The trauma of separation from one's family of origin is, I believe, one of the most agonizing traumas we suffer as human beings. It affects us for our entire lives. The statistics have proved over and over that our jail, mental health facilities and treatment centers are filled with those who become separated from their family of origin at an early age.

The most startling statistic of all is that 7 out of 10 mass/serial murderers over the past 20 yeas were adopted. By removing children from their original families, we have added to these alarming statistics. Many adoptees and foster children are filled with rage. Louise Armstrong, author of 'Solomon Says, states "Today's foster children are tomorrow's adults. They are our future - enraged, alienated, desperate young wards of a system that offers to "help" mothers by taking away their children..."

It makes me wonder what will become of little Wesley who got caught up in the system and lost his entire extended family a year and a half ago. Let me tell you briefly what happened. I received a call from a man in his early 30's asking if we had taken his nephew? We had no idea what he was talking about and so we asked me to explain. He said he hadn't seen his nephew for a few weeks and suspected that his sister had given up her 5 year old son for adoption through us. We immediately assured him that it was not us, since we are in the business of reuniting families - not separating them. We suggested a few agencies in the area for him to call.

Within a short period of time, he was able to establish that one of our local agencies did, in fact, take a surrender from his sister on October 17th. On October 30th (less than two weeks from the time the surrender was taken), Wesley's Uncle Dave, his Aunt Gale, his Uncle Jimmy, his grandparents from Illinois, and three close friends of the family, wrote to the agency requesting custody of little Wesley. The agency refused claiming they had already placed him, had a valid consent from the birthmother, and there was nothing that could be done. We question the MORALITY of an agency accepting a child for adoption to be placed in a stranger-home when there were family members willing and able to raise this little boy. The family did not have the money to fight, and we tried every attorney in the county, but could not find one to take the case - or to even talk about it! The director of the agency has strong political connections in the community, which may have been the reason.

My contention is this. We don't take a child just from a mother; we take a child from an entire family system - the root system - and unless we make a sincere effort to find someone in that family to help out, we are guilty of kidnapping. Yes, there was a surrender, but this very distraught birthmother was not the only person to be considered. This child had an entire extended family who cared about him! Why weren't they contacted? Is it because the agency wouldn't have gotten their fee if they put their efforts toward keeping this child within the family unit?

Let's call a spade a spade - the price on Wesley's head was approximately $5,000! Similar cases occur throughout our country on a daily basis. My heart aches for little Wesley. I think about out him often and wonder how the social worker who took the surrender can sleep at night. How long does a small boy wait for a familiar looking face to come and get him? How much anger builds up within a child who has suddenly lost contact with every single person he has ever known? Think of it! Every single human being you have ever known is suddenly gone out of your life! What a terrible atrocity! Is this really in the best interest of the child?? And when he's 18 and wants to know who his family is - what will we tell him then? Sorry, Wesley, but your records are sealed and they are sealed forever! You have no right to know! It's then that he realizes that he has no control, not now or ever, over this most important aspect of his life-his genetic connection - his entire history has been stolen and sealed.

Is it this built-up anger that one day explodes and causes the deaths of innocent people? What are the chances that this little guy might become a Son of Sam - a Hillside or Boston Strangler , a Joseph Kallinger, Arthur Goode, Ken Bianchi, Albert DeSalvo, David Berkowitz - all adopted and filled with rage. Is there any connection? Is it nature or nurture that causes these heinous acts?

Listen my friends - I don't believe it's genes or environment that set the stage for criminal acts, but I do believe that the repressed anger that results from the trauma of separation is the most toxic emotion known to man. And I believe the sooner we recognize this fact and decide that we're not going to be a party to it anymore, the better off our society will be. Traditional, closed, sealed adoption has got to stop. Too many lives have been devastated in its wake. No longer should we be taking babies from mothers or children from parents simply because they are too young or too poor. Somehow we need to find new programs that will prevent this terrible loss from ever occurring in the first place. As Hal Aigner, author of Adoption in America says- "Healing is wonderful, but the better path is not to contract the disease."

Now that Open Adoption is becoming recognized and accepted, we need to proceed with caution - we need to be careful that it doesn't become just another avenue for us to support our chosen profession. How much better to put our energies into family preservation.

Prior to records being sealed, the main focus and original purpose of child welfare was to preserve families. But once the sealed record was in place, the number of private placement agencies and fees both increased tremendously. What exactly was adoption originally intended for - what was its purpose? The purpose and intent of adoption was to provide a means to care for children who were truly orphans - orphans were children who had no families. It is time that we as professional leaders made a commitment to keeping families intact - open adoption is a beginning, but it's just that - a beginning.

In closing a little parable to strike home the point. As Jesus was making his way through the hills of Galilee, there was a group of men who decided they would try to trick him. One had captured a small bird, which fit right in the palm of his hand. The plan was to ask Jesus if the bird was dead or alive. If He said the bird was alive, then the man would crush it and kill it, but if He said it was dead, the man would open his hand and let the little bird fly away. They asked "Master, is the bird I hold in my hand dead or alive?" Without a moments hesitation, Jesus replied "My friend, that decision is in your hands!" Friends, the face of adoption is constantly changing. Most of the changes appear to be good. Since the social work profession has always controlled and structured the child welfare institution - and because there are so many of you here today - I submit to you that open adoption, guardianship and family preservation is in your hands. It is my sincere hope that you will let them live.

The above excerpt may be copied with credit given as follows: Excerpt from To Prison With Love pgs. 235/236 by Sandy Musser