20

11:00 am

One’s arms

Wrap around

Another’s shoulders

A brief moment

Of warmth

Max gave me a hug this morning. It was just a quick thank you for finding a lead on Hannah. I didn’t even deserve it. It was just a lead, and a tentative one at that. In May of ’09, a Hannah Sukova was transferred from the SAC Base in Gillette Wyoming to the Naval Air Base at Sedro Island off the coast of Washington State. The location of the SAC Base and the occupations of the transferred staff (doctors, nutritionists, teaching specialists) all suggest that this might have been Manticore. Hannah Sukova’s age matches that of the Hannah Max remembers. But I’m still not sure if this is the same person, or if she is still on Sedro Island. The Sedro naval air station has been closed for years, so it is very likely that the island is abandoned. Still, Max’s gesture touched me so deeply. I haven’t felt human contact like that in months.

I’ve had so many people touch me in the last few months, doctors and nurses and therapists, but there was always a clinical barrier between us. No matter how much they cared, I was still a subject to them, a client, a patient. But today was different. To Max, I am a person, her business associate, her partner, and this morning she made me feel like a friend. I haven’t had a real friend in so long. I hadn’t realized how much I missed friendship, or how much a hug or a handshake could mean to me. It’s those simple things that help me feel real, that help me feel that I am more than just a man in a wheelchair.

You gave me a hug

And told me I was awesome

It was just in gratitude

A spontaneous thank you

But still you touched me

Your arms were around me

You reached out in friendship

And acknowledged my existence

11:00 pm

The apartment feels different without Bling or Max here. The space is so much quieter. Bling was here for a couple of hours this evening while we worked out, then he left. Even after several days, it is still disconcerting seeing Bling walk out the door at the end of a work out. Not that he was ever a great conversationalist. For the longest time, our conversations consisted mostly of him asking questions and me not responding. Now we have progressed to pep talks and mind over matter philosophies, but at least he was there to bounce a few thoughts against. On the other hand, having Max here on a regular basis during the last two weeks lit the place up. Her attitude follows her everywhere she goes and affects everything she does. Max was only here for ten minutes this morning while I passed on the information about Hannah, but those ten minutes were the highlight of my day. Then she left and the silence returned.

The quiet allows me to do a lot of work, but it can be overwhelming at times. In the past, I used to appreciate the solitude, but now it doesn’t appeal to me in the same way. I have even entertained the thought of calling someone to break the monotony, but in truth, there are not many people I could call.

Matt Sung would be shocked if I called him for no reason. What would I tell him? "Hi! I just called to shoot the breeze." Or better yet, I could ask him to abandon his family and come over here for a while. He would think I was insane. Even after all the years we have worked together, he knows next to nothing about my personal life. He doesn’t even know who Eyes Only is. I purposely structured it that way to protect him and to maintain the security of Eyes Only, and for obvious reasons, the situation will not change any time soon.

I could call Sebastian and have him give me the official welcome to the paraplegic club. Better yet, we could trade tips on wheelchair maintenance or adaptive devices. There’s no chance we would get bored. I’m sure we could talk for hours about the hundreds of things that are wrong with our bodies. No, thank you. I don’t need to see or talk to Sebastian to be reminded of what my life has become.

At least, I called Bennett to congratulate him on his engagement. He is the only person in my family who tolerates me, but the truth is, I think he does it to rebel against his father. Now that he has a fiancée, the last thing he would want to do is come by here. I have even considered "blowing up" Max’s pager for no reason, just to have her storm in here and blast me with her attitude. Instead, I have been immersing myself in the Manticore files in search of something substantial I can give her. She was so happy when I located Hannah. I just want to see that look on her face again.

Zack didn’t leave much of a trail, though, when he escaped custody a few years ago. I’ve been pouring over the Manticore and police files all day, trying to find a lead. These Manticore kids are very elusive. There must be some methods they use to maintain their anonymity. I will probably have to call Max tomorrow to see if I can glean any other clues from her.