35

5:00 pm

Zack came back this afternoon to shake down some other leads on Brin. Last night, Max kidnapped Lydecker outside an AA meeting of all places, and he has convinced her that he doesn’t have Brin. Zack never intended for them to capture Lydecker. He called what Max did a bad case of mission creep. He may consider himself the CO, but it appears that he has about as much success convincing Max to listen to him as I do.

It appears that Lydecker was on the level with this one. There is another player out there in the biosynth market. My contact has confirmed that they are about to fill an order placed by the Chinese government. I passed on the location to Zack. He and Max will attempt to free Brin tonight.

Zack displayed his typical militaristic qualities while he was here. As usual, he was abrupt, distrusting, and impatient, but I saw much more hidden under his harsh exterior. Zack is only three years older than Max, but he carries a much bigger burden than she does. I thought Max’s eyes were old, but Zack has seen even more than she has. He has taken upon himself the responsibility for all the X5s. He feels personally accountable for their safety. He has probably always filled this role, CO, protector, big brother. In his eyes, he is the only protector the X5s have. He feels like he has failed Brin, that it is his fault she was captured. If he had done his job she would be free. I understand the weight on his shoulders because I have felt it too. I understand being responsible for someone’s welfare, but not being able to protect them. For a moment this afternoon, I understood the sorrow in his eyes when he talked about her.

Then, in an instant the harsh commander was back covering up any emotions that may have betrayed themselves. Zack recognized that there is something between Max and I, and I recognize the same something in him. There was more than brotherly concern in his eyes today. He accused me of being the biggest threat to Max’s safety. He said I am keeping her in Seattle, that I am the reason she is staying here. He is completely wrong about this. Max is staying in Seattle because she chooses to. I am not compelling her to do anything. I have always tried to protect Max. I have been there for her in difficult situations. I have risked my life for her and I would do so again. If he thinks that I am going to back off, he is greatly mistaken. He may be able to snap my neck with one hand, but there is nothing he could do to me that has not already been attempted. I am not afraid of him.

11:00 pm

Max reluctantly stayed and ate with me this evening. Her mind was still on her brother and sister. It hurts her deeply that she allowed Brin to be returned to Manticore. But despite Max’s current sadness, I can see an underlying gratefulness that she was able to spend even a few moments with Brin. She feels the same way about Zack. Her complaints about his harshness and obsessions are always accompanied by a contented smile. I see the gentleness in her eyes when she looks at him or talks about him. She has her brother back. Part of the hole in her heart has been filled. Max would love to have Zack around more often. She needs her brother in her life. That is obvious to me. These X5 kids have a powerful bond. They have been separated for ten years, but now that they are reunited, it is obvious that they are meant to be together.

Max left early this evening needing some time alone to think. She is probably climbing the Space Needle wishing Zack was with her. She misses Brin. She misses Zack. I miss Max. She has only been gone a couple of hours, but the apartment is too quiet without her. I understood that she needed her space so I didn’t ask her to stay longer. At least, we were able to eat together. Eating meals alone no longer has any appeal for me, but now I must prepare myself for the possibility that I may be eating alone once again. I had not considered it before, but there is a distinct possibility that Max may have to leave.

Lydecker knows what Max looks like now. He knows her face. He knows she is in Seattle. He will waste no time in using that knowledge to track her down. Zack’s comments about Max’s security no longer seem absurd. It is possible that I may be compromising her security by encouraging her to stay near me. A few hours ago, I didn’t think so, but now circumstances have changed once again. Zack may be right.

We have just begun to develop our friendship. I have never told Max how much light she brings into my life. Now, I may never get the opportunity. I dread the thought of losing her and going back to an empty life. I can’t live that way anymore.