MIXED UP

Once no feelings were here.

Now they are beginning to peek out from behind the walls.

These walls have been constructed through years of pain and fear.

With each passing day, a new feeling…but they are mixed up.

These feelings interfere with my everyday activities and friendships.

I am always surprised at their return; never knowing when…only that they hurt…

They hurt those around me, and they hurt me.

They become an enemy within my soul and take charge.

They speak through me and I have no control.

They spin faster and faster within my mind…I have no control.

I fear them.

If they cause so much devastation in my life and to those I love, how will I handle the true feelings and emotions?

I know that I have a support system here, but I am shut down.

I only minimize my own situation, therefore, push myself aside.

I don't want to feel like a burden.

I have felt that way all along, and throughout my life.

I have been taught to put my feelings aside, and I push people away.

I believe that I write this with the hope that others will understand that I am

Afraid of what will come…afraid I won't be able to deal with the emotions and feelings.

Afraid I will lose my new friends.

Afraid to be left alone with the pain.

I will not turn my back on others.

I want to give my love and support to all that are in need.

I also do not want to turn my back on my family or myself.

With this, I only feel mixed up.

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