Friday May 17, 2019 – Miracles

9:30 am

I’m sitting here by the window, waiting for Bling to finish setting up the training table for our first rehab session. Yesterday, I was so impatient for us to start, but this morning, I’m hoping that Bling will take his time setting up. Now that it’s here, I am extremely nervous about today. Am I really ready? Will I be able to do the work? Will my body cooperate or will I fall flat on my face? I don’t trust myself anymore. My judgement is unreliable. Bling seems to think that I am ready. I just hope that I don’t disappoint him.

As I look out the window, I can’t shake this feeling of being watched, that there really is someone out there. Maybe my angel is back today, hiding on that roof across the street. It would be so nice knowing that there was someone else out there watching out for me, pulling for me. I could use all the help I can get right now.

1:00 pm

At 10:00 am Bling’s voice pulled me away from the window.

"Logan, this is the program." He said getting right to business. "Today were going to focus on core stability and muscular endurance. We will start with a short warm up. Then we’ll get you onto the table. We’ll begin with core work, focussing on abdominal stability. Then we’ll progress to chest and upper arm work, the pectoralis muscles and the triceps. We’ll also work on your back muscles, the lattisimus dorsi and trapezius. We’ll finish today with some flexibility and range of motion work. In a couple of weeks or so we’ll add some more intense strength training. Once you’ve built up some strength and endurance in your upper body you can start covering longer distances in the chair to get your heart rate up and give you some cardiovascular training. But for now we are going to focus on muscular endurance. The program today should take about an hour."

"An hour? That’s it?" I blurted out. My patience was already tested and we hadn’t even started yet. Only one hour. What could we possibly accomplish in an hour?

"It’ll be enough. Let’s get started." Bling said matter of factly. He was right, of course. It was more than enough. By the end of the hour, I was exhausted.

"Logan, we will begin by working your abdominal muscles." Bling began as he helped me lie on my back on the training table. "I'm going to move to the side of the table so I can support your legs as we work." He explained as he bent my legs and placed my feet flat on the bench. He then placed one hand over my knees to support them in place. "This position will put less strain on your back and will also help you to isolate your abs. Your injury is at vertebrae T8 in the mid thorasic region, your mid back, so you have relatively good upper abdominal control. These muscles are the key to providing balance and stability for everything else that we will do, so we will begin here." Bling captured my complete attention as he explained everything in detail. "Today we will focus on simple contractions. At this point our goal is not to fatigue your abdominals, but to increase your awareness of how they function. In the next few weeks we will progress to more advanced exercises as you regain strength in this area."

"Logan, I'm going to place my hand on your stomach." He said previewing what he was going to do. It was a pattern he repeated throughout our session. He always made sure I knew exactly what was going to happen next. "Can you feel that?" He asked, placing his hand just below my ribcage. At my nod he continued.

"I want you to contract the muscles under my hand then relax them." With a little concentration I was able to do as he asked. "Good, that was a strong contraction." Bling smiled, giving me encouragement that I desperately needed to hear at that moment. "Let's do that one more time. This time breathe out when you contract and breathe in when you relax. Good. Now hold the contraction for a count of two and relax for a count of two. Okay. Let's do a few more like that." Bling continued to guide me through the exercise. "Excellent job. That's enough for today." Bling finished with another smile. "We want to reserve some of your strength for the remaining exercises. You will find that you will be using your abdominals to stabilize every exercise that we do today so we don't want to overdo it now."

"Let's move on to some upper body work." Bling said as he released my legs. "I am going to move to the head of the table to spot you during the bench press. While we work through the exercise I want you to exhale on exertion the same way you did with the abdominal contractions. I also want you to remember to keep your abs engaged throughout the exercise. This will provide support for your back." Bling moved to the head of the table then placed a couple of dumbbells in my hands. "Now push straight up to the ceiling for a count of two and lower for a count of two. Good. Let's do it again." Bling spotted me as we worked through a few reps. The weights he offered me were laughable. They were almost no weight at all. But it was all I could do to complete a set of ten repetitions.

Bling then helped me sit up and we worked through a few more exercises in a similar manner. He kept up a constant commentary as we worked, explaining each exercise and its purpose, giving me technique cues and encouraging me along. I learned more about strength training in our session today than I had in my whole life previously. After twenty minutes, I was breathing hard and wasn’t able to do much more. Bling said I did excellent work. I can’t believe how much I needed to hear that today. I hung onto his every word, counting every ‘good job’ and encouraging smile he offered. It was the first time in a month and a half that I didn’t feel completely useless.

"Now I want you to relax as we work on your flexibility." Bling continued. "We'll start with your upper body first and stretch the muscles you worked today. I want you to breath regularly as we move into and hold each position." We spent about ten minutes stretching the areas we had just worked. It felt so good to relax into the stretches and allow the tension of the workout and the week to ease out of my body.

"Okay, now we will work on the range of motion in your hips, knees and ankles. Even though you can't feel it right now I want you to think relaxed and free. This is one of the most important things we will do each day even if we do nothing else. We need to maintain the elasticity in your leg muscles and to keep the synovial fluid moving in your joints." Bling explained, then he completely shocked me by what he said next.

"This is essential for you to be able to walk again." Bling said it so calmly and matter of factly. There appeared to be no question in his mind that I would walk again. He spent the remaining time working on my legs. I was just a passive participant in this part. So I just lay there, replaying in my head what he had said. "This is essential for you to be able to walk again."

Walk again?

I haven’t even thought about walking again. I so hope it is true. I would give anything for that to happen. But I can’t even consider walking right now. It seems too impossible, too far away. All I want right now is to be able to get out of this chair on my own.

9:00 pm

Bling introduced me to the slide board this evening. It’s really just a simple tool that assists me in completing transfers into and out of the wheelchair. After yesterday’s fiasco, I know I don’t have the strength to do that by myself right now. Bling seems to think I’ll be able to in a few weeks, but he gave me the slide board to use in the meantime. All I need to do is place one end under my hip and the other end on the couch or bed, then slide myself over. The board supports my bodyweight, so it is surprisingly effective and simple to use. I tried it dozens of times today, getting the feel of it, and each time I succeeded, my grin grew wider and wider. I couldn’t help it. It felt like a miracle.

Bling gave me a precious gift today. He gave me back some of my independence. I wasn’t expecting any miracles today, but I still received one. Maybe there really is an angel watching over me.

Now I can get in or out of the chair any time I want. It’s a most amazing feeling, being able to perform that simple act by myself. I can slide onto the bed by myself and read for a few hours. If I’m thirsty or want a snack, I can climb out, go to the kitchen, get what I want and come back. If I get tired of reading in bed, I can slide into the chair and be back here at this window in moment. If I want to sit on the couch while I do some writing, I can do that as well. I can do these things without asking for Bling’s help. I can do them by myself.

BY MYSELF. These are the most wonderful words in the universe right now. I didn’t know what freedom was until I lost it. Now after all these weeks of forced dependence, I know what it is. I know how sweet even a taste of freedom can be.

It’s only 9:00 pm, but I’m exhausted. I’m trying to finish this off, but I can barely keep my eyes open. Today took more out of me than I anticipated. I could go to bed I suppose, although normally I don’t really like to. I usually prefer falling asleep in the chair or on the couch, rather than asking Bling for help with the transfer onto the bed. But now I can do that by myself. So maybe I will go to bed.

Maybe I will…Just because I can.