of her sisters was going to marry!
That thought sent new waves of emotion through her, and they
weren't waves of joy. Akane wasn't very happy at the idea of one
of the Tendo daughters marrying Ranma against their will. And even
less enthused at having Ranko--that horrible little hellcat--as her
sister-in-law.
For that matter, having just been beaten up by Ranma's sister
also made it much easier for her to get angry at him. A small part
of Akane's mind whispered to her that it was *her* fault for
walking in on him, after all. That just made her angrier. Akane
didn't like being wrong. She took her bathrobe and put it on.
She shivered in anger. She started to think about drowning
Ranma in the bathtub. Then something stopped her. He *was* a
guest. And she *had* walked in on him. With a monumental effort
of will, Akane took a deep breath, trying to calm down.
There was a knock on the inner door. Akane turned to it. She
blushed again. What could she possibly say to him? There was no
way she'd apologize! It was her house! But--she *had* walked in
on him. She fidgeted nervously. From nowhere, she heard girlish
laughter. Akane frowned. What was that? The door opened. Then
the outer door burst open and Ranko ran in, laughing and sticking
her tongue out behind her.
"Nyaaah! Can't catch meeeeeEEK!!" Ranko, still looking
behind her, ran into Akane. Akane fell forward. Ranma looked out
of the inner door, still naked.
"Um..." he started to say, until Akane landed in his arms,
sending them both falling into the bathtub with a splash.
"Oops," said Ranko belatedly.
"YOU PERVERT!! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!" Akane
screamed at him as she disentangled from the naked boy. Akane
reared back her hand and slapped him. Ranma put a hand to his
cheek.
Akane stormed out of the bath and into the change room,
slamming the door behind her. She filled the room with her battle
aura. It was like having a goddess of vengeance take on human
form. Ranko grinned sheepishly at her. "Um..." started Ranko.
Akane didn't wait to hear more. She grabbed the nearest heavy
object and threw it at the girl. "Um..." Ranko said again just
before the stool caught her in the head and she fell over
backwards.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN HERE!?" Akane screamed.
Ranko held up her hands to ward her off. "Uh--taking a bath?"
Ranko tried, from the floor. Akane threw another stool at her.
Ranko scuttled out of the way
"With Ranma in there!?" Akane yelled.
"Sure," replied Ranko as she ducked behind a towel rack,
confused. "Why not?"
Akane stared at her in disbelief. "You...you--OHH!! I DON'T
*BELIEVE* YOU!!" She prepared to kill Ranko. The inner door
opened again. Akane turned to see Ranma walk in again--still
naked. Of all of the nerve! As if what had already happened
wasn't bad enough, now *he* was walking in on her! While he was
still naked!
"Um..." Ranma began, trying to calm Akane. For his efforts he
got hit by a kitchen sink repeatedly. Vaguely, one part of him
wondered where she had gotten the sink from, since this was the
bathroom, not the kitchen. The rest of him was too busy trying to
avoid getting hit by it to worry about logic problems. "OW! Stop
that! *You're* the one who walked in on *me*!! OW!" he yelled at
the long-haired girl who was now brandishing a wastebasket. The
kitchen sink had broken on his hard head.
"Yeah, but it's *my* bathroom! And you didn't bother letting
anyone know you were in here!"
"Well, how was I supposed to do that?" challenged Ranma.
"The sign, you dope!" yelled Akane. Ranma stared at her
uncomprehendingly. "The 'occupied' sign!!" she yelled at him
incredulously.
Ranma blushed a bit sheepishly. Living on the road had a few
effects on your manners and social understanding like, say,
reducing it to a net sum of zero.
"Uh..." he tried again. Akane grabbed another stool--having
long since discarded the wastebasket as being too fragile for her
purposes--and prepared to attack again. He held up his hands to
ward it off, perhaps the first intelligent thing he'd done all day
(3).
"Wait! Wait! Can I have a towel before you kill me?" Akane
paused. Her face turned an ugly red as she threw a towel at him
before slamming the door shut again. Ranma wasn't sure whether to
be relieved or afraid.
Akane huffed angrily. She turned to Ranko, death in her eyes.
The Saotome girl wasn't there. Ranko had fled her wrath. Well,
she wouldn't get away with it. Not by a long shot. Akane snarled
in anger and cracked her knuckles.
A few seconds later, there was another, tentative knock.
