second best

She is beautiful
and unasumming
her skin the colour
of liquid honey
silky smooth
as satin sheets
how I'd love
to touch her
caress her cheek
hold her hand
and let her know
how i feel

Instead, I admire her
not only from afar
as my lucky star
but from a few small
steps away, somtimes
looking over her shoulder
as she practises
helping her as she studies

I tell her she looks
wonderful, when she has
her hair cut short (she does)
I tell her she's not
fat and her legs are
great (I'd kill for her figure)
and she believes me,
she tells me that only
guys tell her that
and we know what that means
one thing on their minds

We laugh.
And i feel guilt.
Yes. I know what that means,
I know what they want.
I want it too.

I long for her touch,
the return of my
feelings, but I know.
I know friends is all
we will ever be, is
all I can ever expect,
and this I content myself
with. I settle
for second best.


fin.

Janine Boon
11/10/98