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Available Services Innovative methods of clock handling! (See Rivas-Karpov, Dos Hermanas, 1994 and Gelfand-Karpov, Cap d'Agde, 1998) Amazing
techniques for predicting your opponent's openings! It's like
magic! (See Karpov-Korchnoi, 1978, game 32 and first twenty games
of Karpov-Kasparov, 1986) Hypnosis can be fun! Why use your own mind? (Dr. Zukhar still available for tournaments, matches, and children's parties.) Game insurance policies! We GUARANTEE you won't lose! Secret (police) methods ensure your opponents won't even want to win! (We know where they (and their families) live!) (Contact
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Available services How to be in the right place at the right time, again and again! It can't be a coincidence! Why exhaust yourself over the board? Our specialists can tell you how to win from the comfort of your own home! (Or your luxurious hotel, paid for by the organizers.) Didn't play in the tournament? Who cares?! Your lawyers didn't get it right the first time? Come to the pros! We'll help you sue to play the winner of the tournament even if it was over long ago! Don't be a quitter! |
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(DISCLAIMER: None of the contents of this website can be copied, distributed, or even read or I'll sue you. In fact, I'm probably going to sue you anyway so I may as well get it over with now. At the very least you have to put off reading this website until next February or I'll sue you. Never mind, you have to put it off until August, and pay me for any inconvenience I may incur due to your reading this website. If you have already read the website then I'm going to sue you to make you say that you did not actually read this website and to regain my title as World Champion of this website.)