Akane nearly boiled over. "NO! You can rot in there for all I
care!!" There was silence from the other side of the door. Akane
got dressed in a worse mood than before. She also noticed she was
still covered in soap and washed it off with cold water. Once or
twice she heard knocking again, but it subsided when she threw
something at the door. Especially after some of those things went
*through* the door. Akane could be very strong when she was angry.
(1) Note to readers: This is your cue to groan. Go ahead, have
a nice long groan here, sit back, and cover your face with your
hands. You all know what's going to happen next.
(2) Some people may be wondering why this is a worse fate than a
bloody, poltergeist-haunted door. These people have either never
met Akane Tendo, or they think this is a Lemon fanfic (4). It
isn't, and Akane was true to form.
(3) Making this a good day for him.
(4) Even in a Lemon, having Akane walk in on you nude is not
necessarily a good thing.
* * *
By the time Akane got back to the dining hall, the others were
calmly sitting around the table. The panda was conspicuously
absent, but there was a balding man in its place who hadn't been
there before. Perhaps he was the panda's owner? The others seemed
to be waiting for Akane's entrance for some reason. Akane looked
at the place where she normally sat and found Ranko sitting there.
She looked around the room angrily and realized the only spots left
were next to Ranko or Akane's father. She stalked over to her
father and sat down without a word. She was still furious, but she
wasn't about to start another fight. Now, anyway.
Ranko sheepishly smiled at her. Akane burned holes in Ranko
with her gaze. Nabiki spoke up with her usual tact and diplomacy.
"Wow, Akane. You're bruised all over. What happened, you get hit
by a truck or something? I know a good lawyer if you want to sue."
Akane turned her glare on Nabiki. Ranko sighed and opened her
mouth, but Akane beat her to it.
"This--this *demon* thought I challenged her to a duel to the
death and tried to kill me!!" Ranko sighed again. It wasn't like
that. Well, not *entirely* like that, she amended mentally.
Mr. Tendo smoothly stepped in. "Well now, Akane. I'm sure
the two of you will become good friends in time. Ha ha ha!" Akane
glared at him. He stopped laughing and swallowed nervously.
"Well, anyway, I'm glad you're back." He stopped, noticing
something missing. "Where's Ranma?"
Ranma walked into the room, still tying his belt. "I'm here,
Mr. Tendo." He carefully avoided looking at Akane as he sat in the
remaining spot, which was right in between Ranko and Akane. That
only made Akane's glare worse. But he forgot about that with Mr.
Tendo's next words.
"We've decided that Akane is going to marry Ranma."
"WHAT!?!" screamed Akane and Ranma simultaneously. It
appeared that Ranma, too, had been left out of this decision-making
process. Ranko's mouth dropped open in surprise. Mr. Saotome
continued. "We held a vote and it seems like Akane's the one for
you, boy! Hahaha--URK!" he said intelligently as Ranma's foot
became one with his face. Akane was standing and glaring at her
father.
"You want me to marry some guy I've never met!?" she yelled.
"Yeah!" argued Ranma. "And who'd want to marry a tomboy like
that, anyway?!"
"Who are you calling a tomboy, you pervert!"
Ranma glared at her. "Hey! YOU walked in on *me*, remember?"
"Yeah, but *you* were the one who didn't bother to put up the
sign!"
"Well, *you* should've knocked first!!" Genma and Soun
started laughing companionably.
"Ah, they're already a fine couple," joked Genma. At least,
Ranko *hoped* he was joking.
She stood up purposefully. "Hey, you two," she said softly,
putting an arm on both Akane's and Ranma's shoulders. "Don't
fight, 'kay?" Akane shrugged Ranko's arm off angrily, but Ranma
just looked at her with surprising tolerance.
Ranko turned to her father. "Pop, just how democratic was
this vote, anyway? I mean, Akane and Futago-kun (1) and I
obviously weren't in on it..."
Akane suddenly whirled on her with hate-filled eyes.
"Yes--and *you* kept me from being here for it!!" she yelled.
Ranko took a step backwards involuntarily. She put up her
hands in defence. "Hey now--you were the one who challenged me,
remem--"
"I did *not* challenge you! I asked you to spar!!"
"Same thing," Ranko said, looking around for escape routes in
case Akane became violent again. She knew she could handle Akane,
but the dojo might become a casualty if they fought indoors. And
she had to live here for a while, right?
"It is *not* the same thing!" Akane yelled back at her.
