LEFT BEHIND (DS9 G/B PG)

Summary: Just a little vignette that Julian whispered to me. It contains spoilers for the DS9 finale, "What We Leave Behind", beware!

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Left Behind
A. Kite
(June 1999)

I feel him watching me, though I know he's not here. I turn and look behind me and see nothing but empty space. He's gone, you see. Back to Cardassia, back to the home he was exiled from. He's a hero, there. Something he could never be in this place.

I feel him here still. I wonder if I'll ever see him again. I was cold at our last meeting, when he came to bid me farewell. I was so sure then that we'd meet again. I'm not that sure now.

Why did we never acknowledge the attraction between us? It was there from the first time we met. In an odd sort of way, it was there at the end too. I was too frightened at first, to get involved with 'the spy'. Later, when we really became friends, I was unwilling to risk it. To risk being hurt if it was only one-sided. Unwilling to risk a shaky friendship for the chance at something more.

I thought I was ready at one time. Then the war, the damned war came. I had to shelve personal considerations for the Federation, for the state. He would have loved the irony of that, I think.

Now I lie with a beautiful woman in my arms, and I can't help but wish it was he.

End