Max chose today to come back into my life. It was no coincidence that she appeared in the middle of my first Eyes Only broadcast since the shooting. She may not even know it, but she has been waiting for me to get back to work. Our conversation today proved that to me. The first thing she mentioned was that I was back at it, "rocking the boat".

She walked in with her typical attitude, waiting in the doorway, cautious, aloof.

"I would have come sooner…but I didn’t." She hit me with a trademark sarcastic comment right away. Then her face softened as she asked me how I was doing. There was sorrow in her eyes, but no surprise. She knew about my injury. I turned away from her then, not wanting to see that look in her eyes, and changed the subject as fast as I could. I told her that I didn’t know why bad things happened, but that our job was to deal with the consequences, and that she had.

Since the moment Bling told me that Sonrisa was dead and Lauren and Sophy had escaped, I have been convinced that Max was involved. So I congratulated her on taking out Sonrisa and her pleased smile when she said "Well, not me personally" confirmed my conviction. She was indeed the one who made it all happen. She orchestrated and executed the whole thing.

I returned Bast to Max today, but her eyes flashed in anger when I asked for her help. She was reluctant to accept the statue and the implied responsibility that came with it. She didn’t want it to appear that I could purchase her services so cheaply. But the truth is, she has already earned that statue. She has reached outside herself and made a difference for the rest of us.

She took several steps away from me as I explained what I needed. But she stayed and listened to what I had to say. I could sense her conflict, wanting to help, but telling me she didn’t need to get involved. So I pushed her again.

"You are involved. By being alive, you’re involved." I told her. I said I could change the world…with her help. Her anger and sorrow returned in full force at my request.

"You want to get the rest of your ass shot off, be my guest, but I kind of like being able to walk." She looked like she was about to cry. I know those tears were for me. I liked being able to walk, too. God knows I hate this chair. It has been an enormous price to pay. But now that I’m in it, I need to move forward.

Yet despite her anger and sorrow, Max has agreed to work with me. No matter how reluctant she may wish to appear, she is ready to do more than hide. The pictures I found confirming that her brother, Zack, was alive were the final incentive. I will help her find Zack and the others and she will help me with Eyes Only.

We talked for a couple of hours. She filled me in on what happened with Sonrisa. It was very creative pitting his bodyguard against him. We also reviewed the Solinsky file. I am so impressed with her intelligence and tactical skills. She quickly familiarized herself with the facts and provided some practical suggestions for how to further infiltrate Solinsky’s organization. She will be back tomorrow to go over our plans in detail. Then all we will need to do is wait for the next shipload of emigrants before we put our plan into action.

Something has changed in Max these last three months. She doesn’t seem as afraid as before. She seems ready to take some risks if it means making a difference in people’s lives. Her conscience has come alive, even though she still tries to hide it. Rescuing Sophy did that for her. She told me that Colonel Lydecker, the man in charge of the X5 program at Manticore, had tracked her to the warehouse where Sophy was being kept. I could see the fear in her eyes as she described him to me, yet she walked right by him with Sophy in her arms. I’m just beginning to get a sense of what Max was subjected to at Manticore, but I already know it must have taken immense courage for her to do that.

I found myself telling Max the same things that I have been telling myself the last few days.

"By being alive, you’re involved."

"I’ve never been much for trying to figure out why bad things happen. So the job is to figure out how to deal with the consequences."

"I can change things…with your help."

I can’t help feeling that Eyes Only will be able to do so much more with Max on our team, much more than we have ever accomplished in the past.

There still may be hope for peace in our broken down world. Peace. What a valuable commodity, so cherished yet so rare. We spend our whole lives working for it, striving for it and struggling for it. I’ve certainly struggled to find some in my own life. Yet, despite the turmoil of the last few months, I am grateful to be able to take my eyes off myself for a while and offer something to the world. With Max’s help, I can make a few peoples’ lives a little better. If we can bring some peace into this world, my life will be worth it.

Peace. Out.