I’m living in the gray zone. I used to see everything in black and white. My life before Eyes Only was black. Eyes Only was white. It was as simple as that. I used to think that I would sacrifice anything for my principles. I didn’t get close to people because it was the principles and the cause that mattered. I accused Max’s whole family of being thieves when Zack and Tinga hot-wired a car to make a run for the Canadian border. Now everything has changed.

I’m a thief, too. I had Max steal the microchip I need to make this exoskeleton work. It wasn’t something I could justify because it was for Eyes Only. It was for me. So I could walk. So I could walk today or tomorrow, not twelve or fourteen weeks from now. When Sebastian suggested that I not tell Max the real reason why I needed it, I told him it was a sneaky idea and that I loved it. So I created this ridiculously elaborate lie to convince Max to get it for me. Pierpont Lempkin, the Taliban and Star Wars? I’m surprised she didn’t see right through me.

I didn’t even blink an eye a few weeks ago when Max suggested she add some cash to the disks she was going to lift from Lempkin’s safe. Whatever happened to ‘Mr. I will call the store and have them charge the dress to my account’?

When did I start to sneak around like this? Well, I’ve certainly lied to Max before to get what I want. That whole termite tented, rented cabin fiasco almost bit me back. It was just a good thing Max didn’t really care where we went that weekend. That trip took me places I never thought I would go. I went from being dumped on the floor in the bar, feeling like a useless victim, to killing four people in the space of forty-eight hours. I hung fishing line across a door and a man slit his throat on it. "Kill or be killed," Herman said to me. I didn’t understand that before. I didn’t understand the terror and desperation that people have had to live with. I always thought I could take the higher ground. Now I’m not so sure. I’ve felt plenty of desperation myself lately.

So what am I, a cripple or a superhero’s sidekick, a victim or a killer, a liar and thief or the protector of all that is good and true?

Tonight, I’m just a man. A real man with hopes and dreams, feelings and weaknesses. I’m not some holier-than-thou hero in an impregnable tower. I need the woman I love in my life. I need to show her hope and happiness. I need to hear from her that it’s okay that I’m not perfect. Will that ever happen? I’m not sure. But tomorrow, I will give it a try.