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A group of guys and one girl are sitting together at a ball game. During the game the guys notice that the girl knows just as much about the game as themselves, and are really impressed.
After the game they ask her "how is it that you know so much about baseball?"
She says, "Well, I used to be a guy and got a sex change."
The guys are amazed, but very curious about the process. "what was the most painful part of the process? Was it when they cut off your penis?"
"That was very painful, but was not the most painful part."
"Was it when they cut off your balls?"
"That was very painful, but was not the most painful part."
"What was the most painful part?"
"The part that hurt the most was when they cut my salary in half!"
Q: What's the biggest crime committed by transvestites?
A: Male fraud.
Q: Why don't the cheerleaders in San Francisco wear short skirts?
A: Because when they sit down their balls hang out.
This lawyer was so fanatical about his golf game that he played every day. One morning after he had completed the first hole and was just about to tee off on the second, he noticed the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen putting alone on the first green. The lawyer waited until the woman had reached the second tee and asked if she would like to join him and finish the round together.
To his surprise the woman agreed and they played the remaining holes. Not only was this woman beautiful, she was also a good golfer and gave the lawyer a very competitive match. When they completed their round, the lawyer told the woman that, not only was he a lawyer, but he was also a cordon bleu chef and wine buff. He invited her back to his place for a meal and a few drinks. The woman accepted enthusiastically and off they went.
Back at the house the lawyer cooked a magnificent meal. In fact it was more than just cooking - it was a performance to behold. They enjoyed good food, good wine and good conversation. After the meal, the woman repaid the lawyer with the best oral sex he had ever experienced. The lawyer was so taken by the beauty and skill of this woman that he desired her to no end. He asked if she would like to play golf the following morning, to which she agreed. Once again they enjoyed a great game of very competitive golf, a magnificent evening meal and once more the lawyer received sensational oral sex. This went on for three weeks when the lawyer finally said, "Listen, the golf and the company have been fantastic! But, there is only so much oral sex a man can take. When are we going to have sexual intercourse?"
"We can't," said the woman.
"Why not?" cried the lawyer.
"Because I'm a transvestite," replied the woman.
"YOU BITCH!" screamed the lawyer. "I can't believe that you've been playing off the ladies' tees for the last three weeks!"
A cabby picks up a nun as a fare. He decides to see if he can embarrass her. The cabby says, "Sister, what do nuns think about oral sex?" The sister replies, "A lot has changed in the church. We tend to think of oral sex about the same way as masturbation. It's only acceptable as long as it doesn't violate the tenets of marriage." The cabby decides to press on. "Sister, what do you personally know about oral sex?"
The sister replies, "I have read about various techniques, but I am a little shy on practice."
The cabby senses an opportunity. "Sister, how would you like to practice on me?"
She answers, "Well, you must be Catholic and single."
The cabby replies, "Yes Sister, I am." So they pull off the road, the driver moves to the back and the nun gives him the most incredible oral sex he has ever had. The exhausted cabby moves back to the front of the car and starts driving. He finally has to speak. "Sister, that was the best I've ever had but I have to tell you something. I am actually Jewish and I'm married."
To which the nun replies, "That's OK my son. I'm not really a nun and my name is Greg."
Q: What 3 things do Transsexuals like most??
A: Eat, Drink, and be Mary
Don't you hate Drag Queens whose perfume is the only thing louder than their voices?
DRAG QUEEN BARBIE: This isn't really a Barbie doll. It's just Ken dressed up with Barbie's wig and some of Barbie's clothes. Pull his string and he says "Hey, Barbie and I wear the same size!", "I love Barbie's lace underwear", "I love to play Barbie", and "Marv Albert's my hero."
A 7 foot, 300 pound man walks into a lingerie shop. He tells the sales lady that he is looking for something for his wife.
"Do you know what size she wears?" the lady askes.
The man replies, "Oh, she's about MY size!"
Q: What do you call a transvestite who is dating a Vice-Chairman's Receptionist?
A: A TV with VCR.
TRANSSEXUALS do it right eventually
TRANSVESTITES do it dressed
Q: Why did the squirrel climb up the transvestite's legs?
A: He was looking for his nuts.
Words You Don't Want to Hear During Surgery...
"What do mean he wasn't in for a sex change!?!"
Southern California Driver's License Application
| Name: _______________ | Stage name: __________________ |
| Agent: _______________ | Attorney: ____________________ |
| Publicist: _____________ | Manicurist/Hair stylist: ___________ |
Sex: __male __female __formerly male __formerly female __both
|
If female, indicate breast implant size: ____ Will the size of your implants hinder your ability to safely operate a motor vehicle in any way? |
Occupation:
[ ] Lawyer
[ ] Actor/Waiter
[ ] Filmmaker/Self-employed
[ ] Writer
[ ] Car Dealer
[ ] Panhandler
[ ] Agent
[ ] Hooker/Transvestite
[ ] Other; please explain: ______________
A man was experiencing chronic infections, so he took his urologist's advice and entered the hospital for a routine circumcision. When he came to, he was perturbed to see a large group of doctors standing around his hospital bed.
