CHAPTER 20 – IF I COULD JUST WALK AWAY


Nick stood silent, contemplating his words, begging that she hadn’t asked him that, simple yet complicated question - there was no way he could make her understand what he was feeling, he couldn’t expect her to understand.

“Nick? Do you love her?” Bianca repeated slowly her eyes directly on him
He looked down, then back up at her, before mouthing the words “Yes” softly.
Bianca backed away, her head lost for words, as her eyes began to cry.

“You love her? Why?” she stumbled, her words choked by tears
“I don’t know why Bianca, there is no simple answer to this, I'm sorry. I need to just put things together in my head before I -“
“Shut up” she screamed “I don’t want to hear anything you have to say Nick, just shut up” she continued, her voice fading into a whimper
“Bianca, please” Nick pleading, reaching to touch her
“Leave” she said sternly, the redness in her eyes staring him down bitterly “Just leave”
Nick backed away, knowing he didn’t deserve to be there, not after what he’d done, and not after what he was doing.

“I'm sorry” he mouthed as he ran from the house
Bianca feel crushed onto the couch in a torrent of tears that burned trails down her cheeks and sunk into her skin.

~ AN HOUR LATER ~

“That makes a difference for once, I got spotted by fans, not you” Arora laughed as they approached the front door of the house
“I still cant believe we had to leave” Brian smiled helping Arora up the stairs
“I don’t need ya help Littrell, I'm capable of walking up stairs, it’s only an ankle cast now” she announced playfully pushing his hand back
“You’ll never admit it will you?”
“Admit what?”
“That you may actually need help”
“I told you, I don’t” she winked as she reached the front door
“That’s strange” she mumbled as the door was open slightly. She pushed it fully and it flung open into the semi darkness of the house, the curtains weren’t pulled no lights were on, there was just a barely seeable figure lying on the couch.
“Bianca?” Arora questioned as she ran into the house, Brian behind her.
A soft whimper came from the couch as the figure moved.
“Bianca, what happened?” Arora inquired as Brian flicked on the main lights

Stale tears were present on Bianca’s face, her makeup long since smudged. Her eyes were red and still tears flowed systematically from her eyes.
“Nick” Bianca mumbled “He’s gone”
“Gone where?” Brian inquired as Arora sat down beside Bianca, as she buried her face in the arm of the couch
“He doesn’t love me, he loves someone else”
“What?” Arora choked
“That’s it Arora, he said there was someone else, I asked him if he loved her, and he said yes” she cried
“No” Arora mumbled in disbelief, sure she knew who the “her” was
She bolted upright and grabbed her keys off the table.
“I'm not going to let you two ruin the best thing in your lives” she announced heading towards the door
“Arora, you’re not supposed to drive” Brian urged
“I’ll manage” Arora responded as she walked out of the door

~5 MINUTES LATER ~

“What are you doing?” Arora inquired as Nick opened the front door
“I'm assuming Bianca told you” Nick said sadly as Arora walked in, closing the door behind her
“What did you do Nick?” Arora sniffed
“I told her the truth, I couldn’t live with the lie anymore” Nick mumbled shuffling through the lounge
“You told her you loved someone else, how could you do that” Arora snapped
“Because it’s the god damn truth. Do you think I wanted to hurt Bianca? Do you think I wanted to stand there watching her cry knowing that those tears were because of me? Do think I enjoyed seeing her crumble like she did? God Arora, if there was something else I could have done, I would have”
“You could have said no”
“Why? So that I can carry on been with Bianca, but thinking of you? I owed Bianca more than that. I never wanted to hurt her, but I did what I did because I thought it was for the best”
“You don’t love me Nick, why do you not see that? What we have is nothing more than physical attraction, and it wont amount to anything”
“That’s what makes this even harder, because I know we’ll never be together, but I also know you cant stop the heart, it wants what it wants” he sighed painfully

~ AT THE SAME TIME ~

“Brian” Bianca sniffed wiping her eyes “Could you take me to Nicks? I'm not going to let him just walk away like that, nothing after everything we’ve been through, I wont let him take the easy way out” she announced, trying to contain herself
“Sure, Bianca. Come on” Brian responded, taking his keys from his pocket

~ AT THE SAME TIME~

Arora looked away, her entire body overcome with contradicting feelings.

“What does your heart want?” Nick inquired softly
She looked back at him, her mouth poised, but no sound coming forth.
“It wants the pain to stop” she finally replied quietly
They starred at each other for what seemed an eternity.
“This honesty is too much Nick, we know what we have to do” she sniffed
The door blew softly open as the cold night air pushed it’s way in through the now partially open door.
“That doesn’t make it any easier” Nick responded
“I know”

~ 5 MINUTES LATER ~

Bianca smiled stiffly at Brian as she closed the door. She’d told him to wait there, and she’d return in a minute to tell him if he needed to stay. She walked up the driveway, her eyes sore from the tears, but her heart telling her to go to that door. She walked past Arora’s car, which was haphazardly parked in the driveway. She reached the front door, the light from the lounge room piercing through the tiny crack where it was open.

~ AT THE SAME TIME ~

“You know that Bianca is my best friend, and cherish her everyday, and I would without a second thought lay down everything I have for her, you know that Nick, and that’s why I wont think of you anymore, I wont imagine been with you, and I wont ever” she choked holding back the forthcoming tears “I wont ever allow myself to feel this way about you anymore. We made a mistake, and we betrayed the people we loved when we acted on it, and we’d be selfish to even imagine that they could understand. As hard as it is, I need to walk away from you, and I need to never look back, and you need to do the same”
Nick swallowed hard, as he knew she was right.
“It’s going to be the hardest thing trying to walk away from you”
“You don’t love me Nick, you love Bianca, I can see that in your eyes” she smiled softly
“So this is it?”
“It’s all it can be”
“We walk away, just that like, we put behind us everything that we feel and act as if it doesn’t exist?”
“It’s the right thing to do”
“It doesn’t seem like there is a right thing to do”
“In time it’ll be easier”
“There are some things that time cant fix. But I know Bianca doesn’t deserve to know what we did, I know that I will protect her, as I will you. So for that reason, and that reason alone, we walk away, we turn our backs” he breathed softly “and we say goodbye”

Bianca backed away from the door, she still couldn’t believe what she’d heard. The other person in Nick’s life was her own best friend – that was who he loved. She ran down the driveway, and yanked open the car door.

“So?” Brian inquired as she fell into the passenger seat
“Just drive” Bianca pleading sniffing back a fresh batch of tears.



Chapter 21
Contents

Email