2:00 am

We’ve been having serious problems with the damaged cervo-motor. After the third short in three hours, Sebastian suggested we catch a few hours sleep and tackle it in the morning when we’re fresh. It’s been an hour already, but I’m finding it difficult to relax enough to sleep. Getting this thing to work has become an all-consuming project for me, as it also has for Sebastian. He has spent most of the last two days helping me with it. Without his knowledge, there is no way I could have even attempted to repair it. Once again, he has proven himself to be my most valuable technical advisor.

It surprises me now to think that only two years ago, he was just another name on Nathan’s contact list.

Sebastian – Medical/Scientific/Military – Research/Technical Advice

No last name, just a simple description and a telephone number. Eventually, I called him with a question for an Eyes Only file. That first call lasted about a minute. He gave me the information I needed, I thanked him, and we hung up. In no way did that call alert me to what a valuable resource Sebastian would prove to be, but as I continued to call him periodically, I began to get a sense of the depth and the breadth of his knowledge. The more obscure the data or the more clandestine the organization, the more likely he was to have specific and detailed information.

The one thing I did notice about that first call was the synthesized voice on the other end of the line. I didn’t ask him about it, though. Quirky informants are relatively common in my line of work. If he felt he needed to mask his voice, I could live with that. Then as we continued to work together, his voice fell to the back of my consciousness, so it wasn’t until over a year later that I learned it’s true source.

"Why don’t you come over? It will be easier to show you than to tell you," he said simply while we were discussing a particularly complex concept that he wasn’t able to adequately explain over the phone. He gave me his address, so I climbed in the car and drove to his place. I had a picture in my mind of someone like me, relatively young, inquisitive, strong, and able to handle himself. Who else would have the courage to explore the things he was into? Needless to say, I was completely unprepared when I met him. But he got down to business so quickly that I barely had time to register my shock. I had no idea at that point that only a few months later, I would find myself in similar circumstances.

We spent a few hours reviewing the file and he impressed me once again. At times, I consider myself a technical person, but when I talk to Sebastian, I realize I am barely scratching the surface of the knowledge that is out there. At least, I have sufficient technical skills to understand him on a conceptual level. I was even more impressed when he showed me his research facilities. Even now, he continues to astound me. Just two months ago when Max called in with a dead Red soldier on her hands, I passed the call on to Sebastian and within fifteen minutes, he had a team assembled on site to recover the body.

In the course of that first meeting I discovered that Sebastian and I are in fact very similar. We possess the same interests and drive, the same curiosity about how the world works and the same desire to effect change. As we have continued to work together, I have come to realize that he is more like me than I ever guessed. He has everything I have except more of it, more intelligence, more knowledge, more power, more disability, more loneliness and more isolation. When Sebastian told Max that he has a lot of time on his hands, he wasn’t kidding. I’ve spent a lot of time with him in the last year and I know how he lives. There have been times when I thought I was lonely and isolated, self-imposed as it was, but he’s got me beat in spades. He’s done an admirable job bringing the world home, but given the facts of his physical circumstances, that is as far as he can go. Yet despite the challenges he faces, he has an intense determination to achieve his goals. It’s his determination that has kept me from sinking into hopeless frustration each time the cervo-motor shorts out. He’s spent hours on the phone working on the exo with me. Ironically, due to the nature of his disability, this project is waste of time for him. Yet he insists that I continue working on it.

7:00 am

I managed to get a couple of hours of sleep, but I was up like a shot and back at work by 5:00 am. A whole lot of good that did me, though, the cervo-controller just shorted out again. The most frustrating thing about this whole situation is that I am spending so much time on a second best solution, when I know a cure for paralysis is already out there. Dr. Vertes wasn’t the only doctor working in the field of motor-function research. Behind the scenes, we’ve continued to make astounding advances in technology and medical science, but since the Pulse, they are available only to an elite few. Manticore is a perfect example of that. I’m sure they have the cure for thousands of devastating health problems, but if they have their way, that knowledge will never become available to the general public.

In the last ten years, mainstream medical care has regressed to mid twentieth century levels. Bling has described some of the rehab equipment that was available in the early part of this century, and I was astounded with the sheer range of choices people had then. After the Pulse, as both government and private insurers collapsed and clients’ incomes evaporated, thousands of medical technology companies and rehab centers went out of business. Then the Manticores of the world stepped in, reducing access to technology even further. Most people must now rely on family, friends and their own ingenuity to develop the adaptive devices they need. I have more resources that most, but I still find myself hitting barrier after barrier.

I’ve certainly hit a major barrier with the exoskeleton. Burnt out cervo-controllers, malfunctioning cervo-chips, electrical shorts, dozens of hours invested and who knows how many thousands of dollars to follow into this money pit of a project, and what have I got? A hope and a prayer, with no guarantee that it will actually work for me. I feel like a frustrated child trying to erect a building block tower on an unstable base. I’m afraid that the whole thing will come tumbling down on my head. Sometimes, I think I should just give up and stop wasting my time, and send the thing crashing to the floor with a sweep of my hand. Sebastian doesn’t see it that way, though. He thinks that if there is even a slim chance that the exo will help me to walk, I should take it. It’s at times like these that I appreciate his tenaciousness, because I’m not sure if I have the patience or the endurance to put myself through another fiasco, all in the name of a seemingly unattainable dream.