This page dedicated to those who's psychic abilities are bubbling over, and get emotionally clobbered by the SF AIDS Health Project.
For YOU, I barf it all.
I will let the faxes that Kenny and I have sent do the talking, with a minimum of commentary.
And understand, for someone who is NOT a victim, I seem to consider myself victimized, but that is because that is what they TRIED to do,  it ended up otherwise,
(THANK YOU, PSYCHIC voices in my Heart!).
And here's what I learned:
When the physical universe presents you with 'illogical' evidence (miracles), it doesn't mean the evidence is faulty, it means the logic that CALLS that event impossible, is faulty.
THIS story is about the San Francisco Aids Hellth Project. I mean Health Project. (That's my sense of humor folks, you need it when you do something fantastic and they say "YOU SICK!"
Yet I wasn't sick, and what I said in our first meeting (the 'crazy' talk) came true!)
 

After the experience, my first priority was my man and our relationship. Though the miracles had reassured Kenny that things were okay, we DID have to talk, and talk we finally did. We compared notes, and the story of the Psychiatric profession and the COVER-UP they PERPETRATE on those going through enlightening experiences, became clear. I realized I was in this for a long haul. I've worked slowly, so as not to interrupt our lives too drastically. Besides, had I started bitching right away. I risked them just saying, he's still going through it, and of course, I'd have to reply, yes, I am still going through life, but I'm not in any 'altered' state except the one I usually perceive from, which of course IS an altered state. Altered from what is beyond my frame of reference to answer. Following MY Heart worked for me. Period. That's the ONLY advice I have for any of you.

So I worked on my primary care physician first, after letting him have his delusion of "Biaxin side effect". I had to BEHAVE for awhile.  I was taught not to hold it in when someone is raping your rights, so you can imagine how distasteful it was to have to shut up, but this whole process of calling them on the carpet is cathartic. It's GOOD to be able to show them themselves, through my eyes. It's called feedback.

Dear Dr. XXXX,              June 23, 1998
Let me put this as succinctly as possible:
1. I told you in November that what I was going through was NOT a side effect of Biaxin, but an experience making sense of my whole life. You didn't listen THEN and I wound up with a pustule on my face due to YOUR lack of common sense in pulling a drug without replacing it IMMEDIATELY. How will you be in the future, Dr. XXXX? I no longer trust you or ANY doctor.
2 .Dr. Olden doesn't agree with you,
3. Dr. Gordon doesn't agree with you, though you got in touch with her ahead of time and told her NOT to prescribe Biaxin which worked just fine for a year and a half.
4. Not only did she confirm that my experience was NOT caused by Biaxin, She told me a lie: She told me that my ONLY choices were the two drugs that cost me money. She and you are LIMITING my choices. By what LEGAL right do you do this? I know you have no medical evidence, and therefore no medical right, just SUBJECTIVE opinion.
5. The MYSTIC experience I had, you have INSISTED on interpreting as a side effect.

YOU ARE WRONG.

Yet you take no steps to see a better answer, saying I'll just be treated the same way if it happens again.

Me? I'm going to talk to the Aids Health Project. I'm not the only one going through this evidently, as cancer patients do to.  I would suppose that the medical profession is mis-interpreting their experiences as well.
I mentioned this to you and your response was that you are not a cancer specialist.
Get a little intelligence: You SHOULD check into it! You might actually learn something from this experience, as you suggested I do.
I have.
Be thankful I'm not the type that sues, as my face is evidence of your negligence.
I've had a shitty four months thanks to YOUR "efforts to help me". My new unnecessary drug will cost me 60.00 a month come January. It costs me 25.00 now. UNNECESSARILY! I don’t WANT to switch to medi-cal as the coverage is NOT better, at least that’s what my sister-in-law who works in that field says. I trust her.  Nor do I feel that HMO’s should be let of the financial hook.
You didn't help me then, Your NOT helping me now; you're just covering your ass. Why should I trust ANYTHING you say?

I've scheduled an appointment for August. If I'm feeling fine, Ill reschedule it for November. I won’t go to a doctor until I NEED to. Kenny has instructions that if I ‘go out there’ again, get out if he needs to, just don’t call a doctor. You’ll just pull another drug and imply I’m not worthy of a mystical experience.

Fuck your low opinion of me.
Dave Starkovich

I spoke to him at my next appointment about the above letter. I was bad. His first question was, "How are you" and I responded, "Well my face is oozing and I'm having problems dealing with your stance of infallibility."

He responded, here's the next letter I sent him! I DO like my primary care doctor!

      September 11, 1998
 
 

Dear Dr. XXXX,
"I'm only a man", you exasperated, or should I say expectorated, at me, and once again, I realized you were just trying to get past the past, rather than reconsider your past.

You're THE MAN who gave me a souvenir on my face of your procrastination, if not negligence.
And talk about a doctor NOT listening to his patient! You get the prize there!

I'll never forget it, though there's nothing to forgive, as I let you do it. We all make mistakes. I at least own up to mine and APOLOGIZE for MY mistakes.

