how to...continued
"7. Avoid intimacy. This may seem paradoxical; after all, we're
talking about getting up-close and personal with as many hot babes
-- er, ahem -- we're discussing achieving satisfyingly close
relationships with a number of people, right? The trick of avoiding
intimacy can be performed in several ways, but the easiest is to
confuse intimacy with "rubbing slippery bits together". Substitute
the words "sex" and "love" for each other often in conversations.
Repeat the mantra, "If you loved me, you'd know what I want."
Practice strategy 8 assiduously, supplementing it with strategy 2.
According to the needs of the moment, figure out whether action or
words are more likely to be ambiguous or misconstrued, and go with
what gives you the most plausible deniability later. Some
exceptionally talented individuals manage to give the impression of
being intimate while successfully remaining stone-cold. Study sales
techniques for pointers. People with good "lines" fall into this
category, especially if the lines include explanations of how they
truly *value* the other person."
"8. Don't talk. Talking has been known to lead to communication if
practiced carelessly. Communication will seriously impair your
f***-up progress, and in certain cases will halt or reverse it
entirely. If you *must* talk, use cliches and quotations from popular
songs as much as possible, or fall back on strategy number 1.
If all else fails, make a safer-sex agreement with your partner(s) and
then break it, contracting a communicable disease about which you do
not then tell them. Double points for avoiding all discussion or
negotiation of sexual matters entirely so that the "agreement" is
wishful thinking and completely deniable. For a coup de grace, add
strategy 6 and tell them it wouldn't have happened if they had been
satisfying you like they were supposed to."
"9. For the ultimate metaf***-up, remain technically faithful to your
partner while breaking the spirit of whatever agreement you have
whenever possible, keeping this knowledge bottled up to ensure maximum
fear, shame and resentment. Some people win the grand prize with the
fig leaf-and-stinging-nettle cluster for self-inflicted suffering and
wasted potential by managing to keep this strategy up until death do
them part, concealing from their spouse the fact that they have been
shamming happiness all these years."
yah, and people wonder how I could be happy single?
(note: the above was originally published by Elise Matthesen)
Don't get me wrong I have nothing against being in a relationship. But by being 'involved' doesn't make you a complete person. YOU make you complete, YOU define you. No one person can make you...you. Have faith in you and don't wait for someone else to make you happy, you might just get let down.
