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When I look back at my life, I recall that time when I first cross-dressed in public. Back then I was always in fear of discovery. I was constantly aware that, any given moment; someone would recognize me and create great embarrassment for me. All transgendered begin this way! Our desire is to blend into society.
Each individual does not want to suffer the rejection of others and possible loss of his employment. We put up the pretense that we are no different from others. We all feel it is imperative that we are always recognized as we present ourselves. We become devastated when people do not!
We strive for perfection and, inevitably, fail in our effort. We have heard people say, "Nobody’s perfect," yet we cling to our ideals. We dream of the day that we will always be recognized as the proper gender. We feel that after we practice long enough, that day will come. Let me be the one to "burst that bubble." That day will possibly never come! If you are waiting until after everyone stops using the "wrong" pronouns, in reference to you, before you begin the Real Life Test (The period of living full-time in your chosen gender) , you have an eternity of waiting ahead of you!
The fact is that each individual’s difficulty blending, will vary. Some may be "clocked" rarely. Others may have trouble daily. After hearing the discussions of people, who do not live as females full-time, I realize that many mistakenly assume that we no longer have any problem with people misperceiving us. I wish to clear up that error in thinking.
Let me repeat it, people are different! Some people who you meet will allow you to live as you choose and treat you with the utmost respect. These people may or may not notice that your sex doesn’t match your appearance. They don’t look upon you and feel the need to judge. They are content to let others be who the want to be.
There are, unfortunately, many that are constantly looking for someone to control. The have the need to find fault with others. For them to feel worthy, they must make others feel unworthy. They are the first to talk about others who are fat, skinny, short, homely, stupid, lazy, etc. Is it any wonder they open their mouth to criticize the transgendered?
You certainly must wonder, by now, if I still feel that I am in danger of being "clocked." Yes! I know that it does not matter how I am dressed or how close I shave, there may still be someone that sees me as a male. I can have my hair done in the beauty parlor and have makeup that is flawless, but there are times when I will hear that ugly word, "Sir." Can I change how people see me, of course I can’t? If I correct them or get upset it will not serve any purpose except to focus all eyes on those perceived differences.
How do you deal will these uncomfortable times? Ignore them! If you act as if nothing is wrong others will tend to do the same. If you don’t rant and rave about the injustice of things, people may assume that they made a mistake and you are being benevolent. When you find yourself being misperceived, don’t allow fear to creep in. There will always be the danger of a "gay-basher," lurking at these times. If you show that you are comfortable with who you are, they may think twice before confronting you.
I say to every one who is planning to transition that they should not wait until they "perfect their act." Begin now! They call it a test for a reason. It is a test whether you can deal with the fear of recognition, the rejection afterward, the "no-woman’s-land" that we all experience. Before you can pass this test you must answer the first question. Ready or Not?
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