(Scene: Scott's apartment, which for once is actually decorated
a bit for Christmas. Akane is attempting to knit something (soft
sculpture? hard to tell) while Shampoo is writing furiously, tongue
tucked in one corner of her mouth.)
Shampoo: How you spell "matrimonial"?
Akane: M-a-t-r-i-m-o-n-i-a-l, I think. But that's not going to work.
Shampoo: Hah! Shampoo not know why she not think of this plan sooner!
(Scott and Ranma enter, bearing several bags (mostly from grocery
stores) and go into the kitchen. Scott comes back out.)
Scott: Whatcha writing, Shampoo?
Shampoo: Letter! We no have Christmas in Amazon village, so Shampoo not
get gifts from Santa all this time. So Shampoo send him letter, saying she
will forget all gifts he owe her, if Santa help Shampoo get Ranma for
Christmas!
(Scott considers telling her there's no Santa Claus, then
remembers who he's talking to and where she came from...)
Scott: Shampoo, Christmas isn't about how much or what you get.
Presents aren't even the main point of Christmas.
Shampoo & Ranma (together): They aren't?!
Scott: You should sit down for this. The "Real Meaning of Christmas"
speech takes a while. Now, many years ago in the city of Bethlehem...
(Scott tells the Christmas Story. Most of our readers should
know it by heart, even if they never celebrate Christmas...)
Scott: ..."For God so loved the world, He gave His only begotten son,
that whosoever believeth in Him shall not perish, but have eternal
life." And that's the real meaning of Christmas.
Shampoo: Okay! But Shampoo confused. Where Santa come in?
Scott: That's another long story.
Akane: And one that will have to wait. It's time for another chapter of
"Twilight Existence."
Shampoo: Shampoo not remember that one.
Ranma: Well, in this one, the Jyuusenkyo springs change minds as well as
bodies, so my female side is pretty much a whole other person who calls
herself "Ranko."
Akane: Things have progressed pretty much as before, although Ryouga now
turns into a boy named Shinnosuke instead of P-chan.
Shampoo: Shampoo marry Ranma in this one?
Ranma: Actually, Ranko didn't fight you in this world, so you aren't
hunting her down. I doubt it.
Shampoo: How come Shampoo never get marry Ranma?
Scott: There was "Deep Reflections".
Shampoo: How come Shampoo never marry Ranma in happy stories?
Scott, Ranma and Akane: *sigh*
TWILIGHT EXISTENCE
by Scott K. Jamison
(Takahashi Disclaimer)
Chapter Six
[That was *Ryouga*?] wrote Ranma in our diary. [I remember some
guy jumping by while I got a stone out of my shoe. I guess he was
shouting something; I wasn't paying attention. If I'd've known it was
Ryouga, I would've gone to see what happened to him.
[Pops is still changing the subject whenever I ask about Mom. I
think him turning into a panda one time was actually deliberate! You try
asking him. But I got a funny feeling maybe we don't wanna know.]
I inscribed the details of my own day (mine tended to be less
eventful than Ranma's, so it was a short entry.) It was still several
hours till supper, and Father had given me a small allowance, so I
decided to get some snacks. It was cool out, so I put Ranma's jacket on,
and a Mao hat.
Unfair though it may be, cuteness definitely has its advantages.
For example, when I stopped by the sweet bun shop, all I had to do was
turn on the cute and the counterman said, "You're such a sweet little
girl! Here, have another bun--for free!"
"Oooo! Golly! Thank you so much!" My appetite is just as big
as Ranma's, in proportion to my size. Extra food is something not to be
passed up. But "cute" doesn't work on everyone. Pity, that.
As I walked down the street, I heard shouting from an empty lot,
so I rounded the wall to see what was up. (I share an unhealthy
curiousity with my brother.) Three figures in gym sweats, their heads
wrapped in bandages, surrounded a girl in a school uniform I didn't
recognize. She had a ponytail tied to one side, and was carrying a gym
bag. Even though the others were carrying clubs, she carried herself as
if she were the one in charge of the situation.
"We're finishing you off here and now!" shouted one of the
bandaged figures. "Prepare to die!!"
The ponytailed girl didn't hesitate. She drew a gymnastics
ribbon from her gym bag as she dropped it, and unwound the ribbon with a
snap.
"Forgive me, please, if I've failed to convey my message!!" she
said, as she whipped the ribbon about, knocking her opponents off their
feet. "If I may restate it...perhaps this...or this...or *this* will be
clearer!" She was repeatedly lashing them with the ribbon, actually
cutting their clothing, and possibly the skin beneath. Even though her
voice was smooth, I could see bloodloust in her eyes and cruelty in her
smile. I had to stop this somehow.
The next time the ribbon was on the backswing I snagged it. The
ponytailed girl wasn't at all thrown off balance, though she was
obviously surprised.
"Don't you think that's enough?" I asked. "I mean, you've
already won, right?" I was hoping she could accept her victory and move
on.
"You caught that ribbon as if it were nothing." she replied. "If
you'll forgive me, you seem to be no ordinary girl."
"Uh, yes...I guess you could say that!" I was a long way from
ordinary, indeed.
"Good...because I prefer not to treat girls--" she flipped her
foot and brought one of the discarded clubs to her hand, "--with ordinary
courtesy!!" She lunged at me with the club. I ducked and rolled out of
the way. She did a very nice somersault, and we came up facing each
other. I tried to look more brave than I felt.
She gave me a crooked smile. "Well. You are very good! Heh."
She produced a flower from her sleeve and tossed it to me. "Remember.
I'm called the Black Rose of Hebereke Girl's School. Kodachi...the Black
Rose. Please don't forget it." Then she bounded off, laughing like a
madwoman.
"Miss Kodachi, you forgot your...gym bag." But she was already
out of sight.
The bandaged people started weeping. "Oh, how humiliating!"
"Hey, what's with the crying? You attacked her, remember?
Besides, I thought boys didn't cry."
"We're not boys!" one said as they ripped off the bandages hiding
their faces. "We're the Furinkan rhythmic gymnastics team!" They were
really beat-up looking, but still recognizable as girls from my class.
