I had a dream about Carl three months before I met him.
In the dream, I was a passenger on an airplane. I remember the people. I remember looking at the backs of their heads. I remember having a conversation with one of the passengers and hearing the murmer of other conversations at the same time. I remember the way the plane looked. I could hear the drone of the engines. It was a vivid dream that I haven't forgotten after all these years. When I reached my destination (I never left the airport which was like a playground for adults) I met a man much younger than me, and we fell instantly into a passionate obsession for each other. That's how I spent the rest of my dream -- both of us obsessing to be near each other. It was erotic without being explicit, and I can remember every sensation.
I became obsessed with that dream. I was trying to turn it into a short story, but it just wasn't working. I couldn't get that younger man and the exquisite feeling of being near him out of mind.
Three months later, my son sent me a ticket to Reno, for no apparent reaon. I went there and got a job in one of the casinos. Carl worked there, too. The first time I saw him he was walking past me several feet away. He turned his head as he passed, and we made eye contact, briefly. The next time I saw him was on the bus home after work. I initiated a conversation with him and felt uncharactoristically comfortable talking to him.
Several weeks passed, and I had been busy saying no to plenty of men who asked me out. (It's very easy to meet a man in Reno. I got the feeling that we women where in the minority there.) But, I was tired of men. They'd always turned out to be a pain in the ass for me. One night, Carl leaned over a short slot machine and asked me if I wanted to have a drink after work. I opened my mouth to say my usual "no thanks," but instead I heard myself saying "yes."
I was really surprised and began to debate with myself whether or not I would show up. I did show up -- about an hour late. He was still there with a melted margarita sitting next to his drink on the bar. I picked up my margarita and we started talking. We talked for a long time, and I got very drunk. I was nervous -- had all those pleasant butterflies in my stomache. The ones you get when your excited about the person you're with. I couldn't even tell if he was interested in me, really.
He was.
We had a couple more dates -- pizza parlor and casino gambling. At the casino, I had to move my knee over to touch his knee. His reaction was not what I was looking for. He seemed to barely notice it at all. He wasn't making any moves on me, and I wasn't used to that.
Finally one night at his apartment, I had to be the one to take him by the hand and lead him upstairs. Before long we were living together. That was thirteen years ago, and we've been together ever since.
I want to say it was a very brief courtship -- we met in June and were living together in July. But, the courtship lasted for several years. In fact, thirteen years later, I'm still very much in love with him, and our relationship is still very romantic.
I was lonely most of my life. In fact, I can't remember ever not being lonely -- until I met Carl. That life long loneliness disappeared when he came into my life. It hasn't come back.
Carl and I were meant to be together.
Oh yeah about the dream. Reno is very much like a playground for adults. Carl is nine years younger than me. And, I've never been this much in love with anyone in my whole life. The way I feel about Carl is very much the way I felt about that younger man in my dream.