e mail

Finally, I'm not alone. I've recently moved to Amsterdam and had a nervous breakdown of sorts. Here, porn is on t.v. not to mention everywhere else. I don't mind the red-light district, I can choose not to go there. T.V. on the other hand...

It really got to be too much for me. I thought I was loosing my mind. Even calling my own father a pig in my "hate men hysteria" (my dad's great, btw, but at that time (this summer) I hated them all)... I saw them as the reason for it all... They are. Just not all of them. The regular porn is on sundays, mondays and fridays with "specials" every now and then. I've learned when to flip channels right after the monday night movie or i'll just get upset. Or when my parents visit from canada and i have to be careful i'm not suddenly watching two chicks (rarely men) doing each other with my dad sitting next to me! These are regular commercial channels. Not pay tv. It drives me NUTS!!!!! I was watching my favorite ally mcbeal sunday at 7 and got advertised to with a minute of naked pics (full shots of it all) talking about the sex shows that nite. who asked? i was just watching ally mcbeal...

My new husband is dutch and says it has gotten far worse from when he was a kid. It's rather hardcore now and we spend a lot of time avoiding channels that will piss me off.

Europe isn't just "free" with their bodies (ie: topless beaches, no problem for me, it's healthy!) it has turned into sex central and drives me crazy.

I even got an (unsealed) flyer in my mail, describing a suck and fuck for 60 bucks. I swear, I don't care how much I'm getting paid to work here, I WILL NOT raise kids here.

The equivalent of the sears catalogue sells porn movies even, you can't escape it anywhere.

When, I had to see a doctor about this, she suggested I was living in the wrong place. I glared at her. I'M not the one who's wrong!!!!!! My friend (also canadian) is teaching english here. The "diaries" handed in by students (12/13 years old) describe "doing her on her desk"... and "are all canadians as hot as you"... etc. Not only has respect been lost towards women but towards teachers, once respected. I hate that this stuff is in my face. Day in and day out. And I hate how it is brainwashing the kids. Soon men won't even be able to CUM if they don't have two women with them and the other bullshit that they push in their brains via this media. I have to admit, even I, in my young days, clung to that stockholm syndrom, "going with it"... I was young (only a couple of years ago, actually, am attractive, with big boobs (a pain to me and pleasure to PIGS!!!) and got lots of free stuff and money by playing the "game".. it was so easy. I thought they were so dumb.... Now, I'm paying the price. I sometimes feel sick to my stomach over this stuff... feeling like I'm gonna loose it right there!

I think that's why I lost it. I was a victim and now I see the light... I don't want a daughter I could someday have, to have to go through it too. It is such a waste of time. My career is taking off now .... but had I focused time and effort on it years ago, instead of wasting it on pleasing men, I'd be even further along.

My goal is to make lots and lots of money (and I'm in technology so I'm gonna damn-well try) so that we as women are just as powerful as consumers as men are. Men might control the ads, the t.v. stations, but still, if we are the bigger market, we'll still win!

I try not to think about it anymore. In fact I can't believe I'm writing this, I just get so mad!!!! But I had to let you know I appreciate your cite and more power to you.

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