And from the look of it, they'd been beaten up *before* they attacked
Kodachi.
"Say, you're Ranko Saotome, aren't you?" asked one, Hiroko. "You
live with Akane Tendou?"
"That's right."
"We'll have to go to Plan B then. Could you take us to the Dojo,
please?"
I dropped off Kodachi's gym bag at the nearest police box and we
proceeded to the Tendou home.
I fetched some tea while Kasumi found Akane. Then the girls
explained their problem.
"Every member of the team...injured?!" Akane asked.
"We were ambushed!" replied Hiroko.
"Now we'll have to withdraw from the match!" put in another
girl.
"Then...you want me to take your place?" Akane looked puzzled.
"Please, Akane! There's nothing else we can do!" pleaded
Hiroko. "You see, this next match...is Martial Rhythmic Gymnastics!"
"What's that?" I asked.
"Simply put, the schools' champions fight with the techniques of
rhythmic gymnastics!"
"Fight? Girls beating each other up with ribbons and clubs?
That sounds awful!"
Hiroko shrugged. "It's a relatively new wrinkle. Truth to tell,
most of us aren't very good at fighting. Even if we weren't so injured,
we probably couldn't have beat Hebereke in next week's match. But
this..this *cheating* is just too much!"
"I'm still not sure I get it..." said Akane, "but all right! I
will avenge you!"
"Ohhh, thank you, Akane!" They clutched her hands as though
there were no tomorrow.
After dinner, Akane and I went out to the training hall. She had
put on her gi, and was looking at the equipment the gymnasts had left
behind.
"I shouldn't have agreed so quickly. I don't even know how to
use these things. Maybe you should be doing this, Ranko. You're pretty
acrobatic."
"You know I don't like violence. You'll do fine, Akane."
"Excuse me." came a male voice from the doorway.
"Ryouga?"
"Shinnosuke, actually." Ryouga's other half smiled as he came
in. "Good to see you folks again. Would you believe Ryouga doesn't have
his own address written down anywhere?"
"Sounds about right. I'm afraid I don't know where he lives
either. You, Ranko?"
"No, but Ranma knows where he used to live. You can ask him
later."
"Thanks. What's up with you girls?"
I explained the circumstances as Akane warmed up. She took a
club in each hand, leapt into the air, twirled the clubs...and dropped
them.
"Is that supposed to happen?" asked Shinnosuke. Akane flushed
red.
"Very funny. Let's try the ribbon." It quickly became obvious
she didn't know how to use that either.
"Are you supposed to get tangled up?"
"Shh!" I warned. I could see Akane's frustration rising.
Next, Akane tried the hoop. Unfortunately, she didn't quite
clear the hoop as she somersaulted through it, and it snapped.
Shinnosuke was about to say something, but I put my hand over his mouth.
"That does it!" snarled Akane as she stamped her foot.
Shinnosuke took my hand off his mouth. "I remember seeing some
notes on rhythmic gymnastics in my backpack. Maybe Ryouga knows
something about it. I'll go check." He left the hall.
Akane's attempt to use the ball was equally disastrous. She
burst into tears. "I'm a klutz! I'm a klutz! I'm a klutz!"
"Don't worry, Akane. With some practice, your natural grace will
come through."
"I can instruct you." came a voice from the door. It was
Ryouga. I could tell now by his bearing. Much more self-assured than
Shinnosuke, almost arrogant.
"Ryouga...?" asked Akane, just to make sure.
"Yes. According to this note," he held up a piece of paper, "you
need some training in martial rhythmic gymnastics."
"You know that stuff?" I asked. "Where'd you learn it?"
"The same place I learned my other weapons skills...and no, I do
not care to say where that was. Observe. The ribbon." He picked up the
long strip of cloth, untangled it, and then spin-snapped it at me. The
ribbon struck four times right next to me. If I'd flinched, I could have
been hurt.
"That was amazing, but you should be more careful of Ranko." said
Akane.
"Gosh." Ryouga blushed while making the ribbon hover. I
suspected he still harbored some resentment towards me.
After a couple of hours, Ryouga called a halt.
"That's enough special drilling for today." I thought so too.
He'd been using me as the demonstration target. Never quite connecting,
but coming way too close.
Panting heavily, Akane said "Thank you...so much."
"You handled the ribbon very well. You're making very quick
progress."
"Do you really think so, Ryouga?"
In fact, she'd tangled herself up again. I held my tongue,
though. Akane was still dangerously frustrated.
I untangled her, and Akane went to take a bath to soothe her sore
muscles while I made tea for Ryouga. I decided I'd change out of my
leotard when it was my turn for the bath.
"Ryouga, do you still have a problem with me?" I asked. "If you
do, I'd like to get it out in the open so we can talk about it."
"Oh, I don't have a problem with you, but there is something I
need to discuss with Ran--" as he tossed his tea in my face and I blacked
out.
I came to at the side of the school again, running. I looked
behind to see the groundskeeper had been using a hose to water the
flowers. He didn't seem to have noticed my change, probably because he
was too busy chewing out Kunou, who'd tripped over the hose. The
swordsman apologized, then approached me.
"Ah, fair Ranko Saotome. I see that once again your brother has
departed on one of his mysterious errands. Someday I shall learn how he
manages to vanish in the twinkling of an eye, and always when I am just
about to triumph."
"Good afternoon, Upperclassman."
"Odd. It occurs to me that I have never seen you two together.
Then again, I don't believe most of the students here had seen me with my
own sister before this morning."
"Your...sister?"
"Did not your brother inform you?"
"I haven't had a chance to re--er, talk to him yet."
"It has come to my attention that my sister Kodachi has taken a
fancy to Ranma Saotome." Kodachi was Kunou's sister? Come to think of
it, there was a family resemblance. "Thus it is that this upcoming match
shall decide if she or Akane is to be Ranma's love."
"Whaat?!" I couldn't believe Akane had agreed to such a stupid
thing.
"It is quite likely, I fear, that the lovely Akane Tendou will
lose this battle, but it will be to her gain. For in losing her unwanted
attachment to your brother, she will again be free to express her true
affection for myself."