I've gotten you to concede in a very WHINY way that you're not infallible.
Well that's a start.

You still owe me an apology.
Side effects DO NOT PRODUCE MIRACLES.
PERIOD.

Dr. Olden said no diagnosis. That means YOURS was wrong too. Argue with HIM, not me.

I'll gladly tell you more about my mystical experience, as it was a totally life and times affirming experience.
It could be viewed quite joyously by you, rather than a problem that needed or needs correcting.
Or ignoring.

I'm only a man too, but there's more to HUMANITY than meets the eye and stethoscope.

Think about it instead of just reacting for a change.
I'm going to give you plenty of time, too!
Seeing you every month is simply not what this patient sees as conducive to good health.
ESPECIALLY considering your tunnel vision.

You've ignored me this past year.
I thought a doctor was supposed to LISTEN to his patients.
The enclosed is to go into my medical file. As such, I expect you to read EVERY word of it.
And remember, I got MIRACLES!

Sinlesscerely,  you man you!
Dave Starkovich

The "enclosed"  was my  website in print form and told him to read it, and realize he is to stay out of my spirituality, and NOT confuse it with mental illness.
He's read it, he was fascinated by it, and he represcribed my Biaxin for me. I don't think he'll ignore me EVER again!
I knew he would eventual come to realize that what I went through wasn't an illness...he's a man more interested in truth than some...he's also aware (saw with his own eyes) the healing, or rather the injury, and then later, no scar where it had been.

Then, we approached AHP, the ones that had done the 'advising' to Kenny, OVER my insistence it was not an ILLNESS.
I'll let you decide if they are interested in the truth of what happened.

We've had three meetings with various people at AHP. No one seems to want to talk to us twice, except Joanna, who HAD to. They all LOOK guilty as all get out, but don't seem to think miracles warrant a change in policy.
I've done my part, as far as I'm concerned. I don't LIKE trying to teach pigs to sing!  ("Never try to teach a pig to sing. It's a waste of time, and annoys the pig." -Robert Heinlein.)

I'd rather sing myself, and let pigs wallow where they want, but not everyone going through this has DOCUMENTED miracles to challenge them with. So for those who just shut up, rather than fight them, I understand: They set it up pretty good, except they didn't count on me not being ashamed due to their interpretation and involvement. I blew the 'crisis team' kisses after they left each time...They must call themselves that, cause they invent crises out of spiritual experiences! They upset Kenny more than they upset me, being so transparent in their manipulations of his understanding. He understands now:
The psychiatric profession doesn't want to ADMIT they are seeing 'psychicness' happen.
THEY are in denial! Don't believe me? Read on!

Dear Dr. XXXX,
Please include the following in my medical file.
See you in March!
Love always,
Dave Starkovich
 

Dear Ms. YYYYY,
This is to actually document what I said on the phone.
I find it extremely upsetting to my self-esteem, which you people seem so interested in, that you refuse to give ANY information on aids mania and cancer mania.
All I was told, well, actually it was my partner that was told, that I had aids mania. I told my primary care physician, Dr. XXXX, 555-XXXX to stay out of what I was going through, cause it was making total sense of my life, but he ignored his own patients request, and gave my partner your number as well as the aids crisis number. All hell broke loose after that. I was pestered for days, and finally my family was involved. I went voluntarily to be tested, did a voluntary stay FOR observation, when what they actually did was constantly TEST me, and finally got miracles so Kenny would lay off disbelieving me, and instead disbelieve the false information given him by those services.

So why promote meditation when you forcefully CONDEMN another’s spirituality?

It took me A YEAR to get Dr. XXXX to see he was wrong with his diagnosis of Biaxin reaction. But before that he sent me to a doctor friend of his, Dr. Gordon, who told me the loving experiences I had were psychological diseases. She told me three times, just to make her point.
When do I get my turn at bat?
What you are covering up here is ATROCIOUS, and that you offer meditation just adds insult to my injury.
I’ve spoken to a boob at ahp, but he just brought up that I had a little involvement with the police, which of course  YOU (the medical profession that is,) set me up for through Kenny.
Is any one there ACTUALLY interested in self esteem, or is it self esteem on YOUR terms?

Here’s YOUR chance, YYYYY, to do something about a mistake the medical profession has made.

Hope you can…
Dave Starkovich

MY experience was psychic, or I should say, that is the word I think best to describe it. I realize that spiritual has religious overtones. We won’t go there. The concept of spirituality doesn’t bother me, but I will avoid it because of it’s interpretation by others. But for the record, I’ve always thought of myself as spiritual but not religious.  I was trained in the Catholic Church. Entered the Christian Brothers actually. I stayed two years. They said I wasn’t ready for vows…too flighty.
All this is to give you my background ‘training’.

