The Biopsy (1/8/99) I was so certain that this was no big deal that I almost didnt ask my Mom to come with me. The original plan was to have my friend Jenny come with me and drive me home. My plan was to spend the night at my parents house and then spend Saturday working at the wrestling tournament. Church on Sunday and return to work on Monday.
I dont remember exactly what was said when my doctor told me what he found was cancer. I remember my mom on my left side saying I would need more surgery, tears streaming down her face. I remember the doctor saying that he was 95% certain it was cancer, he also said something about the fact that he would pray, I would pray and we would get through this. On my right side was a nurse who also happened to be the mother of one of my childhood friends, whispering encouragment to me. In the midst of all of this love and support, it was the voice of the Lord that I most remember, "Who's report will you believe?"
As the news began to sink in I began to hold on to that 5% chance that the doctor was wrong.
The Decision(1/11/99): Again, I dont remember much of what was said during this appointment. I am very thankful that both of my parents were with me. I was given the option of having a lumectomy or masectomy. That decision took all of two seconds. My doctor also explained that he would be going into my lymph nodes to check for the spread of cancer and then relayed the complications that can arise from this type of surgery....swelling of the arm, sensitivity to infection.
My surgeon's office is right next to a Christian bookstore. On the way home I had my parents stop so I could run in and buy Darrel Evans CD, Freedom. Over and over I listened to track one: "I'm laying down my sickness, I'm laying down my pain, I'm laying it down for the joy of the Lord." If I had a theme song, that would be it.
The Lumpectomy(1/14/99): I was so blessed this day!!! My friend Tom Barnes came over to pray with me before surgery. I was met at the Hospital by my Pastors, Larry and Karyn Olson, my friend Dick McNees and my friend and Beast Movie Club Member, Pastor Ron Frank. With my parents we had a great time of prayer in the OR prep room.
I woke up in recovery with a horrible cough from the breathing tube. My nurse (and dear family friend) Sandy came in and told me that she had seen my sister and met her husband. I remember being really excited that they were there and wanting to get out of there so I could see them.
By the time I got to the step down room where I got to see my family I was really tired again. Everyone was all smiles and couldnt wait for the doctor to come back in to tell me that they found no more cancer and that my lymph nodes looked good.
It was a struggle to stay awake, but I was so afraid that they would keep me over night that I forced myself to stay awake.
I had another surprise, I now had a tube coming out of my armpit with a small pouch attached. The surgeon had told me that was going to be there when we discussed the operation on Monday, I had either not heard that or tuned it out. The nurse taught my mom how to 'milk' the tube and take measurements of the fluid that was drained. (Over the coming days I would 'moo' as my mom would empty the pouch) This was the fluid that would have normally been filtered through the lymph nodes that had been removed. I am amazed at how perfectly the human body functions what an awesome creator we have!!!!!!!
I woke up that night about 3am. The vicadin that I had earlier had worn off and for the first time I felt the pain of surgery. I had pain starting in my chest and going all the way down through my abs. It was something like the pain you feel when you've done too many situps. My arm was also very sore, almost numb. I remember that I wanted to get up but not being able to sit up. I tried to call out to my mom in the next room, but because my throat was still very sore from the breathing tube it came out as a whisper. I tried to throw something at the wall to make a noise that would wake her, but all I had was pillows...the pillow that I did throw landed softly on the floor. I reached back to try and knock on the wall and found that my right arm was out of range to reach the wall. Again I whispered, "MOM". God bless a mother's hearing, she heard my whispers and came in to help me up.
Over the next 3 days I had visiting nurses come to the house to change dressings, check my drainage tube and teach my mom how to care for me. I know that a huge part of my rapid healing was due to the excellent care I got from my mom during all of this!!!
Discussion of the Options(1/20/99): I saw my Surgeon again to discuss the healing from surgery. This was the first time anyone had mentioned that I would need chemotherapy and I did not take that news well. I had it in my mind that all I would need was radiation and although I didnt know what that would entail, I knew it was better than chemotherapy. Chemotherapy meant hair loss and I loved my hair!!! It was the one part of me that got the most compliments.
The surgeon scheduled appointments for me with a local Oncologist, Radiation Oncologist, and set up an appointment at the University of Chicago for a second opinion. (I wanted that 2nd opinion to be no chemo)
I was hopeful that I would be getting the drainage tube removed on this appointment. I still had too much fluid coming out. He explained that if we removed the tube too early the fluid would build up and need to be aspirated with a needle. (NO THANK YOU) He also suggested I cut back on the vicadin and try to use more of the darvocet(from my first surgery).
I remember feeling totally dejected as we left the doctors office that day. My mom had to rush back to work and my dad had wrestling practice so I had some time to be alone with God. I let it all out telling God how I could take anything but the chemo. His word came to me so strongly, "My grace is sufficent for thee". I later logged on to the computer and found my friend Toto chatting at church usa . He prayed with me online and I repented for my anger at God. Again my peace returned.
Radiation Plan(1/26/99): This was another appointment I remember little about. My parents and I were shown a video about Radiation Therapy. The nurse explained the process for marking and making a mold for the radiation machine and tattoing me so they could line up the machine each day. It was explained to us that I would need 6 weeks(30 treatments) of radiation. If the Oncologist ordered four cycles of chemo, I would do this after the chemo. If she ordered six cycles of chemo, I would do the radiation after the third cycle.
Removing the Tube(1/27/99): What a happy day!! After two weeks of pinning my little pouch to my pajamas or sweatshirts, I got the tube out !! To me it felt like a victory in a small battle of the war.
Meeting with the Oncologist(1/28/99): My first meeting with my Oncologist was a very good experience. She was very gentle and understanding of my feelings. She thought that the best plan would be to stick with a treatment consisting of four cycles of Adriamaicin and Cytoxin. She was more than open to the idea of having a second opinion and even gave me her card so the doctors there could call her to discuss my case. That day she gave me a through exam and ordered an EKG test.
Seond Opinion(1/29/99): As I mentioned before, my motivation for this appointment was to get somone to say that I didnt need chemo. The doctor was more than kind and thought that the reccomendation of my Oncologist was correct.
He offered his services in reading any future mammograms saying that they read so many each day that they may be able to see some things the local hospital may have missed. He also offered to take my case before the University of ChicagoTumor Board for another opinion. (He called a week later to say that they also agreed on my plan of treatment)
After my appointment I was able to particiapate in my favorite sport: shopping!!!! The last time I had the chance to shop was the day I found the tumor and I was not in a good mood that day. We went to Chicago's Watertower Place. I found a sweatshirt on sale at the Gap. (yeah!!!!!) We ended our day in Chicago with dinner with my sister Heidi and her husband, Jason.
