WORST CASE SCENARIO
by Scott K. Jamison
(Takahashi disclaimer)
"The bath is hot, Akane."
"Thanks, Nabiki."
Akane smiled to herself. A nice hot bath would feel good after a
long and confusing day. Imagine her father coming up with an arranged
engagement out of nowhere! She'd been so angry about the thought of
being forced to marry some stranger because of a promise she hadn't even
been consulted on. She'd been prepared to hate any boy who came through
that door, just on general principle.
"Kunou you jerk!" That fathead had decreed only boys who could
beat her in a fight could date her, and the idiots had actually bought
into it! So boys either attacked her or avoided her entirely, and
neither of these courses endeared them to her. Why, oh why weren't any
boys her age like Dr. Tofu? Kind and gentle and considerate but with
enough backbone to stand up to bullies like Kunou; too bad he was too old
and in love with her sister.
Akane walked into the changing room. She saw Ranma's clothes in
the basket. Ranma had been a big surprise to everyone. Never in a
million years would she have guessed that "he" would be a cute girl with
a pet panda. Nabiki had seemed the most disappointed. Her middle sister
might actually have been looking forward to the possibility of an
arranged marriage.
And this girl knew kempo! She'd seemed so shy and unsure of
herself, but Ranma had evaded all of Akane's attacks with ease and
counted coup with style. "Mr. Saotome may have misled Father about the
sex of his child, but he obviously trained his daughter well." Akane
looked forward to working with her new friend, maybe learning some of her
techniques.
"A lot better bargain than I'd hoped for, all round."
Akane opened the door to the tub area. She'd caught Ranma just
as she was rising from the hot water. Akane idly noted that the
pigtailed girl was better endowed than she was. "Hi Ranma!"
To Akane's surprise, Ranma turned bright red and turned her
back.
`"I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" What? She sounded almost as if...
"Ranma, it's okay. Haven't you ever taken a bath with another
girl?"
Ranma visibly flinched.
"Ranma, what's wrong?"
She didn't turn around. "Akane, I shoulda told you this earlier,
but I didn't know how. You're probably going to kill me for this,
but--but--" Her voice broke off.
Akane didn't know what to think. What could be so awful her new
friend couldn't bring herself to say it? How would Kasumi handle this?
She moved to comfort the smaller girl, but Ranma shied away.
"Akane, I-I'm not a girl."
"Ranma, don't be silly! I have eyes, you know. You're
*definitely* a girl."
Ranma spun around in the tub. Her eyes were red. "I am *not* a
girl! I'm a man! A *man*!" Her legs seemed to fold under her, and she
slid back into the water. "I *have* to be a man!"
Her frame began to rack itself with sobs, and this time Ranma did
not move away when Akane embraced her.
* * *
The family gathered around the table. Akane had managed to calm
Ranma down and get her dressed again. The pigtailed girl looked grim,
and the panda beside her almost looked guilty. Father looked ashen, and
he'd been crying too. Nabiki had resumed her poker face, and even Kasumi
didn't seem cheerful.
Ranma cleared her throat. "Let me introduce us. I am Ranma
Saotome, age 16, and this," pointing to the panda, "is my father Genma."
The panda gave a slight bow, and Akane noted that her sisters
looked as shocked as she felt. Was Ranma completely delusional?
Father spoke. "Yes, my daughters, it is true. These are indeed
my old friend Saotome and his son."
"I thought we went through this before, Dad. That is *not* a
son." snapped Nabiki, prodding Ranma's chest again for emphasis.
"Do that one more time, and honor or not, I'll break your
finger." Ranma snarled. Nabiki really *had* been pushing it, Akane
decided.
"Perhaps there's a reasonable explanation?"
"There's an explanation all right, but it ain't reasonable."
Ranma took a deep breath and glared at the panda. "Me and Pops here went
to China on a training trip, visited a few schools, tried some funky new
techniques. But he can't read Chinese, so when he came across this book
mentioning a place called Jyuusenkyo, the only parts he saw were "Martial
Arts" and "Training Grounds". And like a dummy, I went right along with
him.
"So, we arrive and there's a local guide we run into.
Unfortunately, his Japanese was none too good, and we were both anxious
to get started training. It looked kinda dangerous, sure, bamboo poles
sticking up out of natural springs, so you had to keep your balance or
get wet, but I'd seen worse, I thought. So we jumped right up without
even listening to the guide yelling about some kind of legend.
