AzN PrYdE
~*ASiAn PrIdE*~
InDeX fOr ThIs PaGe (* = NeW) CliCk oN ThEm, TheY'lL tAkE yOu To tHaT PaRt oF ThIs PaGe~^^
1) Da AZiAN ThEoRY
2) YoU KnOw YoU'rE AsIaN iF ...
3) HoW tO bE a CoOl AzIan
*4) WhY AsIaN GiRls ShOuLd hAnG wItH AsIaN GuYs ... (FrOm aN AzIaN GuY's PeRsPeCtiVe)
*5) PoEm: ~AzIaN PrYdE iS iN My MiNd~
*6) PoEm: ~AzIaNs FoR a ChaNge~
*7) WayS To TeLl iF yOu'Re At An AsIaN pArTy
*8) HoW tO PrEpArE fOr An AsIaN pArTy
*9) WhO aRe ThE MoSt SuPeRiOr AzNs???
*10)HoW tO PLeAsE aN AsIaN GiRl
ThE GReEn PoOl TaBlE iS a SymBoL oF OuR wOrLd
ThE diFfeREnT KolOrz RePrEzenT tHe DiFfErenT raCeS oF thE woRLd
ThE CuE BaLl iS wHiTe
ThE EiGhT bAlL iS BlaCk ...
BuT yOu KnoW whAT?!?
ThE YeLlOw BaLl iSh aLwAyZ NuMbEr OnE~*@!@!!
1) You carry a pager in your right pocket, flipped inward, whether its activated or not
2) Your bangs are either long enough for you to touch with your tongue, or your hair is
gelled up in spikes hard enough to impale small mammals
3) You're so caught up in name brand shit, your pocket lint is labeled Calvin Klein
4) Your vocabulary consists of "pimp, mack, wack" and as much as you can remember from the ebonics dictionary
5) You go to asian parties, and you can't find your car since it looks like every other civic or integra
6) Your screen name consists of Azn, and every word in the profile is written in alternating lower case/capital letters
7) You can never address a friend without calling them "foo"
8) You use the letter "z" in every other word when chatting
9) Your girlfriend has enough make-up to be accepted into Clown College
10) You never fit that old asian stereotype of "all yellow skinned slant eyes are smart"
11) You enter chatrooms with "representin Westsiiiiiiide," or "any foin ladees in da house?"
12) You pick up chicks who wear shoes 2 inches away from stilts (see #9)
13) You call people "peepz" since two syllables is too complex for you
14) You don't know the names of cities; only area codes
15) Instead of getting real education, you learn a plethora of nonsensical pager codes (For god sakes, buy a message pager...if you even need one)
16) You've never heard of any other sporting wear then Nike (Reebok? What's that?)
17) You can't buy a shirt unless it's priced over $ 50 and has a collossal sized Tommy Hillfiger, or Polo label
18) You're not a basketball player; you're a baller
19) You've never bought a pair of pants that were less than 5 sizes bigger than your real waist
20) You're an exact carbon-copy of your friends. (for their traits, see 1-19)
21) You claim asian pride wherever you go, when all you're doing is shaming the race
1) Wear clothes of two colors: your choice of black or white
2) Own an alphanumeric pager with a built in answering machine
3) Own a cellular phone
4) Have only Asian friends
5) Speak only in Asian languages
6) Dress as though you're headed for a party when you're actually going to class
7) BE SURE TO SOUP UP YOUR ACURA INTEGRA
8) Smoke even if you don't know how to, especially if you're with friends
9) Travel only in droves of 10 and above to parties
10) Go to all the cool Asian "intercollegiate parties"!
11) Refuse to dance to anything but techno music
12) Whenever in droves of 10 or more Asians, stare menacingly at all other Asians
13) Dance in circles at all parties and clubs
14) Wear only designer labels
15) Make sure designer labels are extremely visible. Better yet, make sure that the make is emblazoned on the front of it
16) Own a pair of Doc Martens
17) Be very good at pool ... Own a cue stick if you can, even if you know nothing about them
18) Make sure your parents are doctors, or better yet, grocery store owners
19) BELIEVE IN BARN JACKETS, J. CREW, AND TOMMY HILFIGER
20) Make sure you install every possible option you can in your car
21) Own a sports car
22) Be an officer in the KSA/CSA of your respective school
23) Be a Christian pretending to actually care about the religion
24) If you're a guy, make sure your hair looks like the head of a cabbage
25) If you're a girl, make sure your hair is colored with tinges of brown or red for optimal "coolness"
26) Two words: Manhattan Portage
27) If you're a girl, weigh no more than 75 lbs
28) If you're Korean girl, have eye surgery done so you can look like a goldfish
29) If you're in a group of 10 or more friends, stare menacingly at all interracial couples you see
30) Have a sports car that is lowered that it scrapes the road when you drive it
31) Believe in credit cards ... especially when they belong to others
32) Make sure the clubs you go is predominately asian: that is 96% asian and the other 4% are the whites being beatened up for trying to dance
33) Make sure you talk to all your Asian-American friends about how traditional you are in spite of being born in Mississipi or something and then make fun of FOBs!
