Warren yelped as he burned himself yet again. There
was little he could do about it since there was nothing but fire surrounding him,
but that didn't keep it from hurting any.
Since he had come to Hell four years ago he had done nothing but suffer. While
he had been alive he had been cautioned against being sent to Hell for it was
eternal torment, but he hadn't paid the warning much mind. What could he possibly
do to get himself sent to Hell? He was a respectable man with a respectable job
and a respectable wife. In the end it was that respectable wife that did him in.
When he found a not so respectable beauty willing to spend her time with him he
conveniently forgot about the respectable wife for hours on end. Now he was paying
dearly and would be for the rest of eternity… or at least until some drastic
changes were made in Hell. Perhaps… but no. Who would be stupid enough to…?
"Hey, Tommy?" he whispered
"What?" a larger man growled back. Tommy was a man who didn't like to
be interrupted, even if it was from perpetual torment.
Warren brushed his longish sandy blonde hair back off his forehead before he spoke.
"I've been thinking a lot these last few years."
"You haven't exploded yet, you must not have been thinking too hard."
"Shut up. I've been thinking that there need to be some changes around here.
What do you say… think we could do it?"
"Do what?"
"Take over."
Tommy burst out laughing. "Have you gone mad, man? Do you know what would
happen to you if you got caught?"
"That's why I'm not going to get caught. I've got a plan. But if you're too
scared to help…"
"Damn straight I am. I'm not going to go through the consequences when you
fail. You're on your own, man."
"Thanks, you're a real friend. I'll make sure to remember you when I'm in
charge around here." Warren tried to storm off but his exit was marred by
his curses as he burned himself again.
Once he found himself alone he began to pace back and forth. I know I can do this.
It shouldn't be too hard. Security has become lax around here lately. Perhaps
it's simply because they don't think anyone would be stupid enough to try anything
in Hell, but that's exactly why I'm going to succeed, because no one will be expecting
it. I can't believe no one will help me, but that's life in Hell. Here goes.
The door to a room that looked like a burning red cave burst open and through
it came muffled curses about the damn heat and how the first thing it would
do would be to install air conditioning. No one bothered to look up. For that
matter no one even noticed. They all just sat around attending to their business.
"Give up. I'm here to take over and you don't stand a chance."
One or two demons looked up to find Warren standing on the table in the middle
of the room brandishing a spoon like a sword. They went back to their paper
work.
Around the table sat about twelve demons, all of high office, and they wore
the equivalent to business suits for demons, with little holes for tail and
other such alterations. Some had briefcases, a few had clipboards or stacks
of paper work sitting in front of them. At the head of the table sat the Devil
himself. He appeared to be hard at work at some form or another.
"I demand that you relinquish power at once and turn all rights to the
running of Hell to me," Warren declared.
The Devil looked up as if he heard, but he seemed to look right passes Warren.
"What is a five letter word for 'Keeper of Souls' that begins with S?"
"Satan!" Warren snapped. "Didn't you hear me? I'm here to -"
"Thank you," said the Devil calmly.
"Didn't you hear me? I'm here to -"
"Someone remove the insect," The Devil
waved a hand at Warren standing on the table. One of the demons snapped a finger
and Warren disappeared in a puff of smoke. The only thing left was the echo
of his scream. "I do so tire of those," the Devil commented as if
to himself. "The burdens of power. Perhaps someday I'll just let one of
them win and then I won't have to deal with it anymore."
The demons all smiled knowingly. "When Hell freezes over," one of
them said and they all laughed.