"We sparred for a bit, then I got in a good shot and landed Pops
in a pool. The water churned, and suddenly this giant panda leaps out
onto a pole. *Then* the guide manages to get out that anyone who falls
into one of these Cursed Springs turns into whatever drowned there
centuries ago. Pops fell into Spring of Drowned Panda, so..."
The panda sighed and held up a sign. [I thought it was a good
idea at the time.] Akane boggled. It could write?
"Pops didn't quite catch on to what had happened and came
charging right back at me. I was still trying to grasp what the guide
had said, and he caught me off guard. I wound up in Spring of Drowned
Girl. You can see what it did to me." She pointed to herself.
"That seems a bit extreme, even for martial arts training." said
Kasumi. Nabiki sat silent, Akane could almost see the wheels turning in
her head.
"Extreme is a nice way to put it. And it's all your fault,
Pops!" Ranma started pounding the panda. It fought back, not as an
animal would, but like another martial artist. So it was true then.
Ranma really was a boy.
"Wait a minute," said Nabiki, "so you're stuck like that?"
Ranma paused, though she kept up her guard. "Yep. Guide told us
the change is permanent, no known cure. I even asked about maybe finding
another spring that would make me at least male again. There is a Spring
of Drowned Man, but once you've been cursed, none of the other springs
will work on you." She kicked the panda in the head, it fell down and
they both returned to the table.
Father frowned, lost in thought. Suddenly, his face brightened.
"Then all is not lost! The engagement still can hold!"
"How do you figure that, Mr. Tendou? I may be a guy inside, but
I don't exactly have the equipment to be a husband anymore." Ranma
sounded almost as if she'd been told she was going to die. Akane felt very
sorry for her.
"Why, all we have to do is go to this Jyuusenkyo place, find the
Man spring, and one of my daughters will jump in! That way, it'll still
be husband and wife, and I've always wanted a son!" Father beamed as
though all creation had been put right.
Akane was shocked speechless. Surely Father wasn't intending...
Nabiki looked positively ill. Finally, Kasumi spoke for all of them.
"Father, dear, you *are* an idiot, aren't you?"
THE END
WORST CASE SCENARIO
by Scott K. Jamison
(Takahashi disclaimer)
Part II
Father looked as though he were about to burst into tears again.
"Kasumi! Nabiki, Akane! Won't one of you please just consider your
father's request?"
Nabiki found her tongue first. "I like me the way I am, Dad.
I'm not going to turn myself into a freak of nature just to marry someone
I only met today."
"Father, I hate *boys*, not men. I don't think I could
handle...that." put in Akane.
"Can you imagine me as a man?" Akane couldn't. A male Kasumi just
seemed beyond the bounds of belief.
Father did start crying.
Ranma stood up. "I knew it was a mistake coming here. We've
only brought trouble to this house. C'mon, Pops, let's go. Sorry, Mr.
Tendou."
No, Ranma, don't go!" Where'd *that* come from, wondered Akane.
Wasn't she the one who hadn't wanted the girl...boy...whatever to come in
the first place?
"I'm sorry, Akane, but--"
"I think what Akane means," said Kasumi, "is that just because
the letter of our fathers' promise can't be fulfilled, doesn't mean that
we can't honor its spirit. Maybe a marriage isn't in the cards, but you
can be part of our family as long as you need to be. Our home is your
home, Ranma."
[Me, too?] asked the panda.
"Of course, Mr. Saotome."
Ranma looked stunned. "I-I don't know what to say."
"How about `thank you'?" suggested Nabiki acidly.
"Thank you, Kasumi!" Father was nodding his head. "Thank you,
Mr. Tendou, for taking us in. And thank you, Akane, for...everything."
Kasumi cleared her throat. "Oh, and thank you too, Nabiki."
"You are *so* welcome."
"Akane, Nabiki, why don't you help me in the kitchen while the
menfolk catch up on old times?"
"But--"
"Please?" Akane caught on. She'd always meant to learn to cook,
but somehow had never found the time. Couldn't be that hard. And Nabiki
was completely undomestic. Her idea of "preparing dinner" was opening a
bag of chips. So if Kasumi wanted them in the kitchen, it wasn't to make
supper.
Father hauled out the shogi board, and he and Genma began to
play, while Ranma tried to look interested.
In the kitchen, Nabiki grabbed an apple. "So what's up?"