34) Join a Viet gang and get the same haircut, the same baggy jeans, and wear a white Tshirt & Curse in Viet all day
35) Join a Korean gang and get the same haircut, the same baggy jeans, and wear a white Tshirt & Curse in Korean all day
36) Join a Chinese gang and get the same haircut, the same baggy jeans, and wear a white Tshirt & Curse in Chinese all day
37) Curse about how you are Japanese-American and can't join any of these gangs cause there aren't any Japanese around in the first place
38) If case (37) is true, move back to Japan and go to Ueno park until you become a Junior Yakuza
39) If a girl, drag your heels when you walk
40) Before you smoke, spank your cigarettes really loud for at least 30 seconds
41) Guys: always laugh in a high pitched voice
42) Girls: say "like," "um," and "and stuff" alot
1) We know martial arts, and if we don't, it still looks like we do. If we do a couple of kicks that aren't too pathetic, people will think we are masters
2) We speak two languages. We can speak to you AND your parents. In other words, we can suck up to you and your parents (note: must be the same Asian race for this to apply)
3) We can use chopsticks. In Asian restaurants, we can split kimchee for you with chopsticks. Try THAT with a fork and spoon. We can also play table drums for you with chopsticks ... how romantic
4) We are all going to be rich doctors, engineers, and lawyers someday. That means only one thing for you: Shopping, shopping, and more shopping ...
5) We know what Asian girls want. Our moms told us
6) Our hairstyles are low maintence. We just need a bowl and scissors
7) We not only know about Asian culture, we also make a great looking couple
8) We can be your geek in the street (we can help you with all your studying because we are naturally geniuses) or we can be your stud in the pub (we can drink a lot and have that squinty eyed, drooping cigar, drink in one hand, "we-are-cool" look that will make you want to sit with us
9) We are as sensitive, understanding, and integelligent as the next American/Canadian toughguy
10) We like the same music you do. All that new-wave/techno mixed and synthesized stuff
Asian prdie is in my mind
Asian Blood is in my kind
So step aside and let me through
Cuz it's all about the Asian Crew
Asian Luv is all around
For my fellow Asians never let me down
Show your pride and say it's true
Cuz Asian Pride flows through you ...
Asians have always been peaceful, and kept to themselves for years
That's because we couldn't look away our fears
Now we have a larger population
Allowing us more communication
It's a new culture, a new era
It's time for us to come out
To show the world what we're all about
We all follow the teachings and beliefs of Confucious and Buddah
Raised with Pride, Honor, Respect and Charisma
We were brought up good, kind and caring
But because of our society, some of us changed ourselves to bad, mean and daring
Now Asians are the new talk of the news
Us and our gangs and our kick back crews
We're the baddest race to step the earth and that's a fact
It's not white, hispanic, it's not even black
White's sterotype, we have slanted eyes and study too much
We don't give a fuck about such and such
Hispanics calls us chinks, gooks and fobs
They're just jealous, cause we make fun of their jobs
White's and their fuckin kkk shit
We ain't scared, we ain't terrified a bit
Hispanics and their beaner gangs
We don't give a fuck, we just drive by and BANG! BANG! BANG!
Whites try to discriminate us in every possibleway
We don't give a fuck we don't care what they say
Beaners try to pick on us and try to have fun
They keep forgetting who has the bigger guns
It's all about pride, if your Asian, without no Asian Pride
You don't belong with us, you might as well step in to the other side
We have the most money and we're the smartest race
With our brains we can can control the entire place
Though we will never have domination
Cause we still have Asians killing Asians ...
