After my mother died I really tried to find my path. I knew first hand about death and I have to admit that it really scared me! I would lie awake at night wondering if I was going to die the same way as my mother did and wondering if tonight was going to be the night when I was going to die! I was terrified! I tried to find solace in the Catholic Church and it really didn't help. All I felt was guilt and shame. I was 17 - 18 years old and just starting to find out about the sexual side of life and that made me feel even guiltier. I read the Bible over and over again and found no real answers to make me feel loved and not guilty for the life I had lead. (Pretty heavy stuff for a 17 year old. No 17 year old should be made to feel guilty for their childhood or sexual feelings which are natural!)

At this point I was in college and had more of an access to several different types of people. Of course, this was a small town and the most exotic religion I had experience with was Hinduism and I couldn't relate to that at all. I met some born again Christians and thought that they seemed so happy. They gave me a copy of The Way, a bible with a modern translation. I devoured it and went to bible study meetings once a week. I still did not feel like I had any of the answers and one of the main points of this movement was witnessing to others. I had no problems with this but one day several of the members of this group pointed out to me that my mother was in hell burning in eternal damnation because she wasn't born again! They pointed out that Catholics weren't "real" Christians! I was horrified and left the group soon after.

So, for several years I bounced around, still going to some different denominations of churches, and still never finding anything that clicked. God was always thought to be "out there" and only accessible to clergy and not to me. I wanted a closer relationship with the divine and couldn't achieve this with the Christian religion, especially the Catholic religion. I also didn't feel that the church respected the closeness I felt with nature and animals. I was always being told that we had dominion over all creatures. I didn't feel comfortable with this. Did I renounce the Catholic Church? NO! I left it because it just wasn't for me! I didn't feel comfortable and I felt that it did not support me as a woman OR a bisexual. I still have friends that are Catholic. Luckily they still support me for the person that I am. I can't ask for anything more than tolerance!

At that time (about a decade ago!) I started traveling to Ireland and England and made many friends there. I would love to go to old churches and just absorb the power from the places. (I later learned that many old churches and other Christian holy places were built on old pagan sites of power). I bought a lot of books on the Celts because I had an interest on Irish and English history - especially ancient history. I picked up a catalog and it had some books about wicca listed.. I never heard of wicca until then but the reviews mentioned that it was a religion honoring the earth, having a respect for nature and a god/goddess! This idea was so foreign to me but intrigued me. So I read…and read….and read. This felt so right to me. I later joined a coven and found out that we weren't really a match. I was devastated about it but I didn't realize that there are a lot of groups out there that were more for me.

In the last decade I've learned a lot about neo-paganism. Even though I still respect wicca and often use some of those techniques, I prefer the druid path and I'm involved in a local druid group. It speaks to me and since I still have a love for the Celts, especially for the Celts in ancient Ireland! I started a women's group a few years ago (we are an all women's group because it just happened this way! We are wiccan based, but use imagery from the Irish, British and Welsh myths! If you want more info, please email me!) with a close friend and I also go to a local druids grove for mixed ritual. My husband is a neo-pagan also and we enjoy doing rituals together as it helps bring us closer to one another and the gods!

I plan to add to this page with links and some definitions of some of the terms used here. To get everyone started here is a link to the alt.pagan newsgroup Frequently Asked Questions page. I also plan to add a book list for anyone interested in neo-paganism, wicca, druidry and the Celts.

If you have any questions about my spirituality or would like to link to my page, please do not hesitate to write.



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