Graduated: HIT (1985) M.B.A.
Married: April 2, 1993 (Doris Walker)
In 1993, after his career was secured, Walt took a trip back to Tasmania where he married his highschool sweetheart, Doris, a golf cart mechanic. They moved back to the States and had two children, Albert and Wanker. He now currently lives in Sprague, Washington and because of his successful theme park is a well loved figure of the Northwest.
Graduated: U of Washington (1993)
B.S. Computer Science
Last Seen: 1997 (Wabowden, MB ?)
2001 Tibet
2003 Antarctica
2005 Seattle, WA
Chris was born on June 9th, 1971 in Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan where his parents farmed wheat. His early years were hard, but fufilling. This hard work paid off, however, when he won the 1500 m Provincal Track title for Moose Jaw Central Collegiate Institute in 1987 and recieved an academic scholarship to Cal Tech in 1988. Graduating in 1993, Chris became one of the first computer literate college grads. But his first jobs were low paying and stressful. Chris's big break came in 1995 when Walt noticed him at a technology fair. Impressed by his technical prowess, Walt hired him on the spot. His hard work and dedication paid off as he recieved the #2 postition of VP of Development in 1997.
Chris is currently devoted to expand Oysterland Inc. to the biggest forum, the Internet. He hasn't been seen publicly since May 1997, however, when he moved to Wabowden, Manitoba, to center his web design company.
UPDATE - Chris Ward has been seen recently in Seattle. Rumors are that he will pick up the reins of Oysterland Inc. and revive the flaggering park, which has seen zero visitors since 1998.
Morgan III
Graduated: Home Schooled (1969)
Years living in fear of lightning: 12
He was born in Worchester, England on February 2nd, 1949 to a local beef maganate. There he was exposed from a young age to the business world and grew up a proud graduate from Oxford and a wealthy man. He retired in 1972 with a fortune of over 45 million dollars.
"How did he do it?" you ask. Through sophisicated manipulation of market funds, personal investment in his fathers beef production and key breaks in South American Zinc speculation, he squandered his last quid and was forced to become a dung shoveler in his fathers' stockyards. His frail dispostition made that job impossible and in 1969, he was thrown out of his family mansion and was forced to become a 7-11 clerk. He nearly ended his life twice before luck broke on February 2nd, 1971. It was his 24th birthday when he some how came in possession of the winning Sweepstakes ticket and immediatly became filthy rich. He, of course, credits his sucess to well timed investments in beef jerkey sticks on Aisle 3 and a sell off on straight gin in the back room. Soon after his great fortune, he was hired by a big investing house in London.
After a disasterous showing in oil investments, William had the luck of his father dying in a bizarre shaving accident and gaining his family fortune. He quickly established his own investment house and proceeded to spearhead several impressive projects such as buying the Brooklyn Bridge, building a tunnel to China, and financing a snipe hunting expedition to the wilds of Africa. He also was part of the funding for the famed Mr. Mysterio, who could levitate birds with a single command. But after a loss of 3 billion dollars in Bulgarian fez production, his stockholders forced his resignation in August 1986. It was a sad day for British markets as "Mr. Gullible" left the scenes of power. Rarely now has such laughter been heard whenever William would make a blockbuster deal.
He promptly continued to dabble in the markets and was personally involved in the 1987 correction when he closed a stellar deal with an Australian winery. He had the misfortune of the wineries bankruptcy and the arrest for fraud of all the major partners. He luckily was spared of any legal issues due to an insanity plea and a well timed natural gas explosion in the area. Forunately, William was in Holbrook attending a tire burning seminar and avoided personal harm.
But his last failures forced him into retirement, and he moved to a nice little place under a bridge in downtown London. There he discovered religion and found a new sense of direction. It is here that Walt Oyster found him sacrificing chickens and stray cats to his god, Wotan, in 1993. Impressed with his knowledge and background, Walt hired Mr. Morgan on the spot. After a few stiff drinks, a tranq dart, and intense psychotherapy, Mr. Morgan agreed and joined the company in February 1994.
William now works day and night for fear that "Thor will smite the idle!" as he always says in that humorous and well-known manner. He devotes at least half his time to worship of his Nordic gods along with supporting his pet bananna, George. His Norse God page is linked here.
Graduated: 1965 (if you know what I mean)
Married: June 16, 1966 (Carmen Richetta)
"Rocky" was born to a wealthy family in Sicily where he...uhh...moved to America and had no connection to the Mafia, or any other large crime syndicate for that matter. Due to his immigrant status "Rocky" started off in the trucking business, and from there he soon moved to specialized investing. Unfortunately he soon fell on hard times when his mentor and "father figure" dissappeared mysteriously while on a boat trip. Devastated by this loss "Rocky" moved to Las Vegas and became part of a small security detail for local bill collector and laundry man Don Quixotavo. Don was impressed by his zeal and abilities at helping clients find ways to pay their bills, and "Rocky" was promoted to head of security at a casino.
After a few years he became the right hand man of Fredo Parchesi. Once again "Rocky" lost a mentor and friend when Fredo had an accident trying on some shoes near the docks. This however was Mr. Calzone's big break and he took over the job of paid "protection" and planning "hits"...um...I mean meetings between clients.