I’ve taught in grammar schools, music, co-receiving an "Excellence in Education Award" from the president of the Unites States. Seven years of college, no degree. I AM flighty. Works for me! Grin!
So what can I offer YOU? First, FREE information. It bugs me most that not one person asked me about what I was going through, they just played mental games with me.
I had a healing AT Langley Porter Hospital. It’s on record. I pointed it out to them in response to their question," Have you noticed any unusual changes?" in the out-take interview, if that’s what it’s called.
I also got three other changes in my physical surroundings. One was in nature…our Christmas Cactus sprouted a three cornered leaf. They are ALWAYS two sided. (flat.)
I had a battery explode to read D uracell.
A crystal globe in our home ‘sprouted’ a colorful triangle design.
These last two are FACTS that can be verified ONLY by Kenny Cowan. I do have the leaf …I’m trying to root it!
So two of them I can’t prove.
That’s fine by me, cause the ONLY thing I’d like to see happen is that three sided leaf cactus take root and produce a new hybrid.
Well, that and someone ‘de-brief’ me on what I actually experienced. NOT as a patient, but as a free resource.
We gays OWE YOU OUR LIVES.
I  FEEL THE GREATEST SENSE OF APPRECIATION for that! That’s why I will never sue, though I know I could. You did the best you could and so did I. I’m not the litigating or vindictive type.
But it IS unfinished. And I MUST be honest and say I’m a little pissed at being ignored! Grin.
I MUST have a TON of information that would help you understand aids mania and cancer mania more.
I do know from the doctors questions that this is showing up also in drug users. They probably asked me thirty times! Or psychic ‘abilities’, though I am never aware of producing them. They just happen.
I picked up a brochure on schizophrenia and read that a symptom is "delusions that ones thoughts are broadcast outside ones head and heard by others."
I ask you, what is the difference between that and the occurrences of psychic activity? Over the past year, Kenny and I have been overly psychic, and even our friends join in the fun. Cause fun it is!
Or someone who specializes in Carl Jung and that ‘supra conscious’ concept. I hope you can see that I UNDERSTOOD what I was going through. I learned stuff they don’t teach in classrooms.
And it seems that the medical profession is ignoring a golden opportunity for fear I’ll get ‘messianic’.
Like I tell Dr. Boly, ... LOTS of people are going through it. Better understanding is certainly a worthwhile goal! And I refuse to pay someone twenty dollars a visit to help THEM understand better.
Being VERY real, as I have ALWAYS been, and with the utmost INTEGRITY,
Dave Starkovich

So we met with Dr. Harrison and Dr. Emily. We spoke of what happened. Dr. Harrison explaining that the AIDS MANIA THEORY is that it's a brain chemical thing. I asked him to stop, and said, that explanation assumes that the emotions are products of the chemicals rather than the chemicals being reflections of the emotions, lining the body up with the emotions, not to mention that his explanation discounts the documented miracles. He asked me what the miracles meant to me, and I told him, with a smile, "That your theory is bullshit!" Dr. Emily , who is in charge of treatment services got an earful from Kenny about their treatment of us. You'll get the details as you read on. I wrote the following after our meeting it was so, 'cover their asses' in my view.

Dear Dr Harrison,
Thanks to the medical professions POLICY, I know what it's like to be raped. To have my specifically expressed ‘orders’ ignored, to have my rights taken from me, tied down to a table, though I was not being violent IN THE LEAST, and fed drugs to "teach me who was boss".
Why do you get away with guilty until proven innocent?

Then AFTER my WONDERFUL, mind expanding experience:

First, there was, Dr. Olden, who immediately, with his first words even, absolved the medical profession from ANY stance and culpability by saying "No diagnosis", (implying of course, 'we don't know what ILLNESS you had.') I dismissed him appropriately.

Then Dr. Gordon,
Her honesty in calling it what others will not, THAT IS what the medical profession BELIEVES it to be, a PSYCHOLOGICAL DISEASE,  in my presence was appreciated. Her surprise that I was on Biaxin for a year and THEN this happened only confirms that I WAS RIGHT ALL ALONG!
It wasn't the Biaxin.

Dr. XXXX now understands that his suggested diagnosis was incorrect, AND HAS ACKNOWLEDGED THAT.
Why can’t you at AHP do the same?

It was NOT a psychological disease, you STUPID, STUPID, medical profession.

Since when is LOVE a psychological disease?
Since when is feeling one with the universe an illness that needs correcting?

And don’t prattle behavior to ME. It was FINE until you got involved and upped the stress level exorbitantly by ADVISING Kenny to stay away. What was your purpose there? I WANTED him with me. You told him he SHOULD stay away.

I want an ANSWER to WHY YOU DID THIS,
and I WANT IT IN WRITING.

YOU USED HIM as your unofficial tool, since I had ALREADY INSTRUCTED the medical profession to just leave me alone.
I HAD ALREADY done what you wanted…went through a battery of tests, where they isolated me from my family and spoke to my family about things, but NOT TO ME about things.
I VOLUNTEERED to stay at the psyche ward the first time for observation. I exhibited NO erratic behavior.

I believe I’m OWED some answers. I didn’t get ANY yesterday. Not to the simplest, ‘is it still occurring, and what frequency’?

Why wasn’t that question ANSWERED?
I’d like THAT answer in writing too!

