Secret Sessions (Voy, Tuvok/Suder, NC-17)

Disclaimer: Paramount owns these characters. This is my revenge on them for killing off one of the best and most interesting characters in Trek history, IMHO, of course. No infringement is intended.
Warning: This is a PWP involving two members of the same gender. No plot and m/m sex is depicted here. Those under 18 and the close minded should not read this.
Summary: This story takes between the Voyager episodes "Meld" and "Basics" and contains spoilers for those episodes and those between them. Suder helps Tuvok in a way that no one else on the ship can when Tuvok's Pon Farr hits at a very critical time.
Acknowledgements: This story was inspired by Judith Medina's wonderful story, MORE THAN WHO I AM, which appears in the zine Delta Quadrant 4 available from Orion Press. I hope she's not offended. ;-) I would also like to acknowledge all the wonderful Voyager slash writers for further inspiration. I would list them all here, but it would take up a great deal of space, and if you're reading this you know who they are anyway.

Secret Sessions (Voy, Tuvok/Suder, NC-17)
A. Kite
1997

Lon Suder sat quietly waiting. It was time for his session with Tuvok. Tuvok was late, but Tuvok was never late. Suder tried to calm himself as he felt the anxiety well up. /Use what he taught you./ He was calm again when he heard the door swish open. "Tuvok, what's wrong?"

The Vulcan didn't answer right away, and Suder knew there was indeed something going on with Tuvok. Tuvok's gentle but stern voice answered, "I regret, Mr. Suder that I must discontinue our sessions for a time."

"For a time - how long?" Suder questioned hesitantly.

"I am not sure," Tuvok answered, refusing to meet his student's eyes.

The full measure of Tuvok's problem came over Suder in a flash. He almost gasped out loud at the revelation. He slowly looked up again and ventured to say, "It's that time for you then?"

"Yes, I must isolate myself in meditation if I am to survive this."

"There is no one here who can help you?" Suder puzzled. He could feel the subtle emotions of his teacher now. Where before his own madness had blocked his natural empathic abilities, the abilities had reemerged as he learned to control. He knew Tuvok didn't want to discuss this, but was forcing himself to be calm and considerate to his charge.

"No, you above all others can understand I would not allow anyone to see me - like that," Tuvok reluctantly admitted.

"Out of control?" Suder whispered.

"Yes."

"Tuvok - could I help you, please? If anyone understands out of control it's me. I could help you if you'll let me," he asked with a slight pleading in his voice.

Tuvok closed his eyes in an effort to banish the images the offer conjured up in his mind. "No Mr. Suder. I cannot allow... what are you doing?"

Suder had left his chair and was now standing in front of the Vulcan lightly touching the side of his face. His fingers skimming. More confidently, Suder answered, "I can help you if you'll let me. Your skin - it's so hot. Wouldn't you be more comfortable if you took your uniform off?"

Tuvok didn't answer directly, but made no protest as the Betazoid pulled the uniform down his body and the lavender shirt off over his head. He swayed when Suder lifted a foot to remove his boots. "I feel dizzy. I must - must." He knew there was something he should do, but rational thought was becoming impossible as cool hands touched him.

"Tuvok, come let's lie down." The few steps were difficult with the uniform binding his legs. Then he was turned and guided to sit. He felt his boots being removed and looked down at the man kneeling before him. Suder smiled, "It feels good, doesn't it?"

"You feel so cool. Soon - soon the plaktow, the blood fever will come."

"It's all right. Tuvok, don't be afraid. I'm not afraid of your madness. I can help you. Together we can control it," Suder gently assured him as he laid the Vulcan back and teased the fevered skin with fingertips and tongue.

Tuvok shivered at the sensation as the air hit the wet trail down his chest. As the maddening mouth moved lower, Tuvok felt his control slipping away. He arched up and begged, "Please."

The cool mouth descended on his need with no further prompting. Tuvok couldn't stop the whimpering moan that escaped him.

The soft voice asked, "You like that?"

Tuvok nodded emphatically and managed to whisper, "So good, so good."

Suder could feel the tremors quaking through the body beneath his sucking mouth, and he redoubled his efforts. This was not a time for going slowly. The explosion came all at once and seemed to last forever. Suder took every drop into himself. It tasted like nothing else he had ever experienced.

Tuvok had given one low, long moan as he gave up his seed. He was silent now as he tried to regain his breath and slow his fastly beating heart. He opened his eyes when he felt Suder shift to lie beside him. He felt the other's erection against his thigh as Suder turned and whispered, "Is that better?"

Tuvok almost smiled as he answered and looked deeply into Suder's eyes, "Yes, much better, but we must meld before the need arises again." One could get lost looking into those dark unfathomable eyes. He reached out to take Suder's cock into his hand, but was stopped.

"No, I can wait. Meld us first."

