Max and Bling have been irritating me to no end lately. Max keeps offering to cook for me to return the favor for all the times I've cooked for her. She has been so persistent, so I finally said yes just to get her off my back. That means I will have to go to her place next week. A whole evening will be wasted when I could be here working. Bling has that stupid gleam in his eye again. I've seen it before when we talk about Max. He's probably chanting to himself, "Logan has a date!" Why can't he get it through his thick skull that dinner with Max is not a date? It never has been and never will be. I don't have time to waste on so called 'dates'. I'm not going to be around forever. I need to do what I can now. I don't have time for frivolity.

I've discovered the cause of the city's blood supply shortage. The shortage that almost killed me was not just a freak occurrence, neither was it a part of a string of coincidences. There appears to be a new player on the block, Gerhardt Bronck. He is siphoning off the blood supply and shipping it out of the country.

First cortodiazapine, now the city's blood supply, will these guys ever stop? I am sick and tired of this endless war. I bring down one scum lord and another takes his place. The mayor is still in office, completely immune to the fallout of the cortodiazapine crisis. He is as responsible as Edgar Sonrisa ever was, but he is insulated in his corrupt world. Now this guy, Bronck, has appeared, stealing the city's blood. Who knows what else he is involved in?

It's been a never-ending stream of thugs and powerbrokers. What they do affects every single one of us. No one is insulated from their activities, especially not me. A person walking by Fogle Towers probably looks up at this building thinking how lucky we must be to live here. We live in nice apartments. We have lots of money. We are protected. What a load of crap! My money has done nothing for me. I can't buy blood when there is none out there. I can't buy a new spinal cord when some creep shoots me because I am affecting his profit margin. I can't rent functioning legs for a day or even a minute.

Sometimes this world seems so black to me. Sometimes my life seems so black. I've been struggling against an awful blackness that's been enveloping me. It seems to be growing darker every day. I'm not sure exactly when it started or why. Maybe it was when I realized I was never going to walk again. Maybe it was when I realized my wheelchair would be a permanent fixture in my life. Maybe it happened these last couple of weeks since the second surgery. With Max's blood inside me I have felt so much stronger. I don't know if I was halfheartedly expecting anything more, but nothing has changed. My legs still don't work. It's awful losing your hope. It takes the joy out of everything.

Come on Logan! Wake up! This is the world you live in. People don't become nice just because you are a little tired. Miracles don't happen just because you want them to. It's your fault anyway. You put yourself in this position. You wanted to fight the fight. No one forced you to be in that car that day. So just deal. You are not that important. You are just another gnat buzzing around people's heads. You should expect to be swatted out of the way every so often.

Forget your own problems. Just ignore them. They aren't going anywhere. Nothing will change for you. So just focus on something else. Do your work! There is a much bigger picture out there. You can still do research. You can still make a broadcast. Focus on that. Nothing else matters anyway. You don't matter. Your life is nothing. All that matters is that the message gets out.