If You Are A Guy:
*You arrive to the party with a group of ten or more other guys
*You are wearing Plaid or Flannel Shirts with a pair of jeans, with a white shirt underneath
*The line at the door is short with mostly guys (approximately 90% guys and 10% girls)
*You don't mind if any girls cut in front of you, even if they are ugly. But if a guy cuts, you want to start a fight
*You hair contains two bottles of mousse, a tube of gel, and a can of hair spray, just in case one strand gets out of place
*You are either bald or you have a two hour "fade"
*Your pants are sagging, a pager is in the right front pocket snapped on backwards, and your car alarm remote is hanging out in the left front pocket
*You stare at every girl at the party, but never approach any of them
*You hope the girl you've been looking at knows one of your friends, and if they do, you'll say "Hook Me Up!!"
*You get a hard-on if a cute girl happens to look at you and smile
*As you come into the party, you say "What's Up?" to a guy friend and give each other a hand shake that always ends with a finger snap
*You've smoked approximately three packs of Marlboro Lights before the night is over
*You start to ask for cigarettes off of friends after your three packs because you think it will kill off the buzz from drinking 1/2 a cup of 8 oz. beer
*You take about two hours to get enough nerves to ask a girl to dance and by the time you go up to her, one of her guy friends beat you to it. You end up "Muggin" (the look of someone who wants to start a fight) that guy for the rest of the night and you keep telling your friends that "she's dancing with a chump"
*You end up settling for dancing with one of your girl friends who doesn't look as good, have any kind of a body, or have and kind of rhythm (she's just nice)
*You come to the party all pumped up and by the time it's time to go home, you say "That Party Was Weak! There Were Hella Ugly Girls" just because you didn't get with anyone, even though there were fine ass girls
If You Are A Girl:
1) You try to arrive a little late because you know you'll get to cut somewhere in the lines as long as you look half decent and you reveal a little bit of your "size A" breasts with your "WonderBra"
2) You never bring any money because you'll usually get in free by flirting with the guys at the door and losers always buy you drinks
3) You order Midori Sours and Kamikazes
4) You are wearing baggy jeans with a black "Calvin Klein, Kenneth Cole, or DKNY" baby doll shirt
5) High heeled black boots with a mini black backpack are always a part of your party attire
6) Some article of your clothing is always black
7) You play with your hair when you want a cute guy's attention
8) You introduce yourself in the following manner: Your name, Some Greek Alphabets, Your University, and "Nice To Meet You"
9) You only acknowledge people who are also wearing articles of clothing with some sort of Greek Alphabets
10) You get very angry when you see your cute guy dancing nastily with another girl who is wearing less clothes and more revealing than you
11) You go nuts when you hear "Bizzare Love Triange" by New Order come on. You start to move your hips to the song and you smile and make yourself approachable. You wait 30 seconds as you look around to find out everyone is out there dancing. You get desperate, then you lower your standards by asking the guy whom which you turned down three times that night
12) When that guy turns you down because he thought you were a bitch for turning him down three times, you get a few of your friends (girls) who also went through #11, and you all dance together in a group
ThE pArTy In GeNeRaL:
1) Ladies in before 9pm, then when 9pm rolls around, it becomes free before 10pm, until it's free all night
2) The guys at the door get a hard-on when a group of girls flirt with them to get in free
3) The guys in line start to say "Damn, did you see that bitch, she was fine! That's Me Dogg, that's all ME!"... and do nothing about it. Then, at the end of the night, they say "She wasn't all that, I saw her close up and damn, it looks like someone stepped on her face and kept walking!" because they didn't hook up with the girl
4) Males or females won't approach one another unless they know one of your friends in your group
5) The only rap songs you recognize are: Hip Hop Hooray and Baby Got Back
6) Most of the people dancing have no rhythm. None whatsoever
7) Guys ask girls to dance in a group. Two on two, three on three, six on six ... "Hey, you wanna dance? How many friends you have? We got eight too!"
8) The bar never makes any money
9) The who dance floor is doing the "Cha Cha" when "Bizarre Love Triangle" is on
10) Everyone looks like they are 16 if it's an 18 and over party; people look 17 if it's an 21 and over party
11) The few guys who actually finish the 8 oz. beer are hugging the trash can
12) When a slow song comes on, the single people leave and go outside. Like the outside scene would give you a better chance of hooking up ...