"Very well, but you must understand that I will need to - mate with you. We will need a lubricant."

"I understand," Suder nodded and left the bed. Tuvok watched the muscles in Suder's backside as he walked to the bathroom, and felt the need start to flare again inside him. Suder returned with a tube. "I hope this stuff is still good. It's been a while since I've needed it," he said as he set the tube down within easy reaching distance.

Tuvok sat up and took Suder's hand and drew him back down to sit on the bed facing him. They positioned their hands on each other's face for the meld and began.

"My mind to your mind. My thoughts to your thoughts."

It didn't take long. It was totally different from the other melds. It started with the dual sensation of fingertips. Fingertips that felt at once so hot and so cold that they almost seemed to burn into the skin. Then the feeling of those fingers sliding through short wiry hair and longer silkier strands to grip the back of the head and draw their mouths together. Thin lips and wider ones pressed hard.

They both felt it when Tuvok eased the pressure slightly. A searing tongue sought entrance by tracing the outline and separating and plunging between the eagerly parting lips. Time and place ceased to exist as gravity brought them back to lie side by side. Their mouths joined for an eternity.

Tuvok pulled back first to draw a deep breath into air starved lungs. He was drawn in again by those obsidian eyes. Eyes that never wavered. He saw desire and compassion in their depths. He touched his lips to Suder's again, a light brush. Then let them free to wander. He perceived how each touch affected his lover.

Lover, he felt Suder's amusement at that thought and mentally laughed himself. //Never imagined that I could be that to you, did you?//

Tuvok shook his head, //No.// In the midst of their silent exchange, desire flashed between them. Suder turned to lie prone and reached out and handed the lubricant back to Tuvok.

"Make me ready."

He carefully applied the gel, first around the outside, then slowly inserting his finger into Suder's ass. Though he had never participated in this particular act, he knew what needed to be done. He loosened the muscle gently before adding a second finger. By the time he had worked up to the third finger, Suder was pushing back attempting to drive his fingers in more deeply. Suder moaned a protest when he withdrew only to abruptly cut if off to gasp when Tuvok pressed his hard cock to the opening.

Suder moved then, opening his legs wider and pulling his knees under him to make the penetration easier. This action caused a pulse of desire in Tuvok so strong that it was all he could do not to lose control. Not to ram himself into the body under him. Not to keep ramming until he was spent.

Tuvok stilled himself with his cock just barely inside, trying to maintain his control. Then Suder moved. Raised his ass and impaled himself on Tuvok's erection. //Fuck me NOW, Tuvok, hard.//

That was it. All semblance to sanity and control were gone. Tuvok drove into Suder faster, harder with each stroke. Suder moved with him, meeting every thrust. A low growl started deep in Tuvok's throat as he felt his climax building. He could feel the shudders of his partner also building. When the force of his orgasm hit, the growl came to a scream, and he let both out as Suder's muscles milked him and his semen shot out on the sheets.

"Concentrate, see the light that is your breath." Two voices apart now saying the same thing, going through the same motions. Tuvok in his own quarters, and Suder alone again in the room that was again a prison cell.

The mediation wasn't going well for Tuvok. His mind kept straying. He couldn't stop the feelings of guilt. He had used another and without saying anything more, he had simply dressed himself and left. The compulsion to return, to make amends was pulling at him. Another compulsion was working on Tuvok, too. The need to drive himself into that oasis of coolness. He fought it down again and again.

Lon Suder had given up on meditation. Given up on trying to understand what had happened. He did help Tuvok. He felt everything through the meld. Then suddenly it was gone. Tuvok had slipped out of his mind and out of the room before he had recovered. Exhaustion overtook Suder, and he slept.

Hours later, deep into the ship's night, Suder stirred. He felt Tuvok's presence outside the door. /Why doesn't he come inside?/ Lon thought for a moment before he remembered, still slightly disoriented from sleep. He got up and went to the door. Of course, he couldn't open it from this side. "Tuvok?" he questioned keeping his voice low, but knowing it was heard through the door.

The door opened, and the Vulcan stepped inside. His body's response to Suder standing there wearing nothing but a slight smile shamed him. He looked away. Suder opened himself to his empathic abilities. He felt Tuvok's shame and remorse. His eyes saw the evidence of Tuvok's desire that forced the usual smoothness of his uniform to strain out of shape. "Why are you ashamed?" Suder asked. "You didn't hurt me. I offered my help, and you took it."

Tuvok couldn't answer and refused to meet Suder's eyes. Lon stepped closer and massaged his aching cock through the material. "You want me again and you're too proud to ask, aren't you? Well, this time you're going to have to. Go on, Tuvok tell me what you want," he taunted.

Tuvok growled and actually felt anger and frustration rise like a tidal wave inside him. He pulled himself away from the Betazed's teasing hand. Suder thought to himself, /I'd better go easy now./He knew Tuvok was capable of taking him by force if his anger was roused much further.

