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The following entry is based on the On Display collaborative for the month of December.

How do you feel about getting older?

I distinctly remember a few fragments of my life where the thought of living had seemingly become a burden. Not so much the desire to die but the desire not to live, the gift of live had become too valuable and the fear of its fragileness had become too over bearing. As I've gotten older I've learned certain values, values that can not necessarily be taught but learned through external experiences; I learned about patience, hope, and forgiveness. I like to think that with getting older I am exposed to more gifts such as these and I look forward to the peace and understanding that aging seems to offer. It's really not about physical age as it is about the wisdom gained in becoming "older".

When was the first time you knew you were going to get old?

I panicked in my early twenties when I realized I was not at the same stage of life as my peers. My desires had changed and grown away from that of which society tries to dictate as appropriate behavior for certain age groups. I wanted to see new places and learn about myself and my curiosity of people and their ways and how and where I should fit into the scope of things. I hadn't been concerned with the state of my career or the season of my wedding or the names of my unborn children. I wanted to experience a life previously unknown to me and not dictated to me by family, educators and the norm. One day I began to feel unaccomplished and old in comparison to my seemingly happy friends. I wondered where I had fallen behind and was it worth it.

What do you most fear about the aging process?

I have come full circle in the past ten years from losing myself in a self created quest to finding myself and realizing that I had never actually been lost just busy in a process, my own process of learning or in some cases aging. I would most likely fear forgetting that the experiences, relationships and journeys we encounter are more about the process rather than the starting or ending point. Thus by holding on to the memory and the education of the process rather than to the age we are at start and at end you can avoid the notion of feeling old and continue to explore and perceive with child like innocence and anticipation.

I N N O C E N C E . A N T I C I P A T I O N . W I S D O M