13) The pony keg is still halffull
1) Buy hair products at Costco
2) Buy cigarettes at Costco
3) Go to the barber shop or a friend who really knows how to cut hair, exactly two hours before the expected arrival time and ask for a "Fade"
4) Have plenty of flannels handy and washed because you don't want to be wearing the same color plaid as your friends (this way, there will be a variety of plaids to choose from)
5) Practice the following at home: your attitude, doing your hair, sagging your pants, trying on every color of your plaid shirts, working on you alcohol tolerance by drinking 1 oz. of beer and increasing an ounce a week, and the "Cha Cha"
6) Also practice checking out a girl or a guy without staring for an hour (half a second should be your goal)
7) Fix up your Honda
8) Don't forget your pager since it is an important part of your party attire (remeber to put it in the right front pocket, flipped backwards) Borrow one or just use one even if it's turned off
9) Cellular phones go in the right/left back pocket
10) Learn the finger snap hand shake
11) And last, learn and memorize the Greek Alphabet
YOU KNOW YOU ARE JAPANESE IF ...
1. You're obsessed with you hair, your *car*, and your clothes
2. You want to marry a Korean American or Chinese American woman (males); or you
want to marry a white guy (females).
3. You're afraid of black people.
4. You know you are superior to all other Asians.
YOU KNOW YOU ARE KOREAN IF ...
1. You smoke and drink too much.
2. You're actually sorry that Margaret Cho's sitcom was cancelled.
3. You're afraid of black people.
4. You know you are superior to all other Asians.
YOU KNOW YOU ARE CHINESE IF ...
1. You think you're the smartest people in the world.
2. You have a pager and cellular phone with you at all times.
3. Today's steamed rice is tomorrow's fried rice.
4. You're afraid of black people.
5. You know you are superior to all other Asians.
YOU KNOW YOU ARE VIETNAMESE IF ...
1. You've gotta have fish sauce with every meal.
2. You eat at a restaurant that has "Pho."
3. You have some relative who is Chinese.
4. You're afraid of black people.
5. You know you are superior to all other Asians.
YOU KNOW YOU ARE FILIPINO IF ...
1. You want to be a dancer, a singer, or an actor, even though you have a day job as a
nurse, a security guard, or an accountant.
2. A member of your family back home is a politician or a movie star.
3. You're not afraid of black people; in fact, you wish you were black.
4. You don't care if you are superior to all other Asians or not, because being Filipino is
just cool in itself.
YOU KNOW YOU ARE THAI IF ...
1. People want to pay you for sex.
2. No matter what you eat, it's not greasy or spicy enough.
3. You're not afraid of black people, because in some cases you're just as dark as they
are.
4. You know in your heart that you will never be superior to all other Asians, but you've
learned to live with it.
1) Be RICH! This is important for you, but not for her. For her the number 2 rule follows.
2) Spend MONEY on HER. This is the most important thing for her, whether you are rich, have any
money, or must lie, steal, or kill to do it.
3) Be TALL. Of course you have no real control over this, but if you don't do it, she will
secretly and forever resent you for it and it will come out of left field to smite you.
Preferably be about one foot taller than her - not for comfort or aesthetics, but because you
are a trophy and, as always, the bigger the better.
4) Be a MINDLESS ZOMBIE RULED BY HER. Forget what you've heard about submissive asian women.
They actually rule every relationship with insidious and painful, passive-aggressive,
guilt-evoking, whiny, crying mind-control.
5) Have the EMOTIONAL STABILITY OF A 4-YEAR-OLD. She will be impressed and enraptured by your
delight at the sight of Hello Kitty, stuffed animals, puppies, kitties, duckies, bunnies, as well
as chocolates, shiny jewelry and other trinkets and knick-knacks. Also, she will understand
perfectly well if you pout over the smallest perceived slight or slip and demand to be appeased,
assuaged, or made up to. If you behave any other way, she will never understand it.
6) Dress like a PRETTY-BOY GEEK. This will save her the trouble of replacing your wardrobe and
dressing you, herself.
7) Remove EVERY HAIR ON YOUR BODY EXCEPT THOSE ON YOUR SCALP. The sight of a whisker on your
face reminds her that somewhere inside you, something is trying to grow. You must not grow -
you must be as unchanging and constant as the firmament.
8)There are NO MORE RULES to making your asian girlfriend eternally happy. If any situation
arises which you feel the rules have not addressed, you are mistaken - immediately refer to the
primary rules #1 and #2 - they are the solution in every such case.
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