"Upperclassman Kunou, are you by any chance on heavy
medication?"
"Why, no, my health is quite fine, but I thank you for your
concern, my pigtailed goddess. Ah, the bell rings. 'Tis to class we
must now wend our weary way. Till we meet again, Ranko."
I hurriedly checked the diary. No entries since the last time
I'd read it. I used the next period to update my portion. Fortunately,
I wasn't caught. Akane later attributed this to the teacher knowing I
took lots of notes and assuming I was just more enthusiastic than usual.
Between periods, I searched for hot water, which is harder to
find than you might think since I couldn't openly use the washrooms or
the showers. Finally, I managed to cadge some from the teachers'
lounge. Too bad Ranma ended up late for his next class.
I was finally able to read Ranma's reply the next day.
[Woke up feeling kinda confined, and with Ryouga sniggering at
me. He said I didn't deserve Akane cause I was only half a man. Told
him I was enough man to pound him. He pointed out I was wearing a girl's
leotard. Said he'd be happy to show Akane what a real man was like.
[Got angry, started chasing him. All over the house, including
into Akane's bedroom. Turns out we interrupted Kodachi ambushing her,
though didn't know it at the time. Ended up on roof fighting the jerk,
though too tight clothing made it uncomfortable. Sorry 'bout you
leotard, will get you a new one.
[We accidentally knocked someone off roof. I went to catch. Was
Kodachi, as she later introduced herself. She came on to me, gave me
roses with some kind of paralysis gas on them. Tried kissing me but
Akane chased her off. Not sure where Ryouga went.
[Akane covered me with jacket, but it blew off. Awfully cold on
roof, couldn't move for a couple of hours.
[Told Akane about gas this morning, not sure if she believed me.
At school, met Kodachi again. Still coming on to me. Told her I already
have fiancee. Akane's useful after all. She challenged Akane for
privilege of relationship with me. Nice to be wanted, but Kodachi's
obviously nuts.
[Worse, she's Kunou's sister. He's all in favor of me dating
her, which makes me *really* worried about the girl.]
Akane's comment was, "No way am I losing to her! Black Rose,
watch out!"
To Be Continued....
Next time, a pivotal match!
Happy Boxing Day!
(Previously: In an alternate world where the Jyuusenkyo springs
change the mind as well as the body of their victims, Ranma's female form
is a separate personality calling herself Ranko. Ryouga fell into (as
far as we know) Spring of Drowned Boy and his alternate self is called
Shinnosuke. Akane has been asked to represent Furinkan High in a martial
rhythmic gymnastics match against the champion of Hebereke Girls' School,
Kodachi Kunou, the Black Rose. Kodachi apparently believes in
preemptive defense, and has already attacked Akane in her bedroom, as
well as taking a fancy to Ranma. The day of the match approaches...)
TWILIGHT EXISTENCE
by Scott K. Jamison
(Takahashi disclaimer)
Part Seven
People sometimes ask me, "Don't you kind of resent Ranma?" The
answer, obviously, is yes. Who wouldn't resent someone who by their very
existence robs them of any chance at a normal life, to whom they lose
hours, days, sometimes even precious weeks? And Ranma resents me just as
much.
That said, there really isn't much point in holding a grudge.
Sure, we could play nasty, horrible tricks on each other, but revenge on
yourself is a game you just can't win. So we cooperate instead, until a
cure can be found one way or the other. Not that we don't get each other
in trouble by accident...
Ryouga disappeared a couple of days into Akane's training, but
she'd managed to get the basics down by then. Ranma and I alternated as
targets, and by two nights before the match, she'd gotten quite good with
the rhythmic gymnastics equipment.
I won the coin toss, so I woke up early Sunday morning in the
bathroom. I dressed in skirt/blouse combo #8, reminding myself to save
up money for some new clothes. I checked the diary.
[Akane's doing much better. Never thought she'd improve this
much. Maybe she's not a klutz at all. Finally met Shinnosuke when he
came back last night. Seems like a nice fellow. He threw a bandana at a
ball Akane was about to trip over and got it out of the way. We thanked
him, but no interference is allowed during matches, so had to start
over. Noticed Akane still favoring ankle she hurt earlier, recommended
she tape both, one for support, other to confuse issue. Don't want to
give Kodachi too obvious a target. Wish her luck from me!]
I went down to breakfast. Akane seemed a little distracted. She
started eating her napkin by mistake!
We arrived at Hebereke Girls' School by noon, the match to start
at one o'clock in Gymnasium Two. Kodachi greeted us near our dressing
room.
"Ranko here will be acting as my second." explained Akane, now
fully alert. For some reason, all the other girls on the gymnastics team
had been unable to attend.
"So, the pigtail girl." Kodachi's eyes flashed recognition. "We
have met before, have we not?"
"Yes. I'm Ranma's sister, by the way."
"How...interesting." She held out a hand to Akane. "May the
best girl win."
Akane caught her by the wrist. "Hold it." She twisted Kodachi's
hand palm up, to reveal what was concealed there.
"My, my. How did these tacks get between my fingers?" Akane
looked decidedly unconvinced by Kodachi's innocent act. We went into the
dressing room.
"Wow." stated Akane. "If you let your guard down for a second...
Hm?"
I was looking as a bouquet of black roses on the table. A card
with them said [Good Luck from the Black Rose.] Akane held her breath,
took a flower from the bouquet and dunked it into the aquarium also on
the table. Almost instantly, the fish inside became sluggish.
"Sleeping potion."
"Say, Akane, isn't an aquarium a pretty unusual fixture for a
dressing room?"
"Come to think of it, you're right! I think I get it. When she
attacked me in my bedroom, Kodachi said something about `fighting in all
fairness.' She has a pretty twisted idea of what's fair, but if you can
figure out the rules she's playing by...hmm."
At one, we entered the auditorium.
"And now...the champions of the schools!" There was a lot of
cheering. It was definitely a home crowd, the few "Akane" signs
outmatched by the huge "Kodachi" banners. Nervertheless, there were
Furinkan students there, including Kunou in a ringside seat. He and
Kodachi exchanged brief words; I couldn't hear them over the crowd.