Sincerely,
Dave Starkovich

Dear Drs. YYYYY, Harrison, and Emily,
Here’s what I’ve put up in public about your behavior. Free speech, don’cha, know.
I wish YOU had been more willing to have a truly intelligent discussion about this, but hey, your responsible for your attitude, and I’m responsible for mine. I’m happy with that. (Don’t worry, not TOO happy, your continuing your policies at our expense has seen to that!):

(Portion of my website, where the whole experience (those parts I’m telling anyway) is DOCUMENTED.
http://www.oocities.org/Vienna/2259):
 

And psychiatric not-very-professional-profession. I TOLD you AT THE BEGINNING to stay out of
 what was happening...that this was making SENSE of my life. You didn't listen and told Kenny he HAD to
                   leave me to make me "bottom out". Didn't work did it?
  I cried until that VOICE came to me soft and sweet and gentle, "Dave, no more crying til it's over".
 We've TRIED to tell you how WRONG your approach is, but you won't listen, even though YOU HAVE
        THE DOCUMENTATION OF MY HEALING AT LANGLEY PORTER HOSPITAL.
 And to the rest of you, I just want you all to know that Kenny and I have TRIED for a year to get them
          to change their tactics with the twenty or thirty others a week they are seeing.
                         And those voices of such sweet LOVE?
 Well, who's creating that library of human experience if not the psychiatric profession? (No, they don't
   ask WHAT we go through, they just barge in and try to short-circuit the experience. What I call a
                              psychological exorcism.)
  Isn't ('wasn't' from the OLD perspective!) JANE involved in that?
    Psychiatric profession it is YOU who live in a castle in the sky.
 You won't consider evidence that doesn't fit your PRE-CONCEIVED
    OPINION of what IS, even when it HAPPENS in your clinical setting.
                          Enjoy the glass castle.

     Psychiatric profession, you are INFECTED with infallibility.
                    HEAL THYSELF!
     I LIKED my 'grand delusions'.
  They hauled MY ass into the new
   AGE. I WOKE UP to a PSYCHIC universe.

                         (Read Seth!)

    You can't take that away from
        me....psychiatric profession.

      Lose your own HUMAN LIES!

             DS March first, 1999.
 

-----end of portion-----

Check the rest out, maybe you’ll learn something.
I certainly have!
Dave Starkovich

CC Dr. XXXX, Who hit it on the head: "Life always has something to teach us."
Thanks, XXXX, you’re the best!

We then met with Joanna and Jim, the director and deputy director of AHP. Jim is a doctor but Joanna is not...they have a non doctor in the director position to keep tabs on the doctors. That's what we were specifically told at our first meeting with them.
We felt we might actually get them to reconsider their tactic of getting the lover to leave "to make him hit bottom."  When Joanna asked me what I WANTED, I told her for them to change their tactics, which were so emotionally hurtful to me. (see below!)
First, do no harm in DEED, not JUST in lip service!

 Hi Joanna!
Our discussion last Friday brings up a NEW question, for my part; Does the Psychiatric Profession practice the same policy on STRAIGHT CANCER patients? Do they tell the spouse it would be best to LEAVE?
And don’t tell me you deal with only hiv….find out from those who deal with cancer mania, please. It IS pertinent, is it not?
And is there a ‘ bureaucratic body’ that oversees the psychiatric profession…one that is governed by the other fields of medicine? You all stick together, regardless of your policies that  HARM COUPLES WHO LOVE ONE ANOTHER. So is there a medical board that oversees the psychiatric board?
How many divorces have you caused by your policy?
And for myself, I wouldn’t mind meeting again with ALL those people I have met with before for a case ‘study’. But let’s wait til I speak to Langly Porter, and Sf General, and the other Crisis team.
(They wanted Kenny to confront a staff member about differences in their stories. I have not been offered the same opportunity. There are differences in what people said about me in their documents, and what Kenny AND I remember as actually what happened. Kenny suggested they needed cameras mounted to their shoulders! I love that man! I'm sure they consider me psychotic, cause they just don't believe in spirituality. I loved the expression on Joanna's face when I mentioned Joan of Arc! Kenny added, "at least you don't burn people who hear voices in their heads anymore.")
And we still need the names of those involved, and the dates of their involvement, as Kenny has requested, and as you have promised to provide.
I’ll have a more full response, when we get a more detailed response from you.

Sincerely,
Dave Starkovich

I also sent this:

    April 7th, 1999
Dear Joanna,
Perhaps it would help us if you gave me written definitions of the two terms you used Friday: Spiritual episode and psychotic episode. You said that many more psychotic episodes happen then spiritual. Statistics to back up that statement would be nice, though not necessary.

Please define the terms for me, and then tell me how AHP came to the conclusion so quickly, that I was having a psychotic episode, OVER my insistence it was spiritual.

In other words, show me that AHP doesn’t automatically assume it is psychotic over the objections of the person going through it. Oops I guess that’s unreasonable…you DID judge prematurely, didn’t you, over my objections? Will you admit even that?