Kasumi busied her hands with the rice cooker. "We all have to
help Father, now that Ranma and Mr. Saotome have come to stay."
"Well, I wasn't the one who invited her to be part of the
family." pointed out Nabiki.
"Him, Nabiki. Ranma is physically female, but mentally male, and
we should treat him as such. We can start by using male pronouns for
Ranma, even to each other and people outside. It'll seem strange, but it
looks like being as masculine as possible is important to him."
"I'd say that's a definite yes." Akane remembered Ranma's words
in the bathroom, "I *have* to be a man!"
"I don't think Ranma fully understands yet how attractive he is,
or how far some boys will go when they like a girl. Akane, I want you to
look out for him at school until he's used to the kind of attention he'll
get."
"You can count on me!" She was all too familiar with unwelcome
advances by boys.
"And now that we'll have two more people living in the house,
we'll need to rearrange the budget."
"I was thinking maybe we could sell them to the circus as
`Ran-chan and her Amazing Trick Panda'. Make a pretty penny."
"Nabiki!"
"I'm sorry Ranma didn't turn out to be the rich, handsome
bachelor of your dreams, Nabiki. I'm disappointed too." She was?
Didn't Kasumi *know* how much Dr. Tofu liked her? "But they're much
likelier to contribute to the family income if you find something that
doesn't make them feel humiliated."
The middle sister sighed. "I'll see what I can come up with."
"And I'll concentrate on trying to ease Ranma into the
concessions he'll have to make to his new body. None of his old outfits
will fit properly now, but I have a feeling he's not ready for skirts,
even on a school uniform. So I'll need to come up with a compromise
wardrobe."
While she'd been talking, Kasumi had kept working, and a late
supper was already on its way.
Akane went back out to the living room, where the fathers were
just finishing up their shogi game. The panda pulled out a sign that
read [U.F.O.!] and pointed skyward. While Father was looking up, Genma
rearranged the pieces.
"How does your father do that?" she asked Ranma.
"Brazenly. Oh, you mean the thing with the signs? I dunno. He
started pulling them out of thin air a few days after we changed. I
tried doing it, but nothing happened, and no other weird powers yet.
Maybe it was a magic panda."
They talked of inconsequential things for a while, primarily the
rainy weather Nerima had been having lately. After a quiet supper,
Kasumi showed the Saotomes to their room, and Akane took a last review of
her homework. She was distracted by thoughts of Ranma, and thoughts of
how she, no, *he* was going to change things around the Dojo.
Monday morning dawned deceptively bright, as scattered rain
showers were predicted. Ranma grumbled at having to go to school, but
Mr. Saotome was adamant, and being a panda was difficult to argue with.
Ranma asserted his independence by jumping up on the fence to walk.
"Um, Akane, about yesterday in the bath..."
"It's okay, Ranma. Everyone needs to cry sometime, even the
strongest men. And if it's seeing me naked you're worried about, you'd
better get used to it. You don't thing they're going to let you use the
guys' showers, do you?"
"Nah, I guess not. It's weird. A month ago, I would have given
anything to see nude girls. Now I can, and it all seems so hollow."
"Oh, something I should tell you before we get to school.
There'll be a whole bunch of boys attacking me, so stay out of the way."
"Attacking you? What did you do to them?"
"I refused to go out with this yutz from the junior class named
Kunou. So he used his influence to declare that no guy could date me
unless he defeats me in combat first. And they fell for it! Bunch of
jerks! I! HATE! BOYS!" She picked up speed, but Ranma easily kept up,
despite his staying on the fence.
When they arrived at the campus, Ranma held Akane's schoolbag
while she demolished the usual squad of suitors. He rejoined her as the
last one fell.
"Man, you're *good*!" Akane smiled at the compliment. Her smile
faded as a rose flew through the air at her.
It was Upperclassman Kunou. He made his usual challenge.
"This is the yutz you were talking about, right?"
"You got it, Ranma."
"Who is this vision of loveliness? But I forget my manners. I
am the Blue Thunder of Furinkan High, rising star of the kendo world,
Tatewaki Kunou, age 17." He struck a pose intended to be dramatic, but
more silly than anything else.
"Well, I'm Ranma Saotome, heir to the Saotome Style of
Anything-Goes Martial Arts, and I think you're a pompous jerk."
Akane flinched. It was true, but customary politeness meant you
didn't say that sort of thing to upperclassmen.