Several of the Hebereke girls were staring longingly at the handsome
upperclassmen. Too bad he seemed interested only in girls who didn't
want him.
The announcer spoke again. "In this corner, from Hebereke Girls'
School, Kodachiiii Kunouuu!" There were deafening cheers. She wore a
leotard with black rose embroidery, clearly custom-made.
"And in this corner, from Furinkan High School...Akaane
Tendouuu!" Akane smiled and waved as the Furinkan students applauded. I
noticed none of the other Hebereke gymnasts seemed to be present either.
Very odd.
Kunou shouted "Do not allow yourself to be too badly injured,
Akane Tendou! I will soothe your hurts with my tender kisses!"
"Yeah, right." grumbled Akane, then she concentrated on Kodachi.
"Champions to the center!" shouted the referee. "Now...shake
hands."
Kodachi suddenly gasped and pointed to one side. "Look! Over
there!" Akane looked, as did the referee and myself. When we looked
back, somehow a chain with a weight at the end had gotten attached to
Akane's arm.
"Carelessness is your enemy." smirked Kodachi.
At that moment, Shinnosuke walked up. "Sorry I'm late. Ryouga
managed to get us here, but got splashed, and I wasn't sure where the
match was."
The bell rang, and the match began.
As the contestants circled each other, the ringside announcer
explained the rules. "No time limit, no bare-handed blows. The match
ends when one contestant is knocked completely down, and if either
contestant falls from the ring she will be an immediate loser!"
Akane didn't seem much bothered by the chain as she launched her
first attack. But Kodachi's tricks included rigged equipment. Her rope
was actually a disguised rod, and her clubs had retractable spikes! I
appealed to the referee, but she was in Kodachi's pocket and pretended
not to notice anything wrong. Even Kunou seemed displeased by his
sister's tactics.
"I do all this that I may date Ranma!" declaimed Kodachi. "Oh,
how inspiring the lengths to which I'll go!"
"There's no chance he'll go out with you!" snarled Akane as she
slammed the weight into Kodachi's face.
"Yeah! And I don't like you either!" I shouted.
"And what is it to you, pigtail girl?" asked Kodachi as she
pushed Akane back with her spiked club.
"I happen to be very close to my brother, and we both think
you're nuts!"
"You dreadful girl! You--you--you--you--" Suddenly she realized
Akane had gotten away. Kodachi called for a hoop. It proved to have a
razor edge. Akane barely managed to knock it away with the chain.
I threw Akane a couple more clubs and she twirled them like
nunchaku.
"Heh. How laughable!" taunted Kodachi. "Now witness the secret
technique of the Black Rose! The Blow of a Thousand Hands! At full
frenzy!" Her hands blurred, and it looked like she was attacking with a
dozen clubs at once. I blinked, and realized she was!
I tossed a ball to Akane, who used it to knock the clubs out of
the air and Kodachi's hands. I winced when I saw that at least some of
the blows had gotten through. The Furinkan students booed this display
of foul play.
"This is only the beginning!" assured Kodachi. "The essence of
Martial Rhythmic Gymnastics is control of an endless arsenal of
weapons!" Not for the first time, I wondered what lunatic had thought
this sport up to begin with.
Taking a corner post, Kodachi snagged the round bell with her
ribbon. Akane barely managed to block it with the chain weight. I don't
think Kodachi realized how strong Akane was, or she would have used a
heavier handicap. Next it was a chair, so Akane countered by using her
own ribbon to snag a table.
Kodachi countered the table by pulling her own brother into the
ring! He naturally smashed the furniture with his bokken rather than be
hit, then was propelled right back out (and none too gently!) The
referee and judges didn't hestitate to declare this tactic valid.
I felt a hand on my shoulder. It was Father, carrying a steaming
kettle and tea cups.
"Father! Be careful with that! Remember what I'm wearing!"
"Oh. Right. I'll just be over here then..." He sat down a
small distance away and poured himself some tea.
I turned my attention back to the fight. Kodachi and Akane were
exchanging ribbon attacks, and Akane was definitely getting the worst of
it. But she was gritting her teeth and refusing to give ground. "A
battle for the ages!" the announcer called it.
Then Kodachi spotted the teakettle and snatched it with her
ribbon. "Even a cockroach will surrender in the face of the attack of
the boiling water!"
Akane dodged most of the stream of water Kodachi poured out, but
I could hear her gasp as some touched her skin. It was definitely hot!
Kodachi laughed.
Akane jumproped the chain again in an aerial attack. But Kodachi
tossed the kettle into the air, slicing it in half with her ribbon. Hot
water went flying everywhere...including on me. I think I heard
Shinnosuke say "uh-oh" just before I blacked out.
I woke up with a spray of cold water coming into my nostrils. I
stepped back and found I was in a shower room, still fully clothed in
what I'd been wearing before, and standing next to Father's panda form.
By careful timing, I was able to turn on the hot water, turn off
the cold water and get out the shower entrance before I got hit with
another blackout. Father walked out a moment later. We were both
sopping wet and miserable-looking.
"I'm sorry, Ranko. I should have known this would happen
eventually."
"It's all right, Father. How were you to know Kodachi would do
that?"
"Time for another training trip! I hear Korea is nice this time
of year."
"Huh?" Then I realized what he was talking about. "You want us
to run away?"
"Think of it as a tactical withdrawal. We can't stay here now
that your secret is out." He produced a backpack from seemingly nowhere.
"Why not? Okay, it's going to be rough now that people know what
I do. But I'm not going to run away until I see whether I can hack it."
I moved to the door.
"No, Ranko! You don't underst--" and I was out in the hallway.
We were still at Hebereke, and students were pouring out of the gym,
talking excitedly. I pushed my way through the crowd back into the
auditorium. It was almost empty.
Kodachi had apparently already left. Akane was lying on the
floor near the ring, being looked at by a Hebereke student wearing a
"medic" armband. A few students, including Kunou, were hovering around
them and not being terribly helpful. Other Hebereke students on
janitorial duty were cleaning the aisles.
Akane looked really beat up. There were bandages on at least a
dozen places, there was a red scald mark on her thigh, one cheek was
swollen and discolored, and her leotard was barely holding together. But
she was smiling.