Sincerely,
Dave Starkovich

cc: Dr. Emily Levitt
Dr. George Harrison
Dr. XXXX
 

Here's MY responses that I've faxed to them . Kenny's writing his, to the State Psychiatric Board.

Hi Joanna,
You said in response to a comment of Kenny’s at that meeting where Jim was absent, that this wasn’t just hearsay against hearsay, but your letter shows otherwise.

But we’ll speak of that at our next meeting.

There is one technical issue that I haven’t brought up.

Mr. EEEEE  wrote on a form  "client unable to sign due to psychological illness."
I refused to sign that cause I didn’t want to be your client. I stopped answering questions when they told me the purpose of the form.
I didn’t think myself psychologically ill, and could have easily written my name.
You may technically include my records in Kenny’s but I have NEVER been your client.
I kept OBJECTING to your involvement.
I REMEMBER. Joanna.

PROVE me WRONG on that point, please. It IS pertinent. I shouldn‘t HAVE a file AS a client.

And how could MR. EEEEE diagnose that I was psychologically ill in the first place?
Even Dr. Olden didn’t do that.

I DEMAND that EEEEE show ME the PROOF to back up his statement.
Not that I EXPECT the demand to be met. Can’t PROVE what didn’t HAPPEN, right?

HIS word against mine, you see.

Has EEEEE. admitted he used the term ‘shoot through’ to me, or does he deny that as others deny Kenny’s MEMORIES?

Getting the picture, Joanna?

Misinformation disseminated to Kenny, pre-judgment of me,  compounded by lies, compounded now by excuses. We aren’t preparing for court, dear, WE are trying to see if you’re listening correctly.
Not much evidence of that, is there?
We spent three hours telling AHP our complaints, you address the comfortable ones, but not the important ones. You DID say that you realized it was a ‘cosmic question’ on the phone, but….well, we’ll talk about that when we meet.
It might be in your best interest to just say no to meeting again.
When all this is over, as I judge things, your words and my words will be judged by the court of public opinion only.
WE didn’t get miracles cause WE’RE DUMB!

Kenny and Dave
 

My second response, after Jim relayed that he'd like a list of things they didn't respond to in Joanna's letter:
 

Hi Joanna AND Jim,
Jim, I was disappointed you weren’t at our last meeting. I hope you feel it worth your time to attend the next one. I’m beginning to believe our talking to you was not worth our time. Such prevarication  and ignoring of MY issues in your letter, but then I’ve never been your client, so I guess that’s appropriate, from YOUR perspective. Doesn’t seem fair to me. Like Kenny told you already, this is about accountability.
 

The FIRST thing I’m EVER told by a doctor is that  I  am IN CHARGE of my treatment.
The FACTS of this case point to otherwise, when patient disagrees with doctors.

Look them over…I’m going to be VERY short on words, I’ve written enough, and your response is obviously ONLY an attempt to cover your ass.

We’ll talk about stigma (see what you missed, Jim?) next meeting.

We’ll talk about your ignoring Kenny’s request for names and dates visited us next time.

We’ll talk about the lack of promised  PERSONAL responses from George Harrison and Emily Levitt..
I asked Mr. Harrison a question that he has NOT responded to. (You have the faxes, do your OWN homework!) I was OFFENDED, Jim that you wanted a detailed list. Have YOU no intelligence? The faxes compared to the answers…you do YOUR list of prevarications  and omissions. Let’s see if they match up next meeting.

Here’s just a few to document for the future:
Kenny asked Miss Emily for particular things that SHE would respond to. We received NO response FROM her.

We’ll talk about the term Mr. EEEEE used on me, "shoot through" next time, since you CHOSE to ignore that you PROMISED us an explanation.
Can’t keep promises hunh?

You’ll PROVE to me next time that I AGREED to be your client, OR put MY file in Kenny’s.  EEEEE  LIED on that form. I had already INSISTED to my primary care physician that  it wasn’t medical. I REFUSED to become your client. Show me where I signed in agreement!

PROVE to me that it was PSYCHOTIC, dearies, if your going to insist that what you DID was okay, and FAIR, as you SAY is included in my rights.

Don’t forget to include the miracles (supposedly impossible physical changes in nature…the OVERNIGHT healing of my leg.), in YOUR explanation for what happened and WHY you thought it necessary to OVERULE MY determinations in my OWN life. See the next time I spoke to EEEEE where I told them that it was KENNY’S problem, not mine.
And this time, don’t ignore the fact that everyone told Kenny I didn’t FIT the psychotic profile.
 
 

I TRIED to get you to LEAVE ME ALONE. No one did until I had the healing on my leg at Langley Porter, but that doesn’t EXCUSE what you did before:
IGNORE that I am in CHARGE of my treatment.
Joanna, you said I am responsible for my dignity. I am ALSO responsible for calling people who SAY one thing and DO another on the carpet. We EACH, in our OWN way, do what we can.

Your people can’t even TELL THE TRUTH.
Lying for the greater good?
Don’t bullshit yourself, dears.

Enjoy your week.
Dave and Kenny
 

cc: Dr. XXXX
George Harrison
Emily Levitt

Then, after cooling off over the weekend, I sent a third response:
 

Dear Joanna,
In response to your actual letter, let me take it complaint by complaint.

