"Foolish Games" - Jewel
&
"Push" - Matchbox 20
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From the Inside Out




Under Construction





The words I felt but never screamed out at you...


NO MORE!!!!

no more lies...

no more despise...


no more of your pain...

no more loosing myself for your gain...


no more of your guilt...

no more letting you destroy what i've built...


no more of you playing people against each other...

no more of me having to act child and you mother...


no more being with an alcoholic in denial...

no more letting you spin me on that manipulative dial...


no more of every form of your abuse...

no more about who should win or lose...


no more listening to your false apologies and false sincerity...

no more cheating...and blaming you're being unfaithful on me....


no more being told I am responsible for the mess in your life...

no more you calling me your wife...


no more living lies in front of people on your request...

no more trying for me to pass your daily test...


no more turning away from my friends based on your fears...

no more of the never ending tears..


no more giving in to you...

no more of the isolation you do...


no more of letting your insecurities become mine...

no more ...no more of the never ending line...


NO MORE!!!!


June 1998






Dreams


I sit looking at a pile of shattered dreams

we loved

we laughed

we talked for hours

we fought

we cried

once together then apart

and as i look at the pieces of our dreams

i realize how long ago we dreamt them

how long ago we started breaking them into pieces

chipping off one piece at a time

Do you see how much the broken dreams became reality

and reality became a dream?

I've stopped dreaming!


June 1998





Dark Angel

Walking down my path

My dark Angel - My destiny

Overshadowing what lies ahead



Always having her breath down my neck

Attached to me as my cruel Shadow

Reminding me what I want to forget



We've been walking together for a long time

Fear turned into acceptance

An unspoken understanding



Chose the familiar isolation

Living in my own world

Instead of giving it a good fight



Whenever night falls

She embraces me with her wings

Giving me some of the comfort I long for



Whispering words of reassurance

That it'll be all right - not to fear

Not to run - To be strong



Someday soon

My dark Angel and I'll be one

Her wings will be mine


That day I'll fly free of the fear


October 1996




My Dark Tower


It's dark and quiet

In the tower build of brick

Bound with pain and tears

Walls past a quarter century thick.


Hidden inside are sparks

Sparks of love, hope and desire

Protected from the evil outside

Waiting to burn - A fire.


One brick falls away

Light and air enter to free

The sparks grow into flames

Inflaming the spirit - Inflaming me.


Inferno defeats the tower

Only ashes left - blown all away

Releasing dreams to come true

Her soul touched mine - today.


The touch just so light

The ground starts shaking

Words unspoken dim the light

Once again - my heart is breaking


It's destined to happen

If I don't speak clear

Love I found

Not experienced because of the fear


June 1996




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