"I won, Ranko! I beat her!"
"um...yeah. Good work, Akane!"
Kunou laid a hand on my shoulder. "Ranko Saotome. It seems that
Akane Tendou has succeeded in defending her attachment to your brother--"
"I wasn't fighting for *Ranma*!" protested Akane.
"--despite the fact that he is now known to be a crossdresser."
"Huh?" I asked. Hadn't he realized what was going on?
"At last it is clear how the wretched Ranma Saotome has so often
eluded me. By some signal he arranges for you to meet him, you exchange
clothing, and he slips away in feminine guise."
"That's not--"
"I admire your loyalty to your brother, lovely pigtailed girl,
but we all saw him wearing your garments, and the conclusion is quite
obvious. Ranma is a pervert."
"But--"
"Do not fear, Ranko, for despite your brother's bizarre habits, I
would still date with thee! Your innocent charms have quite mazed my
evergreen heart and--"
"Hoohoohahohoo!" Kodachi was back in school uniform, her head
bandaged. "Congratulations, Akane Tendou. You are the only woman ever
to defeat the Black Rose. Too bad your prize is a booby."
"Come again?"
"I should have realized it from his odd attire on the rooftop,
but I was so starved for male companionship I ignored it. But now I
realize that Ranma Saotome is unmanly, and no fit match for me! However,
he should do quite nicely for you. Hahoohohoo!" She bounded off.
"My sister." said Kunou. "Truly a twisted individual. Now,
where was I?"
"About to be reminded that I don't have permission to date boys
yet." I replied. I helped Akane to the dressing room, where we struggled
to put her uniform on.
"They didn't see it?" I asked.
"I guess everyone was watching the fight, so they didn't notice
anything wrong until Ryouga started laughing at Ranma and teasing him.
When Kodachi saw him in your dress, she was so shocked, she completely
dropped her guard!
"So I clubbed her upside the head. I feel a little dirty,
attacking from behind like that, but like she said, `Carelessness is your
enemy.'" She winced as she slipped into a shoe. "About the only part
that doesn't hurt right now is my ankles. Let's stop by Dr. Tofu's place
on the way home."
Ryouga had apparently gotten lost, but Father turned up again and
carried Akane on his back. He seemed worried, even though we explained
that no one seemed to understand the true connection...
To Be Continued...
Next time, the Golden Pair! But less dialogue stolen directly
from Viz, praise Tezuka!
(Previously: In this alternate world, the Jyuusenkyo springs
alter minds as well as bodies, thus Ranma's female form is essentially a
separate personality who calls herself Ranko. Last time, Akane fought
Kodachi, Black Rose of Hebereke Girls' School. She won, just barely, but
at the cost of Ranma appearing before a large crowd in Ranko's
clothing.)
TWILIGHT EXISTENCE
by Scott K. Jamison
(Takahashi disclaimer)
Chapter Eight
Understandably, Ranma was less than thrilled with the rumors
going around at school about him. Akane told me he was acting even more
macho than usual in an effort to dispel any "unmanly" impressions.
Either it worked, or fear of being pounded stilled tongues, as by
the end of the week, the only person who still brought up cross-dressing
was Kunou.
My week was rather frustrating as well, as I kept trying to ask
Father about Mother. He deflected or ignored all my attempts, and
refused to talk about Ranma's life before they went on the road.
"That knowledge would only bring you sorrow, Ranko. It is best
you do not ask." Of course, this pronouncement only made me more curious
about the woman who was so important to me, yet I had never met.
Akane was healing nicely, and asked Father to show her some new
moves. "I only won that fight by luck. Next time I want to win with
skill." She admitted to me, but asked me not to tell Ranma, that she
didn't want him to think of her as a liability.
We went shopping Saturday afternoon, as my outfit had pretty much
been ruined during the fight with Kodachi. Akane said we'd go skating
afterwards.
Akane tried to show me the differences in style and color that
made one outfit fashionable and another awful, but my taste still ran
towards the garish and overfrilly. So it was a struggle to find things I
liked she wouldn't veto.
As we headed towards the ice skating rink, we ran into Ryouga.
He put on a big fanged smile when he saw us.
"Hello, Akane, Ranko. What are you doing in Hiroshima?"
"This is Tokyo, Ryouga. Oh, you have the wrong map!" Akane
gently indicated which was the proper one from the maps sticking out of
his pack.
"Thank you. That reminds me, I have something for you." Ryouga
dug into his pack and pulled out a stuffed animal. It was a little black
pig he'd tied one of his bandanas around. "To commemorate your victory."
"That's so sweet! Thanks a lot, Ryouga. We're going ice
skating. Would you like to come with us?"
He blushed a bit. "I-I'm afraid I can't. Places to go, you
know. See ya!" He ran off before we could stop him.
"Shyer than you would think, eh Ranko? Hmm, I think I'll call it
`P-chan'." She gave it a hug, then put it in her shopping basket.
"Um, Akane, you do realize he's being nice to you just to get
back at Ranma, right?"
She smiled. "I don't think it's *just* to get back at Ranma.
And since my fiance is about as romantic as a rock, maybe this will give
him a much-needed hint."
"Did I hear you right? You just voluntarily called Ranma your
fiance?"
"Well, he is, at least as long as our fathers have anything to
say about it. And I can see some good in him, when he lets his guard
down a bit. I don't think I'll be ready to get married to anyone for a
long time, if ever. But we should at least work on getting along."
"That would be nice." Unspoken was the other major obstacle to
the engagement. Me. As long as I was around, Ranma would only have a
half-life, and vice-versa. We were trapped in a twilight existence, not
quite here nor yet there. Could we really subject Akane--or anyone
else--to a half-marriage?
I tried to put glum thoughts aside as we entered the arena. I
rented a pair of skates, and Akane already had her own. It soon became
abundantly clear that I couldn't skate, but Akane could, quite well.
After a couple of minutes coaching, she got me at least able to stand up
in the darn things, then went to talk with some of her friends.
While I struggled to keep my balance, I didn't notice someone
skating up to me.
