...ordering me onto a Restart course

Top job-seeking tips from my Restart course

* there's lots of opportunities for girls to work in private nursing homes

* if you go to college and get some GCSEs then you'll get a good job (like the posh people do

* if you're a woman you can get a job as a cleaner

* it's really good to work for £20 a week (self-employed)

* "I've worked with the lads from Byker and Elswick so you can't fool me"
(ooh, like, I'm scared)

* "It's nice to have some ladies on the course. Most leave the course early because of the bad language and macho atmosphere"

Interview Reviews

Southwark Council:

It's always off-putting when one of the interviewers laughs hysterically every time you say anything... It wasn't very plush either - a hut that was evidently storing all the stuff (broken chairs, etc) they didn't want in the main building next door. Undrinkable (machine) coffee

PR agency, Soho:

Nicer coffee and plusher surroundings, but full of ponytails

ITN:

Identifiable by all the people who thought they were something special flouncing out of taxis outside. It's probably quite easy to wander around hunting down celebs - reception let me straight in without checking with anyone (which meant that I got the wrong lift and ended up on the wrong floor). Yes, that's me getting stuck in the revolving door behind the 12.30 news

north-east local authority:

Low on social skills, high on grunts. Not very well organised: I nearly ended up giving blood instead of getting interviewed

medium-sized charity, south London:

Down an alley past a bookshop selling old copies of Quim. Felt like I'd stumbled in on a party - lots of old people in the throes of getting pissed

Hackney council:

Got the wrong bus, then (accidently) made the personnel officer fall off a window ledge. Otherwise, just your usual local authority place...

City University:

It might have been alright if I could have found it. Had a nice afternoon at the Barbican Centre though