Mr.Box-to-box gives his thoughts.........
I remember back to the summer of 2005, a few of us had gathered in "Zebras" a trendy Maidstone wine bar. As the conversation meandered through the usual topics of football, university and the infamous 6th form trip to the Loire Valley, one member of the group nostalgically recalled those short lived months when the boys from Oakwood donned their shin- pads, slipped on their boot fair purchased kit and ran out for a weekly thumping by a bunch of overweight, pub-dwelling 30 somethings at Larkfield leisure centre. The conversation had of course turned to AFC Maidstone, the much hyped but short lived football experiment which had consumed our lives for two heroic seasons. Yet for some forgotten reason the whispers of reforming the team graduated to nothing and instead the night will be more fondly remembered as the time when AFC club legend James "Jimmy Boy" Spencer poured himself a free pint form the deserted upstairs bar.
15 months later and a quirk of fate played its hand in placing some former team mates back in the venue that had played host to their football talents five years previously. On this occasion however the sport was badminton and a friendly knock-around in lieu of the more established weekly trip to the pub. After an hour banging the cock around the court at LLC, the old sparkle returned to the eyes of former team instigator, captain and manager Michael Pilcher. Memories of last gasp equalisers and half- way line goals flashed through his mind; he allowed himself to dream for a second too long, cementing one single thought in his mind: he would reform the team and bring back AFC Maidstone.
The response was instant but more research was needed, Pilch couldn't just throw 5 unfit and under prepared friends into the league and hope for the best, instead he waited until the next pub meeting and gathered support. At first he needed a goal keeper, there was only one man for the job, his name was Spencer, James Spencer. To sum up the life of this man would require a volume of writing so left-field I doubt the love child of Andy Warhol and Yoko Ono would be able to make sense of it. In short Spencer is an enigma, some say that like the Bond villain in Die An
other Day
he needs no sleep and he shuns all forms of employment, preferring to dedicate his life to scrap booking and ESPN Classic, as a former AFC defender he new the League inside out and with lighting reflexes and arms of steel there was only one position he would take.
The next two squad acquisitions were easy, your generous author Sam ?Box to Box? Charman was never in any doubt, he?d been there since the start of it all. Always giving 110%, even accepting 3 days off school with a twisted ankle, resulting after refusing to pull out of a tackle. The time off school had also resulted in Mrs Leandro, his them A-level maths teacher, awarding him a zero for uncompleted homework, the only such mark he ever received, such was his dedication to the AFC cause. Then came Alex Jacobs, a controversial choice in some sectors of the fan base because of his links with AFC's great rivals GAP, yet like Charman and Spencer his former league experience was essential and as the sole left footer he was a must have in the team, a true professional and thoroughly nice guy some are already comparing him to a young Graeme Le Saux, if he's half as successful as the celebrity master chef runner up and mastermind contestant was he'll be a great acquisition.
The backbone of the team was now in place, yet something was missing (aside form only having 4 players!!!) That missing ingredient was new blood, new faces were needed to excite the fans and move the team forward. Enter stage left the mercurial talent of Robert "Modders" Moody. At over 6 foot, this giant of a man is an unknown quantity and will be expected to produce goals with his deadly shot and physical presence. It's rumoured he is in 5 hours of gym training per day and is quoted as wanting to "ruin someone's career" with a big tackle. He'll be joined by fellow new boy Ben Howarth, a no compromise defender who doesn't care if he takes leg or ball and is already hot favourite to pick up the first sin binning of the season. So there it is Pilch's dream had formed into reality, but what of the man himself?, his excellent positional play and pin point tackle have not left him, and with improved distribution he'll be well equipped to give another captain's season and maybe even pick up a few goals.
So what can this team realistically expect from this season? Well firstly goals need to be scored and there is no hiding place for any player, all the team will be expected to get their fare share not just the forward players. Second is the tackle, 5 years ago we had the excuse of being slightly naïve and sitting off teams, this can't be repeated. Early pressure on the opponent with the ball is essential, they need to be hurried into a pass or forced to take us on in which case our defenders are good enough to make a winning tackle. On the same note most players in the Larkfield League have little imagination and firmly believe that the only way to go round someone is just to cut inside on the right foot. With this in mind I expect us to push the teams made up of overweight 30 year olds very close. If we lose to a team of young, fit blokes who have been playing for a while together there is no shame, I will however be very disappointed if we lose to any teams of 16 year olds, that that will show absolutely no improvement from five years ago.
Fitness is a worry, university and 5 recent weeks in America for yours truly have ravaged the waistlines, stamina is essential and with a relatively small squad we will need to maintain our level of performance. In football the pace of the game is dictated by the pace of the ball, not the players, with this in mind solid passing and intelligent well timed runs are a must have. We need almost a telepathic understanding of where each other is on the pitch, or failing that just shouting really loud, "I'm over here" will do.
So there we have it the team is back, under the new name of Tantamount FC, which the dictionary defines as "equivalent, as in value, force, effect, or signification." Lets hope the team will be tantamount to victory in a season which has already got everybody talking.