To Tuvok he said, "So proud, well I know what you want even if you won't say it." At that he sank to his knees and started mouthing Tuvok's erection through the cloth.

A moan and pleading whisper escaped Tuvok's tight control, "Please, I want - I want you again." The last bit rushed from his mouth.

Suder stopped his torment, rose and smiled in a surprisingly gentle way. "That's all I wanted, Tuvok. An acknowledgment. Though, I wonder if you didn't say it just to keep from coming and messing up your uniform."

Tuvok raised an eyebrow and his lips quirked a little. "You may have a point," he admitted. Tuvok undressed himself this time and led Suder to his bed. The anger was gone, and the only thing left burning in him was desire. Suder knew that Tuvok was too close to the edge right now and didn't waste time. He drew Tuvok to the peak and over it with just a few strokes of his hand.

The meld was even easier to achieve than the first one. They took their time touching one another. Tuvok actively trying to bring pleasure to his lover, not lying back passively as he did before. He took Suder into his mouth. His cries and the sensations from the meld were working to revive his own passion.

Tuvok one handedly found the lubricant and managed to extract an appropriate amount before he dropped the tube in the floor. He continued his ministrations to Suder's cock as his fingers found there way to their objective. He teased the opening and caused a shudder from Suder. Tuvok gently pushed a finger inside, and he felt the cock in his mouth jump and harden even more. When a second finger joined the first and brushed the prostate, Suder gasped and came. He tried to pull out of Tuvok's mouth, but he wasn't having any of that. Tuvok swallowed as fast as he could, but couldn't keep up with the vast amounts of semen filling his mouth. Spilling past his lips and running down his chin. He pulled away just as one more pulse shot out and caught him square in the chest.

Tuvok started to rise up, withdrawal and clean himself when Suder's arms pulled him close. He felt the other man's cool tongue clean the spilled semen from his face, neck and chest. "I'll clean you up," was whispered close to his ear and then the tongue caressed his ear. Slowly, up the curve to the pointed tip and back down again to the lobe. Inside to taste the delicate whorls. His ear was nibbled next, carefully from lobe to tip.

The heat and madness took control of Tuvok again. He went to kneel between Suder's legs and turn him over. He protested, "No, I want to see your face this time."

Not understanding, Tuvok questioned, "How?" Lon smiled and instead of verbally answering, he demonstrated by raising his legs and hooking them over the Vulcan's shoulders.

//Now, Tuvok. IN ME.//

The telepathic urging echoed through Tuvok's mind and his body moved. He inched his way into that cool, tight channel. He could feel the other's impatience at his slow paced movements, but he did not quicken the pace. Leisurely, he moved, pulling back and slowly, slowly sinking in again until he was fully within. Until he felt his scrotum pressed against Suder and Suder's against his skin.

He rotated his hips making circles against the gland inside his lover. Tuvok knew the exact moment when passion's fire ignited in Suder. He felt each twitch as his cock once more hardened.

Tuvok settled his weight more securely and used one hand to grasp Suder's erection. He pumped it in time with his own slow thrusts. They reached the pinnacle and went over the edge together. They laid, bodies and minds still entwined until equilibrium returned. Through the meld Tuvok heard, //Thank you.//

//Why are you thanking me? It is I who should be expressing gratitude.//

The answer was spoken, heard in his ears and in his mind, "Do you know how long it's been since someone touched me, wanted me? How long I'll be in this room without touch? With nothing but my own hand to give me solace?"

Since the questions were rhetorical, Tuvok didn't answer. Suder continued, "Well, Tuvok, same place in seven years? Of course, provided we're both still here." He didn't voice his other thoughts, if we are both still alive, if Voyager is still lost.

Of course, this never came to pass. Tuvok's time of mating passed. Mediation, his 'sessions' with Suder and the press of duty sublimated it.

Tuvok was made acting captain when Voyager was forced to leave Janeway and Chakotay behind. Lon Suder was left alone without even Tuvok's lessons to break the monotony of the days. He turned to botany to pass the days. And when the captain and commander were recovered and Tuvok returned, Suder once more learned to be grateful for this. For a colder, impersonal teacher, exactly as he was before.

The only thing that excited Suder now was the thought of doing something to help the ship. Though, sometimes, coming unbidden in his dreams, excitement of another kind returned with nothing but stained sheets in the morning to show for it. It was after one of those nights that the Captain came, and he got too carried away with his enthusiasm. Suder castigated himself for that slip. He was determined to show himself worthy of trust again. He proved his worthiness against the Kazon, and with his death was able to achieve his goal.

There was one person on Voyager who knew this goal had been reached before the idea was conceived. Tuvok remembered and wished Lon Suder the peace in death that he was unable to find in life.

The End