In 1988 Walt Oyster visited Las Vegas on vacation. While there he lost a large sum of money. As his park was in the distant future Walt had no real way of paying back the Maf...casino owners. Calzone visited Walt and encouraged him to be very creative in finding a way to repay his losses. Walt offered him a position in his company and stock options equaling approximately half of the Oysterland Inc. portfolio.
Calzone joined up less than a year later, and is today the head of park security, where out of generosity he still makes offers few can refuse.
Graduated: HIT (1984) Magne Cum Laude
Married: January 12, 1995 (Bridget Lee)
Born in Belfast, Ireland on March 15, 1964, Turk is the only son of William and Maggie O'Malley. When he was just one year old Turk's family moved to Hangatiki, New Zealand for undisclosed political reasons. From birth Turk was an imaginative lad, and as his father put it "often talked to the voices in other people's heads." Thus it was only logical for him to follow a career that utilized this calling.
When Turk graduated from the local farm school run by the stern but fair Ms. Duckawilla, he enrolled at Hobart Institute of Technology under a full academic scholarship. It was here that he met his future employer, Walt Oyster. Though Turk graduated Magna Cum Laude, he was forced to become a shepherd in the rural area of his home town. This lasted until June of 1993 when he was visited by Mr. Oyster who was in New Zealand visiting his high school sweet heart. Mr. Oyster offered him a position as head of Creative Development, one which Turk lept at.
Turk now lives in Seabeck, heading up design projects of immense importance. Good friends with the Oyster family, he is Albert and Wanker's godfather.
Graduated: Princeton (1970) B.A. Communications
(1973) M.A. Communications
Married: December 12, 1976 (Anne S. Worthington)
(Also, mispelling his name 'Issac' does not piss him off. Believe me, I tried.)
Graduated: UTEP (1990) Ph.D. Psychology
(1994) B.A. Communications
Last meal: Stew
This incident seems to have had no effect on the child. Not much is known about Dwayne's childhood, since the nuns at the orphanage ran a tight school with no written records of child history. They claimed this is was necessary for a fresh start for the child after being adopted.
Sadly, Dwayne was never adopted by an outside family and so spent the first eighteen years of his life growing fava beans, and helping in the Chianti winery behind the orphanage. Dwayne's first degree at UTEP was in psychiatrics, but after several upsetting mishaps went back to school.
Upon obtaining his degree in journalism Dwayne applied for and got a position as PR Director for Oysterland Inc., where he presently works. Dwayne was recently transfered to Event Coordination after another mishap.
Enlisted: Royal Marines (1958) Kenya
Knighted: Royal Order of the Highlands (1994)
Married: June 1, 1963 (Angie McPhee)
Sir McWhitley was born on April 15, 1938 in the highlands of Scotland. There he was raised in the ancient traditions of his clan and soon became an excellent testament to the greatness of the Scottish people. After years of hard work, he joined up with the Royal Marines and was sent to Kenya in 1959. There he became great friends with the future president and after his tour of duty ended in 1964, he joined the Kenyan government as an advisor.
There he grew to admire the wildlife and in 1972 became Game Warden at Tanganika National Reserve. By 1980 he was the most respected warden in Africa. By that time, he was offered the difficult job of coordinating several reserves in Northern India, and accepted the challenge. There he gained world renown by saving several endangered species and ensuring the safety of thousands of visitors a year. After 25 years of service, the British Government recognized his achievements by awarded the honor of Royal Knight of the Highlands.
Sir Angus was immediatly bombarded with requests to coordinate many famous reserves and zoos. It wasn't until 1994 that he met an offer he couldn't turn down. It was in May of that year Walt Oyster contacted him about the postion at Oysterland. Sir Angus was at first skeptical, but was won over by Walt's vision. He retired from his Indian post and joined Oysterland in 1996.
He now lives in Seabeck, near the park, with his wife, Angie, and his sons William and Alexander. There he devotes his full time to the safety of the park.
Graduated: Stockholm Academy (1973)
Married: October 6, 1975 (Helga Butterhornen-Shultzenheener)
In that same year, Olaf became the head of his most ambitious project, the enterprising, but ultimately doomed Paris to Bejing Rickshaw Tunnel, funded by the renowned financial genius William Rutherford Morgan III. After two years of hard work, the project folded after several major accidents and cost overruns. Olaf was undaunted by this new challenge and on a shoestring budget, managed to make major strides on the project. One last disaster shattered his dreams, however, in 1988 when his tireless crews was shocked that they had been drilling in circles for four years. However, this was not discovered until they had accidentally undermined a support to the Effiel Tower and nearly collapsed the Louvre.
Olaf's crew was immediatly arrested and fined. Olaf escaped any prosecution due to legal technicalities and was deported from France in November of 1988. Despondent and broke, he returned to Sweden with thoughts of hideous death and sadness.
Olaf was saved by a chance encounter with Walt Oyster in Amsterdam in January, 1989. Walt was in town to "look around", and was immediately intrigued with Olaf's story. After a long discussion, Olaf realized that his talents could still be put use. His most successful project soon followed.
In 1990, Mr. Svagenheight completed the New Zealand to New Zealand tunnel from Auckland out to the middle of the ocean and back to Auckland. Walt Oyster was immediatly impressed and hired him on the spot. Now he is a senior employee at Oysterland Inc.
Last updated January 28th, 2005