Boyzone singer Ronan Keating has spoken for the first time about his mothers
death. And he admits "I keep thinking she'll walk through the door". The
devastated star says life has become like a huge void. since mum marie lost
her battle against cancer just over two weeks ago at the age of 54. Speaking
in the lounge of the westbury Hotel in his native Dublin, Ronan looks drained.
He hides under a baseball cap and when he talks about his mum his eyes well up
with tears. They look red and raw and he admits he has been crying constantly
since she passed away. Ronan, 20, says I have been walking around like a
zombie. There is a massive gap in my life and I don't know how to handle it.
My mother has gone- when I say these words  I still cant start to comprehend.
It hasn't hit me properly yet - its like she is on holiday. Every time I open
the door I think its her with her suitcase. She was my best friend, she gave
me everything. I used to ring her everyday, wherever I was in the world. I
still have the name mum
programmed into my mobile phone and sometimes I still ring it to see if she
has really gone. I'm going to keep it there, just in case. Its little things
like that - they are constant reminders and that is what brings on the tears.
Ronan decided to break his silence about the tragedy to Bizarre. He says he
wants to get it out of his system and shares his memories of Marie with his
millions of fans. He says he owes his success to Marie, who died on the 2nd of
February, and would happily give up his fame and money to bring her back. He
turns away and fiddles nervously with his phone as he says : I have never
cried so much as I have in the last two weeks. Ronan has also split from
girlfriend Gabriella Martinez, 30, an MTV presenter. He says I knocked that on
the head just before my mum died. It didn't work out which was a blow. I'm
single but I've got loads of friends. It has been a difficult time. I haven't
got a girls shoulder to cry on but I've got a
wonderful family. They've helped me despair. Ronan rushed to his mums bedside
in a Dublin hospital when she took a turn for the worse. He says I wanted to
say goodbye to her I and hold her hand but I arrived 15 minutes after she
died. That was the lowest I've ever been. I never want to experience that
again. But she always said she didn't want any of us to be there hen she
passed away. She knew she as dying and sent my sister out to the shop to get
her something. She then called in a nurse who held her hand the actual moment
she actually died. When my sister had come back she had gone. She was brave to
the very end and just didn't want us to see it happen. Mum wanted us to have
positive memories of her. She was just a wonderful and beautiful human being.
In December Ronan told of his joy when he thought Marie had beaten her
cancer.He adds: That's what made it even harder. We thought she was in the
clear but things got worse. The hardest thing I've ever had to do as read at
my mums funeral. I've played to thousands but nothing will ever compare to
that moment.Since her death, the heart-throb, who has had hits with Words and
Picture of You, has been throwing himself into his work to help his grieving.
He says my dad is a truck driver and he has gone back to work and fortunately
I'm busy at the moment. I will be able to make mum live on in my heart and
also my songs. The memory of her keeps me going. I've just finished this
album. There are a lot of personal songs on there about her.
My mother was my best friend and it hurts so bad. But I have had loads and
loads of mail from fans and that has helped too. I'm lucky to have that. I
wouldn't hesitate to give up everything I have worked for to have my mother
back. I would go and pack bags in a supermarket if that would bring her back.
I would give up everything - none of this means anything, I just want my mum
back. There are a number of songs I have written about her, one called This is
Where I Belong, but I haven't thought about how difficult it will be to sing
those songs on stage. My family and the boys in the band have been towers of
strength to me. I just need some time to myself.
Initially I felt I couldn't go back to work ever again but it has actually
helped to ease the pain. She would have wanted me to carry on - she was so
proud. I like to just go into church and just talk and pray and my faith has
helped too. I have prayed for her a lot. Next month Ronan will fly to Japan
for the premier of Rowan Atkinson's movie bean. The band performed the theme
tune. Their new album is out in May and a summer tour ill follow. Ronan who
lives in a £400,000 house with his dad Gerard, 56, and brother Ciaran, 32, and
sister Linda, 30, in County
Kildare, has also landed a TV job presenting BBC show Get Your Act
Together. It will showcase new bands and go out in April.