As a child, my parents abandoned me emotionally. They were cold and moody and self-absorbed. Only on rare occasions did they act loving and then only with strings attached.
In my adult relationships, I still feel the same fear in the pit of my stomach.The child within me still cringes at the possibility of emotional abandonment. A word, a tone of voice or gesture - or lack of it - can drive me to act in ways that I think will prevent a friend or lover from leaving me. Yet my dishonest behavior only serves to reinforce the message of shame that says I will never be acceptable to another as I am. In the end my role-playing and people-pleasing are just attempts to control others and keep them from leaving me.
Today I will not acquiesce to my fear of abandonment. I will be myself with confidence, knowing how much I have to bring to any relationship.
*I will recognize my fear of abandonment*
As an adult, my envy disappears as I learn to accept my inner child. I realize the importance of being who I am rather than being the person I think others want me to be.
When my inner child takes over, I find that it doesn't matter what others think of me. Many people like me just the way I am, without facade or pretense. Those who don't aren't worth my time.
Once I was afraid to show who I really was to new friends, because I was certain they would go away. I realize that it is no loss to be without people in my life who have expectations I cannot fulfill. I am who I am--and I am good enough. *I accept my inner child.*
Incest and abuse are destructive walls that blocked us from receiving acceptance. We might even have come to believe we did not deserve acceptance as worthwhile human beings.
But what happens when sensitive and caring people affirm our personhood? Can we afford to risk believing they may be right about us, that we have not just fooled them into seeing us as good when we are really bad?
This is not easy to do. Even though we deserve acceptance just for being human, we have to believe we do. Acceptance is a gift of our Creator who says, "I love the being I created." This gift is offered to us through others and can be found at the depths of our being. *Today I choose Acceptance*
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