10:00 am

I fell out of my chair this morning just as Max was walking in the door. That meant I had less than a minute to get back in the chair before she found me. Bling and I have been working on this since he hooked me up with the wheelchair basketball league several weeks ago. On the court, you are almost guaranteed to fall out of your chair at least once in a game, and you have to get back in fast because the game just goes on without you. There are no whistles for dumped chairs. The key is to get my hands far enough up on the chair so that my hips will clear the seat, and to have enough explosive power in my pecs and triceps that I can pop back in quickly. The first time I tried to do this in a game, I think I missed a whole quarter of play. Bling and I have got it down to just over two minutes now. It's one of the many things we work on everyday. I'll climb out of the chair and Bling will place it in some awkward position, usually out of my reach. He'll sometimes even dump it on top of me. Then with the stopwatch ticking, my job is to get back in as fast as I can. I'd like to get it down to thirty seconds, but I'm not quite there yet. The sticking point has been getting my hips clear. If my injury had been just a fraction of an inch lower, I would have the additional abdominal control I need, but it's not. So I spend hours everyday building up my upper body strength to compensate. In some ways, I am in the best shape I have ever been in my life. It's too bad that it had to come at such a heavy price.

Today, with Max walking in the door, I didn't have two to three minutes to get back in the chair. I barely had one. So I broke my own record and somehow managed to get back in the chair before she found me. I'm sure I looked ridiculous, and she probably figured out that something was going on, but I don't care. I could have waited for her and let her help me, or I could have taken my time and let her watch, but I didn't want to see that look in her eyes when she watches me struggle, that look of sorrow and pain. Bling would just stand there and let me do what I needed to do, but Max can't do that. She needs to help.

This morning, help was not what I needed. I needed my independence, whatever small threads of it are left. I'm going to hang onto that independence. I don't care if I'm overcompensating. I don't care if I look ridiculous. I don't care if it would be so much easier to let someone give me a hand sometimes. I've been forced to rely on others for so many things, things I will never be able to do by myself again. So if I can do something by myself, I will do it. I don't care if it's a struggle. I've worked and fought so hard for my independence and I'm going to exercise it every time I can.

Of course to top it off, Max, my always helpful friend, walked in talking about Dr. Tanaka, miracle worker, who can cure whatever ails you with a little genetic engineering. I cut Max off in mid sentence. She was only trying to help, but I didn't even let her finish her thought. I knew what she was going to say, and it was the last thing I needed to hear. When I'm struggling to accept my reality, I don't want to hear about miracle doctors and miracle cures. I don't have room for false hopes and more failures. I don't have the capacity to deal with that right now.

9:00 p.m.

I’ve been in more extreme situations since I met Max than in my whole life previously. They started the day we met and have intensified from there. Today was the most extreme yet. I don't know how we will ever top this one.

Our dive off the roof today was unbelievable. It would have been hilarious if it hadn't been so terrifyingly real. It was more like something out of a superhero comic book. The superhero and heroine fly through the air, bullets whizzing all around them, crash through a window, land painlessly on a bed, give each other a passionate kiss, then go on to save the world. That pretty much sums up our day. Except for the kiss.

Actually, even the kiss almost happened. I came as close to kissing Max today as I ever have. She looked so beautiful lying there on top of me, her eyes flashing in anger that I would put myself into danger for her, as if she hadn't just done the same thing for me. Our shock and relief that we were both still alive poured out in a jumble of words. I can't even remember who said what.

"Are you alright?"

"You should be thanking me!"

"Thanking you?"

"You would have been thrown off the roof if it wasn't for me!"

When she moved to get up, I just couldn't let her go. I yanked on the rope that was still tied around her waist and brought her to within an inch of my face. I can't believe I did that! Then for a moment, it seemed like she wanted the same thing, that she was about to kiss me. It must have been the adrenaline from our wild escape that sent us both over the top. But at the last moment, good sense prevailed and I let her go. We fumbled with the rope for a second before we got her untied, then she was heading for the door, trying to compose herself. She gave me a final embarrassed look, like she was confused about what had just happened between us. She is so beautiful when she is flustered. But in a flash, the look was gone as she dusted herself off and took off to save the day.

I lay there on the bed for a while, replaying the scene in my head, not quite believing it had just happened. It took me a few minutes to realize I had better make myself useful. Then I grabbed the phone and called Bling to get the wheels rolling on finding a new home for Jude. The informant net foster care placement agency was back in business.

Max got Jude out. She has an intense protectiveness for all children. She will always do whatever it takes to protect them. Maybe it is her own lost childhood that brings it out. I could see the compassion in her eyes. That little boy has just lost the only father he has ever known. We can't let him fall into the hands of Lydecker, or the countless others who would jump at the opportunity to exploit him. He deserves a real life. We won't let him lose his childhood. We can do that for him. We can do that for Max.

This morning, I was so frustrated with my circumstances. I barely resisted Darius' men as they pushed me off that roof. A part of me was glad not to have to fight any more. I was just grateful that it was me, they were throwing off the roof, rather than Max. My life does not mean that much. Then Max's hand presented itself, so I grabbed it. Now I'm still flying from our airborne adventure. There are falls and then there are FALLLLLLLLLLLS. Life can change so dramatically sometimes. I can't help laughing as I think about it. I need to find a new wheelchair to replace the one destroyed on the roof. I should probably look for one with power thrusters.

A superhero's gotta have his super toys.