"A fiery spirit to match your wild beauty! As the rose is sweet
despite its thorns, I would sup of your nectar betimes."
"Is he coming on to me?" Ranma asked Akane. She nodded. "He's
coming on to me?! Yech!"
Kunou made towards them, and Akane spotted the maneuver as "Arm
Around Waist, basic" so she quickly got between the kendoist and Ranma.
"I believe we had a challenge going?" She made her usual short
work of Kunou, and they were able to get inside just as rainclouds rolled
in.
"Hey, I coulda took him." protested Ranma.
"You'll get your chance, believe me. Upperclassman Kunou is
nothing if not persistent."
"I sure hope so. I need an opponent I don't hafta feel bad about
punching."
Akane frowned. Though she knew intellectually it was to her
advantage that most male opponents pulled their punches against her,
emotionally it rankled not to be treated as an equal. And it felt worse,
coming from another girl (physically, anyway.)
She pulled the teacher aside when they arrived at the classroom.
"Please introduce Ranma as a `he', sir. It's very important. Also,
could you waive the uniform policy for a while?"
The teacher did as requested, and Ranma managed to smile as he
introduced himself.
Between classes, Yuka and Sayuri cornered Akane.
"`He', Akane?" asked Yuka. "Don't tell me Ranma's one of those
weird crossdressers and that chest's all padding."
"Not exactly. You see, Ranma was raised as a boy."
"Oh, one of those crazy father things, like Ryuunosuke over at
Tomobiki High?"
"Something like that. And he recently suffered a personal loss,
so he's still very sensitive about his gender."
"I think I get it," said Sayuri, "Ranma thinks being a girl will
make `him' weak, when `he' needs to be strong to deal with the tragedy."
Close enough, thought Akane. "Can you get the other girls to
play along? And as many of the boys as you can? It would really help a
lot."
The girls agreed. A tragic past and insane father served to
invoke their sympathy for the new student.
Then Akane had to rescue Ranma from a clutch of boys asking for
his phone number, measurements and other personal information. He was
obviously losing patience rapidly.
"Sorry guys," she firmly said, "but Ranma is *not* on the market
just yet. When and if he wants to date boys, he'll let you know."
The male contingent groaned. "Aw man, are *all* the cute chicks
not available?"
"What are we, chopped liver?" groused Yuka as she bopped Hiroshi
with a book.
Although they didn't mention it to her face, Akane knew many of
the girls resented the way boys chased her while neglecting the other,
more available, date prospects. She almost wished Ranma had turned out
to be a real fiance. If she were taken, maybe the boys would chase
someone else for a change.
Ranma seemed just as happy to be summoned to the office for
paperwork during P.E., avoiding the problems associated with that for one
more day.
Akane wasn't able to stop Kunou from trying to "get to know Ranma
better" in the afternoon. According to witnesses, however, a quick trip
out the window and three floors down to the swimming pool had cooled the
upperclassman's ardor somewhat. Most of the boys seemed to get the
hint.
After school. Ranma fidgeted as Kasumi took measurements and
stuck pins in his favorite outfit. Akane helped where she could.
"Well, Ranma, most of your Chinese outfits should serve if I
shorten the legs and take them in a bit. We'll leave the shirts loose
for now. And it looks like some of Nabiki's old slacks will fit you."
"I don't want to wear girls' clothes! I'm a guy!"
"Try to think of it, they're not girls' clothes, but clothing
that happens to fit your body. There's no shame in wearing properly
fitting clothing, and nobody will think the less of you for it."
"Okay, Akane, I'll try. But there ain't no way I'm wearing pink,
okay?"
End Part II
Tuesday morning, Akane woke to the sounds of combat. She looked
out to see Ranma and her, no, *his* father ("must remember to use the
right pronouns") sparring in the backyard. It was going to take a while
to get used to seeing a girl fighting a panda.
After breakfast, Kasumi presented Ranma with the results of a
night's sewing. Even the transformed boy had to admit the
properly-fitted trousers were more flattering. "But after yesterday, I'm
not so sure I wanna be flattered."
"You'll be fine, Ranma. Oh my, look at the time!"
The teens rushed to school. Akane was surprised to see a much
smaller crowd of boys than usual waiting to attack. She was even more
surprised when several of them ran right past her and attacked Ranma,
who'd hung back out of respect for Akane's challenge.