Complaint 1.
Read what you wrote. That’s NOT what I said. Read the appropriate fax, and you’ll see that it is incongruous to me that you offer spirituality classes WHILE PRE-condemning my experience psychotic rather than spiritual, even though Kenny was told I didn’t fit the psychotic profile. Ask Kenny about that.

Complaint 2.
That she didn’t document Kenny’s hitting her, doesn’t mean it’s not true. Are you calling Kenny a liar? He’s TRIED to get you to give him dates and people so he can reconstruct that for you. I thought you said at our meeting that this wouldn’t be hearsay vs. hearsay. It’s not lost on us that you wanted a confrontation between LLLLL and Kenny, but offer no confrontation with EEEE or Emily L.
And as an aside, you mention ‘standard practices’. It’s also standard practice to write, "patient refuses to sign", rather than, "Patient incapable of signing due to psychological illness." When that is what happens. Kenny will verify that I refused. I was certainly capable. I arranged a musical number during that time…I’ll play it for you someday. If  I could do that, don’t you think I could sign my name, IF I WANTED TO?

Complaint 3.
Well, this one got me to giggle, Joanna!
You want to know why I spent that money, though it’s not really relevant? I had SCRIMPED from my OWN personal budget to save three hundred dollars. I wanted to buy a couple prints and mentioned it to Kenny. He objected, intimating that it was also HIS money. So I taught him a lesson about me. If it’s my money, I’ll damn well spend it where I want. HE got the message, you misinterpreted what happened because YOU DIDN’T ASK ME, and thus it became psychologically suspect behavior. (The people that visited DID mention how nice the prints were, but didn't mention they felt it erratic behavior.)
But about the overall complaint, I’ll let Kenny handle number three, cause it’s HIM you’re saying either lied or has delusions. He must have delusions…he knows the crystal changed too. Saw the healing on my leg, too. Incidentally, why were you not interested in verifying that healing with my primary care physician? I’ll gladly give you a permission slip. He KNOWS I had a spontaneous (I think that’s the common term), healing. Langley Porter does too. I’ll fill out a slip so you can talk to them. If you want to arrive at the truth of the matter, rather then just cover the AHP doctors asses for them.
I singled AHP out over Langley Porter {They had pointed out three groups had been involvd with me.} cause the others treated me NICE, and they KNOW what’s going on….they knew WHAT to ask me about, and it wasn’t MY behavior, but my INTERPRETATIONS.
Smart folks up there! But I ramble…

Complaint 4.
Well now, isn’t it CONVENIENT that they can’t remember. I see a PATTERN OF DENIAL HERE.
Perhaps you should get some psychiatric help. Denial is not healthy.
But again, that’s Kenny’s complaint to deal with.
HOWEVER, I’ve got a few points to make too.
You state," "Also, please note that AHP has no specific written policies on AIDS mania rather AHP adheres to clinical standards of practice which, in our view, were followed in this situation."
Let’s see…."Shoot through". Where is that standard clinical practice?
Telling Kenny he HAD to leave TO GET ME TO HIT BOTTOM. I know you’ve denied that, but it’s what Kenny remembers as your MOST INSISTENT point. Where is denying his memories  standard practice?
EEEEE writes, "Patient unable to sign due to psychological illness", when I REFUSED to sign.
That’s bald-faced distortion of what I MEANT. Is that too ‘standard practice’?

Kenny doesn’t lie, honey. Neither do I. Who’s ‘zooming’ whom, as the saying goes!
You don’t lie, you just can’t remember things that WERE said.
BTW, we knew you couldn’t release names. I mentioned that it would be wonderful to talk to them, and asked you specifically how many aidsmania patients you see as opposed to other ‘disorders’.

Complaint 5
Well, that isn’t quite what he meant. Talk to him. The request he referred to was the request he made in October of 97, not the recently re-expressed request.

Complaint 6
Where in ALL of our talk, do I admit that it was medically related?
You said IN OUR FIRST VISIT, IN GOOD FAITH, that we four might decide that it was a spiritual experience rather than psychotic. How you can decide that it was psychotic, when it included DOCUMENTED miracles, I just don’t understand. And most importantly, I need definitions from you for BOTH the jargon psychotic illness and spiritual episode. I DID ask for that didn’t I? How do you distinguish the two?

And by the way, I thought above you claimed that Kenny wasn’t TOLD to leave. Besides Kenny INSISTED that he was not in any harm, nor I for that matter, and that he WANTED to stay with me... You didn’t care to listen.

"You’re not listening still, perhaps you never will." -From a song.
(Just a mind fart!)
Please forward this to Jim, maybe now you can see how inadequate AND off-the-mark your response was.

Don’t take this personally, Joanna…that’s why I put in some giggles.
But take it seriously, cause you’re making KENNY very angry.

