I used to take it for granted, probably much the same as everyone else, that they just do and of course they do. But since I've met my daughter and found other mothers suffering similarly to me from the loss of their children to adoption, now I wonder -- why do they want to call our children their own?
There must be infertile couples somewhere who accept their infertility, who don't seek to obtain other peoples babies to call their own, who have no desire to be thought of as the "parents" of somebody else's child.
This is a quote of a friend of mine that makes perfect sense to me:
"I think foster care can be done properly, when the foster 'parents' -- guardians is a better word. When the guardians know their place and are willing to stay in it. Even with long-term foster care -- why can't they explain to the child who they really are, why the child is being raised by 'Kurt and Barbara' instead of 'mom and dad.' Would it be that difficult to say 'Your mom and dad had a lot of problems and they needed us to help take care of you.' Or when a child is orphaned, say, 'Your mom and dad loved you very much, but they had to go to heaven (or whatever) and so we're going to take care of you.' Why is that so difficut?"
Why indeed! This way is totally honest. Why can't it be handled this way, instead of giving all that grief to an already troubled young mother? And without dishonoring the child's dead parents by trying to deny their existence and parenthood of their child? Of all the children who lose their parents by death, why do some have to lose them so much more completely?
This is her home page if you'd like to read more: