Reflections
A major door to go through during my coming out process was the day I sent the e-mail to my dad's side of the family. You read their responses. The e-mail was sent in late October of 1997. I didn't receive responses from everyone...In fact, I have never heard anything from them since. Some responses didn't come for a long time.
My dad, for example waited a few weeks before replying. One of my aunts didn't reply until February of 1998. At the time I didn't know what to make of all that. Now a few years have passed, and reading those responses again, reliving my coming out process, and striving to create a place for others to find guidance on their own coming out process has given me a new perspective on everything.
For some in my family, they instantly new how they felt, and could respond immediately. Some needed time to think about all that I had thrown at them. After all, most of them have never dealt homosexuals and didn't fully understand what I was trying to say. I can read those letters now, however, and know that each in their own way was written with love and concern.
We must accept that we will not always be met with open arms. We, as a society, are not ready for that. The responses that I receive reflect that. Education and awareness is most certainly the reason. Consider my aunts response that she wanted to reply with wisdom and not emotion. However, as she continued, she showed that her emotions told her to love me unconditionally, when her wisdom lent way to "I want to love you. I do not want to judge you, but neither can I tolerate, if you choose this lifestyle..." We have been taught to hate, condemn, and judge those that do not fit the mold of a select few. I ask, should I hate myself becuase I've been taught that I am a sinner, pervert, and deviant, or should I love myself because in my heart I am happy, complete, and feel that I am worthy of love, not in spite of my sexuality, but because that part of me helps make me the dynamic person that I am.
I have grown a lot in the past three years. My father was right, "Only a fool test the depths of the water with both feet." I tried to do it all. I tried to balance a job, school, and changing the world. I ended up losing my job, quitting school, and the world hasn't changed. So I took a step back. I got a new job, am reenrolling in school, and changing myself. The greatest contribution that I can make to the gay community, society, the world, and myself, is to be a good, hardworking person. If I embrace everything wonderful in the love that I have found for myself as a gay man, and for those around me, then I set an example; I transcend stereotypes, and I change the world by showing every person that I meet that I'm no better and no worse that anyone else. I'm just a man trying to lead a good life and be happy. It doesn't matter that each night I come home to a man instead of a women.
Don't get me wrong, I have no abandoned my role as an activist. How could I do that when there is so much work to be done. I just don't try and do it all myself. The only way we will be accepted is if we band together, raise awareness, and fight hatred and injustice.
Finally, when I first started coming out, I asked for tolerance of my lifestyle. That too has changed. We are NOT something to be tolerated. We deserve acceptance. After all, we have accepted heterosexuality without reservation our whole lives.