Ranko closed her eyes for a second, then did the intelligent
thing and ignored Akane completely, flustering Akane. Ranko turned
to Mr. Tendo.
"Mr. Tendo, what about what your daughter thinks? And Ranma?
Shouldn't he get a say in this?"
Ranma cheered his sister on. "Yeah, yeah! Way to go, Futago-
chan! (2)"
Kasumi smiled. "Oh, my! I didn't know you two were twins.
You certainly do look alike, though." Ranma looked at her as if
she had just said 'Oh my, the weather is nice, isn't it?' in the
middle of World War Three (3).
Akane resumed yelling at him. "Why are you siding with
*her*?"
Ranma was taken aback. "What, you want I should side with
*you*?"
Ranko felt a headache coming on. She quickly spoke up before
the two could make things any worse. "I mean, what about time to
talk to each girl, and see which one he likes best, before he gets
engaged to her?" she asked hopefully.
Ranma felt betrayed. "HEY! Whose side are you on?" he
demanded.
Ranko turned back to Ranma. "Look, Ranma-kun, I'm just trying
to make the best out of a bad situation..."
Akane stepped in between the two. "You call that *helping*?
Now you're making me sound like a side of meat!!"
"Well, you *are*!" said Ranma, arguably not his brightest
idea. "Just like a cow, but a cow would have a better figure!"
laughed Ranma. In retrospect, he would have to remember never to
mention cows again around Akane. Ever. Akane grabbed the table
that Soun and Genma were using to celebrate on and slammed it over
his head. Hard. Ranko managed to slip away in time, knowing what
damage her brother's loose tongue could do. Genma looked at his
unconscious son.
"Now *that* he had coming," he said. Nobody contradicted him.
(1) 'Futago' = twin. '-kun' is added to the end of a name when it
refers to a brother or other beloved male. I think it can also
mean 'a hunk'. The complimentary term to '-kun' is '-chan' (see
next point).
(2) '-chan' is a suffix used when speaking to younger females,
especially little sisters and loved ones, but which also means
'cute'. (Remember P-Chan?) It is often used by young girls, up to
and including college girls, to describe cute things and special
people.
(3) Then again, perhaps she had, in a way.
* * *
Akane poured water over herself. She was just going to put
tonight's incidents out of her mind, that was what she was going to
do. Really. There was no need to think about that pig-headed,
stupid idiot she was doomed to marry or his demonic sister. Jerks,
both of them. She scrubbed herself with soap. This time, she
knocked on the door first. Nobody answered, which was good. Akane
was in the sort of mood where she might maul one of their guests,
should they have happened to be stupid or unlucky enough to be
inside. She opened the door and went into the bath.
Ranko shook her head at her brother, who was lying on a mat,
unconscious. Ranma had taken worse than this, and he'd been fine,
no problems. Healing fast seemed to be a Saotome trait. No, it
wasn't the injury that worried her. But this engagement thing...
well, that was something else entirely. She shrugged. Once pop
had his mind set on something, he was next to impossible to move.
She'd just have to weather it. If only her mother were there...but
that wasn't possible. Not any more. She hoped Ranma could weather
it, too, but she wasn't sure. And that was what worried her.
Kasumi walked up to her. She looked up at the older girl
questioningly. "Why hello there. I'm Kasumi," said Kasumi with a
sweet smile. Ranko wondered how she could smile, seeing all that
had happened that evening. Then again, being in a house like this
probably gave you some immunity to chaos or something like that.
Or maybe it was just Kasumi (1).
"Uhh, hi, I'm Ranko," she responded wittily.
"Would you like to take a bath?" asked Kasumi. Ranko
shuddered at the thought. She had taken a rapid distaste for
water, ever since...well, some things were better left unsaid.
"Uh, no thanks," she stammered. Kasumi still smiled, but she
pressed fresh towels on Ranko.
"You've been practising, haven't you? Here, go have a bath."
Ranko smiled weakly back at her and went downstairs obediently.
Somehow, arguing with Kasumi wasn't even an option. Kasumi was
just *too* nice. You couldn't argue with her without feeling like
you were kicking a puppy.
Kasumi walked over to Nabiki. "Nabiki? Ranko and Akane are
having their bath now. Would you like to have one as well?"
Nabiki tried to save money where she could, especially because it
was usually her who ended up paying the heating bills for the dojo.
But she shook her head this time.