"May I be of assistance?" It was a tall, tousle-haired fellow in
a white "formal wear" skating costume. He had handsome features and a
sparkling smile.
"Um, yeah, I could use a little h--" I admitted, as he swept me
up in his arms.
"All right then, put your left foot down, good, now push with
your right foot, no, a little to the side, no, a *little* to the side,
now the same with the feet reversed, that's it..." He held me very
close, which was comforting and frightening at the same time.
We went three times round the rink, and I began to sense my
balance adjusting to the skates.
"I think I'm all right now. I'll try it on my own. Um, you can
let go."
"But my dear girl, no Mikado Sanzenin skating lesson is complete
without the crowning touch!"
"Wh--*mfml!*" He took me all the way into his arms and gave me a
big kiss right on the lips! My first kiss, and it was someone I didn't
even know. From the gossip of the other girls, I'd thought a first kiss
would be incredibly romantic and passionate. But instead it just felt
odd, and a little mechanical, as if he'd practiced this a little too
often.
"Leggo!" I said, pushing him away. He skated off looking smug.
"Another satisfied customer." he was saying.
"Don't let it get to you, honey." said an older girl. "He pulls
that stunt on all the cute beginners. Sanzenin has some kind of neurotic
need to kiss girls. Heck, with his looks, most girls volunteer. A
couple even go back for seconds. Fools." She sighed, and skated off.
Akane caught up with me, and we skated for a bit longer. I was
still no great shakes at it, but I wasn't falling nearly as much at the
end.
Afterwards, we got a snack in the attached cafe. (Extra-cushiony
seats on the chairs, good planning.) Akane got P-chan out of her bag to
look at on the table.
"You look like a pretty good skater, Akane."
"Thank you. My mother taught me when I was little. I was really
clumsy at first, and I almost gave up, but Mom kept encouraging me, and
eventually I got the hang of it." Her smile was a little sad. Akane
didn't talk about her mother much, but I knew she missed her.
Suddenly, there was a high-pitched squeal. "Charlotte!" An arm
darted in and grabbed the stuffed pig. "Charlotte come to Mommy!"
It was a wavy-haired girl in a skating costume so cutesy I felt
jealous. She was bouncing up and down, holding P-chan above her head and
giggling.
"Give that back!" said Akane. She reached for the toy, but the
other girl bounced out of the way.
"Mine! Azusa's darling Charlotte!"
Then it was plucked from her fingers. It was the boy from the
rink, Sanzenin.
"I must apologize for my partner--"
"Gimme back Azusa's Charlotte!" the girl shrieked, pounding him
with her tiny fists.
"--but she has the unfortunate habit of naming any cute thing she
sees and making it hers." Azusa had grabbed a tray from a passing waiter
and was bashing her partner over the head with it. He seemed used to the
sensation.
"Um, thank you--"
"The only thanks I could want is your sweet lips meeting mine."
He bent towards Akane, who stiff-armed him.
"--but I'm not *that* grateful." She grabbed her piglet back,
and we left.
We met up with her friends outside.
"You turned down a kiss from Mikado Sanzenin?!" wondered Ritsu.
"He's so dreamy!"
"How many times do I have to tell you, I hate boys."
"Oh, riight."
"Besides," I put in, "he isn't really all that good a kisser."
At least I hoped so. It would be really sad if it didn't get any better
than that.
"Major slam! At least he has his Martial Pairs Skating to fall
back on."
"Martial Pairs Skating?" Akane seemed as surprised as I was.
"Couples fight on an ice skating rink. Mikado and his partner
Azusa Shiratori are the Golden Pair, champions of Kolkhoz High. You mean
you've never heard of them?"
"I only skate for fun, and I've never had a partner, so I don't
pay attention to team events."
For some reason, Ranma took that stolen kiss a lot more seriously
than I did.
[How *dare* he!] I'm gonna find this Sanzenin jerk and pound his
face into hamburger!]
Fortunately, I was able to read that before he actually caught up
with Mikado. I quickly scribbled, [Don't, Ranma! It isn't that big a
deal. Besides, he does Martial Pairs Skating, so if you challenge him,
he'll choose that form of combat. First, unless there's something you've
been holding back, you don't skate any better than I do, which makes you
a liability on the ice. Second, it's a team event, and you don't have a
partner. You'd have to learn to work with someone, probably Akane.]
I think it hurt Ranma's pride a little, but he admitted I was
right, at least about the skating part. So he took every afternoon for a
week to practice skating with Akane (which really ate into our monetary
and time budget, but he said he'd make it up to me later.) Then another
week of practicing combination maneuvers with Akane, which made her feel
good, even though they were clumsy together at first.
"I think we were almost going to kiss for real last night," Akane
confided. "We were so close and talking so seriously! But then it turned
out the whole family was listening in, and we got so embarrassed we
started fighting again." I was secretly a little glad they hadn't
kissed. I wasn't sure I wanted them to get along *that* well!
Then they finally went out and challenged the Golden Pair. The
skaters had forgotten all about Akane and me by then, but after Mikado
tried to kiss Akane again, and Azusa tried to steal Ranma's pigtail (she
named it "Bearnaise") there was enough fresh animosity to make a match
inevitable.
I am given to understand the match itself was quite spectacular
(there's a wonderful writeup in the Kolkhoz High school paper for that
week) but since I wasn't there, I'll just quote a bit of what Akane told
me about it.
"Then they got us in something called the Couple Cleaver, where
they whirled us around real fast. The idea was to make Ranma let go of
me to save himself, but he wouldn't let go! Finally, Azusa lost her grip
and both Ranma and I were flung away! Ranma tumbled us in midair so he
took all the damage from hitting the wall. How are you feeling, by the
way?"
"I hurt all over. He must have shocked *everything*." I replied.
"I begged him to stay down, but Ranma insisted on continuing,
especially after Mikado started bragging how he was going to take me away
again.
"Ranma and I went towards them, and when he told me what he
wanted to do, I thought he was crazy at first. But I went along, and we
were right back in the Couple Cleaver. But this time Ranma tricked them,
and it was the Golden Pair who went flying! After they hit the wall,
they were easy pickings, and we won."