Sinlesscerely
Dave Starkovich, NEVER your client, never NEED to be your client. Free will happens and that WONDERFUL EXPERIENCE I accepted of my own free will. I KNEW what I was doing. I still do!
I thank CREATION everyday for that GIFT. I think you’re just guilty and don’t want to admit to certain facts. I’ll give you every permission slip you need to find out the TRUTH, but I’ll be damned if I’ll do the legwork. You raped Kenny and me, not the other way around.

P.S. ONE thing I DID like reading!  It’s nice to know I’ll be SAFE at those spirituality meetings you offer, when we tell our story. That wasn’t true in my house that October. Your PREDATORS were lurking about, slandering me...to Kenny, who then passed your PRE-JUDGMENT on to my friends and family. That’s where the stigma comes in. Didn’t address that, did you, even though it was mentioned at our last meeting and since.

Dave Starkovich

cc: Dr. XXXX
Dr. XXXX, I know you didn’t get their response. Put this in my file and I’ll bring what it responds to. You need to know what you wrought when you spoke to Kenny AND advised him about ME without a written permission slip to do so.
UNFOLLOWED standard practices all around.
AHHHH but MY hands are clean.
Dave Starkovich

      June 1, 1999
 

Hi Joanna and Jim,
Your latest letter seems ambiguous to me.
I agree, since I was so thorough in fulfilling Jim’s request that I document where I felt you ignored our complaints in your first response, that meeting is unnecessary.
But are you also saying you will no longer respond to the facts and questions as stated in our case?
As Kenny said over the phone, WE’RE willing to take lie detector tests to prove OUR veracity.
And for myself, just so YOU aren’t tempted to not document: Joanna, are you there to police them or pimp for them? Is ANYONE interested in discovering the truth?

Had I been sexually molested, outrage would have been certainly expressed. Since I was ONLY mentally and emotionally abused by AHP staff who use ONLY UNPROVEN OPINIONS to justify their abuses, it’s okay, and my fulfilling your and Jim’s request silences you. Ambiguous to me, you see.
Joanna, you don’t even seem concerned anymore over the term "shoot through" that you seemed so concerned about at our first meeting. I know EEEEE found out about it…he didn’t smile at me the second visit.
You have nothing more to say about it. I got it, I think.
And being polite is more important than being truthful. Glad I got my fuck yous in while I had the chance!
People who LIE, and treat me so abusively, do not DESERVE my respect.
Besides, Joanna, I got my turn at bat, which is what I wanted. I did state that I wanted Ahp to change it’s tactics, but that has failed. Or perhaps not; Those who lied have to answer to their own heart as do we all. You too, Joanna. I’ve said what I want to say in public, and I for one, don’t even break promises, never mind vows. So I won’t sue. Or even continue complaining. Perhaps you’ll pay more attention to procedures without admitting you need to, to us…
That I will hope for, at the least.
And crazy as it sounds, I do seem to get my wishes, one way or another.
"If your HEART is in your DREAMS, no request is TOO extreme. When you wish upon a star, as dreamers do." -Disney theme song.
More reality expressed in that statement then in ALL the theories expressed by psychiatrists put together. Psychiatrists focus too much on the intellect and rationality, to the point they exclude contradictory evidence.
Jim, The first thing Joanna said when she came to the meeting, where YOU had promised to be, was, "First, I want you to understand this is my job." I understood then by your absence and her words that you were just going to ‘fuck off’ our complaints, and not even face to face. You left it for her to take the heat. We felt for her watching her discomfort.
 

I understand that even thinking the sun is conscious is irrational, by todays definition of what is rational, never mind believing that one has psychically communed with that consciousness, and others. I even mentioned Joan of Arc to Joanna, who admitted that by todays standards, she’d be off the charts. I knew then, that’s what you considered me.
Dr. Harrison can keep looking for a physical cause for me feeling whatever I did, and hearing voices, too, and watching as my universe responded to my thoughts for days on end… even to the inclusion of crystals changing cause it was needed to heal the damage you did Kenny.
But PSYCHIATRY’S opinions are no more provable than mine, yet are used to defame and abuse me and my honey.
Life is more then a job Joanna, it’s doing what your heart can live with for the rest of your life.
 
 

I can accept that I’m rude TO people who treat me so rudely.  Then and since. I wouldn’t want to foster a personal relationship with people that abuse me, that’s for sure. Or those that ignore me, when they can no longer abuse me.

And I just wanted to document how I view AHP and what they did to me. Raped me of my rights by lying on their forms and spouting defamatory shit to my honey. Can’t prove it, since you don’t even believe Kenny and I together about any of it, but I WILL say it. As Kenny told you in one of the three calls YOUR denial caused him to make, WE are willing to take lie detector tests to prove OUR veracity.
That’s what MY motivation is, TRUTH, and especially for you, Joanna of risk assessment, documentation of AHP’s practices FROM MY PERSPECTIVE, which they have NO RIGHT to judge. I was never your client, I refused, and they don’t know anymore about consciousness then I do. I just know what happened, and I’ve told YOU only ten percent, and focused on my rights, so I don’t see how you can even presume to figure ME out.
EEEEE’s lying on that form doesn’t change the truth. Kenny remembers the same thing I do…that when I found out it was to register, I refused to answer any more questions, and refused to sign. And your ignoring the charges, or blaming my faxes for not continuing to meet, doesn’t change a thing either. I wrote those faxes at your request. You don’t need to see me to respond to the truths I state, which YOU asked for specifically. Damn, I wish I had gotten Joanna to FAX me that request YOU made, Jim, to elucidate your omissions.
You may just claim that I sent those without being asked.
It would fit the pattern, here.
 