"No thanks, oneesan (2). I think I'll pass, at least until
Akane cools off a little." Kasumi just smiled and went back into
the kitchen. Nabiki silently admired the politeness and bravery of
the girl bathing with Akane. It was akin to dining with a lion,
when you were the main course. Zero points for survival value,
intelligence and empathy, but ten out of ten for heroism.
Inside, Akane was just finishing up. That dummy! Who did he
think he was, calling her a cow? And that sister of his! Akane
wasn't sure she could stand having the two of them in the dojo for
long. Then she remembered that if her father's wishes were carried
out, she'd be seeing the two of them for a *long* time. As in the
rest of her life. Somehow the bath didn't seem so nice any more.
Akane decided to get out early.
Ranko scraped away at herself with the soap, but she carefully
avoided the pail of cold water nearby. Instead, she looked forward
to a nice, relaxing, *hot* bath. She opened the door.
And stood face to face with Akane. A dripping wet, nude
Akane. Who was slowly turning a rather unhealthy shade of purple
as her eyes narrowed dangerously. The nerve of that girl! To walk
in without even asking, without even knocking first, as if she took
Akane's acceptance to bathe with her as a given! After she'd
already barged into Akane's bath this afternoon! How dare she!?
Ranko gave her a nervous smile. "Uh...heh...oh, hi, Akane..."
"WHY...YOU...!! "
The rest of the house heard Akane's scream of rage.
(1) It was just Kasumi.
(2) 'Oneesan' = big sister. It can also be used when talking to
any older female, and is a term of respect. It can be used when
talking to your own family or when talking about someone else's
family. When mentioning an older sister to others, a more polite
term is 'ane'.
* * *
Ranma looked at his father. Genma was celebrating the joining
of their families with Soun. No help there. Nabiki was ignoring
them both, and Kasumi was offering tea. Just great. Ranma just
slumped in his seat. Some fiancee. But it wasn't like he had
anywhere else to go. He sighed.
"Buck up, son!" said Genma cheerily. "So she's got spunk!
That just makes a fiancee cuter!"
Ranma looked at his father with distaste. "Cute is *not* the
word."
Ranko sat down next to them, a freshly-made red hand print
across her cheek. "So what does that make her to me, pop?" she
demanded.
Genma gamely rallied to his daughter's rhetorical question.
"Why, your sister, of course!"
"WHAT!?" demanded both Saotome children at once. They
proceeded to mutually kick their father into the pond (1).
Akane glared at the Saotomes before turning away just in time
to miss seeing Genma turn into a panda. Nabiki spoke up. "Look,
you're both girls. You see girls naked all the time in school or
the baths. That makes it okay, right?" Akane just glared at her.
Why did Nabiki always have to miss the point? She wasn't angry
because Ranko had seen her naked. Well, okay, so she was, a
little. But that wasn't the point. Not at all.
She could have said all this and more. But Akane wasn't in a
talkative mood. She glared up at her sister. "Okay is *not* the
word."
The sun set over the Tendo dojo. Another day had come and
gone in Nerima.
(1) With Ranko and Ranma, this had become something of an art
form. A sport, perhaps.
End of Episode One
Author's Note: Ranma Ichibunnoni literally means "Ranma 2/1".
It's a pun on the real name of the series (Ranma Nibunnoichi, or
Ranma 1/2) and also a pun on Japanese; 2/1 is a meaningless term.
You can just as easily say 'ni', or 2, instead. And why would you
want to make it more complicated than you have to?
It's easy enough to make sense of the words. 'Ichi' = 1, 'Ni'
= 2, and 'Bun' is a mathematical term meaning 'over' when applied
to fractions. It might be easier to think of it as meaning 'under'
though, for us english-speakers, because Japanese grammar is what
we would call backwards. Actually, from what little I've been
told, it's a SOV structure (subject-object-verb) as opposed to our
SVO structure. 'No' is a grammatical term that doesn't translate
into english, but can be used to mean 'the' or 'of' most often.
'Sanbun no ichi' ('san' = 3) would become "three under one" or
1/3. 'Nibun no san' would mean "two under three" or 3/2. So
'Ichibun no ni' would become "one under two", or perhaps "two over
one". There's a point to that that I'm trying to make in this
story, and if the word doesn't actually exist in Japanese, then
maybe it should. I'd like to think it can mean something besides
just 'two'--if you read it in the right frame of mind.
Think about it. And if one person reading this now can tell
me what I meant by that at the end of the series, I'll know I
haven't done this for nothing.
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