Akane smiled again. "You know, I think just maybe Ranma actually
loves me!"
To Be Continued
Next Time: "What's *she* doing here?!"
(Scene: Scott's apartment living room. The computer is on
(remember, this is the alternate world of "Sauce" where Scott *has* a
computer) and Scott is busily typing a message. Ranma stalks in from the
kitchen.)
Ranma: Scott, what *is* it with you? "Worst Case Scenario", "But That
Way Lies", "Half a Conversation"?! Do you have any idea how emotionally
traumatic it is to be the star of that kind of thing?
Scott: No. But you liked "Fulfillment", didn't you?
Ranma: Well, yeah. Looks like Kunou is getting everything that's coming
to him. (grins)
(Akane storms in.)
Akane: Scott you jerk! How could you kill my sister!
Scott: Calm down, Akane. It was only a possible future you know.
Ranma: And when are you going to finish "Worse"? I really don't like
cliffhangers.
Scott (indicating computer): I was just talking to Blade about that.
Blade (via words on monitor screen): Hi guys.
Ranma: It's been two whole months! Maybe you need a little incentive.
Tell you what, if you don't get cracking on Worse right now, Akane and me
will fetch a bucket of variant Nyannichaun from "But that Way Lies..."
Scott: You wouldn't!
Ranma: Oh, wouldn't I? Gosunkugi really needs a girlfriend.
Blade: *snicker*
Scott: Besides, it's not my fault! I'm still waiting for the fight
choreography from Blade!
Blade: Hey, I've been busy. Besides, why should I care what fem-boy
there does to you?
Ranma (clearly irritated): We know where you live too. And Tsubasa
could use a new girlfriend himself.
Blade: *gulp* Hey, no way! Tsubasa would *never* give up on Ucchan!
Ranma: As dumb as you write him? We'll just tell you and him that you
*are* Ukyou under a curse.
Blade: Okay, okay, I'm working on it right now, satisfied?
Ranma: For the moment. Meantime, I see it's time for another chapter of
"Twilight Existence". The one I'm not in.
Blade: I haven't seen that one yet.
Akane: Well, it's an alternate world where the Jyuusenkyo Springs change
minds as well as bodies, so Ranma's female form is a whole other person
called Ranko.
Ranma: And Ryouga turns into a nearly identical boy named Shinnosuke.
Last time, Akane and I soundly defeated the Golden Pair after that Mikado
creep forced a kiss on Ranko.
Blade: What about Ucchan?
Ranma: She ain't shown up yet. But someone else is about to...
TWILIGHT EXISTENCE
by Scott K. Jamison
(Takahashi disclaimer)
Chapter Nine
I woke up in the toilet, feeling nauseous. There was a smell of
vomit in the air, and I was in Ranma's clothes. Someone was pounding at the
door.
"You done yet, Ranma?" came Ryouga's (or maybe Shinnosuke's)
voice. "You're not the only one with problems, ya know."
I rinsed out my mouth, still tasting something awful, and called,
"Coming!"
As soon as I opened the door, Ryouga (or Shinnosuke) rushed in,
muttering "good idea" as he passed me. I heard retching sounds as I
closed the door behind me.
The rest of the family was looking at me worriedly. I smiled
weakly and waved to show I was all right. Then I noticed Akane was
missing.
It was in the first week of the "make-up time" Ranma had promised
me when he needed to practice ice skating. But Akane had begged me to
let Ranma stay awake this evening, as she had a surprise planned. I was
beginning to suspect something had gone seriously wrong with the
"surprise."
The family looked at each other nervously. Obviously, none of
them wanted to be the one that broke the news.
Finally, Kasumi admitted, "Akane cooked dinner tonight."
That came as a bit of a surprise. Akane had never once indicated
an interest in cooking since I'd met her. In fact, she'd been the one to
show me you didn't necessarily have to be "Little Miss Homemaker" to be
feminine. But then, she might well have been holding back because Kasumi
was so fond of cooking, and didn't want to cut in on her big sister.
"Is there any left?" I asked.
"All you can eat." assured Nabiki, with that deadpan expression
that meant trouble ahead. She had a nasty habit of not lying, but not
quite giving you all the truth either.
I looked at the table. I didn't recognize any of the dishes, but
Akane certainly had gone all out for quantity. I picked up some
chopsticks and took a portion of the meat dish. It looked all right if
unidentifiable, but the scent seemed a little off. I noticed no one else
was breathing.
I took a bite--and spat it out. It tasted awful! Somehow Akane
had found the world's worst combination of spices and herbs. Plus the
meat was charcoal on one side and raw on the other, and I could swear
she'd used vinegar rather than white wine. But no one would do that,
right?
She had to have done better on the rest of it. I decided to try
what looked to be some form of fried rice, but Father caught my wrist.
"No, Ranko, you've punished yourself enough."
"It's...all like that?"
Kasumi nodded. Mr. Tendou burst into tears. "My poor baby
girl!"
"I gotta admit," said Nabiki, "Ranma and Ryouga are pretty gutsy
guys. The rest of us knew to quit after a couple of bites, but they just
kept gulping down mouthful after mouthful. Kept glaring at each other
too. Looked more like a competition than a meal."
A voice came from the bathroom. "Ryouga you jerk, I don't know
what you've done to us, but I'm gonna *kill* you for this!"
"Ah, Shin-chan has joined us." Nabiki went to talk to him while
I climbed the stairs.
I knocked on Akane's door, making the duck nameplate sway
slightly.
"Go away!"
"Akane, it's me, Ranko. Can I come in and talk?"
She opened the door. Akane's eyes were all red and puffy from
crying. I hated seeing her like this.
"Oh, Ranko, what am I going to do? I can't cook and Ranma's
going to hate me for trying to poison him and I'm never going to make a
good wife!" She started crying again, and I led her back to her bed.
"Um, Akane, since when do you care about being a `good wife'?"
Admittedly, not the most tactful thing I could have said, but I was
honestly curious.
"Ranma always teases me about being unfeminine, so I thought I'd
show him that just because I like to be active doesn't mean I can't do
girl things too. I don't want to be a wife right now, but I do want to
have a family some day, and what good will I be if I can't even cook for
them?"
