If you were to ask me what is important in
a person, it would be compassion. By committing oneself to compassion,
the pathway to becoming a better person is made more clear. This
has been the ultimate idea that has allowed me to survive the ordeal of
coming out to my parents. During my senior year of high school, my
family’s ideal life was turned upside down. Why? My parent’s oldest son
turned out to be gay! That would be me of course. My mom took it
the hardest, having the constraining traditions and values almost every
Taiwanese mom has. To make a long story short, I was angry with their
reaction and life became terrible, certainly not worth living, or so I
thought at the time. Now, four years later, I’ve realized that by
having the compassion to see into my mother’s pain, to fully understand
why she adamantly demanded for me to “become” straight helped all of us
cope with my being gay. An important factor in coming out to one’s
parents is working with them, don’t drop the news and hope that they’ll
understand without your guidance. Even today, I am still struggling
to help them accept my sexuality, it’s a lifelong process for some.
But in the end, it’s worth it, my relationship strengthened more so than
it could have ever become without their knowledge of my being gay.
It was important for me to understand that my parent’s perception of who
I was died with the disclosure of my sexuality. Imagine the pain
if your child died and everyone refused to help you cope with that grief.
In addition, imagine that the last words between you and your hypothetical
child were ones of anger and misunderstanding. How could I be angry
with this knowledge?
Recently, while watching television, I saw a commercial
about an Asian mother and father promoting HIV-testing, having lost both
of their sons to this virus. It brought tears to my eyes, to see
the pain that they suffered in seeing their children die before them.
My mother has put all of her dreams and aspirations into my life, hoping
that I may enjoy a life that she was not able to claim when young.
Her greatest fear is that she will lose me to AIDS, as so many gay men
have in the past two decades. While she understands that AIDS is
not a gay disease, her fears are genuine. And through this I realize
that I have a responsibility not just to myself, but to those who love
me as well. Succumbing to one night of lust is certainly not worth
the pain that could arise from such an incident. While I feel sadness
for the two brothers in the commercial, I feel a much more intense sadness
for their parents, who were left behind to pick up the broken pieces.
If you have any comments or suggestions, please
write me at tommio@uclink4.berkeley.edu.