Show Me Your Colors

"COMING OUT" by Robb Maurer
For most gay or bi-sexual men one of the scariest times is of realizing that they attracted to a member of the same sex. How do these men deal with the questions that run through their minds? Some say that parents can have the best answers, but in most cases parents are the last ones that they want to talk to about these issues and feelings. Better yet how do they know that it is the possibility of being gay and that what they are feeling is not just a curiosity? many of the questions that run through a young mans mind can be answered simply by talking with the right people and someone that the young man has formed a complete trust with. Many of the young men that I have spoken with have said that they have never really had a sexual attraction for women, but their friends were always trying to meet girls/women. They ask themselves, "where do I fit in, why do I have to be this way"," why do I have to feel this way"? Many people will tell you that it is simply something that is passed on through genes and is something that no one can not control. Others say that it is the environment that the child grew up in and the lack of male role models in their life.

Where does a young man turn at this stage in his life? I believe that sometimes the best answers for coming to terms with what your sexual orientation is can be solved by simply asking yourself these simple questions:
-When I dream or fantasize sexually, is it of boys or girls?
-Have I ever had a crush or been in love with a boy or a man?
-Do I feel different than other guys?
-Are my feelings true and clear for boys or men?
What if you can't answer these questions? Does that mean that u are gay bi straight? What does it mean? Not to worry, this only means that u are still insecure about your sexuality. This is perfectly normal when going through this time in your life.
You are ready to find more information on this subject, but where do you start? This is one of the easiest tasks to overcome. Information can be found in many different sources, in most cases, a library is the best place to find the most accurate information. If you feel comfortable, you can always call a gay hotline and if you do this, always remember that they are there to help you.

What about sex? You desire an outlet for all of these sexual feelings, but where do you turn? There are many forms of sexual practice. Start with masturbation, whether it be solo, or with a partner. Acting upon this does not make you gay. there are many other forms of sexual encounters, Oral sex, anal intercourse, kissing, hugging, holding hands, massage, wrestling, cuddling or anything else that appeals to both partners are forms of sexual encounters. You are always in control of what u do and with whom sexually. Take it slow, don't rush things, if you are not ready, don't try to be sexually active with a partner of the same sex.

Now the big question "what about AIDS". Well, there is a worry of AIDS, yes, as there is with whatever sexually orientation you practice. Remember to be safe at whatever you do.

Once you have finally come to terms with what you are and who u are, the first step is to learn to like and accept yourself. Being gay may be one of the hardest things to find out about yourself. With today's society, it is made very clear what is thought of the gay community. Some things that you may need to prepare yourself for are the jokes, acts, and stereotypes that the society today brings upon "gays".

You may choose to hide your gay feelings from others and possibly hide them from yourself. One of the biggest questions that might go through your mind is "Am I normal"? the real question here is "What is normal?" Just because you may be gay does not me that you are not normal. You may avoid other people and kids because they might be gay just because of what others might think. When u work hard to conceal your thoughts and feelings on being gay because of what others in society may think, this is called being in the closet. This is a cold and lonely place to be, even if you do it just to survive. Feelings of these kind are often hidden among most of the closeted gay population. At times you may have tried to use alcohol or other drugs to try and numb yourself against these feelings. Maybe you have went as far as thought about or tried suicide. If so please contact any of the gay hotlines listed at the end of this article or consult the phone book for Samaritans. There are alternative ways of dealing with these thoughts and feelings.

Another one of the major questions that you may face in this time in feeling comfortable with your choice of sexual orientation is "Who should I tell?" Well, everyday more and more gay kids are becoming more comfortable with their sexual orientation. The more you start to listen to your deepest thoughts and feelings, the more you will be comfortable with what it really means to be gay. How you go about dealing with it and who to tell, is called coming out.

Now, coming out is a very important step, The very first person to tell is yourself. Stand tall and say "I am gay and that is ok". Later on you may feel comfortable with telling other people, once you have told and accept it yourself, you may want to start with a close friend or family member. Coming out is a very difficult time and the best thing to do is surround yourself with loved ones. Once you do choose who to tell first, you want to make sure that it is someone that is loving and understanding of you and will be by your side through it all. During this time, you may choose to meet other gay kids for friendship and maybe even more intimate relationships. Some people can "come out" to their family and friend more easily than others. Some people, including parents, find this a very difficult thing to deal with. You will want to decide when and if you want to tell your parents. Always be cautious of whom you tell and when.

One of the most crucial things is to be honest with yourself, as self-denial costs you, coming out pays off. Most kids say that they feel more confident, happier and calmer once they have accepted their sexuality and know who they are as a person.

Always remember, just because you are gay does not change who you are, it does not make you any less of a person. When I came out four months ago, my family accepted me for who I was. I was never treated like an outcast or the black sheep of the family. Most families can not accept this so easily but, in time they will come around. Your family will love you regardless of your sexual orientation, love yourself and in turn, everyone will love you.

Gay hotline Numbers
GLB Teen Hotline: 1800-347-TEEN (Weekend nights Only)
US Public Service Health Hotline : 1-800-342-2437
National Runaway Switchboard: 1-800-621-4000
Gay & Lesbian National Hotline: 1-888-843-5464
Gay Youth Hotline: 1-800-246-7743
On the Web:
http://thecity.sfsu.edu/~lyric/

My personal Contact information:
Email: Robb21_lima@gay.com
ICQ NUMBER : 13728913

Be yourself. Don't hide.Believe in Destiny.
-M.C. Curly (Enigma)