"You know perfectly well Ranma doesn't mean half the insults he
uses. Besides, cooking isn't the be-all and end-all of a marriage. At
least I sure hope it's not."
"But you and Kasumi make it look so easy! All my stuff turned
out horrible."
"Akane, have you ever cooked before?"
"No, but I've watched Kasumi plenty of times."
"Did you get her to help you tonight?"
"Of course not! This was supposed to be *my* big surprise for
Ranma."
"Did you taste the food while you were cooking it?"
"Well, um...no. I was so busy, there was no time to taste."
"Akane, I didn't start cooking my first day by making a whole big
dinner all by myself. And if you ask her, I'm pretty sure Kasumi will
say the same. We both started with simple things, being guided by
somebody else who already knew how to cook.
"It's not that you're a bad cook, it's that you're not a good
cook *yet*. Remember when you told me about ice skating? It's like
that. It takes time and practice."
She'd pretty much stopped crying. "But won't Ranma be mad at
me?"
"Maybe he will, but Nabiki tells me both he and Ryouga really
tried hard to finish their meals, so I think he understands some of how
you feel."
"So I should ask Kasumi or you for help next time?"
"It couldn't hurt."
Downstairs, Shinnosuke was utterly failing to get Nabiki's "Mr.
Elephant" jokes. Naming him after a manga character was probably not the
brightest thing I've ever done either. But I assured myself almost
anything was better than "Daremo".
"Hi, Shinnosuke."
"Hiya, Ranko!"
"You ever manage to get home?"
"Sure. Unfortunately, Ryouga's parents have the same problem
with wandering off he does. Place was deserted, maybe for months. Best
we could do was leave notes and get some laundry done."
"The way you said that, it sounds like you don't have the
tendency to get lost Ryouga does."
"Well, not as bad, I guess. I'm usually lost when I wake up, but
if I cover the distance from one place to another, I can find my way
back. Say, how are you and Ranma getting along?"
"Okay, I guess. As well as can be expected. Though waking me up
so he didn't have to deal with the aftertaste of Akane's cooking was a
dirty trick."
"Yeah. Ryouga 'n' me, we're not getting along well at all. He
doesn't want to give me my fair share of time, and he's dead set against
us going back to school." Shinnosuke looked a bit glum.
"School?"
"Yeah, he hasn't been in school since he left to chase down
Ranma. Ryouga says we don't need an education, but I think he just
doesn't want the embarrassment of having to be dragged to the school
every morning."
"Why don't you stay here for a while? I can show you where
Furinkan High is, and maybe they can arrange some sort of extension
classes or something for you two."
"Sounds good to me, Ranko. So, what's happened since I saw you
last?"
I told him about the Golden Pair and how Ranma had challenged
Mikado over the skater's stealing a kiss from me.
"That's pretty...amazing. But that kiss shouldn't count as your
first. Kisses only count if you both want to do them."
"You really think so?"
He blushed. Suddenly I was glad Nabiki had wandered off. "Well,
sure."
I looked at Shinnosuke. He was kind of cute, and we had a lot in
common. And I was feeling jealous of Ranma because he at least had the
beginnings of a relationship.
"Would you like to kiss me?" I asked.
Shinnosuke's eyes went wide. He hesitated for a long time.
"What's the matter?"
"I-it's not that I don't think you're pretty, Ranko, and you mean
a lot to me. You were the first person who cared enough about me to find
out what was wrong, the one who helped me understand what had happened to
me. But...I'm not sure I'm ready to be more than friends."
"Friends can kiss." I told him.
"Okay." He smiled and leaned towards me.
I brought my face near his and closed my eyes.
I was *not* expecting a sharp pain in my ear and being dragged
from the room. When Father released me, I turned angrily on him.
"What did you do *that* for?!"
"What the hell were you thinking of boy? No son of mine--"
"I AM NOT YOUR SON!" I screamed.
His fist was a millimeter from crashing into my face when he was
stopped by a calm but chilly voice.
"Mister Saotome. Think." I had no idea Kasumi could sound
so...so commanding.
Father looked at me, then at his fist, then at Kasumi's disapproving
face. He lowered his arm and his gaze.
Kasumi smiled again and the world seemed to grow brighter.
"Ranko, I--I am sorry. I forgot the implications of your change,
and saw only Ranma. My son, about to kiss another boy. But you know I
haven't given you permission to date." Trying to change the subject, as
always uncomfortable with apology.
"A little kiss isn't dating. Besides, I think I've learned
enough about boys and how to handle them to start dating now. I won't
learn any more unless I have some practical experience."
"Not quite yet, please, Ranko? You may be ready, but I'm not.
Besides, Ranma hasn't really been on a real date with Akane yet himself.
Come to think of it..." He drifted off, musing on whatever he thought
about when he started to scheme.
Back in the living room, I apologized to Shinnosuke, but we
decided that kissing was out for tonight anyways.
The next afternoon, Akane and I were met at the door by an
excited and happy Mr. Tendou.
"Good news! Our dojo will have a distinguished visitor next
week!"
"Really, Daddy? Who?"
"See for yourself, Akane!" He thrust a newspaper in her face.
After we got it spread out a bit, we saw the headline, "Princess
to Visit Japan." Apparently, this Chinese princess wanted to find a
strong husband, and was visiting several dojos in Japan to see if there
were any suitable warriors here. It didn't mention the princess' name or
where exactly in China she was from. Come to think of it, hadn't the
Communists gotten rid of all the old nobility?
"Our dojo has been chosen to be the one to host her while she's
in Tokyo, a signal honor. I'm sure you'll do your best to make our
visitors happy, my daughter!"
"Um, but do you know anything about her, Uncle Tendou?" I asked.
"There's a picture on page 23, Ranko. She seems to be quite
pretty!"
We opened the paper to the appropriate page, and sure enough
there was a picture of a beautiful girl in formal Chinese robes and a lot
of jewelry. Somehow she seemed familiar to me. I put my hand over her
dress and hair, and concentrated on the face. Then it came to me.
"Shampoo!"
TO BE CONTINUED...
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