When I Leave

keep nothing

spread me out

among the concrete

trampoline

where, when you said jump

i said how high

sell me cheap...

going out of business sale

let strangers

fumble through

the memories of me

all but the books of poetry

give them away

but only to those who

appear to have a soul

and my paintings,

they were my life

as much as the poetry

give them away as well

you cannot

set an amount

on life

~

set fire to me

and then carefully

replace my favorite wine

with the ashes

and cork them tight

and take them to the beach

the one where we shared

a first kiss

that lasted long enough

for the tide to come in

and swallow us up

and sift a few there at the edge

of the blend

of sand and sea

~

and when you have dried off

fill your tank with gas

and drive down the coast

to monterey

do not cry as i did

when we crested the hill

the time i drove for the first time

in twenty years,

but go to the lilac tree

where monarchs light

and kiss the cheeks

of lovers for luck

and when no one is looking

pretend to drop something

and sprinkle

some of me there

it was my favorite place

besides next to you

there is some money

i saved from

flea markets in the empty

orange juice can

in the freezer

see,

no one would think to look there

you didn't...

take the money

and fly to

orange and

harding st where i lived as a teenager

and go to my house

make sure they have left

for the day

and go round the house to the back

and there

in the north corner

under the rocks

you will find a box

dig as deep as you need

it will be there

i'm sure

inside will be a note

and a rag doll

the note will say

"tonight he raped me"

.

put my ashes there

KMH

©

April 1999

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