It’s ALL been about documentation.
And Joanna, you asked why single out AHP? They’re the only ones that didn’t treat us NICE. But that’s because they go above and beyond standard practices, and then lie about it later.
Makes a difference in MY book.
I remember our first meeting, Joanna, when we showed the crystal to you and Jim and Dymond, and you admitted that unexplained things happen.
Too bad that MEANS nothing to you, in light of it HAVING BECOME a question of who’s telling the truth of what was said and done.
We stand behind our words.
They HIDE behind yours.
That sums it up nicely, for my part.
Enjoy your lives, dears, we know WE will, now that our ‘duty’ has been fulfilled.
Our lives have become magnificently psychically interactive! One could even say, from present allowances of what society believes possible, truly magical.

Kenny will get over your attacking his integrity, as I got over it when you attacked mine, then.
Miracles help, in that regard!

FOYF,
Dave Starkovich

cc: Dr. XXXX
Dear XXXX, I ‘bequeath’ to you the memory of the healing, and the written exchange we have had with AHP. Incidentally, Joanna, XXXX got one of those paintings that AHP staff interpreted as erratic behavior!!! Too GIVING I guess, as well as too HAPPY, too.

Those were, incidentally, the symptoms of aidsmania as quoted to us by Dear Dr. Olden. Told him, "How will I know??? You’re  describing ME!"
Thanks at least for letting me express my outrage, SAFELY. It’s unhealthy to keep it in.
And boy, does AHP inspire outrage. That’s just to get you 5150’d, their only objective from the evidence. Even that turned out to my benefit, as the healing wouldn’t have happened at Langley Porter, otherwise, and AHP would have continued their emotionally hurtful practices. Lucky me, inDEED!
Dave
 

Go on with yourselves, dearies. I'm over you...Kenny was right, you should all be required to wear cameras and recording devices...to keep YOUR memory, which seems to recall nothing Kenny, myself, and my friend recalls.  Those standard practices are to keep people like YOU from raping the rights of gentle people like me.
Aggressiveness is NOT incompatable with gentleness. Ask Gandhi.
But violence is HARMING someone, either emotionally or physically.

FIRST DO NO HARM you VOW.

Yet you tell my friends  {My friend St.... called their hotline and was told the same that Kenny was told}, I'm SICK, and tell them to LEAVE ME, so that I will HIT BOTTOM. THEY remember those words, even if your staff doesn't. Why would their leaving make me hit bottom? BECAUSE IT HURT, and YOU knew it would. I cried and cried and cried, until that sweet understanding, LOVING voice said, "Dave, no more crying til it's over."
Your tactics didn't work, as NOTHING short-circuits Mother Nature, but boy, did YOU HURT ME EMOTIONALLY.
Thanks for NOTHING, AIDS HELLTH PROJECT.
Enjoy continuing your denial.
Break that vow to do no harm.
And then lie to yourselves about it.

AHP, It's been a pleasure being your mirror!
You NEEDED a good look at yourselves.
And to the psychiatric profession that spawned you, At age 17 I took a psychology class in high school. After  several classes, the "teacher" turned to me and said, "Dave, you're always smiling. You can't  be that happy." I told him that I was sorry he wasn't, but I was truly happy, most of the time.

When I went on disability for the first time, my primary care physician wanted to put me on prozac...I was depressed cause I'd come home so tired, I didn't have the energy to fix dinner.
I told her, I want to be happy cause I CARE, not because I don't care.

She finally did relent and gave me a temp disability, with the condition I see one of the psychologists. Our first meeting, a week after being home, feeling rested, refreshed, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, I walked in and told him things were going great. The second meeting, I walked in, and he said, "Dave, you don't seem to be doing anything to maintain your disability."
I said, dripping with sarcasm, "What do you want me to do? ACT depressed?"
HE, the ultimate asshole, wrote in my chart, "Patient makes it clear he will lie to maintain disability."

When I read that, I went back and told my primary care physician no more shrinks.

And now this.

You can call psychicness whatever you want, but you won't bleed it out of the sytem. It's what MAKES the system, stupids.

And that emotion and feeling of oneness?

"Dear, when you smiled at me, I heard a melody. It haunted me from the start.
Something inside of me, started a symphony,
ZING went the strings of my heart.

Twas like a breath of Spring, I heard a robin sing, about a nest set apart,
ALL NATURE SEEMED TO BE, IN PERFECT HARMONY,
Zing! Went the strings of my heart."

Why did society TEACH me that, if YOU think it's "ILLNESS"?
 

Dave Starkovich

This page hosted by:

Get your own free homepage!