I know that Big Beautiful Women and Big Handsome men often have low self esteem. I think that all of the years of hearing "Thin is In" and being ridiculed for being over weight, not to mention Cosmo and GQ models being considered something to which we should aspire, has taken its toll on the large man and woman. I've said it before and I will say it again - you are what you THINK! No one else's opinion of yourself matters more than the opinion that is your own! Who cares what other people think! Be yourself. Think people don't like you because you're fat? I doubt it - there are MILLIONS of people on earth and this fat women has a whole gaggle of friends - big and small who know me and love me for what I am inside.
First though, how do you convince yourself to actually like yourself and see yourself as beautiful or handsome? There are two techniques I use for bringing change into my life.
AFFIRMATION - The first is called affirmation. Your mind is already in a rut when you are telling yourself over and over again "I am not beautiful" or "No one will ever think of me as handsome". It's time to get rid of the negative thought patterns that are clogging your mind and start out with a new perspective! The word affirm means to "make firm". Affirmations are statements that you say to yourself. These statements are strong and positive statements about yourself, your life or situations. The main difference is that you state these phrases as if they have already happened. An example would be this:instead of saying, "Someday I will think of myself as beautiful" say to yourself "I am beautiful". Say this to yourself at first over and over again. Write it out. I remember when I first started doing affirmations I wrote my down over and over again and I stuck them on post-it notes all over my house. Some of my favorite affirmations were:
I am beautiful
My body is beautiful
Others think I'm beautiful
I love myself
I have many friends
Every day my life is getting better
These were affirmations I used over many years! You will want to choose one or two when you are starting out, that way you will get used to yourself saying these over and over again! Some other affirmations you might want to use are:
I accept my body completely
I do not feel guilty when I eat
It's okay to be fat
Others love me for who I am
These affirmations can be used for other problems in your life but must be positive statements in the present tense. After saying these aloud and writing your affirmation down you may also want to meditate upon them - meditate about feeling or being handsome or beautiful. The next step would be saying your affirmation aloud. Say in a loud, strong and positive voice, "I AM HANDSOME/BEAUTIFUL!" When you say something out loud you give the words power. Say them over and over again, convincing yourself that you ARE beautiful (because you are). Do you belong to a group of BBW/BHM that meets on a regular basis? Say the affirmations aloud - TOGETHER! It's amazing how much power words have when they are said by many !
CREATIVE VISUILIZATION - The next technique I use is Creative Visualization which is using your mind and visualizing the changes that you want to bring about in your life. It's a very easy technique to master. Say you want to have some new friends in your life that accept you for who you are, not what you weigh. You might want to take a bubble bath first (hey, I know a few BHM that LOVE bubble baths!), light some incense or a candle or do something that will help relax you. First sit in a comfortable position. Take a few deep breaths and let your body relax. Imagine yourself in a fun situation with men and women enjoying yourself. You could imagine yourself at a party talking and dancing with different people (they can be faceless and that's the way I prefer to visualize people that I haven't met…yet!). Visualize in your mind taking, laughing and having fun, imagine that you are leaving the party and people are offering you their phone number and they are asking you to call them. Think about the scene EXACTLY as you want this to happen. Spend as much time with this as you want. Have fun with this. You should enjoy doing this! When you are done thinking about this say, "I want this (you can name what you want), or something even better to manifest in my life for my good and the good of everyone involved. By saying this aloud you put closure on the visualization session and by saying "or something even better" allows for something to come into your life that might be better than what you hoped for!
In addition to saying and doing these things, also TAKE ACTION! If you want more friends - reach out and meet new people in clubs, at religious services, etc. Be friendly. Go out as much as you can! If you want to start liking your body wear clothes that enhance your good points. Don't hide your body - wear clothes that look good, not big baggy clothes that cover your shape. Accept compliments when they are given. Most people who give compliments really MEAN them! Don't just shrug them off. If someone says to you, "you look great in that outfit", don't just shrug it off and figure that they were lying. In more likelyhood they weren't!!!
These techniques, if practiced on a regular basis, should help you feel better about yourself, and in turn people WILL notice a change.
Will you have bad days? You betcha! I still do! But I pick myself up, dust myself off and go on - and think of something even better that I can achieve!
One final note - please don't think that these techniques will instantly change the way you think about yourself and your situation. It won't. It too MANY years of hearing your inner voice tell yourself that you aren't adequate, or handsome or beautiful. You can't reverse these things immediately. Don't dwell on this or put a time limit on this. Eventually, and perhaps slowly, your thought patterns will change and you will feel better about yourself. It worked for me and it CAN work for you…now repeat after me, "I AM WORTHY!"
Make it so!