Akane mopped up her suitors in record time, and looked back to
see Ranma triumphantly standing on a pile of foes. She almost expected
him to do a Tarzan yell.
"Akane Tendou. Ranma Saotome. Twain fixations of my heart, who
my mind flutters twixt and tween. I challenge thee both, that we may
join in romantic battle." It was Kunou.
"Did he say `both'?" asked Ranma.
Akane nodded.
"Then let's give him both!" They simultaneously kicked the
annoying swordsman to the ground, and ran over him into the school.
Akane saw Yamaguchi, the captain of the varsity baseball team,
and realized he hadn't been among the attackers this morning.
"Uh, Yamaguchi, not that I'm complaining, but why weren't you
outside today?"
"Miss Akane! Er, Kunou made another announcement last night,
putting dates with Ranma on the same terms as a date with you. And I
remembered what you'd said about how Ranma would tell us herself--"
"Himself."
"Uh, himself, when...he...wanted to date boys. Y'know, when it's
put that way, it sounds even screwier. Anyhow, it suddenly dawned on me
how stupid getting beat up in hopes of landing a date with a girl who
doesn't even like me is." Yamaguchi rubbed his neck in embarrassment.
"You got that right," said Ranma.
"You're still the cutest girl in school as far as I'm concerned,
Akane, and I'm keeping those pictures of you on my wall, but I'm not
going to harrass you any more, and I think a lot of the other guys agree
with me."
"Why, Mr. Yamaguchi, I--that's good. I'm glad somebody around
here finally had some sense. Tell you what, new rules. When and if I
want to date a boy, I'll ask *him*. Spread the word on that, okay?"
Akane smiled.
"Okay. And Ranma?"
"Ranma will make up his own rules, right Ranma?"
"Oh. Uh, yeah. I'll letcha know when I think of 'em."
Between the next two classes, Ranma asked, "So, you gonna date
this Yamaguchi guy?"
"I doubt it. I still hate boys. But we'll see if any of them
can stop being jerks long enough to become men. How about you?"
"Date *boys*!? I don't think so! I'm a guy!"
"Sorry!" Still way too early for that question, Akane admitted
to herself.
Despite Ranma's nervousness about it, gym class actually cheered
him up. His athletic prowess impressed the other girls, most of whom
remembered to play along with the "Ranma's a boy" game. A couple of them
even went so far as to flirt with him.
There were even some good-natured squeals of embarrassment when
Ranma entered the shower. Though the girls soon settled down, Akane
noticed Ranma tried hard not to look at them.
After school, Kasumi took Akane and Ranma shopping. Ranma was
not at all thrilled by the prospect of wearing a bra. Akane finally
asked, "Would you wear an athletic cup if you had to?"
"Well, yeah."
"Then you should at least have a sports bra. But you'll
eventually want a couple more if you ever want to wear a lighter shirt."
Kasumi asked Akane to help Ranma pick out a couple of outfits for
casual wear.
"Don't you want to help choose, Kasumi?"
"I think my tastes are a little too feminine for Ranma. He'll
trust you more."
Fortunately the androgynous look was "in" this season, so they
were able to find some clothes Ranma didn't absolutely hate.
At supper, Ranma and his father fought over their food. Again.
Afterwards, Akane asked, "There's plenty to eat here. Why do you
and your father have to fight over every little scrap?"
"I dunno, we've been doing it for years. I think it's one Pops'
stupid training ideas, or started that way. Or maybe he's just a
glutton.
"You know, the day after we got cursed, I was chasing him around
the area because he deliberately dumped me in one of the other pools,
just to see if it would work. He managed to lose me, I wandered around
for hours looking for him. When I finally got back to the guide's hut, I
found out he'd been there all along. *And* he'd eaten all the boiled
pork. Not even the skin left. I had to settle for a little rice crust."
"You should ask him to knock it off. It isn't helping your table
manners any."
"Never needed table manners before. But if you say so."
Wednesday morning, the attackers had dwindled to a half-dozen
diehards, unaware of the new rules, or too stubborn to give up on the old
ways. Among them was Kunou, of course.
"Get a life, Upperclassman! We are *never* going out with you!"
"Your lips say `no', but your eyes plead `Yes'!"
Akane and Ranma's fists said `no' also, and they decided the
contest.
TO BE CONTINUED...
This chapter dedicated to Chris Willmore :-)
(
geocities.com/tokyo/teahouse) (
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