"What's up doc?" he asked nervously.
"Uh, well... there's been a bit of a mix-up," admitted his surgeon. "I'm afraid that instead of a circumcision, we performed a sex-change operation on you. You now have a very nice vagina instead of a penis."
"What!" gasped the patient. "You mean I'll never experience another erection?"
"Oh, I'm sure you will," reassured the doctor, "Only it'll be somebody else's."
A cowboy was out riding one day when he saw a snake. He thinks he can get his horse to stomp and kill the snake. Just as the horse has reared up, the cowboy hears a tiny voice saying, "If you don’t kill me, I’ll grant you one wish."
He looks down at the snake and asks,"Was that you?"
The snake answers "Yes, and if you don’t kill me, I’ll grant you one wish."
The cowboy thinks for awhile and says, "OK, I want the sex organs of this here horse." He jumps off the horse, takes down his pants and yells "Oh Lord, I FORGOT I was riding Bessie."
Tips on "passing"...
When going out in groups, always be aware of the "MTV" (Multiple Transgender Verification) facter;
X(cd)²=R
X=number of cross-dressers
R=change of being read
Top Ten things NOT to say in Victoria's Secrets
10. The Miracle What??? This is better than world peace!!
9. No Thanks, just sniffing.
8. I'll be in the dressing room going blind.
7. Mom will love this.
6. Do you have this with a Dallas Cowboy Logo on it?
5. No need to wrap it up, I'll eat it here.
4. Will you model this for me???
3. Oh honey, you'll never squeeze your fat ass into that!
2. 45 bucks?? You're gonna end up NAKED anyways!!
1. Does this come in men's sizes?
A woman goes to a doctor with a problem. She's sat on the chair next to the doctor, and she's very hesitant about describing her problem. Eventually the doctor manages to discover that she thinks she may be sexually perverted.
"What sort of perversion are you talking about?" asks the doctor.
"Well," said the woman, "I like to be ... ohh ... ah ... ummm ... I'm sorry doctor, but I'm too ashamed to talk about it."
"Come, come, my dear. I'm a doctor you know; I've been trained to understand these problems. So what's the matter ...?"
So the woman again tried to explain, but got so embarrassed that she just turned bright red and looked as though she might faint.
It was then the doctor had a bright idea. "Look," he said, "I'm a bit of a pervert myself. So if you show me what your perversion is, I'll show you what mine is. Ok? Is it a deal?"
The woman considered the offer, and after a short while agreed that it was a fair request. So after a slight pause she said: "Well my perversion is ... my perversion ... oh ... I like to be kissed on the bottom!"
"Shoot, is that ALL!" said the doctor. "Look, take all your clothes off, go behind that screen, and I'll come 'round and show you what MY perversion is! Hee Hee!"
So the woman does as she is told, undresses, and goes behind the screen. She gets down on all fours thinking to herself, "Hmmmm, perhaps he might kiss me on the bum."
Anyway, 15 minutes pass and nothing has happened. "Hey!" shouted the woman, "I thought you said you were a pervert?"
"Oh I am," said the doctor, "But I'm having trouble zipping up your dress!"
Two guys pass on the street and realize that they know one another.
1st Guy: Hey it's good to see you. That's a nice bike, when did you get it?
2nd Guy: I just got it yesterday and i figure it's a $800.00 Bike. I got it for free.
1st Guy: How did you manage that?
2nd Guy: Well I was walking through a secluded part of the park yesterday and I met this beautiful woman on a bike. After a few moments she strpped off all of her clothes and said, "Help yourself to anything you like". So of course I took the bike.
1st Guy: Wow, wise decision, her clothes probably wouldn't have fit you, anyway.
A woman went to her doctor for a follow-up visit after the doctor had prescribed testosterone (a male hormone) for her. She was a little worried about some of the side effects she was experiencing.
"Doctor, the hormones you've been giving me have really helped, but I'm afraid that you're giving me too much. I've started growing hair in places that I've never grown hair before."
The doctor reassured her. "A little hair growth is a perfectly normal side effect of testosterone. Just where has this hair appeared?"
"On my balls."
Cross Dressing Humor
Trans-sister - a cross-dressing nun
Transformation - A cross-dressing rocky outcrop.
Where do cross-dressing vampires come from? Transylvania.
What do cross-dressing steeples do? They transpire.
Transport - cds' favorite wine.
Transporter - cd wino.
Transfer - cd's politically-incorrect coat.
Transcontinental - rich cd's car.
Transmigration - pilgramage to San Francisco.
Transmute - A cd who can't speak
Transceiver - A cd's ham radio set.
Transmit - A cd's baseball glove.
Translate - A cd who's never on time.
A transvestite who abuses newsgroups? A crossposter.
Transformer - cd's ex-wife.
Transpose - what she caught him doing in front of the mirror.
Transcendental - cd tooth "fairy."
And how can we forget my favorite car... Trans Am!
